Anonymity

[Christopher South]

This question is directed to those of you who are in the closet for whatever reason (married, job, societal pressure, etc...)

To what lengths do you go to keep yourself anonymous?

The reason I ask is the other day a gay friend of mine suggested that I contact someone I might be interested in meeting. I sent this guy an email (the email address itself only used the guy's first name). He responded, told me the street he lived on (no house number and a big street). After a couple of emails I googled his email address and found his full name, full address, wife's name and at lease one organization to which he belonged.

I assume this guy isn't out to his wife due to his desire to be discreet, but he really exposed himself by not being careful.

How do you guys/girls protect yourself?

[DMercator]

I was thinking about this just the other day. I really admire people who are open about their orientation and their status in regards to playing with others. It always amazes me to go to a swing site and see a married couple with a face pic in their profile. I wish I could be that open, I'm simply not there and not sure I would be even if I wasn't married.

To keep my anonymity I maintain a "clean" email address which has no connection to my "real life." Periodically I'll google my user name and email address just to see what comes up and make sure there's no obvious connections. If I text, I use kik instead of giving out my phone number. I never invite someone to my home, even it I know it's going to be empty. And I don't share my real identify with anyone that I haven't developed a friendship with and know they have at least as much to lose as I do.

[pole_smoker]

Don't waste your time with closeted/Down Low people. They're not worth the effort and are chickenshit cowards who won't even go into public with you, or will not actually even be friends with someone who is not heterosexual.

They all use pretty much every excuse there is to not actually ever come out to their spouse or partner, and the cheating and lying shows that they can't be trusted.

[cornholejoe]

dont judge least you be judged pole-smoker

[Green Domains]

I was thinking about this just the other day. I really admire people who are open about their orientation and their status in regards to playing with others. It always amazes me to go to a swing site and see a married couple with a face pic in their profile. I wish I could be that open, I'm simply not there and not sure I would be even if I wasn't married.

To keep my anonymity I maintain a "clean" email address which has no connection to my "real life." Periodically I'll google my user name and email address just to see what comes up and make sure there's no obvious connections. If I text, I use kik instead of giving out my phone number. I never invite someone to my home, even it I know it's going to be empty. And I don't share my real identify with anyone that I haven't developed a friendship with and know they have at least as much to lose as I do.

I agree with DMercator. That is the way to go.

[mrcumsalot]

We should always be open and proud of who we are.

[cuttin2dachase]

As someone who has been stalked before, I learned the hard way (no pun intended) that you must be ultra cautious online, especially if you are closeted and want to remain that way. That's why I stopped posting face pics online. I lived in a much less populated area at the time and someone who knew me saw my face pic and sent several threatening emails. They even knew where I lived and worked. That's very unnerving what with all the psychos out there. Luckily nothing came of it (that I'm aware of), although I don't know if the person ever told anyone else who knew me. I live in a very urban area now. I don't know a lot of people here and I have no str8 friends except a few bartenders LOL The danger of someone recognizing my face is not great, but I still refuse to post or trade face pics. I will now post my general location to attract nearby men,but I wouldn't do it if I still lived in a small town. As DMerc did, I long ago created an email account just for correspondence with other men and for alerts from various sites of which I am a member. When chatting online via emails or PMs I give out only general info about myself. Only when I've gotten to know a guy online well enough to want to meet him do I ever give out my phone number and it's a ghost number that forwards calls to my actual number. I also do not have my phone number listed in any of my mainstream social media profiles and I keep my mainstream life completely separate from my secret bi life. I will not friend a man I've been with or whom I am chatting with online. A lot of men I meet online give out their phone numbers without me asking for them. If their phone #s are attached to any social media, I can search and find out a whole wealth of info about them. Also if you let your social media sites incorporate your mobile phone's contact list and/or your str8 email address lists, you may be exposing yourself big time to any of your family or str8 friends or coworkers who might be a little nosy.

[bikurinpa]

Most guys in these sites demand a pic to even chat and all they want it for is to see if the can recognize you, most the time you give in and send one and then you never hear back k from them or they give you their real pic. So I learned that if they got to have a pic, they can kiss my ass! Because they are not getting one! Picture collectors!

[blatant_bi_guy]

See, I'm not really "in the closet", I just don't think that there's a lot of call for my sexual orientation a lot of the time.

When I was younger, in my 20's and early 30's, I did a lot of hemming and hawing about how I just had to be OUT...I came out to my mother in a fit, which didn't bother her too much, but I came out to my dad when I was angry, he didn't get over things for quite some time.

I got divorced from my first wife shortly after that, and started to get....I dunno, irritated by some of the college-aged kids around (I was finishing my graduate work). They were all about being bi, about being gay, about how far out they were. I just felt like they were cheapening it by throwing it all over the place.

It got me the way I am now. I will back folks up who are gay/bi, I will march and rally and every other damn thing, but work? They don't need to know I'm bi...I'm not fucking any of them. My friends? They don't really need to know either, it doesn't come up. My wife not only knows, but sometimes joins in, sometimes hooks me up, all sorts of things.

If someone decided to out me at work? I wouldn't even be slightly bothered, but I'd remind them that it really isn't any of their business. My friends who don't know? I typically pick them well, and they'd probably give me shit about it and it'd be over. If someone tried to out me to my wife? Well, the one guy who did try gave her the laugh of her life. It was adorable.

[pepperjack]

I'll never forget an incident years ago when I hosted a prospective hook-up at my home. It resonates with the current thread about Orlando and confirmed to me the mindset behind years of having my orientation questioned & challenged.

While my guest and I lounged in my living room, chatted, got acquainted......he confessed to me that he frequented a very popular, local biker bar and constantly indulged in gay bashing as a form of camouflage, so no one would suspect he was secretly bi. Not only that, he was cheating on a longtime girlfriend he claimed didn't have a clue. Maybe he wasn't giving her intuition enough credit.

The point is, the blatant hypocrisy going on there which is what causes so much distress in the LGBT community.

Needless to say, I was so turned off, nothing transpired between us.

I was moved today by a very intelligent, articulate survivor of the Orlando massacre. At one point in the interview, while stressing that the city was very open & accepting to the LGBT community, he expressed some bewilderment & incredulity by saying " Are we really that hated ?" Poignant & telling.