Help!!!! I am so confused!!!!

[GaPeach1986]

So... I start my first REAL job on Monday at 8:00am (woohoo go me!!) and I am so excited, because I started thinking about it last night, and now that I am going to be getting out of the house and being around people on a daily basis, I think (or hope) that I will have a greater chance of actually meeting me a girl. I mean, yeah I know that the purpose of me getting the job was NOT 2 get a gf, but it couldn't hurt...right? ;)

But on the other hand, I am really nervous. I have never been the type to just go up to someone and strike up a conversation (maybe it has to do w/ my self-confidence or something... I don't really know.)

I know that if I don't ever approach anyone (spefically a girl), and just keep to myself, my chances of finding "her" are pretty much NIL

Thinking about all this kept me up most of the night last wondering several different things:

1) how can get over my shyness and start going up to people (girls)? or Should I just let things happen and hope that by chance, people (girls) will come to me?

2) if I do get up the courage to actually talk to someone (a girl), how do I "tell the difference"
(i.e. between a girl who is bi and a girl who is str8)? I mean, what happens if I try to flirt with a girl and it freaks her out, because she is str8? I would absolutely DIE from embarrassment!!!

3) how do I "flirt" or let her know that I am "interested"?? I mean, if it was me, I wouldn't know someone was interested in me if they just talked about "normal" stuff (i.e. work, family, etc.) - but then again, maybe that is just because I am so cluless when it comes to spotting the signs - if there ARE signs.

4) I have often heard people say things like, "you will find love when you stop looking for it." Ok, umm... how do I make myself stop "looking" if wanting it pretty much consumes my thoughts 24/7 - even when I sleep... (sad I know)???

Arrrgh!!! All this is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo confusing, overwhelming, exciting, and scary for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[deletetacount123]

Hi,

I know Im going to be no help but I too am VERY shy in real life (I apper not shy online but in real life? trust me, Im terribly shy) and I have the same problem of going up to people.... in fact, I'll rather they just come up to me and say HI instead lol Not always the best move!!! (cause what if that person is to shy to come up to you??)
I have always been a "you go first" type person cause I just find it helps my shyness.... however I seem to have NO PROBLEM walking up to a sales girl in a store for help which is weird. :)

Sometimes I find meeting people online FIRST a lot easier but at the same time you do have to be careful if you haven't seen this person before in real life cause anyone can say anythnig online.

I was talking to my friend Heather last night on email.... I decided to whine about not having a date and she said "relax, stop looking, the right person will come to you" but like you, I don't wanna wait, I want a parnter "now" lol I swear every single night for the last 2 weeks I had the need to be with someone and a girl repeatly haunts my dreams which doesn't help lol

I'll be interested in hearing what people have to say :) I too start a new job next week as well. :)

Tasha

[wry123]

Congratulations on the job! Focus on your new job, first. Don't be needy--no one likes that. Be yourself....but don't reveal everything about yourself to just anyone. And, remember, that workplace relationships can be very messy, damaging, and often against company policy. Good luck. You will be fine.

[anne27]

Congrats on the job! Getting out and meeting people is the first step towards finding someone, so you're on thr right track.:)

First off, relax and be yourself. Be friendly to everyone, try and start up light conversations when you can. Getting over shyness is difficult, I know, but you'll have a much better chance of making a connection if you talk to people and let them get to know you.

How can you tell? Well, unless they sport a rainbow bumper sticker or a HRC equal sign, it's kinda difficult. You kinda have to get to know someone a little first, or at least I do, before broaching topics that could lead to that knowledge.

Flirting between women, at least at first, tends to be a little more subtle than flirting with a man. Make eye contact. Reach over and touch her hand when you're talking. I read once that placing your hand on the small of a woman's back when you're standing next to them is a good way to gauge their reaction to female/female contact (I haven't tried that one, though, so let me know if you try it and it works). Most of all, again be friendly.

And I have to agree with the notion of 'stop looking and it'll hit you over the head'. That's happened to me several times. I swear off women and the most interesting women in the world waltzes into my life.

And the most important thing- relax, take a deep breath, and enjoy yourself, honey.

Best of luck, and keep us posted on how things go!

[Flounder1967]

Hey congards on gitting your first real job. I would have to say make sure you are secure in your job. then go out to a bi bar or club to find friends. Never look at your job as a dating place. If you are lucky enough to find a friend then that is great, but don't count on it. it could have bad reactions.

[12voltman59]

I second Flounder's advise regarding getting involved with someone you meet at work-it is a natural thing for that to happen--but it is really not a very good idea--most employers have rules regarding people who work together from getting involved---those rules may seem to be intrusive--but they are actually arise from far too many instances of having bad effects on not only the parties directly involved--but it can actually harm the overall performance of a workplace--

Think twice about a workplace romance irrespective of the gender of the other person.....

[onewhocares]

First, Congratulations on getting your first job. I must strongly agree with both Flounder and Volty in your approach to your job. I would suggest that you keep the work place for work and never intermingle work and pleasure. I have a stick rule which has served me well over the years. I never would date someone I worked with or provided a prodict or service for me. What happens if you love the product or the work they do for you, or with you, but your personal relationship does not take off or is left on a sour note. That can only cause problems.

There are lots of opportunities to find friends outside of work. Social, sporting, and religious groups or organizations are a great sourse of meeting people. There will be plenty of time to find friends, I would concentrate on work. Business is Business, Pleasure is Pleasure.

Belle

[wanderingrichard]

yeah, what they said before me. :) look, be yourself, let things develope naturally and btw, focus on the job 1st. gosh i wish my 1st job had had me wrapped up in excitement like yours does you.

good rule of thumb, [ who is this thumb guy, anyways??] don't date where ya work. like has already been said, it can be really really messy and actually, if the relationship goes south with a co worker it can make the job a nightmare for you and everyone else. notice i didnt say dont go out and have a night out with the girls [ or guys] in the office. said, good rule of thumb, don't date where ya work.

and, a little secret? don't worry too much about making a good impression on everyone your 1st day or week or month there. everyone expects you to make mistakes to varying degrees. after all, you're the new kid. again, be yourself, relax, learn from the old hands. remember not to be a chatty kathy and blurt things out either.

sounds like you'll do fine. the relationship you're looking for? it's there, it's just waiting on you to slow down so it can introduce itself.

[canuckotter]

and, a little secret? don't worry too much about making a good impression on everyone your 1st day or week or month there. everyone expects you to make mistakes to varying degrees. after all, you're the new kid. again, be yourself, relax, learn from the old hands. remember not to be a chatty kathy and blurt things out either.
It can vary from office to office, but what I've found is that your coworkers are probably just as anxious about getting to know you and learning what you're like as you are to get to know them. My company hires one or two new people per month, and most of our employees put in a fair bit of effort to get to know them. If anything, they're more curious about you than you are about them... After all, you've got a whole office full of people to learn about, but they've only got one person they don't know... ;)

And yeah... No fishing off the company pier. If something ends up happening, well, deal with it... But don't go looking for something at work. Potentially very, very messy. :eek: