Anyone talk to a therapist about your bisexual feelings?

[Alex_rose]

I jus saw a psychologist today and when he asked are you heterosexual. I honestly forgot my answer but i think i said i dont know. I know i like women but i saw some guys that look really good looking and im attracted to them. Even the guy behind the counter was good looking and i was nervous around him. I guess since i dont have any serious relationships i feel my attractions is more out of being lonely. And with this covid shit and living in new york. I feel completely alone, emotional.

But i try to stay optimistic even though im really stressed out from work.

[Jozyxt]

Many years ago I talked to a therapist about my sexual ambivalence that has moved on to bi-sexuality. She rolled with it and let me take the lead in how much we discussed it. It is no big deal for a pro therapist. It will give them some more ways to understand you and to help you talk about any shame that might be related to it. .

[Jazminedress]

nope, as a person, I am very self reflective to begin with, just never saw a need too

[Alex_rose]

Many years ago I talked to a therapist about my sexual ambivalence that has moved on to bi-sexuality. She rolled with it and let me take the lead in how much we discussed it. It is no big deal for a pro therapist. It will give them some more ways to understand you and to help you talk about any shame that might be related to it. .
Yeah, I guess my feelings toward guys make me feel shame I guess cause how my parents felt about gay people and the comments have said. The only one i thought to come out to is my younger sister cause my friends wouldnt understand. Sucks having this feeling.

[csreef]

This is what I think about "therapists" and the people who "need" to use them...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtSYZi7zd7A

[Flypaper]

I’ve spoken with therapists including both as a patient and as a friend. Professional ones should never directly ask one about his or her sexuality. If it comes out as part of a session, he or she would simply acknowledge it as a part of the conversation and perhaps - as Jozyxt suggests - use the information as another way to help you explore whatever it is you are working through.

My sexuality was never anything that came up in therapy. My father’s suicide did, however, so eff you to those who mock therapy.

[KDaddy23]

The only time I ever went to a therapist she asked me how my sex life was and I just told her that it was fine and that I didn't have problems being able to have sex since I was bisexual. In a way, I responded like that because I was feeling "evil" and wanted to see if I could shock her... but she was as cool as the other side of the pillow and we just talked about it from beginning to current. If anything, she seemed to be surprised that given my sexual history (and the part I told her about) that I was so well-adjusted... and that's all she had to say about it. I didn't feel uncomfortable talking about it with her and I wasn't worried that she was gonna tell everybody she could tell that I wasn't straight and it felt pretty good to talk openly about it and not have to listen to the usual bullshit.

I'll tell anyone: If you need to see a therapist, just do it.

[delpark]

I saw an ad for Bi/Gay support group in a local newspaper and decided it was worth exploring. I went for the first meeting of the group, it was the counselor and myself. My homosexuality was emerging and I was hoping to meet some gays. The counselor was gay, had been married to a woman and told me his coming out tale. I told him my situation, I was married to a woman but I have the desires and needs for sex with males. The counselor was understanding, and offered suggestions for meeting gay men. He said if no more people participated in the sessions, he would have to end them. When I went back for the next session, there was no one there. The ad did not run in the newspaper any longer, either.

[Jozyxt]

Yeah, I guess my feelings toward guys make me feel shame I guess cause how my parents felt about gay people and the comments have said. The only one i thought to come out to is my younger sister cause my friends wouldnt understand. Sucks having this feeling.


The shame is just what a therapist can help with. Just learning to say the words that describe your where it is safe to do so will help you lose the shame. Go for it.

[RisingBi]

I have been seeing my current psychiatrist for 6 years, and we have been working on my childhood trauma that has affected me greatly throughout my life (I'm 58). I had admitted to her a few months in that I was bisexual, but we never really talked about it that much. For the first time I had the correct diagnosis for my problem, Complex PTSD from extreme and prolonged trauma in my childhood, and finally I was making progress with understanding how the trauma has affected my behaviour and choices throughout my life.

But I have also struggled with my sexuality since discovering that I had gay feelings, at 30, after my first girlfriend broke up with me after 3 turbulent years together. After that I had 21 years of lots of gay fantasies and gay porn driving me out of the house often to find anonymous oral and anal sex with guys in different gay sex venues. The gay desires were so strong entering the sex venue each time, but almost all of the time I lost all gay desire and attraction to the guy I was naked with, and never had any feelings for anal with him, but still feigned great passion while sucking his cock. But back at home all the gay desires and fantasies came back, until they became so strong that I again went out to suck and fuck real guys, only to be disappointed again in the same way. But there were 5 or 6 exceptions, where the oral desire remained strong, and I enjoyed very much having oral sex with them, but I still felt nothing anal. But those tiny few exceptions pales in comparison with the almost 200 guys that I sucked over those 21 years without any passion. It didn't make sense to me, and I identified myself as bi-confused.

But then in 2013 I kept my anal desires for this really cute guy in a bathhouse, tonguefucked his beautiful asshole for more than an hour, with a hunger that I didn't even know I had, before finally inserting my cock into another man's ass and fucking his beautiful hole for the first time. That changed my life. I really felt that I was in touch with the gay side of myself that I felt had been buried (despite the neverending fantasies at home), and I actually loved and accepted that gay side of myself. I finally could happily declare to myself, I am bisexual, and I love it, and I'm so proud of it! I stopped all the anonymous sex and from then on I have just been getting together with local guys in each other's homes, and have almost always very much enjoyed sex with them.

But I still feel that there might be repression going on, as I have strong fantasies to get much closer to another man, to at least have a regular FWB fuck buddy, if not a boyfriend or husband. These ideas in my head excite me greatly, and I desire it so much. In my head at least, I would love to have a romantic relationship with another man, and be totally gay. But the reality is that so far I not only am never attracted to guys in every day life with their clothes on, but only to naked guys, but I've also never had any emotional or romantic feelings for any man, in every day life or during sex--unlike how it is for me with women all the time.

So there still seems to be a discrepancy between my fantasies and real life, and because I discovered that it was some repression going on with respect to allowing myself to actually feel desire for the real man I was naked with, until I finally let myself have arguably greater intimacy with another man through anal sex and intercourse, perhaps something like that is continuing for me, with some kind of repression preventing me from feeling attracted to men in every day life or having emotional or romantic feelings for men, like I so desperately want to have in my fantasies.

So I told my therapist a few weeks ago that I'd like to start looking at this more deeply in our sessions. So we started doing that. And, in fact, earlier today we had our best session yet, really going deep into this, especially from a Carl Jung masculine archetype point of view. I feel like there is real promise in this approach. So I'm looking forward to continue this every two weeks with her.

We both also believe that it is only because we made such progress in the trauma work that has allowed me to explore my sexuality more deeply at this time. What's really great about this particular psychiatrist is that she's not your regular talk therapy kind of therapist, but she comes from a more somatic approach, that involves the idea that memories and feelings are stored inside the body--the only approach that has ever worked with my trauma, in 40 years of every kind of therapy that exists. I don't know how things will progress in this exploration into my psychosexual psyche, but I have some optimism that her approach to this, together with a pragmatic approach of me getting together with more men to really see whether I can make a breakthrough in liking not just my lover's entire body, instead of just his cock and ass, but his entire being, at a more emotional, if not romantic, level, matching what I desire in my fantasies, is the right combined approach for me to find success in opening up the gay part of my bisexuality, or perhaps even my homosexuality, much more.

The problem has been that this pandemic has curtailed that pragmatic strategy greatly (I've only gotten together with one guy, twice, last September, but it didn't work out). And this pandemic has certainly come at the worst time for me personally, because I had just ended, yet once again, a very rocky 3-year relationship with the second girlfriend of my life in December 2019, a relationship through which I never stopped thinking about guys, and masturbating to gay fantasies, porn, and writing. When it ended, I was so eager and excited to start getting together with another man or men, and really exploring my sexuality. Hopefully I will be able to start getting together with real guys for sex, if not dating, very soon, to complement the therapy that I'm also doing.

[Waylon]

I saw one a few years ago who also offered hypnosis for smoking cessation. When I told him about my bi side, he got me to blow him 5 times over the next two weeks. I enjoyed sucking his cock and he helped me stop smoking for free.

[Alex_rose]

The shame is just what a therapist can help with. Just learning to say the words that describe your where it is safe to do so will help you lose the shame. Go for it.

Thanks. Feel like I should be more comfortable with him. I feel like someone would take advantage of me.

[Alex_rose]

This is what I think about "therapists" and the people who "need" to use them...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtSYZi7zd7A

lol, he was awesome in full metal jacket. i like watching that boot camp scene

[Alex_rose]

I’ve spoken with therapists including both as a patient and as a friend. Professional ones should never directly ask one about his or her sexuality. If it comes out as part of a session, he or she would simply acknowledge it as a part of the conversation and perhaps - as Jozyxt suggests - use the information as another way to help you explore whatever it is you are working through.

My sexuality was never anything that came up in therapy. My father’s suicide did, however, so eff you to those who mock therapy.

Thanks, sorry about your dad.

I don't let that stuff bother me its jus what people don't understand and thats why they belittle it. But it helps me. I did it yrs ago, therapy and realize how much it works. And its simple stuff breathing exercising, or jus having some listen jus so you don't feel alone. Been hard now with everything going on.

[Alex_rose]

I have been seeing my current psychiatrist for 6 years, and we have been working on my childhood trauma that has affected me greatly throughout my life (I'm 58). I had admitted to her a few months in that I was bisexual, but we never really talked about it that much. For the first time I had the correct diagnosis for my problem, Complex PTSD from extreme and prolonged trauma in my childhood, and finally I was making progress with understanding how the trauma has affected my behaviour and choices throughout my life.

But I have also struggled with my sexuality since discovering that I had gay feelings, at 30, after my first girlfriend broke up with me after 3 turbulent years together. After that I had 21 years of lots of gay fantasies and gay porn driving me out of the house often to find anonymous oral and anal sex with guys in different gay sex venues. The gay desires were so strong entering the sex venue each time, but almost all of the time I lost all gay desire and attraction to the guy I was naked with, and never had any feelings for anal with him, but still feigned great passion while sucking his cock. But back at home all the gay desires and fantasies came back, until they became so strong that I again went out to suck and fuck real guys, only to be disappointed again in the same way. But there were 5 or 6 exceptions, where the oral desire remained strong, and I enjoyed very much having oral sex with them, but I still felt nothing anal. But those tiny few exceptions pales in comparison with the almost 200 guys that I sucked over those 21 years without any passion. It didn't make sense to me, and I identified myself as bi-confused.

But then in 2013 I kept my anal desires for this really cute guy in a bathhouse, tonguefucked his beautiful asshole for more than an hour, with a hunger that I didn't even know I had, before finally inserting my cock into another man's ass and fucking his beautiful hole for the first time. That changed my life. I really felt that I was in touch with the gay side of myself that I felt had been buried (despite the neverending fantasies at home), and I actually loved and accepted that gay side of myself. I finally could happily declare to myself, I am bisexual, and I love it, and I'm so proud of it! I stopped all the anonymous sex and from then on I have just been getting together with local guys in each other's homes, and have almost always very much enjoyed sex with them.

But I still feel that there might be repression going on, as I have strong fantasies to get much closer to another man, to at least have a regular FWB fuck buddy, if not a boyfriend or husband. These ideas in my head excite me greatly, and I desire it so much. In my head at least, I would love to have a romantic relationship with another man, and be totally gay. But the reality is that so far I not only am never attracted to guys in every day life with their clothes on, but only to naked guys, but I've also never had any emotional or romantic feelings for any man, in every day life or during sex--unlike how it is for me with women all the time.

So there still seems to be a discrepancy between my fantasies and real life, and because I discovered that it was some repression going on with respect to allowing myself to actually feel desire for the real man I was naked with, until I finally let myself have arguably greater intimacy with another man through anal sex and intercourse, perhaps something like that is continuing for me, with some kind of repression preventing me from feeling attracted to men in every day life or having emotional or romantic feelings for men, like I so desperately want to have in my fantasies.

So I told my therapist a few weeks ago that I'd like to start looking at this more deeply in our sessions. So we started doing that. And, in fact, earlier today we had our best session yet, really going deep into this, especially from a Carl Jung masculine archetype point of view. I feel like there is real promise in this approach. So I'm looking forward to continue this every two weeks with her.

We both also believe that it is only because we made such progress in the trauma work that has allowed me to explore my sexuality more deeply at this time. What's really great about this particular psychiatrist is that she's not your regular talk therapy kind of therapist, but she comes from a more somatic approach, that involves the idea that memories and feelings are stored inside the body--the only approach that has ever worked with my trauma, in 40 years of every kind of therapy that exists. I don't know how things will progress in this exploration into my psychosexual psyche, but I have some optimism that her approach to this, together with a pragmatic approach of me getting together with more men to really see whether I can make a breakthrough in liking not just my lover's entire body, instead of just his cock and ass, but his entire being, at a more emotional, if not romantic, level, matching what I desire in my fantasies, is the right combined approach for me to find success in opening up the gay part of my bisexuality, or perhaps even my homosexuality, much more.

The problem has been that this pandemic has curtailed that pragmatic strategy greatly (I've only gotten together with one guy, twice, last September, but it didn't work out). And this pandemic has certainly come at the worst time for me personally, because I had just ended, yet once again, a very rocky 3-year relationship with the second girlfriend of my life in December 2019, a relationship through which I never stopped thinking about guys, and masturbating to gay fantasies, porn, and writing. When it ended, I was so eager and excited to start getting together with another man or men, and really exploring my sexuality. Hopefully I will be able to start getting together with real guys for sex, if not dating, very soon, to complement the therapy that I'm also doing.

I can relate to somewhat your saying. I only feel attracted to certain guys and those feelings are only based on fantasy. But having relationship, I have no idea. I hope one day to have a serious relationship with someone.

[Christopher South]

I saw two after my wife found out I had been having sex with a guy. She insisted on it. First was a gay guy, second was a woman. I thought it was a good thing to do. We talked about me being bi. I actually thought the woman was better than the guy.

[CockHummer]

That's cute, but even the people who created it meant it as a joke. All sorts of people benefit from speaking to professional counsellors, and people with LGBTQ issues are often high on the list, for a number of important reasons.

That being said, I once dealt with a psychiatrist, because I became nearly suicidally depressed in response to developing drastic changes in a physical disability, and I acknowledged to him while in his care that I was bisexual and found the greatest sexual release from creating images of beautiful women with really hot cocks on my PC and imagining that I was giving these really hot chicks blowjobs. He informed me, as if he really had a clue what he was talking about, that there really is no such thing as bisexuality (believe it or not, that occurred only about 10 years ago), and that if I got off more on imagining sucking a beautiful woman's cock than fantasies of fucking and eating her pussy (imagine how many purely gay men would get off on what I was doing--why on earth would they bother? It drove me absolutely crazy!), then I was truly homosexual. Perhaps. I mean, my ex and I were only getting it on three or four times a week back then. If I was straight (given that there is no such thing as bi), maybe I should have insisted on having sex with her ten or twenty?

Anyway, I don't think we want to leave people who come on here feeling embarrassed or weak or stupid to have wanted to talk to someone professional about confusion regarding their sexuality or anything else, for that matter.
This is what I think about "therapists" and the people who "need" to use them...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtSYZi7zd7A

[cbxer66]

I wouldn't talk to a "therapist" about my deuce droppings on a daily basis.

[Timmyy9966]

Just started too.opened my eyes that I’m. Completely normal.on video jerking off under table lol

[ella505]

Honestly, I used to overthink about my preferences before because it isn't normal. Then I realized that it doesn't really matter. There seems to be no problem with it as long as I don't overthink. :/

[darkeyes]

Throughout my adult life, I've suffered recurrent, sometimes lengthy bouts of severe clinical depression. Several times my psychiatrist/therapist has probed me about whether I felt my bisexuality and more recently, lesbianisn in particular around the time I was beginning to recognise that my sexuality had moved on to lesbianism played any part in my depression. I had to be honest and told them that I didn't, and still dont. The manner of my raising had much to do with that. My parents had brought me up to believe that whatever my sexuality turned out to be was ok with them. They raised me to believe in the face of the Thatcher British government view of same sex relationships was wrong and did not corrupting children. Discussing same sex relationships in schools was banned throughout the UK.

My parents gave me and my siblings a sex education which Thatcher and most Tories and many others would heartily condemn. Their abiding principle was do no harm, like and have sexual relations with people of whatever gender, love no matter the gender of a person if that is what is to be. I was raised to believe same sex relationships to be equally normal to opposite sex ones, and I have lived up to those principles, and have never believed them to be in the least wrong. The "do no harm" aspect of their teachings I have infringed, for like most people I have hurt those I have loved at various times and in various ways, but I have tried not to, and am aware that I have done so on numerous occasions. I'm not perfect. Far from it. I'm all too fallible.

At various times I have discussed my relationships with a psychiatrist/therapist, especially when those relationships were under most stress and I felt at my most anxious and depressed. However I have never felt under pressure because of my sexuality save once when I was breaking up with my former husband. Certainly my sexuality played its part, but it was other deep rooted issues which created the depression. I loved him dearly, and still do, yet my sexuality and other issues were too much for the relationship to bear. For me more than him. My denial of others of my own sex in particular had become just too much. Oddly to me at the time, it was my relationship with a man which was the catalyst to our break up. My sister found out and blabbed to my husband in part because I refused to give the guy up but mainly because I wouldn't fess up.

All of this I explained to my psychiatrist, and in the end she accepted that my bisexuality played no part in my mental state, save for the fact that for four years I had denied myself physical relationships with my own gender and it was THAT which I was finding too much to bear. Over the following few years I had increasingly less to do with men sexually and realised finally that I become not bisexual, but a gay girl, and that's where I am today.

I have to admit that my xhusband was the donor for my daughter who was conceived by IVF. Why? Because if I ever had a child there was no one else I wanted to have one with. I never wanted one until I was into my 30s, and now I have no regrets. This too encouraged the raising of my sexuality in therapy. As has the fact that since I finally accepted my lesbianism, on 3 occasions I have had sex with men, twice admittedly due to the NHS dragging their feet over IVF.. maybe they werent.. but it felt like they were and women who want and need to have a child need it not next year or week but now if they could. Certainly to get pregnant now!!!! Such is the power of the pangs of need. Persuading my therapist I was happy about my lesbianism when I had sex with two men while I was trying to get pregnant was tricky, but persuading my new therapist I remain lesbian after a more recent encounter which occurred in part through tipsyness as a result of a(smallish) excess of plonk and cognac with a man I care for was a more difficult proposition and to be honest I still haven't in any depth.

After trying to think things through, I've come to the conclusion that we are all susceptible to do things we otherwise wouldn't once inhibitions go down, but I'm not yet sure what part lockdown sex deprivation played in it. Trust me, months without it was hell. It took me a little while to really make the conclusion, though I knew it really, but am still working through the lockdown starvation part in my mind. I don't have another appointment for therapy until the autumn so haven't had an opportunity to discuss either with a professional.

Sorry for the length of the piece, but sex and sexuality are complex issues. I've never been one to think they can be sorted in two sentences.

[rukiddingme]

My therapist is here, bisexual community!

[cuttin2dachase]

My 1st wife and I were very adventurous and loved group sex. It was she who coaxed me to try oral sex with men in 3somes and in mfmf swinging scenes. I was hesitant for a while, but the more she told me how much it would turn her on, the more intrigued and turned on I became and I told her let's go for it . My 1st time with a man was in a 4some with a bi couple. It was an electric experience boosted by the presence of 2 hot, horny wives who really got into watching and helping. I knew my hotwife had turned me out as, at the least, orally bi. For I while I self-analyzed, asking myself why I enjoyed men so much. It was not just their cocks, it was their looks, bodies and personalities I was attracted to as well. I was 32 at the time and had never had any prior sexual interest in men. I had no guilt or regrets and have never looked back or felt the need to talk to a psychologist. My male partners are my best therapy !

[csreef]

My therapist is here, bisexual community!

Well said! :flag3::flag1::flag3:

[wifekinky4husband]

Ive spoken with therapist to get their take on different adventures but not for therapy. I love to learn from others and hear their thoughts. I did once consider a hands on sex therapist or surrogate for hands on training for my husband and myself but she was so darned sexy I felt we'd get her in trouble or she'd have to quit since I felt we would not e able to keep from wanting her all the time and pressing the issue. Turns out we didnt need her after all.

[Joboo]

Well when I was 14 a therapist would have been a good idea but it was 1970. I didn’t think I was gay and I didn’t initiate the contact but when my friend jerked me off it was on for the entire summer. I was never attracted to him I just liked the feeling of someone else making me cum. I also jerked him.
I felt terrible about myself though, and was just starting HS. Even though I stopped I still felt like a loser. I had lots of GF in HS and since I was getting the same from them I stopped with him. He was still a close friend and we hung out together all through HS and after.
At graduation after a party I had a fight with my GF, we never fought. It was emotional and terrible timing or great timing depending on how you look at it. I ended up leaving with my friend and hanging with him. Basically he seduced me that night but I don’t blame him. I let him start jerking me off and ended up reciprocating. When I felt his cock I was amazed how big it had become, I couldn’t quit staring and I wanted to suck it. I had never had that urge. Once we started up again I wasn’t so hard on myself but was confused about why I liked sucking his dick so much. It went on for the next five years off and on and he confided in me that he had no interest in girls as sex partners. I guess after that I felt I was doing him a public service since he had no one else. I carried on my womanizing ways and he was in my group of fuck buddies as we called them back then. He found someone that was his type and it was over. I only had fear of someone finding out.
So many years later at around 40 I met a guy that made me feel like I had a attraction. He was so much like my old friend, blond, skinny and a little fem.
I guess that my type.
I did go online about ten years ago to sites like this and it was liberating to be able to talk to people that had similar experience. If I needed to go to therapy for depression someday I would probably talk to them about it. My shenanigans are not the reason for my depression.. I was a bit of a sex addict. I had sex with close to a hundred different women before I was 26. I was blessed with good genes and little willpower..

[delpark]

I dated a woman with a PhD in psychiatric nursing years ago. She told me we are all born bisexual. I accepted what she told me my desire for cock has increased.

[Cum1st]

Being Bi is who I am. I'm comfortable with it.

On the other hand, I could have used some help with depression and feelings of inadequacy early in my life. It took many many years to realize that the sources were holding me back. I didn't need their approval, and that approval was never going to happen. Being in this rut I was attracted to people that treated me the same, and they were attracted to me.

Realizing I wasn't the problem was the start of liberation. A trained professional could have saved a lot of time.

I'm old now, and very happy with myself. Those abusive type of people still pop up, but are easily recognized and dealt with.

Sadly, the final links were broken when my brother and father passed.

Happily, I now have a good relationship with my sister, and found there are two brothers that were adopted out as babies. One has tracked us down, but the other may never be found.

The fact that I like cock, and am willing to admit it to myself doesn't seem to be worthy of analysis.

[Ashct22]

Cum1st..well said!

[KDaddy23]

Love what Cum1st said. At some point, a lot of people realize that their "problems" with being bisexual are being cause by others and what they don't believe in. Many find that once they stop dwelling on this and just be themselves - and whether they're having the sex or not - then they just feel better about themselves. If they wind up in therapy, it's not gonna be because of their sexuality and, besides, there's a lot more depressing shit to bother people than being bisexual.

[Alex_rose]

Being Bi is who I am. I'm comfortable with it.
The fact that I like cock, and am willing to admit it to myself doesn't seem to be worthy of analysis.

Thanks for your post, I like that. I think my attraction to men come out stronger when I'm depressed but were always there, something I repressed.

[dowmass]

I saw one a few years ago who also offered hypnosis for smoking cessation. When I told him about my bi side, he got me to blow him 5 times over the next two weeks. I enjoyed sucking his cock and he helped me stop smoking for free.

Not that I am judging you - but is this for real? I ask because this seems like a scene from a porn movie (girl student doesn't get good grades, ends up sucking teacher's dick and getting fucked - to get better grades)

[RisingBi]

Thanks for your post, I like that. I think my attraction to men come out stronger when I'm depressed but were always there, something I repressed.
It's been similar with me as well, at least for my first 21 years of gay fantasies and sex. But it was always associated with depression over failure with women for me. Every time I struck out with a woman, which was all the time, with no success with women in those 21 years, and even years afterwards, my desires for men skyrocketed. But, as I wrote earlier in this thread, I feel I was also doing a lot of repressing, which I only discovered, as I said, after my first anal experience with a man in 2013, after 21 years of just oral. Since realizing those more repressed feelings, I've had continuous desire for sex with men, whether I'm depressed or feeling like a failure with women, or not. Yes, I'm bisexual. That statement is so freeing!

I wish you all the very best, Alex!

[RisingBi]

Throughout my adult life, I've suffered recurrent, sometimes lengthy bouts of severe clinical depression. Several times my psychiatrist/therapist has probed me about whether I felt my bisexuality and more recently, lesbianisn in particular around the time I was beginning to recognise that my sexuality had moved on to lesbianism played any part in my depression. I had to be honest and told them that I didn't, and still dont. The manner of my raising had much to do with that. My parents had brought me up to believe that whatever my sexuality turned out to be was ok with them. They raised me to believe in the face of the Thatcher British government view of same sex relationships was wrong and did not corrupting children. Discussing same sex relationships in schools was banned throughout the UK.

My parents gave me and my siblings a sex education which Thatcher and most Tories and many others would heartily condemn. Their abiding principle was do no harm, like and have sexual relations with people of whatever gender, love no matter the gender of a person if that is what is to be. I was raised to believe same sex relationships to be equally normal to opposite sex ones, and I have lived up to those principles, and have never believed them to be in the least wrong. The "do no harm" aspect of their teachings I have infringed, for like most people I have hurt those I have loved at various times and in various ways, but I have tried not to, and am aware that I have done so on numerous occasions. I'm not perfect. Far from it. I'm all too fallible.

At various times I have discussed my relationships with a psychiatrist/therapist, especially when those relationships were under most stress and I felt at my most anxious and depressed. However I have never felt under pressure because of my sexuality save once when I was breaking up with my former husband. Certainly my sexuality played its part, but it was other deep rooted issues which created the depression. I loved him dearly, and still do, yet my sexuality and other issues were too much for the relationship to bear. For me more than him. My denial of others of my own sex in particular had become just too much. Oddly to me at the time, it was my relationship with a man which was the catalyst to our break up. My sister found out and blabbed to my husband in part because I refused to give the guy up but mainly because I wouldn't fess up.

All of this I explained to my psychiatrist, and in the end she accepted that my bisexuality played no part in my mental state, save for the fact that for four years I had denied myself physical relationships with my own gender and it was THAT which I was finding too much to bear. Over the following few years I had increasingly less to do with men sexually and realised finally that I become not bisexual, but a gay girl, and that's where I am today.

I have to admit that my xhusband was the donor for my daughter who was conceived by IVF. Why? Because if I ever had a child there was no one else I wanted to have one with. I never wanted one until I was into my 30s, and now I have no regrets. This too encouraged the raising of my sexuality in therapy. As has the fact that since I finally accepted my lesbianism, on 3 occasions I have had sex with men, twice admittedly due to the NHS dragging their feet over IVF.. maybe they werent.. but it felt like they were and women who want and need to have a child need it not next year or week but now if they could. Certainly to get pregnant now!!!! Such is the power of the pangs of need. Persuading my therapist I was happy about my lesbianism when I had sex with two men while I was trying to get pregnant was tricky, but persuading my new therapist I remain lesbian after a more recent encounter which occurred in part through tipsyness as a result of a(smallish) excess of plonk and cognac with a man I care for was a more difficult proposition and to be honest I still haven't in any depth.

After trying to think things through, I've come to the conclusion that we are all susceptible to do things we otherwise wouldn't once inhibitions go down, but I'm not yet sure what part lockdown sex deprivation played in it. Trust me, months without it was hell. It took me a little while to really make the conclusion, though I knew it really, but am still working through the lockdown starvation part in my mind. I don't have another appointment for therapy until the autumn so haven't had an opportunity to discuss either with a professional.

Sorry for the length of the piece, but sex and sexuality are complex issues. I've never been one to think they can be sorted in two sentences.
It sounds like you had an amazing upbringing and very wise parents, @darkeyes. How fortunate! I'm also like you in so far as I think my own struggle with depression throughout life doesn't really have to do with the gay part of my bisexuality, at least not much. If anything, my depression has had to do with lifelong effects of powerful, chronic childhood trauma by my mother, in general, and the straight part of my bisexuality vis-?-vis almost universal failure with girls and women, in particular. The gay part may have some small contribution to my depression, in so far as I believe I was repressing my homosexual feelings for most of my life, even while sucking more than 200 cocks for the 21 years between 1992-2013, which must have had some unconscious effect on my overall mood state and mental health. But I think, almost like you, my depression mostly had to do with something outside of my desire for men.

Also similar to you, I feel part of my break up with my girlfriend of 3 years in December 2019, only the second girlfriend of my life, and certainly contributing I believe to our difficulties in our relationship, had to do with my overwhelming and unrequited desires for sex with men during the relationship--except for jerking off to gay porn, a lot, something that was at best very unhealthy. The relationship was monogamous, and of course heterosexual, but the homosexual part of me was being denied self-expression. I don't know if ever again I can have a monogamous relationship with a woman, and I can't cheat on anyone, including being in an open relationship, so I don't know that means.

But, also as you say, there is the lockdown starvation factor: I was so eager and excited to begin having sex with men after that break up, to explore the gay part of my bisexuality much much more, and see even if I can fall in love with a man, and thus have more meaningful intimacy with someone, but the pandemic happened. I have no idea what the future will bring for me and my heterosexuality, bisexuality, or homosexuality, whatever it really is, or grows into being (perhaps?).

[tbranston]

You sound like a fabulous person and totally self-aware. LOL. I'm so glad you elected to paint everyone with a similar brush. Out of all of the people on this page, you need to see a shrink more than anyone. I've had plenty of clients like you in my practice and every one of them suffer from impotent rage.

[tbranston]

"Professional ones should never directly ask one about his or her sexuality."

Your response is totally black and white. It also comes across as unethical and somewhat rigid. You are dictating what a shrink should and shouldn't do.

There are plenty of pathways to open a dialogue about a client's sexuality and often a client wants to be asked. I can think of a large number of occasions where I asked a client and they were relieved.

[tbranston]

I'm a shrink and I'm fairly convinced that talking to someone in the therapeutic community can be helpful and enlightening, and do much to work towards eliminating shame. A shrink can provide different roles. They can also be a confidant, mentor, friend, hold space for difficult feelings, and they can simply just sit there while you disclose your sexuality.

When I was a kid I was disgusted with myself that I had SS feelings. I was raised in a fairly homophobic environment so I'm not really surprised today. My disgust turned to interest, then to fascination, and then into desire. At each point along the way I had a shrink or mentor who listened to me. Last year I was walking in Safeway and realized that no one would care if they saw me holding hands with another guy. Literally, no one would care. They might ask me about it, but I'm not that important.

I know my journey is different from other people, and I wish you peace as you find your way

[peiguy]

A couple years after my wife and I went sexless I went to a therapist because I was dealing with rising desires for men in a sexless marriage. I didn't raise my same sex attraction but in discussing the sexless marriage and my acceptance of it, the therapist asked lots of questions and drew that all out. She explained that for both women and men there tends to be a baseline of same sex attraction that may or may not reveal itself beyond the occasional fantasy. Being physically separated, loss of a spouse, marriage going sexless can bring this up to the surface. She said it tends to be quite common as men get older and their wives loose interest in sex, either after childbirth or menopause. She said historically it was quite common for men to discreetly get together when their wives lost interest and wives either did not know or secretly welcomed that they were relieved of their wifely duty and did not have a rival - e.g. "the other woman". The therapist encouraged me to masturbate less, or even give it up, and see where my needs take me.

I informed my wife that I was tired of masturbating and had given it up. She told me that so long as I did not go to another woman she was fine.

[travelmanNW]

I have not talked to a therapist but here is my 2 cent worth. I'm a 71 YO widower after my wife passed met several woman not much interested in sex. I found having sex with men fulfilled my needs. I enjoy sucking cock and having him cum in my mouth. I found I don't need any anything in return some guys have anal sex which i enjoyed. I find I'm more of a cocksucker than anything else. I call my self bi as would enjoy sex with a woman but most of the sex for the passed 15 years has been with men.

[Fred_Brice]

I have not talked to a therapist but here is my 2 cent worth. I'm a 71 YO widower after my wife passed met several woman not much interested in sex. I found having sex with men fulfilled my needs. I enjoy sucking cock and having him cum in my mouth. I found I don't need any anything in return some guys have anal sex which i enjoyed. I find I'm more of a cocksucker than anything else. I call my self bi as would enjoy sex with a woman but most of the sex for the passed 15 years has been with men.

I have not talked to a therapist myself, but being "Bisexual" is who I am, and I am comfortable with it. Like others here, I am now widowed, after my wife after many years of marriage and she passed and like others I also had met several woman who just were not interested in having intimate sex with other men. So, I do enjoy having sex with other men and most often they do fulfill most of my sexual needs. I do enjoy sucking another man's cock and having him, fill my mouth with his warm man juices. Often, I have found that I do not always need any reciprocation in return, but if another person wants to suck my cock, I usually will, never say no! Like many here I do find myself more of a "Cocksucker" than anything else. I call myself Bisexual, since I would still enjoy sex pleasures with a willing woman that has a nice body but most of my sex for the past 11 years has been with men.