First time... Attempt

[Tfewks]

I know you all like stories, so here is one for you.

I've been bi-curious as long as I can remember. Used to try on mom's underwear when home alone as a kid. Penetrated myself with various objects and substances. This continued into my adult life. I am now early thirties and got out of my last relationship (all have been hetero). I've always fantasized about m/m even when in relationships... Moved to a new town and figured it was time to try stuff.

Met a patient guy online and he seemed game for going at my pace.

He was house sitting and I went over to visit him after work. I got myself cleaned up, shaved myself completely as I do when getting ready just in case things went that direction.

My goal was to just be around a guy while naked and see what it felt like. Go from there. No expectations and he was totally cool about that in advance.

I show up at his place, come in, he's waiting for me downstairs, take off my shoes and we go sit on the couch.

I'm super self conscious about my appearance. I'm fit but kinda masc which doesn't mesh with my self perception as a sub bottom (at least that's what I think I am/would be).

Anyway I'm extremely horny just sitting on the couch talking with this guy and he comments on my very obvious erection. I elect to suggest we get naked so I can see what it feels like. He obliges and we are now sitting naked on the couch.

He lives alone and it's the weekend ahead... This could go places and I'm freaking the fuck out mentally.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I look over and can't take my eyes off his extremely thick cock. My first thought is that there is no possible way that is going to fit in my mouth. Seriously it was almost the diameter of a coke can and a little longer.

I'm aching to do something. He offers to let me touch it which I do. It felt warm and hard. He flexed it a couple times and it felt very different. It took me aback. I started stroking him and here's where things get ...off...

I don't know if it was nerves alone but I'm sure that was a big part of it. I hesitated to do anything more than rub hia dick. I lubricated my hand with spit (left hand, I'm right handed but he was on my left, that didn't help) but it was not getting him off. I think the lack of initial response from him was part of it, almost like a discouragement that I wasn't good at this, was part of it.

The combination of self consciousness, the fact that he looked kinda like a former boss, the fact that his dick was too thick and a tad shorter than mine, and the fact that he wanted to touch my dick (which went against my idea that I would be servicing him and didn't want any kind of recip/touching) all contributed to some kind of turnoff or something. Hard to explain. I let my reservations get the better of me and halted the experience then and there. I felt bad getting that far and stopping, kind a dick move.

He was apologetic and super nice about it. My reaction after the fact was to embrace my hetero persona, got a new gym membership and a workout plan. Hetero dating apps.

Fast forward a month or more and here I am again. I gave up masturbating almost a week ago and my horniness has increase dramatically, which in turn has brought back these urges to explore bi. I used to jack off daily and it kept the urge down but I read it can help work out gains and other things to abstain.

Is my normal state bisexual and I'm just suppressing it by masturbating? Should I try again with this guy or another guy? I can't help but think my expectations are sky high and that I'll be let down and regret trying it, and develop self hatred if I don't like it. I'm lost once again.

Don't mean for this to take a sad turn and am genuinely curious about what I can do. It's weird, it didn't feel like "me" or "something I would do" when I was with the guy. I've masturbated to the whole experience numerous times and fantasized about how things could have gone better.

Anyway thanks for reading, advice is very welcome.

[KDaddy23]

It's probably not that your expectations are sky high but you seem to be going through something a lot of guys do. You're eager to do this but when it's go-time, you find "reasons" not to do what you want to do. Then there's an air of doubt; the moment you start thinking that you're gonna be let down or that you're gonna regret it, it makes it even harder to do. I always say that these things sound like a good idea on paper but to put it into practice isn't as easy as it sounded in your head.

Not all first times get off the ground and run smoothly. Methinks there are two questions you need to ask yourself: Is this something you really want to do and do you believe that you can do it? It's not a matter of suppression as it seems to me to be a matter of finding reasons not to pull the trigger. In the encounter you were gracious to share with us, you got to thinking about some stuff that you probably realize now you shouldn't have been thinking about. You probably realize now that you could have asked him to switch places with you because you're right-handed but you also got to thinking about how thick his cock was and whether or not it would fit in your mouth; you probably realize now that you could have gotten some of him in your mouth and how you could have done it comfortably.

For some, the thought of getting some dick is highly exciting and good stuff to masturbate to but to actually do it? Ugh. Ya don't feel like yourself or that "voice" in your head is telling it's something you're not supposed to do. A lot of guys feel this way the first time so that's pretty normal - and why there are two questions you have to ask yourself and answer without bullshitting yourself. Sometimes we overthink that first time and it seems to me that's what you did. It's not as easy to tell you to stop thinking but, yeah, you get to a point in this where you kinda stop thinking, say, "Fuck it!" to yourself and just go for it. I wouldn't think so much about "specializing" right out of the gate, like being a sub bottom or sub cock sucker; I'd take the baby steps to be able to get my hands on a guy's cock - and practice doing it left-handed when you masturbate - and work up to being able to get the cock in your mouth then consider your thoughts about specializing as a sub of some kind.

[Tight1-4u]

​great advice KDaddy!! You nailed it.. listen to him he just told you good stuff!!

[Jazminedress]

Yep. @KDaddy23 is a great voice of reason and advice. For my own 2 cents, dont stress it. My first time just jerking off another guy was a mess, actually a literal mess on the guys suit. My first attempt at intercourse, no matter what we tried, we couldnt get that thing in me. It was only later I learned the tricks of how to get a cock in you. The poor guys boner was looking like it was in pain

He was cool about it and got himself off. A song I love has one of the best lines in it "Sometimes the rainbow is better than the pot of gold"
Yeah, the fantasy can be better than the actual thing, as, once you do it, you cant go back, Just relax, dont pur presure on yourself, and eventually another opportunity may come around. Hopefully with a decent guy who you can be honest with, and they will realize the long term benefits outweigh the short term work

[Tfewks]

Thank you so much for the thoughtful and well-articulated reply, KDaddy.

I one hundred percent agree with your analysis. I am definitely thinking too much. I over analyze every facet ofy life and this is even more than that. Is it really this big of a deal to suck a cock? I'm thinking about it like it's the end of the world. How do I *not* do that?

In my currently very horny state, it's consumed most of my day being in the back of my mind. It's that way at work too.

I know for a fact it will go away or significantly decrease if I masturbate, but I don't want to do that, because the part of me that WANTs to try it would be disappointed.

I reached out to the guy from before, is that a wise move? We left on good terms and I'm pretty sure he would be game to try stuff again... I'm not sure if the chemistry (mostly me) problems would manifest again but I feel like if I don't try something I'm either going to go crazy or just have to masturbate forever to keep myself out of this paralysis.

[tenni]

When you masturbate do you think of a fantasy involving m2m sex acts?

If so, bring part of the fantasy to a realty. The guy that you got together with seems fair and decent. Think about getting with him again and you may find it works better the second visit. You may find yourself more relaxed as you get to know him. Maybe just rubbing dicks together or? Maybe the two of you stroking yourself until one of you cums? Don't think that you will be expected to suck his pop can dick or get fucked. Go slow and relax.

[Tfewks]

hi Tenni,
Yes i almost exclusively fantasize m2m now, for the last year at least. The occasional female sprinkled in.

really not sure how i would get his dick in my mouth... but i guess maybe the attempt can be just as sexy

[Tfewks]

does anyone have tips for easing in to this?

i thought about asking the guy if he would be comfortable just masturbating in front of me just so i can experience that and then analyze how i feel about it. Or maybe even help him finish?

im still putting way too much thought into it arent I.

[tenni]

Tfwks
Yes, you may be too much into analysing. Just relax and enjoy as much as you can.

Asking him if he will masturbate is ok to ask. Dim the lights a bit to increase comfort if that helps. You may want to stroke yourself as well a the same time.

Don't worry about getting his dick in your mouth. Pre discussions on clearing up boundaries....no sucking dick ..yet......or maybe licking dick as a preliminary first?

As you did already lubing up his dick with spit or lube should help him. If he cums first maybe consider using his cum as a lube on yourself may be fun?

Would you be comfortable or turned on stroking his dick or your dick as he strokes himself? You do not have to do any thing that you are not comfortable with. He probably would enjoy if you stroke him. Ask him if you think that you will be comfortable.. Find out what you both want to experience.

Your posts read that this guy is chill enough and willing to help you. Watch out for aggressive guys who want you to suck /fuck them. There are creeps out there. Make sure that you are comfortable with the guy.

[Tfewks]

Asking him if he will masturbate is ok to ask. Dim the lights a bit to increase comfort if that helps. You may want to stroke yourself as well a the same time.

Don't worry about getting his dick in your mouth. Pre discussions on clearing up boundaries....no sucking dick ..yet......or maybe licking dick as a preliminary first?


I had the same thought about getting into a more comfortable, relaxed space. I'd even consider the bedroom because I know this guy isn't an asshole.

Licking for sure could be a good step... i doubt he would turn that down either. He probably would go along with just a chill jerk and let me play with him if i felt like it.

Here you've gone and gotten me hard again typing this!!

I *think* I want it. Just need to get over that hump. Is it really as simple as just trying to have a thoughtless mind and just do it?

[The Chunkly]

What I have done when nervous is to just, as the saying is, Bit the bullet and just go for it.
once you're doing it, it all seems to fall together and gets better the more you go on.
The hardest part is the start.
I find that once you get started then the rest falls into place.

[Tag200]

I agree with most that all the steps are the hardest part but once you start doing it then it seems to fall into place, at least mostly. I have been working on my hesitations and doing it more with the mentor help.. not done my next steps yet but has little to do with fear or hesitation then it has to do with schedules..

[Riderinthestorm]

KDaddy, as always, has made some very important and salient points, but one thing that most people don't address is the subconscious aspect of this created by the societal construct against homosexual contact. It is a false ideology that society has spent the past 1500 years creating and that, too can be part of the problem and you wouldn't necessarily realize it. Most people don't think about it because they either live in areas where that ultra conservative thing makes it a major taboo and it is part and parcel of being a member of that society (which builds the anxiety to not perform or to run away from it) or they live in an area where it is perfectly acceptable and no one thinks about it because the issue doesn't come up.

But you may want to do some introspection and see if THAT is what is holding you back, or if it is just a "fear of the unknown", or a combination of both. Either way, exploring the WHY may lead you to a solution and allow you to explore your desires fully and without anxiety.

[KDaddy23]

Riderinthestorm makes a good point. Because this is so forbidden, it affects many in this way. That fear of the unknown is pretty powerful and can cause a disconnect; you wanna do it but you really don’t know what’s going to happen and if this crosses your mind before the fact, things go awry.

The subconscious mind is very much aware that this is forbidden and can fuck with you… and you’re not even aware that it is but gets reflected in your conscious thoughts… like, holy shit, his dick is really thick and I don’t know how to get your mouth on it as well as the left-handed thing. I’ve always said that one’s mind can be their worst enemy in this but to say, “Don’t think, just do…” isn’t that simple because you have to learn not to “listen” to what’s going on in your head. Even I still hear that “voice” telling me that what I’m doing with this guy is wrong and I have to stop… and I learned to ignore it.

Riderinthemstorm is right when he said that in some areas, it’s so… commonplace that no one pays any attention to it, like San Francisco or Atlanta, for example. But, say, in the Bible Belt, it gets a lot of attention and not in a good way. The “funny” part is that M2M sex is still very prohibited even though we know it happens and there’s no one who doesn’t know that it’s prohibited and just knowing it can impact a first time and cause it to fail… which is why a guy’s second try tends to work out fine (in most cases) because his determination to do this overrides the “taboo warning.” Mind over matter… and if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

[Tfewks]

KDaddy and Riderinthestorm both excellent points and thoughts. I did grow up in an environment which was heavily against this sort of thing from a religious standpoint... that is still somewhat a factor to be honest. I also see myself as a straight male when interacting with others and generally living life in the 'outside world'. These urges tend to be relegated to when I am alone, even in public I dont 'check out' men as I do with women... but in private ill fire up some gay porn and salivate looking at hard cocks and subs getting pounded imagining myself there.

I know I am putting too much emphasis on it. I've been ruminating all weekend about it. I reached out to the guy but he hasn't responded. Might be busy etc. or didn't like how things went last time. I wouldn't hold it against him.

I'm running through my mind about how I would 'just do it' and it all sounds good on paper as you said, but I don't have any self-assurance I won't chicken out again. Thinking back on the first time, when I was stroking him, I thought about licking it... and the excuses arose along with the fears. How do I get past that? Just do it?

[KDaddy23]

Yeah, pretty much, Tfewks. It's still "easy" to tell yourself to just go ahead and do it because you know you want to... and not all that easy to practice what you've been preaching to yourself... and really overthinking the whole thing will make actually doing it harder. All those "reasons" not to and the accompanying "fears" will shut a guy down in a hurry; it's easier to think of why you shouldn't do this than it is to think about the reasons why you should, right? Or to be afraid about this, that, or the other. Methinks that if you're working this in your mind, don't think about how you'd just do it but get it into your head that you're gonna just do it and nothing is going to stop you from doing it and if something does, it won't be because you weren't willing to just do it. That probably "doesn't make sense" but it's the best way I can put it. Don't think - do. There comes that moment where you've done all the thinking that can be done and now doing it is the only thing to be done. You must be confident that you can do it and you must be fearless and by that I mean not allowing those fears living in your head to be front and center because you already know that they will make sure that you wind up doing nothing other than jerking off and wondering why you couldn't do what you wanted to do.

I will say that once you get past this first time, it does get easier to just do it for a great many guys - but you gotta be determined to get past the first time. Can you be determined? Confident? Fearless? Do you want this "bad enough" to not let yourself stop it from happening? Don't think about how to get past this so much as, again, setting it firmly in your mind that the next chance you get, you're going to do it because it's the only thing you're thinking about and should be thinking about and the only thing that'll stop you is... the other guy and for whatever reasons he might have.

You gotta believe that you can do this... so you can do this. "Forget" about being straight since, duh, all bisexuals are straight unless they're doing something that's not all that straight. It's not about "always checking out men" or it doesn't have a damned thing to do with anything you think and do where women are concerned... but it is all about doing whatever it is you want to do with a guy and being determined, confident, and fearless in that pursuit. Just don't overthink it. Don't overemphasis it or think about the end results so much and like some guys normally tend to do being in this particular moment. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to be worried about how it's gonna turn out since to know that, you gotta do it first. Just know that you can and I don't know what else I can tell you at this point.

[nu2curious]

Tfewks (https://www.bisexual.com/forum/member.php?208265-Tfewks) ,

I enjoyed your post and imagine great many guys have had similar experiences where the moment comes and nerves get the better of them . That's natural I believe because you're stepping into uncharted territory where reality places far greater expectations on oneself than does mere fantasy.

What I think you need to do is try moving at a much slower pace. If you can get together with this guy again, get comfortable, talk, have some lube on hand , masturbate together, play with each other , get more comfortable with seeing his cock and watching each other ejaculate. What I'm saying is take the long approach before diving in and when you're really, really comfortable then try oral. Too many times we start by grabbing the prize first rather than working our way up to it.

[yearning2spread]

This discussion reminds me of the first time I received a hand job. I was 19 years old and living in a co-ed dorm. I was hanging out with a girl my age in her one-room double while her roommate was out. She was wearing extremely short shorts and her legs were shaved smooth. We were sitting on her bed and I started rubbing her thigh--her thigh was so smooth and I was mesmerized rubbing it. She unzipped my pants, reached in and wrapped her hand around my instantly rock hard cock, and began to stroke me. It wasn't long before I erupted like a volcano, spewing cum all over her hand. After I came, I felt the sudden urgency to flea. I became extremely uncomfortable and flooded with weird emotions. I felt upset at myself and regretted what happened--I think my psyche had been programmed by my childhood environment that generally viewed sexual activity outside of marriage as bad. I was also very concerned that her roommate would return to find the two of us in bed together. The girl was relaxed and wanted me to stay and get naked with her under her covers. I left in a hurry and took a long shower to wash off the feeling of being dirty.

How crazy, right? This heterosexual activity triggered an extreme reaction in my head. My point is any kind of first-time sexual activity, whether with a woman or a man, might trigger different a variety of emotions that you're not used to because it is your first time. Just gotta look passed the brainwashing and accept your sexuality and related play.

[Tfewks]

Update: got in touch with the guy from before, it's not going to work out with him. He's pretty much a total bottom, that could be why it was so awkward before. He wanted to touch my dick and it wasn't what I wanted. Might have left that out in my description... A very important detail. I'm not looking to top a guy or do anything of that nature, and I definitely don't want my dick sucked by a guy... That's not in my fantasy in the slightest. In my mind, that's something a woman does for me. If I am with a guy, I'm doing the sucking. My attraction seems to be towards the bottom role only, and this guy does not mesh with that. Looks like it's back to the drawing board. Related Topic, any tops in north Virginia region?

[Jazminedress]

. He's pretty much a total bottom, that could be why it was so awkward before. He wanted to touch my dick and it wasn't what I wanted. , I am

Huh, I am bottom only, I always plan to suck, but I damn well intend on receiving also...............so, maybe you could give it a try. I have met some guys who only wanted to blow me, and not receiv anything on exchange. Well, just becaue you may not be long term sexually compatiable, what about a simple friendship, " Hey look, sorry things didnt work out, would you be interested in hanging out just as two guys"

You might get lucky and he ahs a friend you can join in and just do the parts you want

[phalluster]

I'm interested in reviving this thread. I think the OP is questioning what is fantasy and what is desire. I am in that same place.
Major differences for me - I've been married to a woman for 35 years and absolutely do not want to fuck that up. I also started having my dick sucked by men when I was a teen, but was not interested in sucking cock myself until much older. That may be due to insufficient sex with the wife, or it may be because I'm actually bi. Now, I find myself bating almost exclusively to gay porn, but I have not taken the step of actually meeting a man to suck his cock.
So the question is - am I just into the fantasy of having a man cum in my mouth, or is this a real desire? I certainly tell myself that I want to do it, which is the definition of desire. Or is it just that I really enjoy the fantasy? I don't think the label of hetero or bisexual really matters here, but I'm trying to understand why I am so turned on by homosexuality, and what to do about that.

[elian2]

I've heard a lot of men say that they have a great marriage with their wife but if her libido wanes and the man is still horny then it's one more outlet. There could also be less social pressure if your children are raised, you are older and more confident in your self..

I'll say one thing .. fantasy .. something you want mentally is seldom painful or messy the way it can be in real life.

What I can imagine is amazing vs the reality of needing an advanced degree in geometry in order to make sex happen in real life. Anal isn't painful or stressful in my head, there are no awkward smells, etc.

I've had lots of times when for whatever reason one of us can't maintain an erection for example .. in that case my desire for love and affection kicks in and at least I am able to share THAT with a partner whether or not either of us can perform on command.

[elian2]

Two bottoms can definitely be awkward but you can still have a little fun sucking each other off maybe? Ultimately you'll probably want to keep looking though.

I do actually like being a little aggressive with fingering and stuff if I know the guy if turned on by it, but I'm ultimately a lover, not a fighter so if you want someone with a dominant temperament i just can't do that all the time.

[KDaddy23]

To phalluster, only you can decide if this is just fantasy or a reality that you want to experience. Married guys almost always tend to get hung up between wanting to do this but not wanting to fuck their relationship up and it's too easy to assume that it will get fucked up... except there are a slew of married guys who are out there sucking cock like crazy and their relationship is just fine and dandy.

To elian2, it's like what I said to the OP about not being concerned with specializing because, by "definition," two bottoms shouldn't be able to do anything together because they're too much the same and... if both guys want to suck cock, then forget about being a bottom and get to sucking dick and don't believe the hype that says that bottoms don't like getting their dick sucked and understand that some of the hype has come about because there isn't one of us who doesn't know what's gonna happen when we cum: It's game over and not a lot of guys learn to fight through that moment so they can keep having sex and continue to enjoy it.

It makes little sense to infer incompatibilities when it makes little sense that they exist. I see too many guys get hung up on what they want to do while shying away from what they can do since being a top or a bottom doesn't really mean that you can't suck dick or be sucked if that's what you want to do; don't let the roles define you because they will inevitably shoehorn you into a box that you might find incompatible with new desires and experiences that may come along. Just don't be your own worst enemy in these things and prove, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that there's something you just can't do... because you can't and not because of what being a top or a bottom means these days.

[elian2]

Agreed, just because one person is not the best fit for a fantasy in your head doesn't mean you still can't have SOME sort of fun if you both want to.

[querty]

My FB and I both "prefer" bottom. However we both love to suck cock, love to be sucked, love to fuck and be fucked. Some say that makes us "switches". I say as others have said below, I dont give a shit about the lables. We have great sex together. Lables just complicate things

[KDaddy23]

I very much remember my protege telling me about his first time and him making it through it and deciding that he was a top... and I asked him how he came to that conclusion after only one or maybe two experiences and he rehashed pretty much everything I've ever heard about being a top and with an aversion to bottoming or being a bottom. He needed to be educated on some realities and it has taken me quite a few years to get him to see male bisexuality and not get caught in the "trap" of top and bottom. I wouldn't say that he's versatile but, sure - he bottoms; he sucks cock and swallows cum when, at first, he was totally onboard with the belief that tops do not suck dick - that's what bottoms are for... and me asking him if this made any sense and if saw that by shoving himself into the top box, he was missing out on a lot of new sexual experiences because he'd bought into the whole top/bottom thing.

It's personal choice and preference, of course; I remember him asking me if it was possible for bottoms to top and in concert with a rant he went on about guys not using their dicks like guys are supposed to. I said that sure - a bottom can top if he wants to but if he believes that bottoms do not top, well, there's not much that can be done about that - but he needed to step away from these definitions so he could see male bisexuality as it can be, you know, if you ain't scared and you don't mind all that much.

When he asked me how I managed to have so much sex with so many men, I told him, "Because I didn't buy into that top and bottom nonsense, and I know all too well that it's all about what I can do more than what I want to do, and I have no fear when it comes to getting some dick." We got deep into this one: I'm not a bottom... but I can bottom with the best of them. Likewise, I'm not a top but I can bring the noise and as expected. I think it confused him for a moment or two but he eventually understood what I was trying to tell him: You do not - and probably should not - let yourself get locked into a pattern of behavior that might work for you but could - and probably will - make you miss out on a lot of sexual opportunities that I believe are needed for one to grow as a bisexual man.

He's learning and growing and he's not being his own worst enemy all that much by buying into the top/bottom hype that I've seen make guys not have that first experience that they want to have.

[MNBiGuy]

I started the very same way as the OP. very high desire for sex and it is mostly hetero. Always bi curious. Giving my first BJ I was so nervous, swallowed and loved it. That was ten years ago. I went from giving BJ's to topping and now love giving oral and being a bottom but I really still love sucking cock. Even more than oral with a woman. I guess now 10 years into being Bi......I just love it all lol.

[julyguybill]

I was 32 years old married cock was always
hard and needing relief wife was always mad and in a bad mood.So very little sex.Anyway I
went to a citypark also it was a cruising area for
guys. I talked witha few even
sat it cars and touched each
other. But chickened out. .Finally one day a guy sucked me . Wow it felt so good . Then felt guilt. Afer 3 weeks went and again got sucked. But
t relief again. After a few months met a guy i really liked and i wanted to make him.feel good too.
So then I realized i really enjoyed my encounters. Sucked this guy about 20 times in
.. next few months. Would feel some guilt bt i needed relief and i continued but met other guys and sucked them too. Well i love sucking cocks and some days suck
2 or 3. Well iam hooked and have been
sucking men for 33years now. Be careful as you may find you enjoysex with other guys. I do not do anal either

[Luv3wayfun]

Well, this thread has been very enlightening. I guess that there?s a strong possibility that my older brother may have had me suck on his dick when I was maybe 6 years old, that would have made him 12 or 13. I have no direct memory of the act but I do remember a lot of the surrounding things that happened then, him getting ?sent away? for two weeks (I think I may have blurted out in front of my oldest sister that I had ?sucked his pee pee?). I remember being in the top bunk after he got back and asking him if he wanted me to come down and ? do something and him saying we can?t do that anymore.
Anyway - fast forward to when I was fifteen and found that by throwing my legs over my head in bed and with some effort get about half the head of my dick in my mouth. The first time I did that I blew my load right away into my mouth but I ran into the bathroom and spit it out.
Here I was thinking that I was the only guy that had ever done that. After four years of wondering what it would be like to have a whole dick to suck on I actually got enough courage to try it. The first time was pretty much a bust, the guy wasn?t getting that hard with oral, I think he only wanted to screw my ass. I let him then I fucked him but it wasn?t really what I was looking for so it was disappointing to say the least.
A year or two later when I was delivering liquor to nightclubs I finally got enough courage (and raging horny) to go to a gay club.
I started shooting a game of pool with a long haired guy and about halfway through the game asked him if he really wanted to finish the game or go outside and talk. We went out to the parking lot and talked for about fifteen or twenty minutes and then said ?Do you really want to try this?? as he reached over and rubbed my dick in my jeans.
I reached right back and grabbed his dick in his jeans and said ?YES!?.
Followed him to his place and we went inside. I asked him if he would indulge my fantasy, he said yes. I dropped to my knees and unzipped his pants, pulled his dick out and put it in my mouth.
He said ?Wait a minute, I have to go and talk to my roommate! WTF! He hadn?t mentioned a roommate before that!
He went upstairs and talked with somebody, I was waiting awkwardly downstairs.
He came back down and said it?s ok, let?s go upstairs!
His roommate was another guy. The guy from the club wanted to fuck me but I was a bit worried at that point. He sensed it and said will this make you feel more comfortable and leaned over and gave my dick several nice sucks. I relaxed after that. Had a pillow under my ass, he started to screw me while his roommate and I started doing a sideways (sort of) hot 69!
Finally I was getting what I wanted! His roommate had a nice 6.5? dick which was about the same size as mine. Very dimly lit room but enough light that I could see his dick well enough and it was a nice cut cock. I was licking, kissing, tasting, trying deep throating, rubbing it on my face, and enjoying every second of it. I was so into actually being able to have a whole dick in my mouth while he was also doing the same thing to me that I wasn?t really feeling the guy screwing me.
After about fifteen or twenty minutes of this I felt the head of his dick start swelling up. I hadn?t thought this far ahead but it was too late now! He started really getting big and I felt his balls getting tight and he started shooting cum into my mouth. I didn?t know what else to do except start swallowing as fast as I could. I can?t say I liked the taste that much but I loved the way his dick felt in my mouth so I wasn?t going to ruin that.
His roommate must?ve come in my ass about the same time as he was coming in my mouth so I really didn?t feel it that much.
Then his roommate told him I hadn?t cum yet and they both started sucking on me. It didn?t take long until I came hard in his roommate?s mouth and he reciprocated and swallowed every drop of my cum.
Then my own internal head games started, oh, you must be gay I thought to myself, I felt shame and hurried and left.
However, what I didn?t realize at the time (since I still hadn?t been able to get any pussy at that point) was what a lasting impression that experience had on me. As I got older (and finally had sex with a woman) I realized that to be honest with myself I enjoyed sex with both!
As you might notice from my profile picture 49 years later (this was taken 08/29/2023) that I still love the look and feel of a nice dick in my mouth!!!
So the only head games were the ones where I tried to deny that I enjoyed it as much as I did, trying to play strictly straight for a couple of different times in my life, and finally comfortable in my own skin and being able to say that yes, I love to suck in a 69 with a guy as much or maybe even even a bit more than getting pussy.
Women seem to want to have so much emotional involvement invested it seems like they have a difficult time separating ?sex? from ?love?.
Sometimes I just want hot sex without all the emotional drama.
So I think Kdaddy23 has some very valid points about the ?head games? we let play out in our own skulls.
Enjoying life comfortably with some occasional hard cocks to suck!!!

[jjourneyman]

Yep. @KDaddy23 is a great voice of reason and advice. For my own 2 cents, dont stress it. My first time just jerking off another guy was a mess, actually a literal mess on the guys suit. My first attempt at intercourse, no matter what we tried, we couldnt get that thing in me. It was only later I learned the tricks of how to get a cock in you. The poor guys boner was looking like it was in pain

He was cool about it and got himself off. A song I love has one of the best lines in it "Sometimes the rainbow is better than the pot of gold"
Yeah, the fantasy can be better than the actual thing, as, once you do it, you cant go back, Just relax, dont pur presure on yourself, and eventually another opportunity may come around. Hopefully with a decent guy who you can be honest with, and they will realize the long term benefits outweigh the short term work

You nailed it on that one Jazmine!

[jjourneyman]

It's probably not that your expectations are sky high but you seem to be going through something a lot of guys do. You're eager to do this but when it's go-time, you find "reasons" not to do what you want to do. Then there's an air of doubt; the moment you start thinking that you're gonna be let down or that you're gonna regret it, it makes it even harder to do. I always say that these things sound like a good idea on paper but to put it into practice isn't as easy as it sounded in your head.

Not all first times get off the ground and run smoothly. Methinks there are two questions you need to ask yourself: Is this something you really want to do and do you believe that you can do it? It's not a matter of suppression as it seems to me to be a matter of finding reasons not to pull the trigger. In the encounter you were gracious to share with us, you got to thinking about some stuff that you probably realize now you shouldn't have been thinking about. You probably realize now that you could have asked him to switch places with you because you're right-handed but you also got to thinking about how thick his cock was and whether or not it would fit in your mouth; you probably realize now that you could have gotten some of him in your mouth and how you could have done it comfortably.

For some, the thought of getting some dick is highly exciting and good stuff to masturbate to but to actually do it? Ugh. Ya don't feel like yourself or that "voice" in your head is telling it's something you're not supposed to do. A lot of guys feel this way the first time so that's pretty normal - and why there are two questions you have to ask yourself and answer without bullshitting yourself. Sometimes we overthink that first time and it seems to me that's what you did. It's not as easy to tell you to stop thinking but, yeah, you get to a point in this where you kinda stop thinking, say, "Fuck it!" to yourself and just go for it. I wouldn't think so much about "specializing" right out of the gate, like being a sub bottom or sub cock sucker; I'd take the baby steps to be able to get my hands on a guy's cock - and practice doing it left-handed when you masturbate - and work up to being able to get the cock in your mouth then consider your thoughts about specializing as a sub of some kind.

I totally agree with you KDaddy! My first time, I was young and didn't really think much about it before hand. I think a lot of guys fantasize about it, but when another man's penis is actually starring you in the face, it can be a little daunting. The other thing is that online hook-ups that stretch out for long periods tend to make people over-think the experience. I once exchanged e-mails and messages with this one guy for three months. Finally, he agreed to meet in person at my apartment. The plan was for him to experience sucking cock for the first time and I did my best to assure him he would enjoy it. The afternoon he was supposed to show up, he text me to say that his wife had come home early and that he wouldn't be able to make it. I knew it was a lie, but I was cool about it, mainly because I understood what he was going through. We re-scheduled for the following week. On that day, he did make it as far as my front door (I know because I watched him park and walk to my stairs and I could hear his footsteps on my landing). About 10 minutes after he left, he text me again to say that he was stuck in traffic and that we would have to re-schedule. I figured, okay, twice stood-up but I thought I'd give him one more shot. On the third try, he finally went through with it. I met him downstairs and we walked up the steps together. Once we got inside, I tried to make him feel comfortable. I had put some porn on TV and offered him a drink (a little liquid courage can go a long way).

After about 15 minutes of small talk and a couple of shots of vodka, I felt he was ready. I sat on the couch and removed my sweats revealing my hard-on. That was all it took. Within seconds he was on his knees in front of me, his face just inches from my throbbing cock. I gently placed my hand on the back of his head and guided him down. For a virgin cocksucker, he did a great job. I even warned him that I was getting close and he just kept sucking, so I gave him his first load, and like a champ, he managed to swallow most of it.

Afterward, I asked him if he'd enjoyed it? "Hell, yeah," he said. "That was hot! I'm sorry I waited so long try it!" I could tell he was on a mental high as he wiped his face and took one more shot for the road. A few minutes after leaving, he text "Thanks! I'd like to do this again sometime." We got together several times after that.