For men who desire cock but harbour guilt - do you wonder where the guilt stems from?

[joshappen@yahoo.com]

I hope someday to repeat Kramer?s famous line (?I?m out there, Jerry, and I?m loving every minute of it!?) albeit for a completely different reason: my desire to play with another man and his sweet cock. My guilt resonates not from the thoughts and desires that live inside and consume me, rather, from hiding this secret desire from absolutely everyone I know. I feel a lot of guilt for not portraying who I am in terms of what I strongly desire. Although it isn?t anyone?s business what happens in my bed, I do perpetuate the lie by acting differently in front of friends, family, etc. than I normally would if I knew no one was watching or could find out.

For those in the same situation, I wonder if the basis of your guilt is similar to mine or if it stems from a completely different reason. Someday, I hope to worship and service cock to my hearts content?.with hopeful reciprocation!

[Cum1st]

The guilt is there, but the urge becomes stronger. I don't feel guilty about not coming out. It's between God and I.

The quote I'd like to repeat: "That'll do pig."

[KDaddy23]

Experience has taught me that a lot of men suffer guilt in different forms about getting out there and sucking cock and, yes, many often feel pretty shitty as they ponder why they're not getting out there and more so if the source of their guilt isn't over the very forbidden nature of getting into this or, yes: Not being who they know they need to be. Feeling as if they're perpetrating a fraud when around others which, believe it or not, is pretty "normal" for guys who aren't out so perhaps this adds to the "guilt" of not expressing themselves as they want to. Whether you're out or not, the only thing that changes about you is, um, you're into sucking cock and unless you start telling people (1) it's no one's business and (2) they don't know it so, in "theory" one shouldn't be behaving differently with friends, family, etc., or being by themselves. But I understand the feeling and it's not so much guilt in some guys as it might be a kind of anger over not doing what they want to do and not being the person they need to be.

My question - and "as usual" - is if these feelings bother you, what do you think you're gonna have to do to make them go away and be the guy you want to be? I tell bi guys that the most important thing about being bi is being true to yourself even if circumstances prevent you from getting out there and doing stuff. If it changes anything, it should change what's going on in your head and if there's a change that others can see, it's that you're comfortable with knowing that the first chance you get, some guy's dick is going to get sucked and it'd be nice for him to return the favor, not that they're gonna know that this is the source of your comfort.

The urge to suck cock is stupid powerful and it can make you feel some kind of way over having the urge tap-dancing all over you - but you're not (or can't) doing anything about it. Even those of us who are out there ravaging cocks feel the urge and attend to it when the opportunity presents itself. As an example, I am no different around people than I am when I'm alone and that sounds easy since I'm an OG cocksucker from way back in the day so I learned not to let the urge give me the feeling that I'm being different. I'm being... me and it makes sense since I can't be anyone other than myself even if I'm around someone or a group of people who have no idea that I suck dick and love having guys suck mine. No "guilt" and no being angry with myself and not "telling a lie" around others because what they see is who I am and who - and what - I've always been. I think that a question you should ask yourself and answer is, "Does it make sense to feel any kind of guilt over something you want to do but you haven't done yet?" If the answer is no - and not, "No, but..." then just chill out in your head and be... yourself. Additionally, ask yourself if it make any sense to behave differently around people - and people who don't know what's going on inside your head? Perhaps you'll find that it doesn't and this will get rid of your "guilty" feelings.

Feel the urge. Embrace it. Even revel in it and if you can do something about it, that works. Just be yourself.

[Cum1st]

It's none of my acquaintance's business. I'm sure many if not all of them have their own closely guarded secrets.

As for my marriage:

My wife has known I'm Bi from before we wed, and back then stated matter of factly that she expected I would step out on her some. That's how we got together. I haven't been with another woman during our marriage, and there are delicious temptresses out there.

Before we got married she consented to watch me with another man. She was at the least curious. She was horny back then, but since the other guy declined, I can't say whether it would have been a turn on for her or not.

When I visit this site she is generally at the other end of our individually reclining love seat on her own computer (with the contented little dog between us). She's not particularly nosey, and probably just doesn't care or want to talk about it. She has the password to all my computers too. We don't go online with our phones, so it's all at her fingertips if she wants it. (I only change the password when her nasty sister visits, and she's not allowed in the house when I'm here.)

I feel I could possibly jump ship with another woman, so that is out. A relationship with another man won't tug at ours. It didn't in the past, and she and I were having sex at the time. It didn't cause any problems in his life either.

Guilt? Not really. If I tell her I'm going for a hike the intention will be that there will be time in the forest. I know, I know. It sounds rather slippery, but I feel she doesn't want to hear about it, and will be OK with it.

ps.

During a recent totally unrelated quarrel she blurted, "You'll have to find someone else to have sex with!" I don't take things said in anger at face value. It had no weight on the guilt thing. I just threw it out there because we can speak from the figurative heart amongst friends with internet anonymity. Also we don't quarrel much, and we like being together.

[Jazminedress]

No guilt...............I just dont divulge my entire life to people. We all act different in different situations. At work, I bean count, I have to be the peppy motivator, the trainer............................so I have a different persona.

I used to ride with motorcycle clubs, and yeah, some people you have seen on gangland were friends of mine, I had a lsightly different persona there..............its natural

[redngoldpride]

Guilt should and must be removed its something I have hated for years which is why I always tell my playmates to be uninhibited in every way from what they desire , to what they say in the heat of passion and pleasure to the way the hold themselves and present themselves , to let their deepest most hidden wants , desires , needs , cravings out when with me and no matter how much I assure them of my discretion some get a little nervous when a chance meet up in a public setting I never ever let on that we know each other deeply and intimately , when they can let go in every way it is so much better so free and comfortable with each other watching them be who they really are hearing them , sharing with them ....it's the greatest thing to share uninhibited freedom

[KDaddy23]

At the root, the guilt stems from what we've been taught and/or told that men should never do. It has been hammered into us and we believe it... until something happens and we find ourselves doing the very thing we know we're not supposed to do and... here comes the guilt over having violated the edict. Most of us cannot avoid feeling guilty after the fact until we eventually realize that it doesn't make any sense to feel guilty about something we wanted to. I understand how some guys feel guilty because they want to have sex with a man but they haven't done it; just thinking about it violates the rules and the desire conflicts with those rules and now it's a matter of which thing is actually the right thing? The rules that say to never have sex this way... or the urge to have sex this way?

Now it's about mitigating those guilty feelings; for some it's "easy" but for others, no so much. To this very day, every time I suck a man's dick or he's sucking mine, I hear that voice in my head pitching a bitch and screaming at me to stop doing this because it's not to be done... and I ignore it and keep right on doing it and long since decided that I'm not going to feel any guilt at all and, yeah, I even learned why I can feel "guilty" after I bust a nut - but that doesn't have anything to do with the moral implications. I feel no guilt when I look at other men and wonder what it would be like to suck their dick and taste their cum; instead of guilt, I feel... liberated from the dogma and its associated guilt whether I'm actually doing it or while waiting for another chance to do it again.

And guys who want to but haven't yet should see the reason in not feeling guilty about it. Fact is that there are others who aren't going to like this about you and you're right to be concerned about this since it can affect your life in some very negative things and, yeah, even make you behave differently. Fine. That is what it winds up being. But guilt? Squash it. If anything, you should be highly pissed that you haven't gotten around to doing whatever you want to do and then let being pissed motivate you to find a way to do it without getting your head handed to you. I'm not going to get into the moral issues about infidelity except to say that, yeah, it happens because this very human need is deemed to trump moral righteousness for a lot of guys. Your thoughts about this are yours... but guilt shouldn't be a part of it other than not feeling good about having to side-step this particular rule. But if you're single, what in the world could you possibly be feeling guilty about?

Use your intelligence and stop letting your emotional thoughts dictate things for you - and guilt is a very emotional thing than it is anywhere near an intelligent thing. Guilt is the "result" of doing something you believe to be wrong, like, running a stop sign; you know you shouldn't have and you feel "guilty" because you did but you get over it whether you get ticketed for it or not. And if you can mitigate a simple "guilt" like this, you should be able to mitigate any guilt you might feel about getting some dick and the way you want it. But it's not easy... but it can be done because a lot of us have done it. Can you do it? You're the only one who knows that answer and it's a question worth giving a lot of intelligent thought to.

Just my $0.89 worth.

[joshappen@yahoo.com]

It has been a wonderful awakening reading your responses. It is obvious the opinions and advice you shared were drawn from years of experience and I consider myself lucky to have been drawn to this well of wisdom. I now feel certain that my viewpoints and outlook surrounding guilt have been very one-dimensional. And you are right, KDaddy23, for suggesting I should be "highly pissed" for not pursuing what I desire so clearly: the fact is I have always felt this way and always ended that thought with the wish that I had been born 100 years later. But I am going to try to ease out of my comfort zone, one tortoise step at a time, and start living a full life. As I mentioned to another poster, life is for the living and ought to be enjoyed to the fullest extent without regard to the noise that might appear in the side or rear-view mirrors. Thanks for this awakening.