How does the whole blow buddies thing usually work?

[douggie77]

I've never done anything with a guy but have always very much fantasized about sucking cock and getting sucked myself. I've never acted on it because it really didn't fit into my life, I'm super busy, and I can't host. But I'm hopefully a few months out from a total life change where I'll be moving to a new state, will have time, and will be able to host. I'm in my early 50's now (though supposedly look a lot younger), so it's a little late in the game but I figure that I should give it a go. I'm oral only and would not be interested in blowing or getting blown by anyone who would want things to progress from oral, as such, my ideal is to blow straight guys and get blown by bi guys who are also not into romance, anal, making out, etc. The fantasy I have in my head is having a friendly relationship with few guys who could hit me up for head, or vice versa. The thing is, I think that I'd want it one way only. If, say, I'm friends with a bi guy and we could hit each other up, I wouldn't want to swap head because that would be too much like making out to me. If he wanted to swing by to get a BJ, great, but I wouldn't want him to try to blow me at the same time. The thing that I've always loved about guys is that we're pretty simple. I hate complexity in a relationship, or subtext, or complications of any sort. If a guy is horny and wants me to help him out with that, I'd prefer that he just swing by, put on a porn, take a seat, and get serviced. And if I'm the horny one, I'd want to stop by someone's house and do much the same. No mutual stuff means no complications.

So, for all of you folks who have these kinds of setups, does it usually work the way I imagine? In my imaginings, giving or getting a blowjob from a friend is as normal and uneventful as dropping by another friend's house for a friendly beer. We're guys, we know what it is to be horny a lot, and we also know what it is to not have those needs fulfilled as much as we like. With another guy, I would hope that all of the complications that usually come with women would be eliminated. To me, the blow buddies concept seems more fun and fraternal than "sexy" and involved.

Btw, oddly, I'd be totally fine in a group dynamic with more than one guy where we'd be able to sample and demonstrate our various skill levels because that seems more like a clowning around in the locker room vibe, but swapping one on one in the same session just seems like it's getting too close to something which would detract from the "guys being guys" simplicity that I crave.

Thanks.

[Neonaught]

I suspect you are way overthinking this. Having a bi wife I have had the freedom to enjoy men for many years now. All my small circle of buddies are closeted bi men whose wives have cut off their sex life. Since I am a top most of them are bottoms or versatile. Others don't want anything but to suck cock and eat my load and that's fine with me. I give them what they want as long as I enjoy it too. If all you want to do is give rather than mutual giving just be up front about it and, with luck, eventually you'll find what you seek. Be prepared to be patient as fiding the right guy will probably take a while. Divorce yourself from shame. You are as the universe made you and owe no apologies for being who you are or liking what you like.

[KDaddy23]

When my protege started on his bisexual journey, he had similar thoughts about what he wanted to do with men and not wanting things to get any more serious than just having sex. I told him that this was fine but to keep in mind a couple of things: The first is that sex - and good sex - can evoke other feelings and the second is... this ain't just about you and, as such, be mindful of what a suck buddy (or buddies) are thinking about the arrangement. He wasn't all that concerned about either of these things and said as much; it made me smile because I know better but, okay, sometimes, you gotta learn the hard way. And he learned. The hard way. He's likes guys he can be "one of the boys" with; talking sports and just hanging out even without sex being on the menu. Great. Nothing wrong with this. Male bonding is important to him but I did remind him that sex bonds, too, so don't discount his being able to bond with a guy in a friendly way and it's not going to be about the sex at some point and something more than an FWB arrangement.

You can still "have it your way" in this but just be mindful of those two things I mentioned; it'll save you some aggravation down the road. I wholeheartedly agree with Neonaught: Be patient. Choose carefully. Ditch any sense of shame. Have fun.

[douggie77]

Thanks. I just hope that I can make this work. I have no idea what the ratio is of guys who just want an oral arrangement and guys who are interested in more, physically or romantically. Like I said, I'm just looking for a friendly situation where guys can find some easy head when they/I are just in the mood to sit back, relax, and have some "me" time. The last thing I would want in the world is for this situation to be haunted by the complications of m/f relationships where friends with benefits pretty much always becomes a fucking nightmare of unexpressed and unfulfilled desires and hidden agendas. My favorite m/M porn is amateur stuff where it's pretty clear that one guy showed up to a buddy's house to get serviced and where the whole thing is a light, fun atmosphere that ends with a laugh, a thanks, and maybe some easy conversation as the guy pulls up his pants and gets on his way. I'm looking for a *genuine* FWB situation and hope that's not impossible to find.

Man, I think I missed the boat with the demise of Craigslist. I used to scan those ads and it seemed like every small town had hundreds of guys looking for exactly the situation I'm looking for. It almost seemed like a huge portion of guys were suddenly OK with blowing or getting blown. wanted nothing more than that. Many of the ads almost read like an ad looking for a bowling buddy but were actually for blowjobs. It was kind of funny and in many ways it looked like guys were looking for not just a blowjob but for some degree of male bonding that we generally don't get in today's society. Clearly it was a need that needed to get filled, so I find it surprising that it all just disappeared with CL. I wonder what the magic was about CL that made it all OK. Maybe it was because you could look for a used snowblower and someone to suck your dick in the same place and without any of the "gay" stuff that you'd find on Grinder or somewhere.

[KDaddy23]

I don't know the ratio either and if there's even such a thing but that's what you'll have to discover and the thing that will require patience and perserverance... because there are a lot of men out there.

[Jozyxt]

When I started feeding cocksuckers, it was very apparent that they wanted to be told what to do. The best thing was for me to drop my pants and let them kneel and suck. They all wanted to kneel. I could host and would wear gym shorts with no underwear and leave a cushion on the floor for them. Cum and they go.

When I got into cock swapping, The approach was the similar. I could no longer host so I found a motel that had a "daytime napping" rate. I informed the other guy of the cost and that I expected him to have cash. We discussed what we wanted, were willing to do and any limits. If someone wants to make out or things like that, it can be part of the pre-date conversation. It is acutaly quite erotric to talk about sex like that, man to man.

I often register for the room, but wait until the guy pulls in in his car to actually pay for it. A few times I've met men at Starbucks first so they could see could see we were real. Sometimes we set up a pretextual conversation to start with. When you both get in the room, sometimes we start kissing or we just strip and start sucking. Whatever you have discussed in advance. But keep it simple the first time and you can play around more as you get to know each other. Since you have an idea in mind and you have good communications skills, be direct.

I really suggest that you try finding a cocksucker for your first few times to get comfortable with being sexual with a man. When you host a cocksucker, you are both there for you to cum in his mouth and he wants it more than you do. So just play it cool and enjoy. Ask him and, maybe he will take a recip another day. It may take a while to find a cock you really love to suck. Kissing many frogs to find a prince applies here.

Get your opsec down. Use a VOIP app (like Google Voice) on your phone to avoid giving out your real phone number. Take on a pseudonym and sue that as your name in a special purpose email account. Try to find one that has no relationship to you. it may sound complicated but it really isn't hard to set up. Or get a prepay burner phone and buy your minutes for cash.