More bi..than meets the eye

[ambi53mm]

I belong to one other site besides this one that is a designated swinger site and have been a member now for about three years. My wife and I used it for two years because we wanted to experience first hand the “swinger lifestyle” in an effort to broaden our sexual horizons. We were listed as a couple and by the negative experiences of all talk but no walk on a previous site we chose to list our selves as male:straight and female:bi. We met many couples and enjoyed many experiences and I’d say perhaps 90% of the couples listed the females as bi and the males always straight.

When we had pretty much experienced everything we wanted to experience we decided to change our status to male:bi-curious and female:bisexual. Needless to say the invitations declined sharply but a few still came through on rare occasions usually by those that designated the male: * (meaning no preference) and the female bisexual.
Towards the very end of our time as a couple exploring, we finally listed ourselves as Male:bisexual and Female:bisexual. All invitations ceased. It goes without saying that bimales are discriminated against on this particular site if they are coupled.

The interesting part of this saga is that when I joined Bisexual.com we decided to end our
Couples profile and that I would simply list myself as a singe bimale with the hope of meeting another bimale local to my area. I changed the name to the one I currently use on here. I probably receive close to 10 invitations per week (many repeats) that list themselves as straight on their couples profiles. The majority want to meet on the sly and profess that they are really bisexual but their wives would never understand, others don’t want to risk their swinging lifestyle status by inviting the discrimination that bimales seem to endure on this particular site. I refer many to this site and know first hand quite a few as a result. I find the phenomena of married closeted bimales interesting and wonder just how many of us are out there (as I once was) living a life of secrecy so deep that not even those they should be able to be totally truthful with are able to share their innermost desires. I’m beginning to believe that Bisexuality just may be the most well kept secret out there. My curiosity is twofold One: How many males or females need to keep (or know of someone that does) their desires for bisex from their significant others? Two: How many of us are approached by other bisexuals where the desire to explore is there, but the need for secrecy is a prerequisite for one reason or another? I still fall into the latter outside of this board and doubt that will ever change until I'm retired and no longer need to earn a living. It sucks I know but then so do I on occasion :bigrin:

Ambi :)

[anne27]

My hubby and I used to post a lot on an Am pics site. We were both very open about being bi and met some wonderful people from the site, all bisexual. One of the most interesting things to me was all the PMs I received there from closeted married men there professing to be 'straight' but telling me how much they'd love to meet us and how much they wanted to suck my hubby. We've never done anything with someone behind their spouse's back and I doubt we ever will, but it still amazes me at the sheer number of 'straight' guys who we both heard from who raved about my guy's body parts.

Hubby believes everyone's bi to some degree. I used to argue the point with him, but no longer.

[AndrogynousLuv]

The interesting part of this saga is that when I joined Bisexual.com we decided to end our
Couples profile and that I would simply list myself as a singe bimale with the hope of meeting another bimale local to my area. I changed the name to the one I currently use on here. I probably receive close to 10 invitations per week (many repeats) that list themselves as straight on their couples profiles. The majority want to meet on the sly and profess that they are really bisexual but their wives would never understand, others don’t want to risk their swinging lifestyle status by inviting the discrimination that bimales seem to endure on this particular site. I refer many to this site and know first hand quite a few as a result. I find the phenomena of married closeted bimales interesting and wonder just how many of us are out there (as I once was) living a life of secrecy so deep that not even those they should be able to be totally truthful with are able to share their innermost desires. I’m beginning to believe that Bisexuality just may be the most well kept secret out there. My curiosity is twofold One: How many males or females need to keep (or know of someone that does) their desires for bisex from their significant others? Two: How many of us are approached by other bisexuals where the desire to explore is there, but the need for secrecy is a prerequisite for one reason or another? I still fall into the latter outside of this board and doubt that will ever change until I'm retired and no longer need to earn a living. It sucks I know but then so do I on occasion :bigrin:

Ambi :)[/QUOTE]

There is so much to this that I can relate to and add a bit more to it I think. What I have also found to be true is that by listing myself as a single bi male, I don't get as many responses either. I am also a member of another site and list myself as completely bisexual. There, I have only particular bi couples looking for a bi male and even that is a hit and miss situation with so many different requirements, etc...and that is understood. Bi men do continually send messages but what is interesting is that the vast amount of single women never do........or rather rarely do. It's difficult being honest about being bisexual with women even if they themselves are bi as they claim that they already have a male in their lives and are only looking for a female for themselves or to share with their husbands. The other single women want nothing to do with a single bi male....for all the reasons that we are all familiar with....
It's a dilemma in so many ways for the single bi male which is why sometimes (only sometimes) I wish I was a woman and bi. Discrimination towards bi men is alive and well there is no doubt from all the angles....and of course, as many of us can atest to, the gay community as well, which I naively when I first came to terms and accepting of myself being bi could not believe. I thought I would find acceptance completely with gay people and certainly have with some.....but couldn't believe the rejection from others.
And now that there is a significant other in my life, though I have yet to post that in my profile, would there really be a difference in attitude towards me and my sexuality? So many questions.........
All said, it's difficult on so many levels.

[DiamondDog]

I've had sex with a married man but he was in an open relationship so it was ok as his wife knows that he does this. I'm fine with doing this as long as it's an open relationship and both parties know what is going on or will know.

I have no desire to have sex with a bisexual man that pretends to the world that he's heterosexual when he's not. I won't knowingly be a party to some guy who is hiding behind his wife's skirt and flirting with the guys on weekends. I'm just not interested in helping guys like that perpetuate the lies they create to protect themselves. There is some accountability these guys need to consider, I don't approve of people who live a double life and lie about their true inner selves. That is a judgement call on my part, but I prefer to err on the side of considering the invisible wife's feelings.

I don't agree or think that "everyone is bisexual" because not everyone is and just because our sexuality is fluid doesn't mean that everyone else's is.

[Bi_Jay]

I just dont understand how a person could keep that from there significant other, I am in the closet with my bisexuality I know what it is like to hide it from your family and community. But you dont choose you family you dont get to pick a family that will except you and not all families do, but you get to pick the person who you spend the rest of your life with and if that person cant except you for who you are then in my opinion they arnt right for you if you have to keep something like that from them because they wouldnt like you if you were "one of them". Like I said, I am in the closet my family and most of my friends dont know Im bi, I know my family and they are strongly against homosexuality or bisexuality and so is a good portion of the people I hang out with. But one of the first things I did with my girlfriend is I came out to here because I dont think that something like that should be kept behind the others back in a realationship, expetialy with marrige. But hey thats just my opinion, my 2 cents, Im not trying to say whats right or wrong thats just how I feel.

[Lorcan]

I have no desire to have sex with a bisexual man that pretends to the world that he's heterosexual when he's not. I won't knowingly be a party to some guy who is hiding behind his wife's skirt and flirting with the guys on weekends. I'm just not interested in helping guys like that perpetuate the lies they create to protect themselves. There is some accountability these guys need to consider, I don't approve of people who live a double life and lie about their true inner selves. That is a judgement call on my part, but I prefer to err on the side of considering the invisible wife's feelings.

Have you noticed that the vocal minority on this website tends to agree with this viewpoint. And you know we're in the minority because of all the examples sited in this thread. But i love being in the minority and feeling that i can be vocal about it. :tongue: