Are you out to your parents?

[jenny2006]

It's obviously a big question, it seems to come up a lot and I was just wondering how many of you, especially young bisexuals, are out to their parents, and if so, what was their reaction when you told them? If not, why not and who in your family would you be least likely to come out to?

My parents reaction was great, so I know I'm really lucky, (I've heard stories of parents that just flatly refuse to believe it, coming out announcements turned into real screaming matches, etc) and now I think really they're quite proud for some reason. Maybe they think it goes to show how what well adjusted kids they've brought up, I don't know.

The family members I am least likely to come out to would be my grandparents on my dad's side. They're both vicars! :eek:

[MrFahrenheit]

"Hey, mom and dad. I'm bi"

"You sure?"

"Yes"

"Ok."

[ancestral]

ive told my mother who readily accepted it, my father i think has an idea but its never been said, he's a bit to prejudice, not his fault, he was raised that way. least likely to tell would def be him.

[DiamondDog]

yes.
I'm out to both.
My mom knows I'm bisexual.
I told my dad that I'm gay but I can fall in love with men and women as he wouldn't understand bisexuality.

[BiLissa]

Short answer, NO. My mother wouldn't understand, my father wouldn't want to hear about it. Actually, my mother would freak out, feign a heart attack and blame herself for me being bi.

I come out to those whom I want to know... and well, those that need to know and well, my parents just don't need to know.

Just my :2cents: worth...

Hugs

~Lissa~

[VINdeWOLF]

Yes! I am totally out to my parents. They know I'm straight and are very proud of it... (fuckin' prudes about anybodys sexuality... even their own) Too bad for them, cuz I meet the nicest people here.

[darkeyes]

Heard yesterday that my cousin's daughter who is jus 16 an still at High School came out 2 her parents this week. Like my mum an dad they open minded an tolerant peeps an their attitude was yea?? sit down..lets talk bout it. They did an after several hours of discussin what it mite mean for her life readily accepted her sexuality an offered her the support she will need to make her way.

Since me came out, God it seems so long ago now, attitudes within the less enlightened members of my family have softened toward bisexuality and gays 2. My wee cuzzin wont have quite the hassles I had from sum quarters ther, an she has lotsa options if an wen she has trouble wiv the wider world. Wen she finally feels confident enough 2 come out fully to the world she knows she has the luv an support of all of her family and that is a help 2 ne who are in her situation. Only wish every family was the same.

[pasco_lol_cpl]

Im 36 and my wife is 35 and no we are not out to our parents. Then again we havent told them that we swing either. I think both sets strongly suspect that there is something afoot, but we have never confirmed any suspicions they may have

[cmc5818]

I came out to my parents in late August. My mom knew for the last 8 years and was just waiting for me to tell her. My dad seemed upset at first, but he came to see me the next day and we had a long talk and everything is good now.

[Enoll]

My dad asked me if I was gay afew months back, to wich I said no.
I don't really see the point in flat out telling them, it'd just be arkward.
If my parents ever find out it'll be if I ever bring a guy home.

[rockstarvomit]

no, im definitely not out to my parents. My mom has said things in the past like it would be totally okay if I was a lesbian, but I just don't feel the need to tell her or my dad (who I don't think would be too interested.) Also, my parents have a nasty habit of pulling things that don't make any sense into arguments so no need to give them more ammo. If I'm ever in a long term serious relationship with a girl, I'll think about telling them then.

[twodelta]

I come out to those whom I want to know... and well, those that need to know and well, my parents just don't need to know.

Just my :2cents: worth...

Hugs

~Lissa~

I feel the same way. It's not something that I announce to the whole world. Since there is no way that I will be pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship with them, it's really none of their business - Dave

[twodelta]

I just had an interesting thought. My youngest sister-in-law is lesbian. She has adopted two daughters. When her two daughters are old enough to make their own decisions, will they feel a need to come out to her if they are str8? - Dave :rolleyes:

[ScifiBiJen]

Not out to parents. Would love to be, but they would NOT be accepting at all. Sadly, the one person I shouldn't come out to... is the person who's had the biggest impact on my life: my dad. If he ever told me that he'd still accept me (and wouldn't throw me out) if I was "different", I'd tell him in a heartbeat. But I've only ever gotten the opposite impression. He wouldn't know what bi is and all gay people to him are sinners.
:disgust:

[jedinudist]

I came out to my mother who acted like a complete ass. She cried, she wept, she told me how happy she was for me, how happy she was for my and my wife, and oh by the way you know i don't approve and god doesn't approve and your going to - ahem.

I have not seen my dad in 20 years and have not willingly spoken to him for the last 10, up until my grandmother passed away last month. We are now talking. Im sure my younger half brother and half sister probably know, as it is on the internet attached to my name, especially after being on the front page of the Washington Blade, but I have no plans on telling as of yet. He constantly put me down as being weak and a sissy when I was growing up, and although he does seem to be a changed (somewhat) man now, I don't want to go to jail for breaking an old man's jaw should he start one of his anti-me tirades again. My point of view is "what business is it of his".

Although I must admit I find it upsetting that my sister being a lesbian is much more acceptable in his eyes than one of his sons "wanting to have another boy in his room".

[littlerayofsunshine]

yeah I am out, to more family and people I would care to have know, but since its been 7 years since that " day" no one cares anymore.

[Ellicott_Pair]

Nope, neither of us are out to our parents. They have no need to know.

[innaminka]

My parents are respectively 71 and 69.
They really don't need to know.

A bigger issue is my children. (13 and 16 - both girls) Not out "officially" but I'm sure the older one (probably both) suspect something.

[Azrael]

My mom knows, my dad doesn't. Trying to keep it that way.

[LoveLion]

18 right now, not out yet, but beleive me im working on it *sigh*

I really wanna be out to my parents and I think it is important to come out to your immediate family expecially your parents. Even if it might not effect your relationship with them, it will change some expectations that they have. For example if you came out to your parents as gay, then they will probably still love you, but may not have the same expectations of you (ie grandkids, traditional future, etc). Im just way to nervous to come out to my partents yet, but i fully plan on being out within a year.

I have a wonderful relationship with my older sister who is not only my sister but also one of my best friends. I can talk to her more then anyone else and I think I am going to come out to her first. The only thing is, she lives in Scotland at the moment! Im planning on going over in a few months and fully plan on letter her know then.

From there I will get hre thoughts (as she obviously knows the rest of my family very well) on the best way to come out to my parents. Then I plan on coming out sometime when I get back.

As for who it will be hardest for? I think that would be my grandmother or my little borther. I wouldnt blame grams for having a hard time with it, as she was brought up in a different age, when things like this wernt accepted. She would probly think I caught the "gay bug" (or in this case the "Bi bug") somewhere in my life. My little brother is 16 atm, and is into the whole homophobic "cool" teenager thing. He can be a real pain sometimes, and I really have no idea how he will take it.

Anyway, its gunna be a challenge, but Im always up for one!

[Trinity-Fl]

Eight years ago I moved in with my couple. ;) It was funny... the parents thought I was a homeless guy that they had taken in. :) We lived together... I didn't have a room of my own and everyone knew we slept in the same room. So I guess the answer is "Yes" we were "out" to about everyone. My kids were late teens and took it well. They're younger dau was good but the older girl thought I was stealing her mom from her dad. It has worked out. We are now a couple as her hubby moved on into the gay life style.

[Herbwoman39]

I'm out to everybody BUT my parents (and, of course, the neighbors, who don't need to know). But then I've only been out to myself for just shy of 2 years.

As I've mentioned in other posts, in January we're going on a cruise with my parents and, because my father is hosting a group for the radio station he works for, I probably won't come out to either of my folks then.

My mother is coming for a visit after the cruise and I'm not planning on hiding any of my books, so if I don't let it slip by admiring some fine female form or another on the cruise then Mom is going to see the books and she'll ask questions. I figure that if she asks, I'll tell her.

That is, of course, unless I screw up and out myself on the cruise :(

[mannysg]

My dad would never understand and would be quite upset.
If my mom didn't have Alzheimer's she would be at least accepting, if not understanding.

My brother is like my dad, he wouldn't know how to handle it and wouldn't undertand, the same with my oldest sister. My other sister (If I ever told her) would be the most accepting and understanding.


Side note: I noticed in this thread how many people have parents where the father wouldn't understnd or would be upset, and the mother is more accepting and understanding. Interesting, eh?

[ScifiBiJen]

Side note: I noticed in this thread how many people have parents where the father wouldn't understnd or would be upset, and the mother is more accepting and understanding. Interesting, eh?

To clarify my own post then: My father wasn't born in this country or this culture... he's a LOT more conservative because of his upbringing. I lost my real mother when I was younger. While my step-mother might be more understanding than my dad (she was born and raised in this country, he wasn't) and while I love my step-mother... I just couldn't tell her before I told my father. He's the one who raised me my whole life... I owe him that much respect.

[TorontoGuy2007]

i just told one of my closest friends that i think i am bi..

i know she's had some bi experiences and experimenting, so it will be interesting to see what her reaction is..

telling family if/when the time comes will be really interesting. i doubt they will be totally surprised.. but who knows?

[mistymockingbird]

Completely out to my Mom. Her reaction was to first say that she'd rather I be bi than be a lesbian. Then she wanted to know how much "experience" I'd had. After that, its been pretty much a non issue with her.

Per her request, waiting to say something to my dad till there's a gf in the picture. Crossing that bridge when we get to it I guess.

My brother I haven't actually told, but we're on each other's myspace pages and its pretty evident there. I'm out to everyone else in my life, didn't want to filter myspace and also didn't want to refuse a friend request from my bro, cause we're actually getting to be close as adults. The only discussion we've ever had about it was sort of round about. He's made comments to me before like, "there's nothing you could tell me that would make me love you less." So, I'm pretty sure he knows, it just hasn't been verbalized between us. Someday.

I've always had lots of queer friends. I'm open about advocating for glbt rights. My whole family knows that when I go out its to gay clubs, that I've been to the erotic arts festival here, etc. A bigger issue for me and my family is general relationship stuff. Spefically that I don't want one. My dating life in general I keep away from the fam but not because of gender preference issues.

[coyotedude]

I'm pretty lucky. I don't have to worry about fire and brimstone from my mom or my biological dad. It took me years to come out to my mom, and I haven't come out to my dad yet - but not because I feared their disapproval. Quite the contrary!

My adopted dad would not be quite so accepting... but I'm already going to hell for being a false-god worshiping heathen. Being damned is rather liberating, actually; I might as well have my fun in the meantime! :eek:

Peace

[Lisa (va)]

I have come out to my parents a couple times, more talks with mom about it than pop. First time I thought I might be a lesbian (never realy heard of bi back then).

My family doesn't judge me, though sometimes don't quite understand (as well as I didn't fully), but all in all it was a good experience. I have daterd both men and women and both were accepted by my family regardless.


Lisa

hugs n kisses

[BiLissa]

I need to add...

Although I'm not out to my parents, my own daughter who just turned 14, did come out to me recently. She and I have always had a very open, honest relationship. She knows I'm bi... perhaps that's why she was able to so easily come to me.

It was really easy for her and me... "Mom, can I talk to you?" "Sure, what's up kid?".... "Well, I think I'm bi-sexual...".... and a wonderful conversation after..no drama, no trauma....

The way I see it is that she's my baby, no matter what her sexual preference is.... bi - str8 - lesbian - celibate... I'll always love her no matter what.

Interestingly, she has found several friends at her school, both male and female that identify as bi-sexual or gay.. she's found acceptance in her peer group... something I wasn't able to find as a young girl.... wish I had...

Hugs

~Lissa~

[holybane]

I haven't come out yet. My mom I don't think would have too much of a problem, she is religious so she'd try to "bring me back", but I think she could live with it. My dad would just get really pissed. I'd be least likely to tell him.

That would be a scary day.

Roger

[musicfreak9289]

well, I told them and they were like..."Now,tessa...we no your not telling us the truth! You are not bisexual" and I said.."yes...I am"...and my mother said, "so you would have a relationship with a girl" and I say, "yes..of course"...They seemed so upset at me! ;)

[Long Duck Dong]

lol... my mother is a Christian with a very biased view of the world...so she refuses to accept that i can be naturally anything other than fooled by the devil cos i am not a christian

i still reckon she is one of the heads of the anti gay / homo phobic movement
and it has lead to some of the most verbally nasty arguements i have ever had with a person

I will defend the rights of any person, even if i am not a part of their groups...if the rights are basic human rights.. ( gays and marriage for example ) and my mother will oppose ANYTHING that she says as anti bible, anti christian and anti god

my father just wants to drink beer..... he doesn't care or wanna care about anything that is not beer related

they know about me and my life.....and accepting me, has conditions..I must turn my back on everything in my life and become a biased narrow minded christian.... and drink beer...* snorts *... and my parents can just learn to shut the fuck up until they realise that their world is part of the world, and not vice versa

[Oh Yeah]

Both my parents are very open minded people, as are my friends. Which is why I find it strange that I haven't told any of them :tong:

I might someday. If I ever fall in love with a boy; that would probably be a good time.

[AubergineCow]

Short answer, NO. My mother wouldn't understand, my father wouldn't want to hear about it. Actually, my mother would freak out, feign a heart attack and blame herself for me being bi.

I come out to those whom I want to know... and well, those that need to know and well, my parents just don't need to know.

Oh my goodness, Lissa, we could be sisters! It's actually what DID happen 25 years ago when a vengeful ex boyfriend beat me home after school one day and told them for me....mind you it took 3 whole weeks of my mother doing her "You know what you did" act, the heavy sighs and the fake heart attack, before she even told me what he said...I *think* I was supposed to hang my head in shame when she finally got around to telling me what he said...what I *did* say was, "Yes, I am bisexual - did you have any other questions?" She dared me to repeat the information to my father. I did, and he just went back to the sports page.

From that day to this, 25 years later, not word one from either of them. The subject doesn't exisit as far as they're concerned, and that's fine with me. I'm out to everyone else, including my daughter, who is just fine with it...my parents either genuinely forgot or are still in denial, and so, as you said, Lissa, they just don't need to know...or deserve to, for that matter...


:flag3: :flag3: :flag3:

[diamond_tether]

My biological father and step-mother took it well enough, but mentioned that in their line or work (upper level construction and real estate) and such that for the sake of himself and my step-mother it would be better to just keep that sort of thing quiet around them and their social circle. Thankfully, they live in another state. I have a grandmother that knows as well and doesn't really care. After getting married I'm sure she thinks everything is about mongamy so just doesn't think about it anymore. My mother acted as though it were a phase, but after her passing some stuff came out that made it clear she knew and encouraged me to make my own choices. But, before marriage she was always supportive and told me to do what made me happy.

As for my lady, her mother doesn't care in the slightest and is bisexual as well; actually encourages it overall. The primary father figure (actually an uncle) went digging through some of her personal stuff after we got married and figured it out. He definitely hasn't taken it well and lets us know ehenever he gets the chance. So, we just don't hang around him. Some other members of her family know and don't care, most just don't know (not that we'd ever hide it from anyone if asked, but we won't be volunteering anything to them in particular) or if they do, they generally don't think about it.

[Lorcan]

I told my mom in college in a letter in a response to her homo-phobic letter. Not the best way, but it's out now. She wasn't very happy. She told me before this letter that she thought "bisexuals were the worst kind", so i guess i just really wanted to slap her. We still don't talk about it. But somehow i feel her opinions have softened.

My dad is very black and white, right or wrong. There is no changing his anti-gay opinion so there's nothing to talk about.

[bearisbare]

I was out in 2000 to my parents. Then I was back in again about four years later. Now I'm back out again.

I don't know if it was thought to be a passing thing by family, especlally when they heard of women who were my lovers (not that they knew a couple of them were bisexual too), but recently circumstances came to light that I always was what I said I was. I never stepped back into a closet, but for a while I felt I was put back into one by family.

Now, there isn't much that is said, but there is acceptance. They all know that I'm different from the rest, as it were. As long as I am happy is what really matters to all, I have found out.

[Gemini25]

I'm Bi and my brother who is 3 years older then me is gay. My family doesn't really talk much, and about personal things we don't talk at all. I live in California, and my parents live in Missouri. I went back to visit them this past July, and I was going to tell them, and wanted to tell them, but the opportunity just never arrose. Finally one day I was in the kitchen washing dishes getting ready to make them dinner, my dad had to go to the store to get a few things, my mom was in the other room when I hear the fate full words..."Can I ask you a question?" I was nervouse and excited, because I knew what was comming next. She asked, if my brother and I were gay. I don't belive in outing people who arent out to begin with, so I told her I can't answer for my brother, and as for myself I'm BI. I don't think she understood, because she asked me again, and again I told her I was BI. She then said that it didn't make a difference to her, she loves her kids no matter what. Just that my Uncles (her brothers) think that my brother and I are gay since we aren't married with a bunch of kids like my cousins. Isnt it interesting how people's mind set's still are that you have to get married and have kids to be normal.... Doesn't matter if your happy or not, can support the kids or not, it has to be that way...... I'm sure my mother by now has told the rest of the family at least about me, she loves to tell other peoples business.... :flag3:

[TorontoGuy2007]

i never talked to my parents about love or sex when i thought i was straight, so i don't see any reason to start now that i am bi. guess i'm just not that close to them..

sexual orientation is a personal thing, and i've never been one to brag or kiss n tell. i figure it's something that is on a "needs to know" basis.

but if/when i get into a serious relationship with another man, then things will obvously start to come out..

bottom line, i really don't care what my parents think. heck, i've never been one to care about what others think of me. i am me and i am happy and proud of myself. that's all that matters..

[miamiuu]

I'm not out, but they probably wouldnt handle it well. Also I kind of think of it as if they need to know I will tell them and at this point i dont think they need to know. Why complicate my life with them?

[LoveLion]

I was out in 2000 to my parents. Then I was back in again about four years later. Now I'm back out again.

Dont mean to be rude or anything, but I dont understand what you mean by going back in?

[bearisbare]

Dont mean to be rude or anything, but I dont understand what you mean by going back in?

No problem...happy to explain. On a couple of occasions my mother and I discussed bisexuality back in 2000. After that I felt it was something that wasn't discussed but was accepted. Around '02 my parents started to hear of women who came into my life, who were lovers to me. One of my exes and my current wife had met them, by 2004.

Although I have always felt I was bi, I felt a strengthening perception that talking about female partners, and becoming engaged in late 2004 gave an implication to family that I was "straight again". I never felt like I was going back into a closet but I felt for over a year that family more or less put me back into one. Earlier this year, some things happened that allowed me to say one day to them that what I said to them six years ago was still as valid today as it was then. If I felt back in '04 that family put my identity back into a closet, I now feel that in the last few months, I've broken down those closet doors permanently.

[jenny2006]

It really is odd how a lot of people seem to be most unlikely to tell their dads. Maybe it's a male thing? I was terrified of telling my dad (he's always making ridiculous comments and stuff) but in the end he was so cool about it.

He just said he had never had a problem with anyone because of their sexual oreintation and that they were always going to love me no matter what and then he made a lot of really bad jokes about lesbians. He didn't bring it up for a while and whenever I mentioned it he wouldn't say anything, but now he seems fine with it. We talk about it, we agree on women we fancy on TV and stuff like that. But then me and my parents have always been really close. We've always talked about everything. Maybe it depends on the sort of relationship you have with your parents and what sort of people they are as to whether it's important or a good idea to tell them.

[glantern954]

I am out to my entire family. My Dad passed away before I had realized and accepted it myself, so he never KNEW. He probably suspected though.

When I was about 17 he found some male nudie magazines in my car and took me aside and asked if I was gay. I told him "I don't know, I don't think so. I think I am just curious about other guys". He gave me a big hug and said that he went through the same thing.

Telling him probably would have been really hard because of "masculinity" issues but I am sure I would have got to it. If he were alive today I think he would be accepting and probably proud of me and the way I live my life.

[jo69guy]

I am out to my parents. I told them as a result of my own pending divorce back then. I was afraid my ex-wife was going to tell them, and wanted them to hear it from me first.

They were both a bit suprised, but have been very supportive. They recognize that I am a lot happier now, and that my health has improved a great deal. I am blessed with understanding parents, and a close circle of friends. Most people I have told couldn't care less. The one or two who didn't react well are not very close anyway. :flag4:

[nonsequitur]

I was extremly nervous to tell my parents and when I did it no real reaction other than the comment of "Don't mention it to your grandmother".

Other family members such as brothers, sister, aunties, uncles, cousins know but do not care. I have a very accepting- relaxed family.

I got more reaction when I gave up smoking.

[LoveLion]

Although I'm not out to my parents, my own daughter who just turned 14, did come out to me recently. She and I have always had a very open, honest relationship. She knows I'm bi... perhaps that's why she was able to so easily come to me.

Wow, its great to see a bit of the other side of this situation as well. I wish my parents were Bi, would make it a lot easier lol. Every say when I get around to reading this topic I get all excited about comming out and think "I cant wait to do it!", lol. But then I get scared again as soon as I log off :tong:

It gunna be a scary day, but also a very exciting one too. My biggest hope is that my dad starts making jokes about my Bisexuality soon after. Then I will know he really has accepted it and doesn't mind (its just his thing)

[alex123457]

I wish! I've know since I was 13 that I was attracted to girls, but I never thought I would bother to actually date a girl so I never bothered to tell my parents. Now I'm 21, living with the love of my life, and I'm unable to tell my parents because they think we are just roommates and best friends. I don't know how they would take it, but I'm so afraid of disappointing them or having them think less of me that I don't want to bring it up. The whole charade I have to go through whenever they visit is getting tiring though. :(

[Aleksandra]

Well everyone in my surrounding knows that i'm bi and with my strong attiutudes no one even dared to tell me something about that.
Simply, this is my own life and when i first noticed that i've been attracted to girls i simply didn't had any reason to hide it. Anyway, why should I? I don't see any point in hiding my own feelings, so i simply came out to all, to my ex husband, parents, everyone.
At the beginning they thought that i'm insane or whatever, but knowing my character they simply accepted that fact.
Afterall, this is my life and my own sexuality and that's it.
Simply, isn't it?

[pandoracat]

Yup toled them Fathers day 4 years ago......
Mom, DAD um you know that couple I have been living with well they are not my roomates.....
They looked shocked...then cryed then asked...
Are you Gay.....
No Bi.....
you can do that....
ummm yes and very well.
They sorta laughed it was ok they still love us.
-pandi

[Nara_lovely]

Yep...both parents and brothers know (and extended family of Uncles, Aunts and Cousins). HUGE support and acceptance not only of who I am, but of my girlfriend too.

[leredacteur]

It must be a generational thing, this seemingly overwhelming urge to "come out." The short answer is "no." I never "came out" to either parent (they're both dead now; dad died young and mom never remarried but had several "gentleman friends" and, I believe, a brief relationship with another woman). The reason I didn't "come out?" Simply put, "my FUCKING business was none of their fucking BUSINESS."

I'm in my 60s; have been ecstatically happily bi since I was 12; was married to a woman who knew I was bi and thought it "cute." She and I were heavily involved in the world of swinging all through our marriage.

In my teens, I didn't tell mummy and daddy that I was regularly sucking off some of my schoolmates. In my 20s, I didn't tell them that I was the boy toy of a middle-aged couple. In my 30s and 40s I didn't tell them that my wife and I were spending weekends and vacations exchanging sex partners with relative strangers. There was no need for the parents to know any of this !

My affectionate advice to those of another generation who have an urge to "come out:" don't inflict your intimate personal tastes and choices on others who might not share or understand them. When in doubt, invoke the FBI/CIA/KGB maxims, "Eyes Only" and "On a Need-to-Know Basis."

Love you all !

[Jorge881091]

No, I have only told one person (good freind). Im not ready to come out with it completely, but i will probably never tell my parents, or any other family member, they are very prejudice against gay/lesbian/bi.

[Celtiff2106]

I have never really "come out" per se. That is not to say that I have ever hid it eigther. It is just not something that I have ever thought pertenant. If you are straight you don't go "Mom, dad, just so you know......I sleep with the opposite sex." It just seem to me that whom I love only becomes their business if I choose to make it there business.
Now if I am asked I will be honest. I was once asked by a friend of mine if I was a lezbian during dinner. I looked up from my meal and replied "Half".
It got a giggle. Now she refers to me as her half-lezzie. It's kind of a running joke. :tongue:

[just_a_dreamer]

no im not, and im not sure how i should, or even if i should yet. i mite just wait til i hav a boyfriend then do it. theyve always said they'ld accept me wotever i am, and they've actualy asked me if i, gay a few times. i said no, mainly coz they werent specific enough haha!

[wantus269]

Short answer, NO. My mother wouldn't understand, my father wouldn't want to hear about it. Actually, my mother would freak out, feign a heart attack and blame herself for me being bi.

I come out to those whom I want to know... and well, those that need to know and well, my parents just don't need to know.

I am the same way! My dad would kill me! The only people who need to know im bi is the people I meet on this site! As far as i'm concerned, it's my business and no one elses!

The least likely for me to tell would be grandparents!

[jenny2006]

It must be a generational thing, this seemingly overwhelming urge to "come out." The short answer is "no." I never "came out" to either parent (they're both dead now; dad died young and mom never remarried but had several "gentleman friends" and, I believe, a brief relationship with another woman). The reason I didn't "come out?" Simply put, "my FUCKING business was none of their fucking BUSINESS."

I'm in my 60s; have been ecstatically happily bi since I was 12; was married to a woman who knew I was bi and thought it "cute." She and I were heavily involved in the world of swinging all through our marriage.

In my teens, I didn't tell mummy and daddy that I was regularly sucking off some of my schoolmates. In my 20s, I didn't tell them that I was the boy toy of a middle-aged couple. In my 30s and 40s I didn't tell them that my wife and I were spending weekends and vacations exchanging sex partners with relative strangers. There was no need for the parents to know any of this !

My affectionate advice to those of another generation who have an urge to "come out:" don't inflict your intimate personal tastes and choices on others who might not share or understand them. When in doubt, invoke the FBI/CIA/KGB maxims, "Eyes Only" and "On a Need-to-Know Basis."

Love you all !

I agree, there's no need for people to go divulging details of their sex life, but there's a differnet between telling people about 'intimate personal tastes and choices' as you put it than telling someone about a part of who you are. I think pretty much everyone could say they wouldn't go telling their parents about their sex life and what they get up to in private, but coming out isn't anything about that.

Coming out is about being honest with people about a very integral part of who they are (i.e. who you're attracted to rather than who you have sex with). Hiding a part of yourself can end up feeling like you're lying to people.

And there is a different between keeping things private and keeping them secret. There are a lot of things in our lives we keep private but keeping things secret is never much fun.

Coming out to my parents didn't have any big affect, it was just little things like being able to put up posters of women on my bedroom wall (still technically a bit of a teenager) and talk about women I liked with my little sister, to be able to mention girlfriends in conversation as well as boyfriends, not feeling guilty when my parents were around and I was checking out women around me...and I know, all those things aren't important or life changing and don't particularly matter in the grand scheme of things, but they were all little things stopping me from being completely myself.

There was no reason why I felt I had to come out, I would never come out to anyone because I felt I 'had' to. I came out to my parents because I wanted to, because I wanted to share a part of myself with them and not hide things any more.

Maybe it is a generational thing, but I'm glad that people do feel the need to come out these days. I think it's a good thing to be able to be honest and open about a part of yourself.

[LouiseBrookslover]

Is the Pope Lutheran?

[Nate9]

Firstly, hi, i'm new *nervous wave*

I haven't a clue how my family would react. My mum is like super-nice, to the point where it occasionally gets annoying, but she has no first hand experience of bi/homosexuality and I don;t know how she'd handle the shock, she seems kinda naieve in the nicest possible way, and I think i'm basically afraid that it'll hurt her or make her think she's failed as a parent. (being a single parent she's quite sensitive about how she brought me and my brother up)

My dad lives with my step mum and half brother currently in Belgium, I think they'd probably be fine with it but make some horribly cringeworthy joke or something. My half brother is kind of effeminate so i think they're sort of expecting him to be bi/gay when he gets to the right age. but the main reason I don;t tell them is that they don;t really feature in my life that much. I'm a pretty quiet, placcid person and it would seem almost aggresive (to me at least) to just randomly announce that my crank turns either way. They're more like mates or colleagues to me than people who have a strong emotional influence on me.

However, the main factor that stops me telling any of my immediate family is that sooner or later my brother will find out, and he's just an obnoxious asshole plain and simple. He calls me 'faggot' and various other homophobic names constantly as it is. So if he knew I actually do have bisexual tendancies, he'd give me absolute fucking hell about it. I feel ashamed that we share DNA as it is. Maybe in a few years if he calms down or something (i keep hoping he'll become a stoner and chill the fuck out a bit)

[Subcutaneous]

Not at all. They are really old school, and even hate the fact I live with a gay woman. But I see their intolerance as their problem. Not mine.

[justsexual]

Yes, I'm out to both. Looking back on it I think it was a really funny situation. My sister came over to give me support when I told them. I sat my parents down in the living room. They knew something was upsetting me and wanted me to just spit it out. I finally did with my sister's help. I told them I was gay so that they wouldn't try to push me towards the straight direction. At first there was a lot of silence. My dad finally said that if I'm that way that there's not much they can do about it. My mother asked me if I was sure and if I needed a psychologist to help me get my head sorted out. Then my mother suggested that I become a priest. I could barely contain the laughter and looking at my sister's face, she was trying really hard to hold it in too. I said "Mom I haven't been to church in years, you really think it's a good idea for me to become a priest because I'm gay?"

Neither of them are happy with my decision to pursue relationships with men. But to them I'll alway be their son and they will try to be supportive as much as they can. I know they hope that I will find a woman to settle down with. Who knows, they may get their wish.

[Nevergoinghome]

To my mom i am.

"Hey, mom, how do you feel about Bisexuals?"

"I don't know. I don't have a problem with them. Why?"

"Because I'm Bi. Is that okay?"

"Yes its okay. You don't have to ask me."

"Ok"

*hugs*

[stephlesson]

ummm NOPE well at least not to my mom, though she did ask when i was 11 if i was a lesbian wtf? i dont know many 11 yr olds who fully understand that concept yet oh well.

Im 21 now, still problably never tell my mom beacue really dont want to add fuel to the fire oh how much i "stink at life " tehee

Most of my closer freinds know, and generally speaking if a person has enough guts to ask me ill tell them, but im not really *allowed* or *supposed to* be out in my current carreer ;)

lesson

[LoveLion]

I am now! As of last night.

My parents were in bed reading and I came in and said I need to talk. I told them and we had a 30 min chat. They said they accepted it and that it wouldnt matter to them if I was gay, bi or straight. Although I suspect they havent really accepted it fully yet (they think its a teenage phase thing atm). But I cant blame them for that and in time Im sure they will come around.

It was hard to do, but Im very glad I got through it. Its a huge weight off.

[spoiledangel860505]

It's obviously a big question, it seems to come up a lot and I was just wondering how many of you, especially young bisexuals, are out to their parents, and if so, what was their reaction when you told them? If not, why not and who in your family would you be least likely to come out to?

My parents reaction was great, so I know I'm really lucky, (I've heard stories of parents that just flatly refuse to believe it, coming out announcements turned into real screaming matches, etc) and now I think really they're quite proud for some reason. Maybe they think it goes to show how what well adjusted kids they've brought up, I don't know.

The family members I am least likely to come out to would be my grandparents on my dad's side. They're both vicars! :eek:

Nope, she doesn't have a clue. I just tell close friends

[TaylorMade]

<snip>

My affectionate advice to those of another generation who have an urge to "come out:" don't inflict your intimate personal tastes and choices on others who might not share or understand them. When in doubt, invoke the FBI/CIA/KGB maxims, "Eyes Only" and "On a Need-to-Know Basis."

Love you all !


And that's why I'm not out to my parents. If I'm gonna get static, I'd rather not deal with it. My life, I don't need the drama.

*Taylor*

[jamiehue]

yes, My mom loves me!

[biwords]

[QUOTE=LoveLion]As for who it will be hardest for? I think that would be my grandmother...I wouldnt blame grams for having a hard time with it, as she was brought up in a different age, when things like this werent accepted.

Yes, apparently when King George V was informed that some man he knew of was homosexual, he said (not maliciously but matter-of-factly), "I thought men like that shot themselves".

LL, please don't take this as patronizing, but I'm struck again and again by how wise beyond your years you are (remembering how completely out of it I was at the same age). Do you know any gay/bi people in Belleville, by the way? I know a longtime male couple in Wellington -- they're family, in fact. Might be fun to arrange an introduction some day...

[biwords]

After writing the above I saw your message that you were out to your parents......congratulations!!

[shadowsaffinity]

i am out to my mom. it went pretty well. she had a lot of questions, but i'm really glad i told her. now i can tell her about all of my volunteeer work, which is a huge part of my life, and i couldn't tell her about it before.

i haven't told anyone else in my family. i know some of my cousins found out through myspace. most have been cool about it. i don't plan to tell the rest of my family since i know it wouldn't go over well. i just really needed to tell my mom. that was a HUGE step for me.


:)

[deletetacount123]

My Mom knows but she thinks im going through a stage after my divorce but thats not true... although its PART of why I divorced lol

My Dad probably knows but we don't talk about it... he'll tease me tho.

My sister thinks its COOL and NEAT and added "I always thought you were a lesbian......" lol

My 2 best friends from school are fine with it..... One of them said "Oh thats nothing knew.... I knew before you even did you know." (Ummm I hadn't realized she was watching me that closely in school....)

My favortie cousin knows too.

Coming from a BIG family, Im not sure who else knows but this family tends to "tell the others" yikes. I asked mom recently how many people know Im divorced and she said "oh probably all of them."
Me "You told ALL???"
Her "ya so?" So ya.... Im pretty sure shes told everyone Im gay lol Even told my gay brother (I have 3... the younger of the 3 is gay)

Personally I would not have told my parents but mom gets it in her head that if your not telling her something then that means your doing something REALLY BAD. *ugh* Hmph.

I really need to talk to someone about a few things right now, moms NOT the one to talk to and my 2 best friends and cousin are all in Ontario.
I don't wanna talk to my sister. lol

Tasha

[Solomon]

i really don't see that my sexual orientation is any of my parents business.

i also realize that their sexualalities aren't any of my business.

i don't have any need whatsoever to go looking for either approval or support from my parents, 'cuz they're not bisexual, they don't have the same issues to deal with, and so i fail to see how announcing my sexuality to them would be beneficial or even appropriate. :cool:

[flexuality]

I agree with Solomon.

I don't understand the 'need' to come out either.

If I had a court case to fight, I wouldn't go looking to a plumber for support or approval.

Just my 2 cents. :2cents: :rolleyes:

[morganne]

Yep.

My Dad was kind of like a cross between "whatever" and "I really don't want to hear about sex and my baby girl in the same sentence." He didn't actually say that, it was more the look on his face. My mom was "concerned" because I hadn't had any experience. But I pointed out that I hadn't had any experience with boys either. And this was something I knew about myself. She's been okay since. I haven't actually dated a girl though. So when that happens there might be more readjustment, esp since I have a boyfriend and a son.

My dad has more issues with me being poly. He just really doesn't understand it.

[biwords]

Solomon packed a lot into less than 75 words. Personally, I found his answer totally persuasive.

[Seigun]

My dad probably wouldn't understand; but even if he did, he hasn't said anything, which is his way. If he knows anything, it's because I tried to tell my mom.

When I told my mom, she literally spent 6 hours screaming at me. When I cut my hair soon after that (because it was so damaged that I had to start over) she took it as a sign that I thought I was a boy, and took offense to it. My hair is still short, and she still thinks I'm in danger of thinking I'm a boy.

For years afterward, she has asked me at random times if I was "normal", yet, or if I still believed in God.

She's even sent me bible studies in the mail (the sort that explain who Jesus and God are). This, from the woman I went to church with all my life, and who saw me get baptized of my own free will as a teenager. :disgust:

It's times like this (when I think about my mom's behavior) that I'm glad my dad is an agnostic.

[TaylorMade]

Seigun, are we related? Geez. . .that's part of what I worry would happen if I came out to my parents.

*Taylor*

[Solomon]

i think i would worry too... just can't see myself saying to my parents one day "guess what mom an dad!! I just found out!!! i'm hetero!!!!"

i also have yet to take financial advice from a bum on the street, just didn't even attempt to cousel with the bum on the street, matter of fact i do my best to stay away from the bum on the street.... so maybe i'm just weird lol

:cool: :cool:

[deletetacount123]

i really don't see that my sexual orientation is any of my parents business.

i also realize that their sexualalities aren't any of my business.

i don't have any need whatsoever to go looking for either approval or support from my parents, 'cuz they're not bisexual, they don't have the same issues to deal with, and so i fail to see how announcing my sexuality to them would be beneficial or even appropriate. :cool:

Trust me, I only my 2 friends, online friends, cousin and sister knew and I ONLY wanted hem to know lol

But then mom decided I was up to something bad and wrong cause I wasn't telling her everything. So I told her and she didn't like the response.
Said it was a pharse but its not.

Shes like that.... if you don't tell her everything, its auto assumed your up to something bad...... But she doesn't know EVERYTHING tho.
There is one thing she tells peopel that bothers me A LOT.... I have tried to say "stop telling poeple that." but she doesn't listen. It actually hurts my feelings especially when she tells the person Im dating or my friends!
My sisters always telling me to ignore mom when she says that but it still bothers me.

Sometimes I wonder if my mom says things to put me down so she can control. hmmmm ya... gonna keep my "moving out of town" thing a secret till Im just about to leave. lol I hate this town.

[Solomon]

Trust me, I only my 2 friends, online friends, cousin and sister knew and I ONLY wanted hem to know lol

But then mom decided I was up to something bad and wrong cause I wasn't telling her everything. So I told her and she didn't like the response.
Said it was a pharse but its not.

Shes like that.... if you don't tell her everything, its auto assumed your up to something bad...... But she doesn't know EVERYTHING tho.
There is one thing she tells peopel that bothers me A LOT.... I have tried to say "stop telling poeple that." but she doesn't listen. It actually hurts my feelings especially when she tells the person Im dating or my friends!
My sisters always telling me to ignore mom when she says that but it still bothers me.

Sometimes I wonder if my mom says things to put me down so she can control. hmmmm ya... gonna keep my "moving out of town" thing a secret till Im just about to leave. lol I hate this town.

It does sound like you're kind of in a similar position that I was when I lived in PA. I also had parents that went overboard on trying to control me.

Then it sort of occured to me that I was inadvertently giving up my control of me to them. I just didn't even realize how much i was doing that.

Have you ever been able to tell your mom EVERYTHING? I've never been able to... even if i took all of my time to do it, there's the thoughts... how do ya explain each and every one of them? lol!

When i thought i had to run everything by them, i was giving them control of making my decisions for me. To some extent, i physically actually did need to with some things. But I was just going overboard with it, because i was always taught to. They didn't mean that i should always be under their thumb so to speak, it's just that that's all that they themselves were taught.

Think i would hafta agree with your sister to some extent in ignoring your mom, it doesn't sound to me like your mom's going to respect your feelings on the matter, so it may very well be that your only recourse would be to ignore it as best ya can.

Is there some emotional tie to what she's saying about you that hurts you? It might be wise to examine that aspect of it for yourself.

[deletetacount123]

Is there some emotional tie to what she's saying about you that hurts you? It might be wise to examine that aspect of it for yourself.

Im a very quiet and private person in real life.... If I know you personally and we are good friends you probably would know more than someone that doesn't know me that well in real life would.
So that means, people that don't know me would never guess what kind of sex drive I had and only those that I know well do cause Im comfortable talking to them about it.

Soooooooo
My mom would tell people (even my friends or someone Im dating) I have no sex drive!!!!
1. She doesn't know that.
2. She has no right to say that cause she KNOWS I divorced my ex due to HIS lack of a sex drive- I wanted more in the love making department lol (and the way he treated me)
MOST IMPORTANTLY:
3. My sex life is mine... private. I don't want everyone that know me (well or not) to know about my sex life unless *I* choose to tell them so.

I think Mom should just be happy Im not openly sexually active (only people Im comfortable with would see the sexually side of me) and not into one night stands. She should be happy that *I* play it safe.
That all she really needs to know and should be happy with.

Tasha

[Solomon]

Im a very quiet and private person in real life.... If I know you personally and we are good friends you probably would know more than someone that doesn't know me that well in real life would.
So that means, people that don't know me would never guess what kind of sex drive I had and only those that I know well do cause Im comfortable talking to them about it.

Soooooooo
My mom would tell people (even my friends or someone Im dating) I have no sex drive!!!!
1. She doesn't know that.
2. She has no right to say that cause she KNOWS I divorced my ex due to HIS lack of a sex drive- I wanted more in the love making department lol (and the way he treated me)
MOST IMPORTANTLY:
3. My sex life is mine... private. I don't want everyone that know me (well or not) to know about my sex life unless *I* choose to tell them so.

I think Mom should just be happy Im not openly sexually active (only people Im comfortable with would see the sexually side of me) and not into one night stands. She should be happy that *I* play it safe.
That all she really needs to know and should be happy with.

Tasha

your mom tells people that you have no sex drive??

that does sound inappropriate and embarassing to say the least.

i don't believe that anyone but your mom can truly make your mom happy (happiness is a personal decision).

however, i found that just saying something like "really?", or "i see", or "oh" kind of responses to be effective for changing the emotional dynamics.... even though it does require grinning and bearing it through the emotions lol.

i remember that dealing with my parents, anytime i would say anything that would even hint at revealing my emotions would just give them (on some level) the satisfaction of knowing that i was still under their thumb. and yet, i still needed a place to stay for the time being so i couldn't just be totally rude about either, not to mention that i still loved my parents also....

usually it seemed to put them on an alert when i would simply use non-defensive responses, and they usually ended up increasing the pressure. but using those responses at least did give me a couple of seconds to think of something they would relate with....

it was a definate balancing act for me, but it finally worked out in the end, now i can look at them with respect to where they're at and maintain control over myself, as well as keeping our relationship on somewhat good footing.

i even had a talk with me mom a couple months back where she deeply apologized for some of the things that she did.... it was very moving for me, and i am grateful for that, and also that our relationship still is on good ground.

of course, i do need to say it did not happen overnight either, and it took alot of emotional work for me to get through it, it's not a good thing to just stuff those feelings down an hope they go away... but it was worth it.

[deletetacount123]

Sol,

I have told her not to say such things. She doesn't care... its like everything she says she says it cause "shes right".

There was one time she accussed me of NOT giving her some family photos she wanted that I had which I DID 2 weeks earlier!!!
I was like "I gave them to you..."
She was like "No you didn't.. I want them NOW."
It was like no matter what I said, she still demaned it.

So close to saying some not so nice words.... I said "fine... where do you keep all the pictures....." (she points.. still ranting on that I better give her the pictures.)
I take a look and LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!!

At this moment I felt like hurting her... I was pissed and mad and I don't know.... I was telling the TRUTH, and she didn't believe me?? I have never lied to her before.
So I picked up the stupid picture book about to slam the book in her lap but, saved by the baby... 1 year old nephew was sitting there and wanted the book. (always wanted whatever he sees someone holding, as most babies do lol)

Mom was like "oh, I don't even remember you giving it." (she was LOOKING at it 2 weeks ago, one was even framed right there on the shelf!!) and she never said sorry either.
So I just left the house that day.... she has done this MANY MANY times before. And personally Im sick of it.
I do wonder if shes suffering from memory loss now.

And yes she has told people I have no sex drive, maybe cause Im not like my sister who can sleep with anyone she wants when she feels like it.
Im private, no one needs to know my sex life except those I choose to tell. I just hang out with people I feel comfortable with.

At least Dad knows moms wrong about my sex drive :) :) :)
lol I think all the silly harmless sexual references jokes between us makes it hard to believe I DON'T have a sex drive.
Im more comfortable with dad I guess :) My sister is too. We both agree dads better when it comes to sex stuff than mom.
He can take joking and teasing.

Our mother NEVER wanted to hear it... my sister and I learned about sex throuigh other things never had the "parent / child sex talk"
I remember asking my mom a question what something was about sex. her first words?? "We're NOT having this converstation"

My sister learned mostly through friends and boys lol
I learned from Online, books, and online friends.

If I didn't have a sex drive.... then WHY do I want someone to make love to me sooooooooo badly? like RIGHT NOW? lol Why do I have "playtime" once or twice a day (sometimes more if Im supery in the mood lol)
Why would I watch porn or read Exroctia ?? And the list can go on and on and on and on and on....

Tasha

[biwords]

Learning to (selectively) dismiss what your parents say is very liberating, or so I found it. I don't believe all of what Philip Larkin wrote in the following poem, but I pass it on for what it's worth:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

[Solomon]

i think biwords is right on track.... and i definately agree with your desire to move out.

i believe you when you say that you do have a sex drive, i find it a little odd (to be polite) that your mom seems to insist that it's her business to tell you that she doesn't believe you have a sex drive.

truthfully, i also feel from what you've said that you've tried to talk this over with your mom, and your mom's just not willing to concede. So i really hafta wonder what the point of continuing to try and change her mind would be?

it sounds like both of you might be trying to force the other one to believe what you believe.

life's too short for that... i think at some point you might want to consider the wisdom of what biwords suggested and just dismiss it as one of those wars that just can't be won.

in the meantime, i hear over an over again that hugs truly do work wonders...

one thing i would encourage is that when you do move out, stay in touch with friends and people you trust. take some time to figure things out for yourself, and talk to the people that have the things you want.

and remember, tears cleanse the soul, and they will diminish after the flood.

[deletetacount123]

Sol, I live on my own in a townhouse about 10 mins away from my parents however, being hearing impaired my dad decided he HAS to have the key to my place which kinda bugs me lol Knowing he can walk in all the time even tho I told him countless of times that "One of these days your going to walk into something you DON'T want to see!!"

I haven't been happy in this town at all.... Its just not doing anything for me. I'll rather be somewhere where I can make friends easier.... where there is more things to do. Theres no ART stuff around here which is something I really enjoy doing. I would love to go to a lesbian club/pub but here we don't have such groups unless you want to hang around much older people (over 50... not good if you're looking for someone more in your age range)

Ya its odd my mom thinks its her business to tell ME and OTHERS that I don't have a sex drive.... does she expect me to act all sexually to proof it? lol
I agree, I have given up on trying..... if she brings it up again Im probably just going to say "Why are you so obessed whenever I have a sex drive or not?!?!?!" Or just do what I have been doing... IGNORING HER.
I don't know, maybe she just doesn't want to believe Im sexually active or something.
No point in trying to aruge with her.
Ya, dismiss it as one of the unwinable wars. :)

Ahhhhhhhh parents.......

Tasha

[Solomon]

ah, i was getting the impression that you were living with your parents... sorry.

i can only see what i can read... but that's one of the drawbacks of text lol.

it's great that you are just ignoring her remarks, again i might have been getting the wrong impression from what i read.

any ideas on where ya wanna live?

[Moto1]

The thing is that parents, no matter how much they may love you and want you to be happy, are by necessity almost certainly more set in their ways than you are. It's a psychological I'm afraid; as you become older and have a group of friends and relatives that don't change then you just get set in your ways.

For example: My parents, though supportive and friendly when I told them I am Bi, they nevertheless defaulted to worrying about whether I was 'labelling' myself and that I might be 'unsure'. Now I may be young; and legally I'm an adult and so to be honest it doesn't matter terribly their opinion as long as they are supportive enough not to try and make my life difficult, but it's just a little aggravating...

[matterinhand]

My advice to those who want to tell their parents but are waiting for the right moment?

Tell them now.

Not tomorrow.

Now.

Because you never know when it might be too late.

I thought my parents were immortal, then they died within 6 weeks of each other.

Having said that, I would never have told them I'm bi.

[GMD1082]

No way! It would go over sooooooooooooo badly. I rather be safe and not say anything at all to my family. I'm a private person as it is.

Examples:

My mom does not understand how anyone could be like that and is against it.

My step dad is extremely against it. I dont care about him tho.

[vittoria]

hmm

my mother told me when i was 12 that i was a "dyke" in her words cause i liked suit jackets ( blazers) and combat boots and steel toes and stuff...so i guess thats kinda a moot point

as regards my father, i would rather not ... even tho he knows i like factory work, mens clothes, tearing apart cars, and stuff like that...

for all intents and purposes its really none of their damn business

i dont like my family nosing in on my personal life anyway --possibly cause i am an adult and dont need their approval or lack thereof for ANYTHING....

~~but thats just me

[TaylorMade]

Now that I'm out to my dad... things have changed for the better. We were listening to Dan Savage during a radio interview and he asked me why I was upset.

I said, It's because he's a biphobic asshole!

I think it's because I said it with a similar inflection to him, he started to laugh.

It felt good. It felt. . .right.

I feel some major props to my dad is in order because of how cool he's been so far.

*Taylor*

[Tygress75]

No. I'm married and just never felt the need to share my sexuality with my parents. My husband knows and supports me fully... that's all that matters! :)

[Toad82]

Yes I am out to my mother. One of the oddest experiences of my life, the first time and the second time. It helped that my mother is also bi though. Now she likes to talk about it all thee time.

RJ :lokai:

[~Michi~]

My mom does not know. I don't think she wouldn't care anyway. I am 32 years old, so I guess she figures I am a good person already and it wouldn't matter.

The fact that I have been married for 15 years means the only person I should worry about is my husband... and he supports me so I'm good! ;)

[Skater Boy]

When I was growing up, my parents thought I was pretty much 100% straight. And these days they think I'm pretty much 100% gay. But those are THEIR own conclusions, not mine. And I don't go out of my way to explain the finer details of my sex life to them. Tbh, I don't think they mind either way, though. They just haven't considered the possibility that there is an "in between state".

[rissababynta]

i told my mom 2 years ago and she just said ok. i didn't bother telling my dad cause i knew that my mom would tell him lol.


as for tony, he hasn't told either of his parents. his mother is the gay-people-should-all-be-shipped-to-a-deserted-island kind of homophobe...and he doesn't talk to his dad much. i think they might have seen something online where i mentioned it once, but i think they assumed i was lying more than anything...

[deletetacount123]

i told my mom 2 years ago and she just said ok. i didn't bother telling my dad cause i knew that my mom would tell him lol.


as for tony, he hasn't told either of his parents. his mother is the gay-people-should-all-be-shipped-to-a-deserted-island kind of homophobe...and he doesn't talk to his dad much. i think they might have seen something online where i mentioned it once, but i think they assumed i was lying more than anything...

Moms are funny like that aren't they?
You don't want to tell dad so you tell mom, knowing full well she'll tell him for you lol

My mom.... told EVERYONE in the family... BIG family that I was lesbian after I told her not to. :) lol
Talking to my gay brother I can understand but she told EVERYONE!!! Half I don't think had any business knowing lol

Tasha

[domill]

I believe my parents think bisexuality is the name of a cough medicine.

And coming from the most over medicalised country in the world, they'd just want me to take antibiotics.

I know, communication is not always as easy as it seems. :bigrin:

So as Vittoria said (wisely), I'm an adult and don't need anyone's approval

[deletetacount123]

Quote from my mom on what Bisexual means:

"There is NO SUCH THING as bisexuals... its just people who are very confused."



To me: Bisexual is just being open to both genders, not limiting yourself to just women or men. Some perfers women more than men (or perfer men more than women) but they are still open to both sides.

[korndolly]

My mum has always known that I was bi, my dad doesn't really need to know. The only people I haven't really told are my two sisters. They are both quite a bit older than me and I always remember one of them (when she was about 12 and I was 5) telling me that I shouldn't kiss any of my friends who were girls because that's called being a lesbian! I'm sure that's not her view of it now but it always put me off telling her, and considering I'm now married I don't really think it's something that would ever come up in conversation! My husband has only told me and a few of his mates who are also bi...I think it's harder for guys when everybody just assumes you're straight cause you're married...it was quite funny when a mate of ours asked me if I would ever consider sleeping with a bi guy though, had to stop myself from laughing!!![object Object][object Object]

[ohbimale]

No I am not out to my parents or sister. They would not understand. When they found out I was having sex with another boy at the age of 12 they thought I was gay and sent me to a shrink to fix me. Then when I wanted to date girls they would not let me. My family is uptight. They already think I am going to hell because I am male Witch. But they have come to terms with it. Eventually I may tell them if the time ever seems right. But for now I do not want to go through the grief they will try to lay on me. :three: :male: :male:

[3naib]

yes.

they are not the most supportive people across the board, and they do not understand- though it is not a major source of tension.

also "out" to brother and sister-in-law, and anyone i consider close.

not typically at work, but to a few.

it doesn't surprise most people.

[FerSureMaybe]

I wish I could sit here with my head held high and say that I am, but I'm not. I have a great mom, and I know she's be supportive, but I also know it'd break her heart at the same time, which I couldn't stand or handle. So, unless I end up meeting a girl I want to spend the rest of my life with, I don't think I'll ever tell her.

Cowardly, I know.

[swbell3]

My Dad passed in 2001, and my Mom is 81. At 44, I'm "out" to my wife and a couple of close friends, and that's it. I'm not particularly intent on hiding it, but I'm not exactly a radical in-your-face activist, either.

I'm not sure how my Dad would have taken it. He always told me that he loved me and was proud of me, not matter what. I worshiped the ground he walked on. I'm not sure that I could have taken being rejected by him. He was a veteran of WWII (Pacific Theatre), Korea and Vietnam, and while conservative on many things, he would often surprise me with his broad-mindedness on particular subjects. He was also a Yellow-Dog Democrat. Since he's gone, I suppose that's a moot point.

My Mom and I are best friends and discuss nearly everything. We're remarkably open about things with each other, so I know that she'd never stop loving or accepting me, but as FerSureMaybe said above, I just don't want to break her heart.

Am i living a lie? Not an issue for me. There's no need to cause pain where it's not necessary. An there's just no compelling reason for me to do so.

:2cents: The Phreak

[AdamKadmon43]

I have never inquired as to what my parents (or anyone else) do in the privacy of their bedroom, and I expect from them the same courtesy.

My sex life is no one's business except mine, and my partner's.

I have never understood why that it seems to be so necessary to volunteer all that information to everyone else ..

Maybe it is because of some need to find acceptance and understanding for being different. Maybe it is because we are still suffering from some sort of guilt about it. I think that for the most part, these days, no one else really cares about your sexual proclivity as long as you do not try to stick in their face.

I can appreaciate the sacrifices that have been made by many people in the process of "coming out" and facing the hatred and misunderstanding that one gets for being gay or bi-sexual. I am old enough to remember how it used to be.

But I also think that it is time for gay and bisexual people to simply stop making an issue of it, and tell people who inquire about it, that is none of their business.

That's the way that I handle it, and I think that my fundamentalist Christian parents will sleep much better tonight not knowing for sure.

[aquasage]

No, I see no reason to inform them as it would do nothing but upset them. We live 2000km apart, we have a house, good job, a loving m/f relationship and kids. We only see the folks 2 times a year and we chat maybe 3 times a month on the phone any length of time. There is no need to add additional barriers between us and my folks by adding that.

For myself up to this point, our bisexual explorations together are primarily recreational, a perk from everyday life. I have never talked to them about sex with girlfriends in the past, not going to start now about how as a couple we enjoy the company of other couples.

Having said that, if I was outed somehow, I would not bother with denial or embarassment. It would just be unfortunate that there could possibly be another barrier between me and my folks in addition to the long distances.