confused

[dangerous_unicorn]

ok all help welcome.

I split from my partner so now he is a x (of course) lol but the problem is after about five weeks i met someone else and I'm trying to make a go of things to see were it goes but my x has taken a instant dislike to me after saying we could be friends (dumb me for believing) but how do i get him to act normal and stop hating me cos i moved on and he never did.

easily i could shoot him lol nice thought but should i act like he is a dream or forget about him all together.

any help

[but that's my name!!]

Some people are just like that; I think it's their way of dealing with the hurt. You could try telling him straight what the situation is then he can accept it or not?! If you are now with a female; straight men tend to deal with that even worse. He may also see you as 'belonging' to him. Just a few thoughts. :)

[NorthBiEast]

I went through the same thing. I told him straight up that if he wants to be friends, he needs to play nice. He didn't, so I told him that I'd call him when I was ready to deal with him. That was 4 years ago...haven't called...not gonna. I thought I'd feel badly about it, but I don't. We weren't meant to be together, plain and simple. :yinyang:
Best of Luck to you

[AngelOfTheMystic]

I'm sorry to hear about your problem. The only advice I can give is to just give your ex sometime to heal. I wouldn't put your life on hold for your ex though. If your ex truely loved you he/she would want you to be happy even if it wasn't with them. I wish you the best of luck!

[486Master]

I would just like to say one thing.

If your EX, is being crule, why is he being crule.

Is it something you said, or did that pissed him off.

In My expereance, EX's normaly turn hostile if the other person, dises them face 2 face or by spreading roumors.

I would be carefull how you proceed, If it really is over, then just leave your be, if he wants to be friends later then its up to you.

[darkeyes]

Becoming x and becoming bitter is more common than not. It is I think a natural defensive posture which allows us to survive a break up more easily than would otherwise be the case.

With some break ups I have been extremely bitter and very vengeful but with others not so, and these latter ones I found so much harder to get over. That may be because try as I may somehow I couldnt transfer much guilt if any onto those people, and so knowing that the problem lay substantially with me then any bitterness has been aimed at myself with copious quantities of self pity and guilt in equal measure.

It is easier to recover from break up if we can lay blame on the other person, however justified it may or may not be. In time maybe we can be friends again as wounds heal who can tell? Sometimes the bitterness goes much 2 deeply and that is sad but sometimes inevitable.

[Rocsteady]

Maybe it is too soon after the break-up for your ex and perhaps he thought you could be friends but seeing you with someone is too difficult for him. Let it go. For whatever reasons you broke up, you are not together anymore and "yes" it would be nice to all get along but remember he is your ex and if you have found somone to more forward with then MOVE FORWARD !!! (honestly if you have considered shooting him then just not paying him any attention should not be that difficult) Unless..... you still have feelings for him and want him back (hummmmm)? Interesting, think about it.
Good luck :flag3:

[Solomon]

Just my two cents, but whenever I broke up with anyone quite simply I just did my best to stay away from'em.

Don't know why, just didn't want anything to do with'em at least for awhile (some i still got along with but it took time for me to feel ok with it).

And some of the wisest words i've ever heard was from a multi-millionare, he said, "It doesn't cost you one cent to go around and talk good about everybody, everywhere, and everything, BUT it'll cost you pretty much everything to talk bad about everybody."

For me it sometimes takes ALOT of searching to find even one good thing to say about someone, but I have found it to be worth the effort. I also find for me that it's definately always a work in progress, an I'm always in need to get better at it.

I also think it's just plain hard to talk truly good about someone after being hurt to the point of parting ways, so that might be why i just stayed away for awhile, no matter how tempting it might be to 'get the last word in', just never seemed like a good idea.

P.S. I am NOT talking about flattery either! Flattery is actually talking bad about someone and is a serious lapse of integrity.

[Solomon]

I would just like to say one thing.

If your EX, is being crule, why is he being crule.

Is it something you said, or did that pissed him off.

In My expereance, EX's normaly turn hostile if the other person, dises them face 2 face or by spreading roumors.

I would be carefull how you proceed, If it really is over, then just leave your be, if he wants to be friends later then its up to you.

Not that this is any of my business, but for one, unicorn didn't say anything about being cruel in her post, for another you're the only one that's responsible for your feelings and your actions.

Maybe you're the one that needs to take care in how you proceed.

[dangerous_unicorn]

thx solomon at least someone agree's that people should watch what they say.

[arana]

Just my :2cents: Uni, but I don't think we here should be made to take sides between your break up with Master. What happened is between you and should be a private thing. Dishing dirt at each other to the group and fighting in the forums is just bad form. It's bad enough that Duck has to live in the middle of it. You both need to be adults and move on if you truly can't be a couple.

Sorry but just my opinion.

[Solomon]

i agree with arana.

sarcasm is just flattery to anyone who's seemingly taking your side uni.

But it's still a lapse of integrity 'cuz on some level everyone knows that you would have no qualms about saying the same things about them should they ever let their guard down around you.

i also think that because it's a natural tendency for women to process (think) by writing or talking that it would be easier and probably better for 486 to bite the bullet and focus on his own issues internally.

having said that i also believe that when you do process uni, at least make an effort to avoid the side taking and personally attacking shit would ya? This is a very supportive community but it's still a public one none the less.

it's obvious that both of you are hurting, but simple bickering is NOT going to heal anything and according to people wiser than me, continuing this path will end up costing you more than you know right now.