Getting stood up.

[FalconAngel]

We were discussing our last failed attempt at meeting up with a guy who claimed he wanted to meet us and the thought occurred to us that this kind of thing happens far too often.

Here's our quandry; Why does this kind of thing keep happening? We have pics on our profile that are of us, we tell everyone that contacts us, up front, what we are looking for. After all of that, they sound enthusiastic about meeting us, so we set a date, time and place to meet up.

The day comes along and we show up at the place and wait..........no show. No call and no e-mail letting us know anything.

Now we are wondering if the problem is our choices of potential partners or something entirely different.

How many of you have had similar experiences?

Also, how many of you have been on the other side of it and stood up the folks that you were going to meet without saying word one to them afterward and why?

[DiamondDog]

I haven't been stood up.

/me knocks on wood.

But there was one meeting (technically it was a date but we met and I didn't like him) over coffee in public where I just should have called the guy ahead of time or emailed him and said, "sorry I don't want to meet you".

We met and talked a bit over coffee, and eventually I just said, "sorry I'm not interested in doing that kink with you like I thought I was. But we can be friends." and parted.

[ghytifrdnr]

My experiences lead me to believe that there are a lot of people who want to think and talk about being bi/gay, but never DO anything about it. For them e-mail and phone are fine, but skin-on-skin is NEVER going to happen. :eek:

[AngelOfTheMystic]

I am sorry to hear about your unfortunate happenings. I think that it would suck to have that done to you. I have never been stood up or stood anyone up but I just wanted to give my advice if that is alright. Could it be that maybe they might feel rushed? How long is it after you talk to these people that you set the date? Do you talk via phone first? If not you could try maybe taking things a bit slower and see how that goes. Good luck!

[CHOCOLATECITY32]

i am so sorry 4 u being stood up a lot of ppl do that.a similar incident like that happen 2 me recently i had chatted and cam with a guy who had a gf 2 participate in a mmf session i told him what time 2 meet even gave him my number as well then when i got up on my computer i was using yahoo 2 im him 2 see if we were still gonna meet i was excited and eager,but full of sexual energy but when he answer he told me that he and his gf got cold feet and from that point i did not understand why did they call off personally i think they had never did a mmf plus he said his gf was experienced,i think she was scared or shy.some ppl on here r a very disappointment and rude and some r real cool.but i think ppl should not agree 2 something if they r not gonna do it :male:

[her hubby]

You are not in the boat alone. It does happen, probably too frequently.

For whatever reason they decide not to show, be it cold feet or something else, it is a common courtesy to let the other party(s) know.

Other than no shows, you get half shows: When you are planning to meet with a couple only to find out that the guy shows up alone hoping that would be ok with us. And like you we just don't hop into bed, we (especially her) need to have a "getting to know each other" period which is made plain from the get go. Yet they still try, last one kept asking to go to our house or a motel, we told him there is no hurry and when we all get aquanted we can discuss taking it further. After that it usually becomes a no show !

As far the second part, sorta stood one up. But it was unitentional, I originally being from New Orleans, made an unplanned and unexpected trip to Texas to be with my family that had evacuated during Katrina and I simply just just had other things on my mind. However I did contact the man upon our return and apologized for it. We did finally meet, even though it never progressed from that point.

Bob

[Nara_lovely]

There is a definite difference between words and actions.

Words from thoughts, to get a reaction or to 'try it out' at distance.
Action brings the reality...and all the baggage that goes along with it.

Sounds like you have yourselves in the best place of honesty and understanding who you are, what you would like, and that's great.
The no-shows are struggling, and it is a shame. But at least you can keep it in perspective. You've helped them understand the difference between talk and action.

...ok, small comfort for your hopes, but one day, hopefully it will be a pleasant surprise.

[unum60]

As far as I am concerned; getting stood up comes with the territory. As such I tend not to spend to much energy on internet hookups. I find that going out and actually meeting people is the best and most gratifying.

There are some things worse than getting stood up ---- arranging a hookup and discovering at first meeting that the individuals grossly misrepresented who they are and what they want.

For me it has taken some time to develop freindships with other people. These friendships are not always sexual, but they do open doors to meet others that can develop into sexual circumstances. I as much as anybody want to get down to business as soon as possible but have learned that talking to people first and getting to know them works the best. Once you get to know them arrange to meet them somewhere public like -- a bar, the beach, etc. That way if they stand you up, you are still out and doing something. Also if they turn out to be "not what you thought", you can get away from them without a hassle.

Anyway, don't give up keep trying, it will pay off with a little effort.

Jason

[DeafF2M]

Aw, that sucks... I can only guess the guy got cold feet. Guilt, maybe....

I read your profile.. you seem like a very cool couple. If I were in Florida, I would have enjoyed meeting with you.

Anyway, I highly doubt it was personal... You just keep looking... something good wil happen soon!

[deletetacount123]

I met 2 people off a dating site, 1 in June and 1 in November.

They said they were fine with me being hard of hearing since I can still hear with my implant (cochlear) and speak.
Well, we met first.... seemed to be getting along well and great. Then we part saying "see you soon!"

BUT..... I never hear from them again!!! The girl in November said "lets get together again this weekend... email me!"
So I emailed, never heard from her... I KNOW she has been online cause the dating site said she logged on recently so I left her a message on the site in case her other email was down.... site shows she read it but ignored it as I got no reply :-(

It kinda ticks me off when someone acts like they want to see you again BUT IGNORES YOU!!! :-( Whats with that? Why lie if you don't mean it??
Seriously.... "It was nice meeting you" would have been a lot nicer than "lets do something this weekend" and then ignore me. (no, nothing sexual)

oh well. I think people are cowards if they can't be honest tho. Im sorry but i like honestly...... If you don't want to meet again then DON'T say you want to get together again!!!

[matterinhand]

Words of advice:

Spend some time getting to know them online. Don't make them think its wham baam thank you maam/sir.

Get them into bed as soon as possible before they get cold feet.

If you're booking a hotel get the money off them in advance.

Trust your potential partners to be honest and forthright.

Make sure your phone is working and they have your number before you leave home to meet them somewhere mutually agreed.

Ring them before you leave, while you're travelling, and when you get there.

Don't appear too desperate.

And if all that leaves you confused...join the 'where the hell are they' club !!

[skyscanning]

As it was stated earlier, getting stood up comes with this means of meeting. I have been stood up several times, though like FA, I am not sure why.

My guess is cold feet, guilt, whatever. I find the actually finding of a playmate the hardest part of the bi experience. Trust, comfort, friendship with a playmate should not be that hard to attain, but does seem to be.

At times I have almost given up on bi play all together. I love the sensual and sexual interaction that bi play affords, but at times I do question if it is really worth the effort...

[Rocsteady]

I have been stood up and I hate it. Not only do I hate it, but it makes it difficult to trust that the next person will show up.

I recently went to a strip mall near my house to get some groceries. I have a large pick-up truck and I usually park where I fit comfortably and can manuver with no problem (I could use the extra walk anyway). So I park a space or two from another large truck with the driver still behind the wheel. As I get out a smile comes across the other drivers face and he says, " Are you Darren". I said no I am sorry I'm not. As I walked away I realized that he was probably waiting for an online connection to show up. Public place, waiting patiently, the anticipation of someone parking so far from the building who could be THE GUY. Yeah this thought followed me all through the store and when I got back to my truck, yep he was still there waiting. Watching every vehicle like a puppy waiting for the family to come home.

Yeah I have been there too unfortunately, and it's not cool. So now I wait in a restaurant and enjoy a meal, a drink, and if you are late and do not call oh well. I had a good time waiting and there is a chance I could meet someone else. :suave: