What's potentially wrong with this Website

[nakedambrosia]

Sexuality is one of the most powerful forces ever, and bisexuality is one of its many branches. Sexuality is creational power (as above so below) and as it derives from Creation its power and drive can become awesome. Humans can't create DNA, or a human being. Humans can manipulate the genetic code, and it is as far as humans can go. The mystery of Creation and the mystery of life are still mysterious. But sex, as a force, can't be ignored. It is driven by Creation. Sex must express itself, and its power can be truly overwhelming sometimes because it is a Drive.
Now with sex being such a powerful force, it can bring about behaviors which can become detrimental. For one, disease today (HIV, hepatitis, STDs) has not gone away. I'm struck by the number of people searching-driven by that branch called bisexuality. I don't imply that one should not search and explore. This site offers that opportunity. But back to the sexual power, that formidable drive mentioned above, which prompts people to seek others opens a serious issue relating to the disease climate relating to bisexuality in the world today.
Because of the nature of this website and its topic, this website attracts many people: those exploring, seeking others, or just communicating. Going back to the prime directive in the first paragraph, I've noticed many driven to spend hours on this website. I've read many article relating to the addictive nature of chatrooms, and chatrooms relating to sex can be one of the most addictive. I can already predict a response to this which will read: "My time is my time to do as I wish. Bug off!!" And in response to this future response I say "Yes, you are absolutely right! Do as you wish!" However, I would like to propose a suggestion: that balance is everything, and if something becomes overwhelming one should re-examine one's priorities and use this website as a resource and not abuse it.
I find that this website does offer a release, an avenue of exploration, a forum for discussion and exchange of ideas. For those wrestling with bisexuality (which is not very accepted in our society) this website offers a haven to express those concerns. Some may never write anything. Rather, they may visit to learn something about their bisexuality. There is nothing wrong with that as long as it does not cause harm. And the potential for harm is always present.

[Brian]

I'm not sure what to make of your post Ambrosia.

Any behaviour can be harmful or even addictive without balance, be it chatting or going to church. Balance is one of the keys to a happy and fulfilling life I think - balance is everything.

As for your statement "Sexuality is creational power (as above so below) and as it derives from Creation its power and drive can become awesome."... The capital "C" in "Creation" suggests to me you are alluding to a god. Frankly, I don't believe this Creator stuff for a second. There is more evidence for the existence of Bigfoot then there is for any gods, let alone just one - and even the evidence for Bigfoot falls far short of confincing me.

It's all about balance, and turning off your heart and your brain so they don't conflict with some folks interpretation of old scrolls and myths wrecks the balance in my opinion.

- Drew :paw:

[Lorcan]

There is nothing wrong, potential or otherwise, with this web site.

People who are prone to addiction will find something to get addicted to.

I agree that the sex drive is a powerful force, indeed one of the most powerful ones. I think its that way whether you believe in God or not. (I do, by the way)

And it has detrimental effects if abused WHETHER you are GAY, STRAIGHT, or BI.

[m.in.heels&hose]

i have read the post by naked ambrosia,twice, and i am a bit confused myself!
i am a "regular" in the chat room, and yes, i have spent many an hour on end there, and yes we do talk about sex, but it also goes much further than that, we have offered help and support to those who needed an outlet to talk to someone about their problems, we have also told jokes, to make others laugh (when we felt they needed to laugh) the conversation ranges from alcohol to zoo's (hence the A to Z spectrum)
granted many of us regulars would not know one another if we bumped into them on the street, but here they/we are friends, and many are very good friends!!!
i have sent presents to some, and others i have tried to help them get new jobs and these people are on all the corners of the world too!

i will continue to do these things, and any thing else that i feel may need to be done
yours truly m.in.heels&hose

[ladydelanie]

I have also read this post many times and am a bit perplexed.
I too am a regular. Would I stop coming here? No I would not. Mihh is correct in stating that we may not know someone if we bumped into them on the street.
However, in chat you get to know people that you otherwise would never meet.
We do have fun and talk about everything! Children, recipes and yes sex. Are we all addicted, perhaps. But I will say I would rather be addicted to chat then many other things in the world.
What a wonderful way to share things with friends. Regardless of our sexuality, religious or political beliefs, most of us have one thing in common, the love of people. I am not talking in a sexual manner here, I am talking about being friends with someone. Listening to them, helping them and loving them for who they are. NOT how we want them to be. I know at times people have questioned "why are you here" being straight and being married to a straight man. I have answered that question a thousand times. Was I judged? No I was not, nor do I judge others and the way people choose to live.
I love the regulars in this room, yes I consider them friends and I am proud to do so! Some know about me and my life. Some just know Ladyd.
That is a personal choice we all make. It's a matter of trust. Sometimes we get burned in chat, just like in real life and sometimes we touch someones heart and they touch ours. We ignite a flame that was no longer burning.

Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light.

-Albert Schweitzer

Do I beleive in fate? Yes I do. Do I believe in God, yes I am not ashamed to say I do as well. Do I judge others that dont have my views. Not at all!
Is the website full of wonderful people! Yes it and and yes some NOT so wonderful as well. Just like the world we live in!

With that said I will close and say......(((((((((to my friends)))))))))!!
I am Ladydelanie and yes I am a chat addict! ;)

[sexy couple]

You must realize that not everyone on this site is here because they are seeking risky sexual encounters or hours and hours addicted to the chat rooms. Drew has created a community here; one that is full of information, communication and support. A community that accepts those who have always been bi, and those who are exploring and want to learn more about thier feelings. Ever since we joined this site, we have encountered many who have offered mature and wise advice and support, and answered any and all questions. As to the risk of disease, every human being, regardless of their preference be they bi, gay or straight, must make their own decisions to protect themselves. The 'potential for harm' as you put it, exists in any relationship on this Earth! As Drew said, Balance is everything. We have found this site to be full of wonderful, down to earth, intelligent people who are ready and willing to support one another. There is nothing wrong with this website; in fact, it is helpful, educational and informative to many.

[arana]

Very well said MIHH and Lady. I think eveyone is looking for something in their life or they wouldn't be here to begin with. If they can find it at this site and are not hurting anyone by doing so, then more power to them. Drew has created a wonderful site for us to discover, illuminate and share of ourselves. People give and take what they will of it and some abuse this privledge, but it has no more potential for harm then anything else in life. In many instances this site provides a means for release or enlightenment to those who might otherwise give themselves into temptations, confusions and frustrations and possibly do great damage to their lives. When weighing the pros and cons, this site has done far more good than bad and we owe Drew a great deal of gratitude for creating it and not giving up when the internet challenges made him ready to tear his hair out. Just my :2cents:

Hugs,
Arana

[bi-dex]

Did you post this on every website out on the net? Balance, of course, is necessary. The lack of balance in one's life is the fault of parents not teaching their children of balance and the lack of real-life teachings in schools. To slam a website for it's well-thought and meaningful purpose is kind of backwards.

[nubiwoman]

Naked Ambrosia..

I have to pretty much agree with all that has been said by Drew and the other members in response to your thead...

I also wonder though; if much of what you say is actually directed to yourself as much as to the rest of us? That you are questioning your own desires and wrestling with yourself, a higher power, worldly values etc etc in order to find a balance that is right for you.. for your own equilibrium perhaps?

Just a thought :cool: I wish you well xx julie :bigrin:

[gina42]

nakedambrosia,
i have read your post serval times....
i have to agree with all that has been said in replys to your post,from other members..they all are very good.
esp. the post from ladydelanie,she said all and it was very well put,my friend and i am not ashamed to admit it ...i am addicted to chatting too! ;)

[Bi-ten]

Hi everyone,

I'll keep it simple...

1. Its good if you like it and causes no harm (includes chat and other indulgences);)

2. God is all around us, he/she gave us Drew and all of you...what more proof of miracles?!!!!

Hugs

[nubiwoman]

Naked Ambrosia...

I feel saddened you felt the need to send me a private response to my comments to your thread, rather than a public one..

If you feel able to make your comments public, I would very much like to respond to them in a public forum, rather than behind closed doors..

Julie

[nakedambrosia]

Thus the challenge from Nubiwoman...."saddened" that I responded to her personally rather that in a forum. Thus, I respond, in a forum and thus I stand to state my reasons. Nubiwoman, unless you have been a Registered Nurse, and have, as I have written to you, about my experiences in caring with end stage HIV patients and end stage cancer patients (many of which were liver and pancreatic cancer patients) and, having had many die on my shift, you would have understood the sensitivity, and pain which made me respond to you privately. However, I understand. As a Registered Nurse, I am about wellness, and prevention. If you read closely my forum you will see that I actually support this website. I have even, in my career, worked in an addictions unit between Med Surg and Surgery. My forum was about touching on certain issues which we all must be aware of. Having lost many patients, some whom I have bonded and, when they died caused tremendous saddness, I had preferred to write to you; however at your request my answer is in the forum. As to everyone, thank you for your comments. This, as my forum does testify, is a good website. I just addressed some concerns relating to wellness as a whole.

[nubiwoman]

Thus the challenge from Nubiwoman...."saddened" that I responded to her personally rather that in a forum. Thus, I respond, in a forum and thus I stand to state my reasons. Nubiwoman, unless you have been a Registered Nurse, and have, as I have written to you, about my experiences in caring with end stage HIV patients and end stage cancer patients (many of which were liver and pancreatic cancer patients) and, having had many die on my shift, you would have understood the sensitivity, and pain which made me respond to you privately. However, I understand. As a Registered Nurse, I am about wellness, and prevention. If you read closely my forum you will see that I actually support this website. I have even, in my career, worked in an addictions unit between Med Surg and Surgery. My forum was about touching on certain issues which we all must be aware of. Having lost many patients, some whom I have bonded and, when they died caused tremendous saddness, I had preferred to write to you; however at your request my answer is in the forum. As to everyone, thank you for your comments. This, as my forum does testify, is a good website. I just addressed some concerns relating to wellness as a whole.


Thank you Naked Ambrosia,

for respecting my request to continue this thread in public..

Actually I am also a Registered Nurse with over 20 years experience of working in cancer care. Not that I believe this is particularly relevant to the ethics of this site..

You have clearly witnessed tremendous suffering, some of which has been through end stage AIDS which does have a high incidence of being transmitted sexually.. Most cancers are not transmitted sexually though... My speciality was children and teenagers with cancer, horrific... and with nothing or no-one to blame... It just happens.. it is part of life.

Through your private message to me I understand your agenda is to encourage wellness and that if you can protect just one person through your writings then this will have been worth it?

I dont think anyone would oppose your desire to promote wellness Naked Ambrosia, I think what I oppose it the assumptions you seem to make about us... you certainly made some sweeping ones about me! Your assumptions suggest to me that maybe you see yourself as somehow superior to the rest of us? Registered Nurse Naked Ambrosia knows best? This is what is wrong with you.. here am I to make you better?

On this site, as in life, we are all equal and all different...

With kind regards to you Naked Ambrosia

Julie :flag3: :2cents:

[Shark 928]

Nakedambrosia should not be condemned or chastised for pointing out the obvious. This site like any chat site has the potential to be damaging.

It is not the site's fault. To blame the site for chat-related problems is like blaming MacDonalds for making people get big, fat asses. Don't eat the fucking supersized fries, tubby. Personally, I think this site does more to promote self-exploration than just offering a place to talk dirty. Like Drew says, it is all about maintaining a balance.

That said, nakedambrosia's warnings should not be dismissed lightly. It is often difficult to keep balance, especially when it concerns sexuality. There is tremedous potential for disaster. Not because of Creation (big or little "c" or any Creator. In this respect, Arana is right. We all come here because we are looking for something. And when people search out of desperation, there is a risk of abuse.

People should not lightly proclaim themselves to be "chat addicts." Why are they addicted? What is missing in their lives? Do they lack intimacy? Do they want to pretend to be someone else? Are they bored? If married people have cybersex with others, they are cheating, simple as that. (If you doubt that is true, go tell your spouse that you cybersexed some other person and see how they react). What in their own marriage is missing that they have to cheat with others?

People in glass houses should not throw stones and I freely admit that I am here because of the shortcomings in my own marriage. My wife's feelings about sex changed after our twin girls were born. She does not want to do those "things" that she would not want our girls to do when they are older. So I come here for everything I can't find at home. I admit that I am cheating, but I don't want to leave my girls and this is better and safer than hookers and pick up bars. And if the fantasies get too much, I just log off. Again, the key is -- like Drew said -- balance. And to properly balance, we must admit and be aware of the danger.

I'm Shark 928 and I am NOT a chat addict.

[jcorlando]

hi all: as a newbie i find the website a tremendously fun and open outlet for me, being bisexual in the 'real' world is stressful enough. and here i find no one is judgemental, i can be myself, even if i dont chat as often as id like, i have already made friends and love the people i chat with.

as for std's, in the <whatever term goes here> sexual world we all have to be careful and use our heads. yes there are std's and some 'gay diseases' out there (such as hepC, etc) but one has to be discriminating in who we let into our intimate lives. i am not sure how many of 'us' here are promiscuous but i would venture to say very few. cheers.

joe
jca1999 :2cents:

[nakedambrosia]

Thank you for your comment, Nubiwoman. I for one don't feel at all superior-relating to my comments. For one, I had preferred to keep my profession out of the forum because it might bring out a sense of that feeling you suggested. Unfortunately, you brought it out, and it it is really unfounded. My original comments were meant to be thought provoking: to have people pause and think. Unfortunately, some had a knee jerk reaction without noticing that I did commend the site as a good one, helpful to many. The web site does provide many resources. The danger, the thesis of my original forum was that sex, being a powerful force, can make people lose their head in a dangerous sort of way. My personal experiences, that you skillfully attempted to extract from me made me respond with, unfortunately a slam from your end. This brings me to why I sent you a personal message in the first place. In conclusion, my original forum was just to bring out thought provoking issues. Some who read it may have seen a mirror-and thus, the negative reaction to it initially.

[nakedambrosia]

Shark 928 - thank you for your response! A good one.

[nubiwoman]

I'm interested Naked Ambrosia....

In your opinon.. what constitutes 'a good one' when referring to a post? One that doesn't challenge your perceptions perhaps?

I stand by all I have said and my request to discuss my public comments in public.. The very fact you had to tell me of your medical background does suggest to me that it is relevent to how you conduct yourself in this forum..

I dont wish to be part of a subgroup which has covert information- this site, for me, is a haven from my former married life of secrets and lies... I will not be emotionally blackmailed with secrets... to what? shut me up? make me feel ashamed? feel guilty that if i'd only known of your sacred profession i would never have dared to suggest that you are as human as the rest of us?

Why so aggressive towards me? Why so scathing of my feeling saddened?

I'm sure you will tell me Naked Ambrosia

Kind regards, as ever Julie (Nubiwoman is only my username on this site)

[APMountianMan]

Hmmm.... let me think.... what is potentially wrong with... FOOD! Oh yes, you might become a glutton, but of course, that would be the Creator's fault because he created us with an appetite... Eat or die! Oh wait, the Creator also put within us the need to couple... it is not good for man (humankind) to be alone... so this too is the Creator's fault, that we want to have sex every chance we get. Now, of course I am being crude in my comment, but this is because I have no patience for weak-minded theologians that can't tell the moist hole of pleasure from the hot hole of hell. Leave it be! "If you think a thing is evil then it is evil to YOU. But it is not the thing that is evil but the evil in your mind." Look it up, it's in the Bible. :tong:

[slaphappypud]

OK, I've read the original post about 4 times and it still sounds like a psychotic rant to me. We're all adults here, why do we need a warning about chat addiction or STD's ?? (I'm taking the topic from later posts).
I call TROLL on this post! :)

[GeorgeW6]

OK, I've read the original post about 4 times and it still sounds like a psychotic rant to me. We're all adults here, why do we need a warning about chat addiction or STD's ?? (I'm taking the topic from later posts).
I call TROLL on this post! :)

That's what I thought. Usually those posts with the strained intellectual tone seem to be the least interesting and least intelligent.

Commenting on the general drift of the thread, isn't it true that in most parts of the world HIV and AIDS are found throughout the population? I am pretty sure that is true in Africa and know that straight male travelers have always been warned of the possibility of catching STDs from female sex workers. Nothing new there.

When, many years ago, HIV/AIDS was considered a "gay problem," those who were responsible for public health, largely ignored the disease . More than likely, I feel, the pressure of the families of the mostly young men dying by the thousands from an unknown disease got the Federal Government involved, if only reluctantly.

There still is little recognition that the disease carries more risk for the general population than hurricanes, for example. Just as in that situation, the government and citizens of our country ignore the real possibility of a huge problem if HIV/AIDS start to infect more teenagers and twenty-somethings of all races and economic strata.

With drug epidemics already running riot in the USA, can similar epidemics of STDs be far behind. I feel the possibility is real that before we see more violence from terrorists, we will see many deaths from STDs including AIDS.

That is one reason why I answered the poll in the middle. I want to know a politicians views and actions on many subjects before voting yea or nay.

[wanderingrichard]

well, if it aint broke dont fix it, and right now it's not.. what we do have is unlimited potential for growth, truth, and community... since this site is in it's infancy, we can do almost anything we darn well please to make it better by sending suggestions for improvement to the management, such as a health issues section, a recipe box seemed appropriate over the weekend, upgraded system for replying to articles and other member posts such as this[ cant speak for all, but i'd rather not have to totally command line my font, size and color choices] etc .. as for ambrosias 'lil lost meander thru the gates of reason, it appears she may be at conflict with her true self and some other, deeper, troubles, and may need to excuse herself from participation this site until she can fix it either on her own or with professional help. undefined

[mike9753]

Everybody's entitled to their own opinion. I'd rather look for the gems of wisdom is everyone's contribution than judge. No one needed to respond to nakedambrosia, but many did. The discussion that has followed has included a lot that is useful. For me, the judgemental comments were the least helpful and in some cases actually destructive.

I don't agree with all that was said, but I support people wanting to contribute their ideas and opinions. We are all enriched by the diversity of these thoughts.

Mike

[wellred]

...I don't imply that one should not search and explore. This site offers that opportunity. But back to the sexual power, that formidable drive mentioned above, which prompts people to seek others opens a serious issue relating to the disease climate relating to bisexuality in the world today...

I find that this website does offer a release, an avenue of exploration, a forum for discussion and exchange of ideas. For those wrestling with bisexuality (which is not very accepted in our society) this website offers a haven to express those concerns. Some may never write anything. Rather, they may visit to learn something about their bisexuality. There is nothing wrong with that as long as it does not cause harm. And the potential for harm is always present...

This thread as struck a cord in many of the site's visitors. Amazingly, the response rate is higher (per viewer) than "What is your favourite sex toy?" So, kudos to NakedAmbrosia for stirring the thoughts and emotions within us.

I have hung back from comment out of cowardness, I guess. However, Mike9753's response rings true for me. We don't have to repond to any post and we do not need to be personally judgemental of others. As a wise friend recently wrote on this site, "we have the right to disagree, but not the right to be disagreeable."

And what is our disagreement? Ambrosia points out the innate origin of sexual drive, the strength of that drive, and the obvious dangers of sexual diseases and imbalance. He seems to call for caution and balance in our lives. Lastly, he validates the merits of this site (as quoted above).

We may disagree with his thoughts or his writing style, but I support his right to express his point of view, using the language and structure that works for him.

With Love and Light,
Red

[nakedambrosia]

Nubiwoman- I'm not at all upset with you. You threw the initial gauntlet down in response to my comments which addressed serious issues which could surface later with some people. You intially questioned my direction, both in lifestyle and spiritually- which, are intact and thriving. I have said what I said in my intial forum, which I again mention, that within those comments I gave some good comments about this website. My comments stand as they stand-to make people think. So, Nubiwoman, nothing personal.

[ThrillMe]

Let me say that I rarely ever post ... but I could not let this pass.

When I first read this I thought to myself "what branch of the George W's Christian Right did this person walk out of".

After reading it again, I thought to myself "what part of Backwards, Nowhere did this person walk out of".

This is not intended to offend the original poster. I am all for allowing everyone to state their opinion, but they must then be willing to take the constructive critical responses that will come.

If the belief is that this site will lead to an increase in Hepetitis, STD's, AIDS then let me say this: Have you ever been to a bar?

At closing time at most bars or pubs, especially those near or on a University campus, dozens of people will leave with someone they had not met before that night. Some of those couples will be same-sex, some may even be more than just a couple.

So, just how potentially dangerous is a bar then?
How potentially dangerous is a University then?

[Before the Christian right element then begins to badmouth alcohol (some Christian sects will not allow "elders" to partake in alcohol), let's take a trip to the New Testament: "likewise, after supper, He took the cup of wine, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them saying 'drink ye all of this'". Christ himself drank alcohol, and suggested the rest of us do to!]

Now, people don't just hook up at bars. Churches themselves have for centuries been considered meeting places for potential mates. I know of many religious-based events where random couples "hooked up".

People also hook up at grocery stores ... in fact, some grocery stores hold "singles shopping hours".

In terms of addiction, a person can become addicted to anything: lotteries, slot machines, sex, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs ... and oh yes, they may spend a little too much time on the internet.

Some of those internet-addicted my spend hours playing games on kewlbox.com whereas others may spend it in chat.

Many of those chat-addicted people spend hours chatting in religious chat rooms!!

If the original poster is concerned about disease, etc, then what is somehow forgotten is what's potentially good about this website: in the internet age, people become almost net-schizophrenic - adopting many personas that they would never ever act out in real life.

A healthy person may have certain curiosities about sex and bisexuality. They may be able to come online and live out some of those curiosities in an online environment.

This person may then NEVER attempt to fulfill the curiosity with a real live person.

Wow, you just can't get any "safer sex" than 1000 miles away across a series of wires. You'll never see Trojan marketing the online sex condom - there's no need, even if it is ribbed for someone else's pleasure, or features a reservoir tip.

If someone is going to hook up with one or two people, it's going to happen. Does the internet as a whole make it easier?

Only slightly.

This is, once again, just one sane person's opinion.

[arana]

My original comments were meant to be thought provoking: to have people pause and think. Unfortunately, some had a knee jerk reaction without noticing that I did commend the site as a good one, helpful to many. The web site does provide many resources. The danger, the thesis of my original forum was that sex, being a powerful force, can make people lose their head in a dangerous sort of way. My personal experiences, that you skillfully attempted to extract from me made me respond with, unfortunately a slam from your end. This brings me to why I sent you a personal message in the first place. In conclusion, my original forum was just to bring out thought provoking issues. Some who read it may have seen a mirror-and thus, the negative reaction to it initially.

You've mentioned that you only posted this thread to provoke thought. Nowhere in your original post do I recall seeing you say, "this is my thesis on what can be wrong with this type of website, what are your thoughts?' You are not a stupid person so you knew you were pushing buttons from the start and would receive negative feedback by the way you worded your comments. In fact you stated "I can already predict a response to this which will read: "My time is my time to do as I wish. Bug off!!" It's a natural human instinct to become defensive when a person feels themselves, their domain and it's contents is being threatened. You felt the need to defend yourself by sending a message to NakedAmbrosia because of her comments, when you could have let it go, since it was just her "thoughts" on the subject. I'm sorry if you didn't receive the positive feedbacks that you seem to have been expecting, but I do feel you knew what you were getting into or should have.

Sorry,
Arana

[Ratchick]

:eek2:
OKay, I am lost.
For some reason I get the impression "Naked" is saying this site is detramental because people become addicted to chat and message baords, instead of enjoying "Real life", and that it promotes promiscuious sex.
My Question is, a Site can't dictate someone's behavior, or life, so how can this site be detramental?
I know I have brought up topics relating to safe sex products, and have attended many safe sex lectures, the Bi-Unity group I FOUND on this site promotes safe sex and points out all kinds of places in this city to find free STD screening, and generally has helped me find a valuable resource for fellowship and information. I work 45+ hour weeks, have an active Bi/Queer social life, and am rarely at my computer but for a few mintues/daily. I think Drew has done a fine job of making a site that informs as well as entertains. If someone spends too much time here, or has promiscuious sex, that's thier responsibilty, not a web site.

But, I may have completely misunderstood what she was saying.
:2cents:

[nubiwoman]

You've mentioned that you only posted this thread to provoke thought. Nowhere in your original post do I recall seeing you say, "this is my thesis on what can be wrong with this type of website, what are your thoughts?' You are not a stupid person so you knew you were pushing buttons from the start and would receive negative feedback by the way you worded your comments. In fact you stated "I can already predict a response to this which will read: "My time is my time to do as I wish. Bug off!!" It's a natural human instinct to become defensive when a person feels themselves, their domain and it's contents is being threatened. You felt the need to defend yourself by sending a message to NakedAmbrosia because of her comments, when you could have let it go, since it was just her "thoughts" on the subject. I'm sorry if you didn't receive the positive feedbacks that you seem to have been expecting, but I do feel you knew what you were getting into or should have.

Sorry,
Arana


I suspect you mean me (nubiwoman) when you say about sending a message to 'naked ambrosia' Arana? ;)

I share your feelings about naked ambrosia posting a provocative thread then seemingly getting pissed off when people such as myself suggest he may wish to take a look at his own issues before making such bold assumptioms about other peoples..

I love the fact we all have the right to post our viewpoints here though.. No matter how controversial..

Julie :flag3:

[mike9753]

I guess my contribution here is focused on the process of how the discussion develps. I would guess that most of us would agree that everyone has a right to express themselves, Right?

Once you express an opinion, then you should expect a response, Right?

The response can address the initial opinion by:

1. Being defensive if the person feels attacked,
2. Attacking back, without constructive content,
3. Adding to the initial opinion with a slightly different point of view,
4. Defusing tension by adding a little humor,
5. Challenging the origional speaker with a different point of view,
6. Restating the origional opinion,
7. Asking for clarification or questioning the statement,
8. I am sure there are other kinds of repsonses that I can't remember right now.

The point is that there are various ways to move a discussion forwad so we all benefit from the give and take of differeing viewpoints. I, for one, am interested in the development of a topic. I am not interest in any personal attacks. I am interested in a discussion that includes elements of an argument, but only when all parties respect each other. I am not interested in hearing the same stuff repeated over and over again - it's boring and does not get us anywhere. I am interested in learning about what others think and feel about these things - because as I said in an earlier post, I feel it enriches me.

I am also interested in how people express their humor. When it comes to something as powerful and significant as sex (any sex - bisex, gay sex, heterosex, polysex, unisex, etc.) genuine humor seems to be even funnier. Maybe it's because we are so invested in our sexuality.

Anyway, that;s my few cents.:2cents::2cents::2cents::2cents::2cents:

Mike

[trickster232]

Hello. As the straight wife of a bi man, this post touched on one of my biggest worries. I believe there are probably many people who join this site simply lookin for some sex talk or to hook up. Many are not interested in joining a community and would hazzard a guess that they don't even read the forums. So in effect your post was kinda like preaching to the choir. P.S. I really injoy reading the forums and articles they are what keeps me comming back. :) Trick

[arana]

I suspect you mean me (nubiwoman) when you say about sending a message to 'naked ambrosia' Arana? ;)

I share your feelings about naked ambrosia posting a provocative thread then seemingly getting pissed off when people such as myself suggest he may wish to take a look at his own issues before making such bold assumptioms about other peoples..

I love the fact we all have the right to post our viewpoints here though.. No matter how controversial..

Julie :flag3:

Oops, sorry Julie, Yes, I did mean you. Got my names turned around.

[DÆMØN]

If someone is going to hook up with one or two people, it's going to happen. Does the internet as a whole make it easier?



Well... doggone it ! It sure levels the playing field for us Deafies :tongue: wØØt! Btw... I's not a chat addict... I's a Chat Veteran :tong: And a damn good one. Keep on TEXTING !

... meanwhile elsewheres on the forums... there's other topics requiring readership... and a little levity. How bout REAL Bi humour instead of scathing opinions.

[csrakate]

Hello. As the straight wife of a bi man, this post touched on one of my biggest worries. I believe there are probably many people who join this site simply lookin for some sex talk or to hook up. Many are not interested in joining a community and would hazzard a guess that they don't even read the forums. So in effect your post was kinda like preaching to the choir. P.S. I really injoy reading the forums and articles they are what keeps me comming back. :) Trick

As the wife of a bisexual man, I'm afraid that I don't have the same opinion of this site as you do. While you are correct in your statement that many people join this site for sex talk or to hook up, you cannot let this keep you from seeing the benefits of a site like this one and the effect it can have on those who choose to participate as a member of a community. I strongly feel that the good outweighs the bad and I for one have not only learned a great deal from coming here, I have also gained a better understanding of my husband as well as myself. While engaging in chat room banter, I have recognized that those who are part of the community mindset are no different from me, a straight, albeit bicurious woman, who is committed to remain in a marriage based on monogamy and commitment. I am meeting and chatting with people who go to work everday, people who have spouses and children, people who share recipes and jokes, and people who have valid and intelligent opinions on everyday issues such as the high price of gas and the war in Iraq. So what does this mean in the grand scheme of things? That until I began to get to know the the individuals in the chat room, the people who have to struggle and cope with their bisexuality in a predominently heterosexual world, I let society dictate what I considered normal and abnormal. And because of these strict societal norms, for many years I was unable to fully understand or accept my husband for what he is....a loving and compassionate man who just happens to find both men and women sexually appealing. I learned that just because he has these feelings, it is in no way a threat to me or my marriage. My only regret is that I didn't discover this site a few years ago. It could have saved my husband a few years of feeling ashamed and guilty whenever I expressed my fear of his sexuality.

I think we all agree that there are also people who come here and use the chat room as a substitute for human interaction as well as those who are excessive in the amounts of time they devote to chatting. But as in anything else, anything done is excess can be potentially harmful so to say that those of us who like to spend time in chat are doing ourselves more harm than good is just not the case. There are exceptions to every rule and we can't base our opinions just on the negative parts.

So, if going to the chat room makes me an addict, then I would like to take a cue from Ladydelanie: I am Kate and I am a chat room addict!! LOL!

[Kitsy]

Yeah I don't often go into forums, but through my ad thing and messaging people and chatting and everything....well Imet some really nice people and I think it's helped me learn more about myself...Although that can also be confusing...^_^;; oh well, I love the lovely people on this site even if I'm sometimes a little freaked out being approched by guys over twice my age :eek: but the attention kinda nice too ^_^ I not bout to let them have their way with me, though not all like that....kinda annoying when I in chat and they think my name is girly...and it is kinda...but still ^_^;; nice peeps don't care anyway, they happy whoever it is, had some great chats ^_^

[bigregory]

Ok im addicted.
Bite me
it's my life.
Just kidding,but to get on-line and chatt with other bi people can be a very relaxing experience.
To bring God or your God or any kind of God into a public chat is stupid.
Live Love Laugh..
I don't give a f##k what about what someone thinks about what i do in my spare time.
And i dont care what you do in yours.................

[nakedambrosia]

Simply, I just brought up the potential of many things: the possibility of meeting someone who is a disease carrier, the potential of losing completely the track of time by being on the site too long and neglecting other important things....anyway, the message was simple...balance in everything. When things run out of control, then you, are out of control. And to those who find the website a place for human companionship...please...this is an electronic media. Go out and meet real people. And utilize this site, not overuse it.

[bigregory]

Simply, I just brought up the potential of many things: the possibility of meeting someone who is a disease carrier, the potential of losing completely the track of time by being on the site too long and neglecting other important things....anyway, the message was simple...balance in everything. When things run out of control, then you, are out of control. And to those who find the website a place for human companionship...please...this is an electronic media. Go out and meet real people. And utilize this site, not overuse it.
Not overuse it.
Who is overusing what here?
Electronic media to you,But guess what? there are warm and caring people on the other end of that wire..

:2cents: Hanging my head in disgust...

[csrakate]

Simply, I just brought up the potential of many things: the possibility of meeting someone who is a disease carrier, the potential of losing completely the track of time by being on the site too long and neglecting other important things....anyway, the message was simple...balance in everything. When things run out of control, then you, are out of control. And to those who find the website a place for human companionship...please...this is an electronic media. Go out and meet real people. And utilize this site, not overuse it.
I really don't understand what your issue is here. And why all the anger? I appreciate your concerns about your fellow posters but while your intentions are good, your delivery smacks of defensiveness that would lead someone to wonder if there is more behind your views than merely the facts that you are sharing. Perhaps your time would be better spent making suggestions for improving this site instead of insulting those who enjoy it.

I say "live and let live"! Life's too short to spend it worrying about behavior of others that you have no control over. And I hope you understand that I'm not trying to put you down or criticize you....I just don't understand what the issue is and why it seems to anger you so that all the posters didn't share your opinions.

Kate

[trickster232]

To csrakate. Yes, i agree with you. That is why im on the site-to try and understand. The people on here seem to be nice and intelligent in their forum writings, that is why i read them(the forums). But you misunderstood one thing-after 30+ years of marriage,finding out he is bi was not a problem for me (it was like-yeah, and, so what, lol ) It is like i can understand it all around the fringes-but not at the core. Im trying to understand his obsessive drive to experience bi sex. for me it is all about keeping my husband safe from risky compulsive risky sex. I love my husband and would do anything to keep him safe-its just what? I don't know...yet. Any advice? Trick :)

[csrakate]

To csrakate. Yes, i agree with you. That is why im on the site-to try and understand. The people on here seem to be nice and intelligent in their forum writings, that is why i read them(the forums). But you misunderstood one thing-after 30+ years of marriage,finding out he is bi was not a problem for me (it was like-yeah, and, so what, lol ) It is like i can understand it all around the fringes-but not at the core. Im trying to understand his obsessive drive to experience bi sex. for me it is all about keeping my husband safe from risky compulsive risky sex. I love my husband and would do anything to keep him safe-its just what? I don't know...yet. Any advice? Trick :)
Trickster,
I did in fact misunderstand your implication and for that I am sorry. We are both here to learn more about our situations but I guess for me, I was thinking more about the benefits of the site for you and I as opposed to your fear for your husband. I can definitely understand your uneasiness when you see individuals come on this site merely soliciting a sexual partner or a cyber sexual experience without any regard for those of us who are here to learn and grow. There's nothing that irritates me more than to have someone come into the middle of a good chat room discussion with their "I'm naked, I'm horny, pm me" message. But I do have to laugh when they continue to make that request for at least ten times or more. You'd think they'd get a clue!! LOL

Once again, I'm sorry for not realizing how this situation would make you uncomfortable and if you ever want to discuss our situations with our bi husbands, please feel free to contact me. Although I have only been married for 25 years as opposed to your 30+, I was at least aware of my situation from day one and have had the time and now the opportunity to work through it a bit longer. And if we can help each other, then that would once again show the true intention and obvious usefulness of a site such as this.

Kate

[gina42]

As the wife of a bisexual man, I'm afraid that I don't have the same opinion of this site as you do. While you are correct in your statement that many people join this site for sex talk or to hook up, you cannot let this keep you from seeing the benefits of a site like this one and the effect it can have on those who choose to participate as a member of a community. I strongly feel that the good outweighs the bad and I for one have not only learned a great deal from coming here, I have also gained a better understanding of my husband as well as myself. While engaging in chat room banter, I have recognized that those who are part of the community mindset are no different from me, a straight, albeit bicurious woman, who is committed to remain in a marriage based on monogamy and commitment. I am meeting and chatting with people who go to work everday, people who have spouses and children, people who share recipes and jokes, and people who have valid and intelligent opinions on everyday issues such as the high price of gas and the war in Iraq. So what does this mean in the grand scheme of things? That until I began to get to know the the individuals in the chat room, the people who have to struggle and cope with their bisexuality in a predominently heterosexual world, I let society dictate what I considered normal and abnormal. And because of these strict societal norms, for many years I was unable to fully understand or accept my husband for what he is....a loving and compassionate man who just happens to find both men and women sexually appealing. I learned that just because he has these feelings, it is in no way a threat to me or my marriage. My only regret is that I didn't discover this site a few years ago. It could have saved my husband a few years of feeling ashamed and guilty whenever I expressed my fear of his sexuality.

I think we all agree that there are also people who come here and use the chat room as a substitute for human interaction as well as those who are excessive in the amounts of time they devote to chatting. But as in anything else, anything done is excess can be potentially harmful so to say that those of us who like to spend time in chat are doing ourselves more harm than good is just not the case. There are exceptions to every rule and we can't base our opinions just on the negative parts.

So, if going to the chat room makes me an addict, then I would like to take a cue from Ladydelanie: I am Kate and I am a chat room addict!! LOL!

kate,
i could'nt have said it any better than you, my husband is bi, im straight and as far as chat rooms go,i guess im an addict than too...also arana they is no need for you to say sorry to anyone for writing your feeling my friend...

[arana]

kate,
i could'nt have said it any better than you, my husband is bi, im straight and as far as chat rooms go,i guess im an addict than too...also arana they is no need for you to say sorry to anyone for writing your feeling my friend...


Thank you Gina. I'm tired of this nakedambrosia bashing though. His points are valid, I just didn't care for the delivery. And as Kate pointed out, they are still on the defensive side. I hope that this is merely because of the responses he is receiving and not because of something happening in his life that triggered this thread in the first place.

Lovies,
Arana :tong:

[trickster232]

#1 thing to do. Keep your sense of humor. I, for one, will never be able to go to walmarts again without thinking of the 50 things to do in a walmart store... :eek: trick

[csrakate]

Thank you Gina. I'm tired of this nakedambrosia bashing though. His points are valid, I just didn't care for the delivery. And as Kate pointed out, they are still on the defensive side. I hope that this is merely because of the responses he is receiving and not because of something happening in his life that triggered this thread in the first place.

Lovies,
Arana :tong:

You're right Arana...I think we are so busy defending our choice to be here that we often forget that things aren't always as we see them. Thank you for pointing that out!

Kate
:)

[nakedambrosia]

I guess that apologies are in order relating to my last post-it was written in response to the numerous attacks my original forum triggered. Mike9753 made very good points in his two cents worth which I found helpful. In my original post I did mention that I anticipated a response from those who would take offense on their time on line; to which I responded: do as you wish. Which still stands as I write this. I also stated that this website does provide an excellent place for discussion. I still believe that this is true. I read more today, got upset at some of the attacks, and left the site to reflect before counter-attacking which is non productive. My last post, as I just stated was such a reaction. My original post was not intended to attack anyone: I wrote it to just bring out what I felt could be potentially harmful. If I offended anyone by posting it, then I do apologize for the wording and delivery which may have been pointed. So carry on. And I stand on my original post: this website does offer good things. With moderation (and that's me talking. If you want to spend ten hours here then go for it!). In conclusion, I did not intend my initial post as a personal attack. It was written to provoke thought.

[Brian]

I guess that apologies are in order relating to my last post-it was written in response to the numerous attacks my original forum triggered. Mike9753 made very good points in his two cents worth which I found helpful. In my original post I did mention that I anticipated a response from those who would take offense on their time on line; to which I responded: do as you wish. Which still stands as I write this. I also stated that this website does provide an excellent place for discussion. I still believe that this is true. I read more today, got upset at some of the attacks, and left the site to reflect before counter-attacking which is non productive. My last post, as I just stated was such a reaction. My original post was not intended to attack anyone: I wrote it to just bring out what I felt could be potentially harmful. If I offended anyone by posting it, then I do apologize for the wording and delivery which may have been pointed. So carry on. And I stand on my original post: this website does offer good things. With moderation (and that's me talking. If you want to spend ten hours here then go for it!). In conclusion, I did not intend my initial post as a personal attack. It was written to provoke thought. For what it's worth NakedAmbrosia I didn't take your original post personally - I disagreed with some of the points - but didn't take any offense. I don't think there was anything wrong with your original post. It was a thought-provoking post, and it even enterred into a conversation I had with a friend the other day (you know it's a good post when that happens!). I am glad that everyone (including me) is dialing back the intensity a notch, to ensure that we do not breach one of the main rules of this board which is... no personal attacks. Attacking the idea is fair game, but attacking the person is not.

- Drew :paw:

[csrakate]

I guess that apologies are in order relating to my last post-it was written in response to the numerous attacks my original forum triggered. Mike9753 made very good points in his two cents worth which I found helpful. In my original post I did mention that I anticipated a response from those who would take offense on their time on line; to which I responded: do as you wish. Which still stands as I write this. I also stated that this website does provide an excellent place for discussion. I still believe that this is true. I read more today, got upset at some of the attacks, and left the site to reflect before counter-attacking which is non productive. My last post, as I just stated was such a reaction. My original post was not intended to attack anyone: I wrote it to just bring out what I felt could be potentially harmful. If I offended anyone by posting it, then I do apologize for the wording and delivery which may have been pointed. So carry on. And I stand on my original post: this website does offer good things. With moderation (and that's me talking. If you want to spend ten hours here then go for it!). In conclusion, I did not intend my initial post as a personal attack. It was written to provoke thought.


Nakedambrosia,
If nothing else, you gave us all pause for thought...I actually wonder now if I do spend too much time chatting...it's just so much fun at times that I lose track of time. But I think we all agree that we've all found something beneficial from this site, otherwise we wouldn't be here posting to the forum. LOL

I think your above post was well worded and clarified the original intent of your post. Thanks for caring enough to share some very thought provoking facts.

Kate :)

[arana]

I guess that apologies are in order relating to my last post-it was written in response to the numerous attacks my original forum triggered. I read more today, got upset at some of the attacks, and left the site to reflect before counter-attacking which is non productive. My last post, as I just stated was such a reaction. If I offended anyone by posting it, then I do apologize for the wording and delivery which may have been pointed. It was written to provoke thought.

Thank you for taking the time to do that before responding. I think because your original post DID provoke thought, it also produced the defensive counter attack back to you and I am sorry for that. I'm also very sorry if we hurt your feelings by things that were said. I know it was not my intent to do so in my posts. Truce?

Hugs,
Arana :tong:

[nakedambrosia]

Arana, of course: Truce. Perhaps a peace treaty in the works.

[SweetAmy]

I cant see anything wrong with this site. Its free, its fun and its easy to get around.

[mike9753]

Conflict makes us all grow stronger, when we can bring it to a peaceful conclusion. I think we have all found out NOt "What is wrong with this website". BUT we have found out what is constructive, educatrional and even fun about this website. Once again, Thanks Drew! You seem to know when to let the discussions go on and when to interject a calming comment and to recognize that there are many, many solid bi-citizens here who can solve things on their own!

Mike

[void()]

Simply, I just brought up the potential of many things: the possibility of meeting someone who is a disease carrier, the potential of losing completely the track of time by being on the site too long and neglecting other important things....anyway, the message was simple...balance in everything. When things run out of control, then you, are out of control. And to those who find the website a place for human companionship...please...this is an electronic media. Go out and meet real people. And utilize this site, not overuse it.

Know it has been long ago addressed and discussed but felt compelled to offer my views. I do so not to fan any flames, only to express a different way of reading the subject matter.

"Simply, I just brought up the potential of many things: the possibility of meeting someone who is a disease carrier, the potential of losing completely the track of time by being on the site too long and neglecting other important things....anyway, the message was simple...balance in everything."

Is it possible to meet people whom have disease/s here? Yes it is.

Does that imply you will contract said disease/s? No it does not. This to me reads the poster is implying we are not sane or intelligent enough to be aware of and use safe sex practices. Further it lends to projecting the poster into an ivory tower due to their occupation vis a vi an appeal to authority. And yes, I note this was addressed. It still does not make it right nor offer apology, as the op does not apologize, rather they are sorry 'others took offense'. No one asked the op to be sorry for them. They voiced an alleged opinion in order to push buttons, an apology was requested, none was given.

Can one lose track of time in engaging conversation here? Yes one can. One can loose track of time splitting firewood, fishing, doing whatever. This again to me reads to me as full tilt implication. It does not matter where one loses track of time. We all lose track of time. So what? Shit happens. Again, this appears as a baited hook and platform to convey the op's superiority. "You waste time. I do not. I am better than you."

Is balance a simple message? Yes it is simple to remind yourself and others to remain balanced. Being balanced itself is often difficult, though. That noted this 'simple message' lends credence back to the core posting implying the "I'm better than you", platform. It is used as a buffer, deflection. "Look all I'm saying is ..." And "Gee, you're really dense to have misread that, in fact I was saying ..."

It is a baited hook in verbal / written conflict. I flat out dislike and very nearly loath those whom would abuse the language so. It does follow logically they in turn would so abuse other people. I literally have been there and done that, danced to its music quite a while.

"When things run out of control, then you, are out of control."


George W. Bush wrote, "If we fail then we won't succeed." I read that and immediately thought, "no shit, really?"

That isn't the point of such a statement though. The purpose is to again to berate you, cause you to feel you're too dumb to know the obvious. And yes, again it is another baited hook. One cannot reply to it for being seen as defensive, which then allows the op huge lateral ground to assert; "Oh look, see how dumb the other person is to misread what I said ..."

Apologies, I have not been not been honest in my reason for rehashing this post. What I am intent upon doing is illustrating verbal / written abuse and ultimately warfare in regards to trolls. Hopefully in illustrating this different window to others here, we can soon learn to abolish trolls and abusers. I do not seek being abusive. But at times in attempting to let others understand how abuse is used and applied, one can become close to being an abuser. It is a very dark and slippery slope one treads.

Knowing this, I chose walking the path in confidence. I have survived much abuse and now grow tired of seeing others abused. "It only takes a good man doing nothing to allow evil to prosper." So, I do something and hope others help me avoid doing the wrong. At the least I'm doing something.


"And to those who find the website a place for human companionship...please...this is an electronic media. "

Yes it is electronic media. How quickly you seem to forget media is but a tool of communication. In communicating people may indeed find companionship. With your use of this media as a platform to abuse others, you'll not prosper though. There are many people out here in the electronic medium whom discourage abuse simply because they have seen it does not lend to enlightenment or empowerment of others. Electronic media is a new platform open for all. It can be a valid tool for positive change in our world. Abusers are generally unwelcome because they seek to hold everyone fast in chains of the past. We do not need abuse to do good.

" Go out and meet real people. And utilize this site, not overuse it."

Some cannot mentally or emotionally 'go out and meet real people' because of societal conditioning and abuse. Thanks for trying to posit abuse in a safe platform these people do utilize and 'meet real people' in. Personal experience, I met my boyfriend here. Point of fact I believe I have stated I suffer depression, some suggest PTSD, and i now think possible agoraphobia.

This means I do not get out or away from home much by choice, by fear. This site offered me and my boyfriend a place to meet, talk and get to know one another over two or three years. He has a job where it is better others do not know of his sexuality, as differences are seen as bad in society.

I also visit other web sites. Some happen to be support group oriented. Your post decries the media in which it is cast, can you not see the irony of that? Who is better? Frankly I don't see anyone as better or worse. We are all people. I welcome you to our conversation but if you rather disparage and cause abuse, please move along. None of us here need or want that.

[Darkside2009]

I can't really see the point of resurrecting a thread this old. Most of the member names are unfamiliar, so I'm guessing they are no longer members, or no longer contribute to the forums.

In which case they will not be reading any new replies to their thoughts or opinions, the Aids debate, and our knowledge of it, has moved on in six years.

[RavenEye]

Actually we can create DNA (Source (http://io9.com/5543843/scientists-create-artificial-life-+-synthetic-dna-that-can-self+replicate)) Our creation came from millions of years of evolution and we are nothing more than the "offspring" of star dust. EDIT: I didn't realize this was grave dug. So in his defense AT THAT TIME we couldn't create DNA.

[silberwolf1960]

I thought the prime directive was " don't get involved in another planet's society."