A question for DeafFTM (lures you over with homemade cookies)

[deletetacount123]

Hi DeafFTM (not sure if thats the whole name lol I could just remember that part!)

I got a question. Are you totally deaf? wear aids or a cochlear??

Where and how do you meet people? :) Give me tips? Do you live in a area where people are picky or ok with the fact your deaf??

Im deaf too (if I don't wear my cochlear implant). But I find even when Im out in public, peopel seem uneasy around me when they know Im hearing impaired. Not always but you know how it can be.

I was just thinking how this town in BC is a tourist place in the summer time and Im working now. Last Wed I had a bad day cause people WON'T read the sign I have that Im hearing impaired (theres a big one by the till and a small one under my tag) so I would look and see this look on thier face as if Im being rude cause I ignored them (when I didn't hear them and its not my fault they don't read hehe)
Do you have any tips on how to just deal with people like that? lol I don't know why but I always let it bother me. :( Sure I can ignore and have a "i don't care what you think" act but deep down it starts to bother me.

ANNNNNNNNNND
I know we don't know each other that well but what about love life?? Do you find that tricky (forget the trans part... we're just talking about deaf.)
I find to many people around here don't want to take the time to get to know me just cause of that. Especially those I meet on those so called dating sites.

We have that much in common... being deaf on here... are we the only ones?? (I know someone else said he was deaf in one ear so that would be 3)

Okies I took enough of your time. :) Thanks for listening.
Enjoy the cookies! They are whatever favortie kind you like. :)

Tasha

[Abbey Road]

Hi Tasha, I Hope you & DeafFTM don`t mind me posting this but I`m the 1 who`s Deaf in 1 ear (my right ear - I wear a hearing aid & without it I can`t hear in that ear. I have hearing in my left ear). I live in a small town in England, just north of Stoke On Trent, & have found people are ok with it it just takes some time for some to realise I`m hard of hearing (though sometimes they think I`m being ignorant or difficult). I explain to people that I`m hearing impaired & explain what It`s like for me & they usually remember. It`s difficult for me in a noisy place, a pub or nightclub, to hear people but I point at my hearing aid, tell them I`m hearing impaired & ask them to face me or talk to my good ear. If they think I`m being rude I tell them I`m not or I make an excuse to leave,i.e. I need the toilet.It does bother me at times as I feel it can get in the way,but I explain my situation to people & hope they understand. I`ve found it doesn`t hinder my love life too much as I look for similar people to me,not always, but if they have a problem with it I try to explain my hearing problem to them,if I don`t suceed,I use the toilet excuse to get away from them, if they don`t walk away from me first.It`s made me a bit more confident as a person as I won`t let being hearing impaired stop me from living my life to the full & having fun!!! I hope this reply makes sense to you & isn`t a load of rambling nonsense!!! By the way - The cookies are beautiful!! If you want to ask me any questions,Tasha, bout my hearing, please do. :bibounce: :)

Abbey Road.

[DeafF2M]

Hiya, Tasha... and uh... AbbeyRoad??

I am also hard of hearing, technically. I do not use the term hearing impaired as it implies that my ear is broken and needs to be fixed. I do not have any shame whatsoever about my deafness.. and am quite proud of it.

I wear one hearing aid in my right ear. My left ear is completely deaf, so a hearing aid there is completely useless. LOL

I'm fluent in ASL (American Sign Language) now, but I wasn't always.. I began learning when I was 19, as a freshman at Gallaudet University. Before that, I was the only deaf kid in my public school.

As to meeting people... I just take it as they come. If they cannot deal with my deafness.... tough titties.. Moving on. LOL It's the same thing with my transness... they can't deal? fine.. moving on.

I am one of those people who really has no tolerance for people who cannot deal with deafness and are not willing to make adaptions to the way they communicate with me. I'm more than happy to help them with communication strategies and will work with them as much as I can to enhance communication, but if they are refusing to do that... I won't waste too much time on it.

I'm very involved with the deaf community, so most of my pals are deaf. Of the hearing pals I have... they're pretty understanding and they do their best to communicate with me.

Keep in mind... I live in the Washington D.C. area, near where Gallaudet University is (the world's only university for the deaf and hard of hearing)... so, the deaf community here is huge. Because of that, hearing people are usually a bit more aware of deaf issues.

In other words... to me...deafness is just a part of me.. I deal with it by accepting the stuff that comes with it. If people think I'm ignoring them.. then fine. If they give me an attitude and I notice it, I will simply say, "I'm sorry, did you say something?.. I'm deaf." They usually let it go from that point on.

[deletetacount123]

Hi Deaf and Abbeyroad (sorry I couldn't remember your name earlier!)

Thanks guys for responsing.


Ugh today this customer at my till was SO rude!! Seriously....
I didn't hear him, but I knew well he saw the sign on my till that said Im heairng impaired, even the tag unde rmy name tag.... I looked up (from bagging) just in time to hear him finish a sentence then look at me as if hes expecting an answer so I ask him to repeat cause I didn't hear him and he said "Welll, you figure it out"
So I ignored him. (I figure if he didn;t want to repeat then I guessed its not important) (he did go to the customer service desk so I guess it was. Ugh!!)

I am learning this isn;'t a good place for a deaf person.... If you don't response then your a very rude person. They don't seem to care what the thing on my ear is *shakes head* They don't read the clearly printed sign on my till.. ugh!!! Ontario was much friendlier with deaf people.
If you did not response, a person would usually wave or do something to get your attention cause they KNOW "oh, maybe she/he is deaf"
Here people peopel see deaf differently.

NEED MONEY NOW lol gonna pack up and move somewhere better. lol I miss Ontario. Lately Ive had a lot of reasons to move back there lol probelm is money and course I want to find a good area too :)

I know sign langauage but I have no one to do it with so I am pretty rusty :(
Oh I remember the basic but if your expecting me to sign very fast, nope unless its ABC's hehe (can still sign that VERY fast with both hands)

Ive been really putting some thought into moving back east. Ive even started seeing some stuff I own in a new way. Like "Why do I have this?" Things I have no interest in that I kept around lol

Which is good tho, then if I did move, I won't be under all the stress of what i shoudl toss or take :)

I know my speech impairment is not always great and it doesn;t help I have a cleft plate too. Sometimes I get SOOOOOOO fusterated when it seems a hearing person can't understand me yet to me I think Im talking loud and clear! Ugh!! Its even interesting when a quiet person near me knows what I said and repeats to the other person lol

Clubs for gays/lesbians are suppose to be big in Ontario as well.

Im glad to hear what you both said :)

*shakes homemade cookies*

[warm heart]

Hey Guys,

Thought I should add my ten cents worth. I was born with full hearing but at the age of 26 got a virus that left me moderately to severly(without my Hearing aids) Deaf. I lost my hearing rapidly - over 1-2 weeks.

My initial diagnosis for my hearing loss was probable bi lateral brain tumors......I still remember going for the scan.......I was so relieved not to have tumors that I was glad for just the hearing loss......Just thanked God I wasnt dying.

My hearing loss...and brush with possible death actually did me the world of good.....it made me get off my ass and start really living a life I enjoyed.... I went back to uni....got a degree in a job I love and ten years on I now lecture at uni teaching my passion. All my students know I am deaf.......I just change the way I teach......I move around the lecture theatre a lot.......all the students wait till I get to them to pose their questions.

I wear my hair short and am totally not worried what people think of my deafness......and with my aids i do reasonably well.....it is a bugger when the batteries go flat tho.....LOL....like in the middle of a lecture!!!!!

The only bummer I have is because I generally communicate so well people sometimes forget I am deaf......often I get accused of snobbing someone....particularly if they speak to me from behind.....cause I rely heavily on my visual senses to confirm what I think is being said.

As for intimacy.....LOL.....my only complaint is my partner whispering sweet nothings in my ear...........and I'm like what....sorta ruins the moment.......and I love people to be verbal during sex......but without my aids in....their intimate talk is loud enogh for the next room to hear :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin:

I figure I like me just the way I am....others will either like me or not...thats their choice.....but I am a pretty cool chick to know......so hey their loss if they cant take the time to be tolerant of my differences......

I feel the same way about being bisexual.......took me a while but now I am out to nearly everyone......this is me, i like me, i accept me, im proud of me....others can choose to get to know me or not....it doesn't worry me

Phew
I think that is the longest post i have ever written
Did it with loving support for beautiful Tash
Enjoy your difference and diversity Tash.....embrace it cause your one cool chick....and if others choose not to see that......it their loss

Love and Hugs
Warm :bibounce:

[DeafF2M]

Hey, Tasha.. yeah, Ontario is pretty good.. they've got a thriving Deaf community over there, especially in the Toronto area. You'd have no problem finding new friends. Toronto is a very open-minded place and I only know this by ONE visit there. I was there for a Leather contest weekend and I met a few Deaf people while I was there.

In any case, you just gotta get out and see if you can find a local Deaf club. I'm not sure what part of Canada you're from, but I'm sure you'll find a Deaf community near you, if you look. How open-minded they are is a question.

I'm fortunate,.. Plenty of open-minded folks here.

Anyways, you ever find yourself in D.C., look me up.. we'll hang out sometime.

Alex L.

[deletetacount123]

Warm Heart, I know what you mean when the batteries die in the MIDDLE of something lol You're like "no no no... don't you dare die!" then all the noise ends lol My batteries died when I was WORKING I was like "ok this is not good." hehe
Lucky I was allowed to take a 5 min break to go to the back and change them, whew.

Ya, that'll suck when your in the moment and your partner whispers sweet things in your ear. As much as wearing the hearing aid or my cochlear implant, its not always a good idea to wear durning sex. lol Without mine on I hear NOTHING. Zippo! Maybe thats a good idea if my partner uses the F word... take off the hearing aids then you don't have to listen to such talk hehe

Thanks for your frist long post to me :) hehe

Alex - I agree! I was there in November last year with Heather (friend of mine whos deaf) and just about all the stores we were in when the clerk asked if we needed any help, they would notice we were deaf and ask more clear/slowly and use expressions. Such as "let me know if you need any help"
:) People were so nice.... you don't see that kind of behaviour in BC or Penticton/Kelowna.... if your deaf you get a weird look as if your a freaky person or something. Ugh.

Im oringally from Ontario Canada but moved to BC in 2002... BC IS NOT known to be deaf friendly or at least the areas I live in and have been in!!!

I know I get VERY angry inside when its clear a person isn't trying to understand me or when they act as if Im stupid just cause I didn't hear them! My insides start to feel hot and red and I have to remember to breath slowly then Im fine... after I think about things I like hehe

Yesterday I grew so fusterated at work I actually started thinking if that was a good idea afterall. But I need to make money to save! :)
At least some of the other cashiers help me out and a few have super good hearing cause they are hearing what the customer is trying to ask me and they are a few feet away lol

I had a dream about Heather last night and it was weird.... also checked my blackberry and she had a left a quick text message.
Its weird how you can dream of someone when you were NOT thinking of them at all in any way.

I wouldn't want to live RIGHT IN Toronto tho. I'll rather live in a more quiet area nearby. Safe area of course :)

Tasha

[DeafF2M]

Never been to BC. Which is enormously stupid since I lived in Portland, Oregon for two years... I mean... sheesh, I could have taken an 8 hour drive up to BC, now couln't I?

Dumb, dumb... anyways... that was eons ago...

I wish you luck... in the meantime, just be strong. If people give you shit, it just means THEY are ignorant. Not you. They don't have a clue.

Alex