Is it cheating?

[karmella321]

I am in a relationship with another girl, I love her, but I do desire being with another man, Is it cheating have sex with guys?

[deletetacount123]

Yes if she doesn't know about it.
By cheating and the other one doesn't know then you don't really love her anymore.
If you have desire for men, you should sit down with her and TALK to her... tell her about your feelings.
Maybe she'll be ok if you want to date men as long as its not other girls. If it bothers her and she doesn't like it.... then you're going to have to make a choice.

Tasha

[mykala_r]

????? It depends, who do you love more? I am involved with another girl but I have a boyfriend of 4 years I love, he knows about her, she doesn't need to know about him. I love him not her, so it would be cheating on him if I didn't tell, but her no it's not cheating, so the real question is who do you love? If it's a boyfriend your having sex with then I think your ok. Unless it's one night stands then your cheating on her and she needs to know about possible diseases.

[Cerealk]

I would say cheating is anything that goes against the trust of your partner for your own benefit. In a mainstream relation, its usually implicit that said relation is monogamous. If you feel like this might not be for you, talk with your partner about it. For your partner, it might be important to keep it monogamous, then it would be cheating to do things with others. Try to understand her needs/desires toward the relationship before doing anything that would hurt her or your couple.

[biwords]

By cheating and the other one doesn't know then you don't really love her anymore. Tasha

That would be going too far. People cheat for all sorts of reasons, and it's never ethically 'clean' to do so, but you can't jump to the conclusion that the cheating party doesn't love his/her spouse -- not unless your definition of love is impossibly idealistic.

[Lisa (va)]

I feel that if you have to ask if it's cheating, then you already know it is (by your own standards).

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[deletetacount123]

That would be going too far. People cheat for all sorts of reasons, and it's never ethically 'clean' to do so, but you can't jump to the conclusion that the cheating party doesn't love his/her spouse -- not unless your definition of love is impossibly idealistic.

If the other person doesn't know then you are going behind thier back. Thats not love, it shows you don't care, especially if the other person may be against cheating. When you love someone you TELL them your feelings. That shows you still love them and are confused right now.

I just think once you cheat on someone and they don't know it OR you know they are against it, then how is that love??? You would lose thier trust, they would feel bad you couldn't be honest with them and a lot of times people find out on thier own if thier gf/bf/spouse was cheating which hurts even more.

Yes there are different reasons why a person might cheat but I still think you should always be honest... if the gf/bf/spouse is against cheating then you're gonna have a big fight coming up.

The OP never said if her GF is against cheating or not. So I don't know her GF's side. But I do think its respectable to TALK to the gf/bf/spouse when you think about cheating.... it lets them know you trust them, want to be honest and all that. Maybe something could be worked out I don't know.

But what I do know is TRUST and HONEST is what proves you really love that person. :) Cheating usually tends to ruin relationships UNLESS both people agree to it and are ok with it.

[Herbwoman39]

Is your girlfriend aware that you have a desire to be with another man? If not then anything that she does not agree to would be considered cheating and a betrayal of trust.

Unless of course you two have not agreed to be mutually exclusive. If that's the case then all bets are off.

[FalconAngel]

Is your relationship exclusive? If it is, then, yes it is cheating. If it isn't, then no it isn't.

If it is and you haven't discussed the fact that you are/may be Bi, then you need to do so or break things off. If you cannot be honest with them, then you need not be with them.

Good relationships are built on the foundation of honesty, so discuss it with your partner and work out what you need to to make things work for you honestly.

[scubaman]

I feel that if you have to ask if it's cheating, then you already know it is (by your own standards).

Lisa

hugs n kisses

Good answer Lisa! I like that approach.

[darkeyes]

If the other person doesn't know then you are going behind thier back. Thats not love, it shows you don't care, especially if the other person may be against cheating. When you love someone you TELL them your feelings. That shows you still love them and are confused right now.
Love is much more complex than you suggest Tasha.. I have cheated someone I loved and still love to this day..and if I could would still have her in my life in just the same way as we once were. I fell in love with someone else Tash, and where love is conerned we do things and make decisions which are not always in anyones best interests.

It is possible Tash to be in love with 2 people at the same time...which is where I am. I have written about this before, but when you are in love, and you know that your partner would not bear another in your life then what do you do?? Give one up??? Tear yourself apart??? Confess?? If it happens to you Tash, and I hope it doesnt for it is much too painful, maybe then you will understand what people like me often go through. I lost my partner in the end, and it broke my heart. But slowly we have begun to buildon the relationship which was not simply that of lovers. Our friendship...and I thank kismet that it is so. The other girl I gave up also..and that broke my heart and it took many months and a lot of help from really good friends to see me through.

Its not the end of the story...it never is. Kate and I are now once again best of friends, thanks to an 8 yo little girl who thinks the sun shines through my backside, and with her blessing, once again I and the other girl have found each other. Our relationship like any other has and will have problems, and no one can say for sure quite where it will lead.

My point Tasha is that no 1 knows our kismet..but life, and love is incredibly complex, and it is never so easy to say because one cheats one does not love or remain in love with the person they deceive. I do not condone cheating and we should avoid it like the plague..but sometimes hun, things happen in our lives which overwhelm us and these go well beyond our control.

[darkeyes]

If the other person doesn't know then you are going behind thier back. Thats not love, it shows you don't care, especially if the other person may be against cheating. When you love someone you TELL them your feelings. That shows you still love them and are confused right now.

I just think once you cheat on someone and they don't know it OR you know they are against it, then how is that love??? You would lose thier trust, they would feel bad you couldn't be honest with them and a lot of times people find out on thier own if thier gf/bf/spouse was cheating which hurts even more.

Yes there are different reasons why a person might cheat but I still think you should always be honest... if the gf/bf/spouse is against cheating then you're gonna have a big fight coming up.

The OP never said if her GF is against cheating or not. So I don't know her GF's side. But I do think its respectable to TALK to the gf/bf/spouse when you think about cheating.... it lets them know you trust them, want to be honest and all that. Maybe something could be worked out I don't know.

But what I do know is TRUST and HONEST is what proves you really love that person. :) Cheating usually tends to ruin relationships UNLESS both people agree to it and are ok with it.Tash.. I may have already included this in another thread, but maybe it will give you some understanding of what some of us go through and why your argument is too simplistic..


The End of Dreams

In life we dream
Sometimes
Even often
Our dreams and wants become realised
And we walk on wispy clouds of unfettered joy
Impervious to the harms of the world
Unbending in our need to preserve what is ours
Our dreams become our life
And none gain entry
None save she who has our heart
She who is our dream
And has become our world
Yet we are but imperfect creatures
And the day will surely come
When for but the least instant
We forget that which we have
We preserve
Yes, and protect
Our universe
The reason for life
From deep within ourselves
Will rise that dragon which we cannot slay
The deadly beast which slumbers within us all
Breathing fiery sulphurous breath on our passion
And tears at our heart
Our very being
In that moment
We reassert that which is our strength
Denying sustenance
Driving the serpent back
And slamming tightly shut the gates of its dank, loathsome lair
So that the dream may remain
Or in weakness
We permit that monster of desire enter
At once alien, but alas also a part of us
Slashing, tearing and ripping from us the dream
As time moves on as it must
We become ever more aware of its power and dominion
And are drawn ever deeper into its snare
Helpless, hopeless
Our feeble struggles of resistance to no avail
We are lost
Yet thresh to avoid extinction and awful hopelessness
In the whirling and terrified mind
We see all that is good
All that is treasured crushed by overwhelming strength
Our voice pitiful with high pitched panic stricken wails
Too late now for us
It is done
The monster free and loose
We scream with the terror and despair of impending loneliness
Gazing helplessly at the dragon feed on the dream
Consume our lives and all that we hold most dear
The great serpent roars in triumph
And gazes on us contemptuously through hate filled red eyes
We lie frozen with cold fear
Trembling
Sobbing at our loss
Weeping incoherently
Tragically
Pathetically
In despair
At the end of dreams

[NorthBiEast]

If you and your girlfriend were playing cards and said you'd cheated, everyone would understand that you'd broken a rule. If you and your girlfriend are in a relationship, wouldn't the same definition apply?
It sounds like right now, you are using the "standard rules of relationships", mainly, monogamy. If you don't want to be cheating, you have to change the rules, and the rules need to be agreed upon by everybody playing. :2cents:

[sexxydiva23]

I would say that you need to sit down with your partner and have a serious conversation. I don't know if she knows that you are bi but if she doesn't she needs to especially if you care about her. In a relationship you don't want to have any secrets because sooner or later they bite you in the @ss.

If she knows that you are bi and she still wants to date you then that means she is open to your feelings and will hopefully support you. My husband told me that he was bi when we first started dating. It didn't matter to me because I already fell in love with him by then. But if he would have told me after we would have gotten married then I would have resented him. Not for being bi but for keeping a secret from me.

I agree with everyone else. You have to be open with your feelings to your partner. If you guys are suppose to be in love then who else can you trust. Hopefully she will support you with your feelings. There are plenty of toys you can play with if you are just looking for that anatomy and she can act like your guy.

[richarddennis]

Be sensible. We all know the difference between truth and lies!

Those that lie to themselves are fools. Those that lie to others are little more than game players. While these games can be ego lifting, why delude yourself further?

Learning to TALK, converse, get your ideas/thoughts across to those that you hold near/dear is something to strive for.

ps: don't expect everyone to agree with what you "wish" for...be realistic, but learn to converse...

[querty]

If the other person doesnt know, and your relatioinship is understood, spoken or not, to be exclusive, then you are cheating. Seems that simple to me.