How to initiate feelings?

[bibigjoe]

So I believe that I am bisexual. I realized this not long after my divorce and I started having fantasies about other men. A little scary at first but after a couple of years of thinking about it I believe that I want to try something - just how to go about this I am unsure. I have a neighbor (single father) that I really have thoughts about, just do not know how to proceed. Any help, suggestions, etc. - really want to move forward with this part of my life before I am too old.

Help
Joe

[codybear3]

Like with all things bibigjoe, start with initiating a friendship first. Then get a feel for what the person is all about. You may want to check out the local gay clubs just to test or pick up some "flirting/pick-up skills." Just take it slow and be very careful. Hope this kinda helps. :tongue: :paw:

[TrimBeardHairyBod]

That's good advice from Codybear3.

To it, I would add that you should try to hone your sensitivity to other people's reactions to you. Someone who seems more interested than you might otherwise expect could well be trying to establish contact. Also, watch out for what I call 'the lingering glance,' where someone's eye contact lasts just that tiny bit longer than would seem appropriate.

Here's wishing you all the best in your quest!

[JohnnyV]

Three simple words: join a gym.

If you're past the age of 30-35:

--gay bars will easily depress you, since young gay guys will be less than tactful about snubbing you, and irritate you, since little gay guys in little gay clothes can sometimes act like giggling schoolgirls.

--bathhouses are too dangerous. You're coming out and might feel weak before the temptation to jump in with the first guy who appears; and STDs are rampant in those places.

--the internet has its own pitfalls. You may be tempted to lie about your age just to get someone to meet you, and then all the problems arise that will naturally occur when you've lied. Others lie routinely also.

But gyms of all kinds seem to be overflowing with gay and bi-curious men who are looking to connect with other men like themselves. Often they're not necessarily looking for sex, either.

J :bipride:

[frankblues]

And although it seems passe' to say it: make sure if you decide to go anywhere sexual with this, you learn about protection and USE IT!

It's the 21st century and there are still guys that think random "barebacking" is a good idea. HIV is not the only thing you can catch from a guy...

[Ratchick]

I concur with Frank, PLease make sure that any experimental sex you have is safe. ALWAYS use a condom. Even for Oral sex. "The clap", Syphillus, and HIV are still out there along with Herpes and gential warts.
*Get's off her "Safe Sex" Soap Box :soapbox:

Now, I agree with the others make freinds with the gentleman next door, see how he is. Also, IF you can find one, look for a local Bi sexual support group. Most of the time these are safe spaces to ask questions, get to know the GLBT scene in yoru area, and learn some skills. Just jumping into a Gay bar or Gym scene may be too traumatising or inhibiting.
Drew has a Listing of Bisexual Links and clubs by region you should research.

I found my local Bisexual Support group, BiUnity, here in Philly through this website. It made a world of difference, and I met some really great folks and my current GF though there.

Hugs,
RC :bipride:

[wellred]

I have a neighbor (single father) that I really have thoughts about, just do not know how to proceed.

Hello Joe,

I love this site! The folks here most consistently give cautious suggestions that support your well-being. Your statement about your neighbor does cause me to pause.

Although the convenience of having a sexual pal in such proximity certainly has appeal, you may want to think about the long-term consequences of this situation. On the one hand, you may find your life soul-mate and on the other you could be openning the door to a very undesirable situation, if the relationship with your neighbor does not proceed as well as your fantasies. Heaven forbid, but you might find yourself in need of a moving company, lol.

I think you may find more freedom to explore your sexuality outside the neighborhood. This suggestion does not limit you from developing a friendship with your neighbor and exploring that relationship and its long-term benefits for you.

Enjoy your exploration.

Hugs,
Red