Erm honestly don't know anymore :(

[rmorti]

Hey i've posted before and as I say, I feel like I could be bi/bi curious but honestly have not got enough signals to label either way and to be honest wanted to see what people thought of this new...feeling.
The only reason I'm considering a change in my sexuality is my attraction to women has become very weak and the move for sex is very little, if I wasn't with my f*ck buddy ex g/f I prob wouldnt get anything and even be bothered, then again I sometimes want to end it with her because its...old grounds.
So anyway I notice a guy has a good build and is good looking, but i've happily been able to do that from day one, its how I get my goals when I hit the gym wanting to be as amazing as brad pitt looks in fight club etc. The emotion has changed and I notice them more, so I try not to label myself but feel something might be there.
mentally I am stimulated by thoughts of doing things with girls and with porn I am turned on by straight porn for the same reason, the idea of doing the stuff with a girl is a turn on. I try looking at gay porn or images of good looking males e.g brad pitt and just cannot achieve arousal+an erection.
I have not really masterbated for a while because I never know what to think about at times, my mind is not clear enough to focus on anything to really enjoy it and i'm pretty much masterbating about nothing as I can't get any clear thoughts.
Anyway today I thought maybe I should try going to a local gay pub in town and finally see if this noticement of guys is a genuine sexual attraction of something i've falsely built up because I thought about this whole situation 24/7. I think about going and to be honest I feel very uncomfortable and sick, as in I am going to throw up and then I try thinking of doing something with a guy if I managed to "pull" and again a feeling of uncomfortableness and nausea comes upon me.
I can;t help but feel like i'm not attracted to men in the way i'm percieving myself because of these horrible feelings I get when I think of actualy doing anything and that my attraction for sex with women has been temporarly lowered because of the same sort of issues. I know when a girl is fit and has a body I want to shag but then...I have no motivation to do it because my mind just is not clear.
Many people will say "dont think about it, it will all happen naturally" but I try that and still am, but these things still bug me and would really appreciate some form of advice other then that kind of statement.
To me I feel like, my constant 24/7 thinking of the subject has weaned my arousal to women, and that I have built a false implication to men, basically its just my "know when a guy is good looking" that has gone out of proportion because of the constant thinking. I just dont understand why I feel so sick and horrible when I try to imagine being with a guy yet I notice them visually on tv more.
please try and help me

[MarieDelta]

Two things.

One: Could it be possible that you are suffering from some depression/ anxiety? You should have that checked, it's not something you have control over and could be confusing your actual feelings. Depression can cause loss of libido and/ or anxiety.

Two: You might get your testorone levels checked, these levels can control the desire for sex in men and women. It'd be a good idea to see a doc anyway, just to talk over some of the things you've discussed in this post.

Please do not feel as though *you* need to live up to anyones expectations (either here or in rl), you need to do what is right for you. I can't decide what that is for you, as much as you might wish I could.


Hoping for the best,

Marie

[Herbwoman39]

Your profile doesn't say how old you are but I have a suspicion. I'm not a doctor not do i play one on TV so I can't diagnose but I'm wondering if perhaps you might have a hormone imbalance or thyroid issues. Have you talked to a doctor about your inability to focus and lowered sex drive?

It's just a thought but maybe you *are* just noticing guys from a comparative point of view and you have some underlying minor medical issue.

The other option is that you might unconsciously be harboring internalized biphobia and THAT might be making you feel this way.

Since we've never met I can only hazard guesses. Thing about seeing a doctor and having a hormone panel run though.

[Tingly_Tickles]

yea well MarieDelta just kinda hit the nail on the head so to speak.

I would absolutely see a doctor about this issue becuz the part that your havin
difficulties thinkin clearly period is an issue that needs to be resolved and I dont
personally think it has anything to do with sex or attractions in any way shape
or form myself.

I hope you get the answers you need and find your way in life it's a bitch but
hang in there the ride will get smoother with time.

:bipride: :bipride: :color: :color: :color: :bibounce: :bibounce: :color: :color: :color: :bipride: :bipride:

[rmorti]

Well I did go to counselling and people have been saying about anxiety I just don't know how to go about the testosterone levels stuff. I mean surely If I had low lvls I wouldnt get an erection thinking about doing stuff with girls etc? or does it not affect you mentally just visually?
By the way my profile is bleak because I dont know how to update it et but im 20, male.
To give you an idea, i;ve had anxiety attacks before where to put it bluntly, I thought i was going to fart in an assembly when I was young and from there onwards I thought "what if i fart in an assembly" (lets face it when your young thats very embaressing and scary. So I started to skip assemblys because I felt like I was going to fart every assembly, like clockwork, but then summer came and obviously no assemblys and I just forgot aobut it...plus I sat on chairs in higher schools and you can hold it easier rather then sitting cross legged.
The thing is I notice guys and I aint sure if its an attraction and It wouldnt surpise me if its all anxiety, thinking about it 24/7 that has done this and cause me to be annoyed/depressed. Can anxiety really build a form of false attraction and also lower it to females? I wil ring the doctor soon to organise a hormone level check.

[rmorti]

Also wanted to add that when Im with my f*ck buddy, sometimes I get nervous that we are gonna have sex because I think what if I dont like it etc and get nervous and uncomfortable until I am doing it, even tho when she even touches me or says anything remotely dirty etc I get an erection almost instantly.

[Skater Boy]

Y'know, reading your anecdote about "farting in assembly" it just gives me the impression that you THINK TOO MUCH. I know thats not what you wanted to hear, but there you have it. Maybe you should speak to a psychiatrist... many of them do have experience in dealing with anxiety, paranoia, etc. And, side-effects ignored, there are a variety of medications you can take for these conditions. As far as I know, it IS possible for the mind to impose a condition on the body... its called "Psychsomacy" (Psychosomatic: a physical disorder thought to have psychological causes). And IMO you can sometimes get yourself into such a mental state that sex becomes impossible, to simplify it greatly. Its my personal belief (don't quote me on this!) that it might even be possible for the human sexuality to alter as a result of a psychosomatic condition. But I'm no shrink, so you'd need to speak to an expert.

Good luck! Hope you find the answers you're looking for.

[MarieDelta]

Well I did go to counselling and people have been saying about anxiety I just don't know how to go about the testosterone levels stuff. I mean surely If I had low lvls I wouldnt get an erection thinking about doing stuff with girls etc? or does it not affect you mentally just visually?
By the way my profile is bleak because I dont know how to update it et but im 20, male.
To give you an idea, i;ve had anxiety attacks before where to put it bluntly, I thought i was going to fart in an assembly when I was young and from there onwards I thought "what if i fart in an assembly" (lets face it when your young thats very embaressing and scary. So I started to skip assemblys because I felt like I was going to fart every assembly, like clockwork, but then summer came and obviously no assemblys and I just forgot aobut it...plus I sat on chairs in higher schools and you can hold it easier rather then sitting cross legged.
The thing is I notice guys and I aint sure if its an attraction and It wouldnt surpise me if its all anxiety, thinking about it 24/7 that has done this and cause me to be annoyed/depressed. Can anxiety really build a form of false attraction and also lower it to females? I wil ring the doctor soon to organise a hormone level check.

You can get an errection with low testoerone (some transwomen get errections even after being put on testosterone blockers at fairly high levels) you just don't get spontaneous errections (without stimulation - ie no dirty pictures, thoughts, or talk).

It wouldn't hurt to talk about it with a professional though, I mean as knowledgeable as some of us are, even a qualified professional would have to see you in person to get a real good idea of where the problems might lie.

& please let us know how it all turns out.

[omifitzi]

Hey i've posted before and as I say, I feel like I could be bi/bi curious but honestly have not got enough signals to label either way and to be honest wanted to see what people thought of this new...feeling.
The only reason I'm considering a change in my sexuality is my attraction to women has become very weak and the move for sex is very little, if I wasn't with my f*ck buddy ex g/f I prob wouldnt get anything and even be bothered, then again I sometimes want to end it with her because its...old grounds.
So anyway I notice a guy has a good build and is good looking, but i've happily been able to do that from day one, its how I get my goals when I hit the gym wanting to be as amazing as brad pitt looks in fight club etc. The emotion has changed and I notice them more, so I try not to label myself but feel something might be there.
mentally I am stimulated by thoughts of doing things with girls and with porn I am turned on by straight porn for the same reason, the idea of doing the stuff with a girl is a turn on. I try looking at gay porn or images of good looking males e.g brad pitt and just cannot achieve arousal+an erection.
I have not really masterbated for a while because I never know what to think about at times, my mind is not clear enough to focus on anything to really enjoy it and i'm pretty much masterbating about nothing as I can't get any clear thoughts.
Anyway today I thought maybe I should try going to a local gay pub in town and finally see if this noticement of guys is a genuine sexual attraction of something i've falsely built up because I thought about this whole situation 24/7. I think about going and to be honest I feel very uncomfortable and sick, as in I am going to throw up and then I try thinking of doing something with a guy if I managed to "pull" and again a feeling of uncomfortableness and nausea comes upon me.
I can;t help but feel like i'm not attracted to men in the way i'm percieving myself because of these horrible feelings I get when I think of actualy doing anything and that my attraction for sex with women has been temporarly lowered because of the same sort of issues. I know when a girl is fit and has a body I want to shag but then...I have no motivation to do it because my mind just is not clear.
Many people will say "dont think about it, it will all happen naturally" but I try that and still am, but these things still bug me and would really appreciate some form of advice other then that kind of statement.
To me I feel like, my constant 24/7 thinking of the subject has weaned my arousal to women, and that I have built a false implication to men, basically its just my "know when a guy is good looking" that has gone out of proportion because of the constant thinking. I just dont understand why I feel so sick and horrible when I try to imagine being with a guy yet I notice them visually on tv more.
please try and help me

I am in a very similar situation, and I am so tired of being unsure... I just don't know what to advise you my friend, I wish I did cause I would also advise myself... :(

[domill]

Sounds like "good old" anxiety possibly depression to me. Or as MarieDelta said, hormonal issues.
Just have a chat with your GP. You'd be surprised at the number of people who suffer from mild anxiety and/or temporary depression, especially young adults.
:2cents:

[rmorti]

Well I went to a counseller when I suggest anxiety but i've already given up on that cause he just goes on about my family. They are basicaly crap, my mum and dad are now practically divorced (they sleep in seperate rooms, dont talk etc) and tbh my ex g.fs family were more of a family to me in the year and 11months i was with her lol.
He reckons it could be the affect of being around them arguing and although it seems to have no affect on me from the start, apparently this could be down to that and caused me anxiety depression etc but I kinda gave up after 2 sessions. I should get it sorted again I know and I will. Ill ring my GP tommorrow and book and appointment and ask for this hormone test and get another counselling session booked as they are under the same roof.
It wouldn't suprise me if I resolved the problem and everything returned back to "normal" etc but then again it wouldn't suprise me if it was something more either, Im very undecided.
If anyone else can suggest anything i'd love all the knowledgable info I can get, I mean I know a part of me still loves the ladies, because I get v.aroused when thinking about the stuff we can do, just visually I feel like i've worn myself out trying to fancie every girl I see and thinking too much etc.
I feel like i've sexually stressed myself out lol. Also if it aids anyones opinion, I just retook my As level exams biology and did home learning for that, so pretty much revised everyday leading to a lack of life style -plus the majority of my mates are at uni so it was a lonely few months of wake up revise, wake up revise. My mum said a great line to me that hit me too on tihs whole situ "you never know what you really want until you are happy in life" and I know i;m not because I revised for ages and got so feddup and bored, obviously this whole confusion is bugging the hell out of me and I feel like im drifting through life at the mo waiting for results. SOmetimes I want to geta full time job and just get on with life, not wait to go university >.<
Bah!

[rmorti]

Right I have booked an appointment with my GP for another chat and to get my testosterone levels checked as I'm starting to feel that it may be the problem. Also I had a relaxed session just know to see what for me turns me on etc. Completely cleared my mind and told myself its ok to find it arousing whatever the case. see if it made things clearer to anyone else so here goes....

I watched quite a bit of gay porn and it didn't do anything for me, have to say some of it was interesting to watch, but was just in...well its something to watch kind of way and thats it.

Watched some straight porn and well my little man was pretty much straight to attention at the sight of giving it to the girlies and the girlies sucking away too. (sorry to be crude)

I've tried to imagine kissing a guy and more etc and end up with a feeling of nausea and uncomfortable etc basically a not very nice feelings

Still notice guys who are good looking on tv and have wicked builds, but willing to let that down as possibly confused state of admiration.

looked up some sexy girls on the internet and they were deffinetly sexy looking, but I just sort of lacked the motivation for sex etc

That sound like a lack of testerone may be the case?

[Skater Boy]

Right I have booked an appointment with my GP for another chat and to get my testosterone levels checked as I'm starting to feel that it may be the problem. Also I had a relaxed session just know to see what for me turns me on etc. Completely cleared my mind and told myself its ok to find it arousing whatever the case. see if it made things clearer to anyone else so here goes....

I watched quite a bit of gay porn and it didn't do anything for me, have to say some of it was interesting to watch, but was just in...well its something to watch kind of way and thats it.

Watched some straight porn and well my little man was pretty much straight to attention at the sight of giving it to the girlies and the girlies sucking away too. (sorry to be crude)

I've tried to imagine kissing a guy and more etc and end up with a feeling of nausea and uncomfortable etc basically a not very nice feelings

Still notice guys who are good looking on tv and have wicked builds, but willing to let that down as possibly confused state of admiration.

looked up some sexy girls on the internet and they were deffinetly sexy looking, but I just sort of lacked the motivation for sex etc

That sound like a lack of testerone may be the case?

Well, my opinion (which is just that): it sounds like you were thinking too much in the first place... Firstly you don't seem to be getting turned on by gay porn, and secondly you find the idea of kissing a man somewhat repulsive.

So that might suggest that you are heterosexual wouldn't you say?

Obviously there are other factors, but only you can tell for sure. The way that I judge my sexuality is by what turns me on... if I can fantasize about it (without porn) or get aroused by it (with porn), then therein my tastes lie.

HTH... :2cents:

[rmorti]

But I deffinetly notice good looking guys with good builds etc which is what is making me think otherwise.

Also this morning I was thinking about doing things with my current lady and getting really turned on by the ideas of ripping off her underwear etc, but then when I actualy visually see a fit girl I have not got any motivation whatsoever, So mentally I get aroused as hell but visually I just couldnt care less?? Thats whats making me think it could be my hormone levels?

[MarieDelta]

In my opinion, anyone can see that a guy is well built - it's kind of like noticing that a flower is beautiful or that a great painting is stunning - doesn't meant that you want to have sex with a flower or a painting.


An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
H. L. Mencken

[Skater Boy]

In my opinion, anyone can see that a guy is well built - it's kind of like noticing that a flower is beautiful or that a great painting is stunning - doesn't meant that you want to have sex with a flower or a painting.

Exactly. Good post, Marie.