quick question

[rmorti]

I like to think sexuality is fluid, open and can be ever changing etc. I dont like the labels as I feel its fair to love anyone regardless of gender. Anyway to the point....

I cant help but feel like in my possible bisexuality I will always be more aware of the "gay" side as to the "straight" side until I actualy try it and quench my possible thirst for men. Feel like I may balance a bit more once i've tried the urge. anyone agree?

[kitten]

Yes, I agree.
It's like being thirsty or hungry. Until you satiate that need, it is a desire that won't go away. But, take your time to experience your desires with a trusted partner, be safe and use protection.
Best wishes in your search for a positive experience!

[someotherguy]

It will only make you more uncertain and unbalanced, until you spin out of control, veering off in another direction entirely. Soon you will run out of directions and like the deflated balloon after its crazy ride, fall softly to the ground limp and spent. BTW, I have seen much quicker questions. Like what? Like that.

[jem_is_bi]

Yes! I would recommend that you fulfill this basic need. Maybe, you will feel satisfied with a one time experience or maybe not. But, suppressing this very important aspect of who you are will just be a source of inner torment.
I say this from personal experience. While I enjoyed sex, affection and love with women, I wanted sex with another male for as long as I have wanted sex. I have always been turn-on by male-male erotica. I knew that by not acting on my desires I was suppressing a very important part of who I am. With the passage of time the lack of fulfillment became overwhelming. Finally, I was 58 yrs old and facing the possibility that I would never experience sex with another man. Now, I have taken care of that issue. My life is much better aligned with who I am. I feel such relief.

JEM

[rmorti]

thats exactly how I feel at the moment. It really distracts me whilst im with my f*ck buddy, I feel like I cant concentrate because I know I have this urge I need to at least try because somethings there. It is annyoing too cause i've obvioulsy I got the thoughts of having to tell her I may need more then her lovin' and scares me that well she wont understand and she will just bolt. I know they say plenty more fish in the sea but what we have is very nice and I dont want to ruin it, but at th same time i cant stand the insanty that this urge is giving me.
I may go with my mate to another city for a few days and go to a gay bar there etc to try it, save me arousing suspicion of my bisexuality if anyone sees me who knows me back here. That way I can at least confirm that this urge will stay and then it needs to be said to my lady rather then trying it, haivng someone see me on the night who knows her and actualy finding out that trying it shows me its not for me.
Also scared that if I do get with a bi/gay guy, do I tell them from the start im curious and that we may need to stop if I find its not for me? or just play it cool and then panic if its not for me at the time and stop it.
Once i know my sexual territory I'll feel much better, its just going about testing the waters etc thats hard to choose

[DiamondDog]

I like to think sexuality is fluid, open and can be ever changing etc. I dont like the labels as I feel its fair to love anyone regardless of gender. Anyway to the point....

I cant help but feel like in my possible bisexuality I will always be more aware of the "gay" side as to the "straight" side until I actualy try it and quench my possible thirst for men. Feel like I may balance a bit more once i've tried the urge. anyone agree?

Anything's possible!

Personally for me I became aware that I was sexually and romantically attracted to both men and women at an early age in elementary school.

Even when I was a closeted teenager I knew that if I were to marry a woman then I would cheat on her with men or that I'd ultimately leave her for a relationship with a man.

Having gay sex with men and the sexual and romantic desires for men aren't something to "get over" or to quench/extinguish.

My sexual and romantic attractions to men are unquenchable and that is a good thing! Even if I do probably lean towards men (I really don't psychoanalyze this stuff) there's still an attraction towards women too even if it's not always there; but it doesn't go away forever like it has for my gay male friends.

Before I was sexually active with men as an adult (I was exploratory with guys my own age as a kid, no it wasn't rape/molestation/forced, and I've been told that it doesn't count at all.) I was practically celibate (I had only been with one woman and while it was nice I knew I wanted sex with men and she did wind up stalking me which wasn't fun), and I didn't date anyone.

Then I had sex with a guy as an adult and I finally got into dating like my heterosexual friends had been doing for years and having sex more than once every 3 years.

While I'm still sexually and I suppose romantically attracted to women (I personally wouldn't marry a woman but that has to do with politics) when I date a guy or we're in a relationship, I don't act on those attractions since I don't even really seek out sex with women (I didn't even before I was out and when I was trying to be "straight" as a closeted teenager), and being with him is enough and it is simply the BEST feeling in the world!

Even the little things like holding hands, being around the guy I'm dating, or kissing can get me giddy and excited!

My attractions change. I'm either mostly equal and into both men and women (to the point where I crave/think about and want a male/male/female 3 way even if I know it's impossible if I'm in a monogamous relationship with a gay man, who even if we were in an open relationship he wouldn't want to have sex with me and a woman at the same time since he's homosexual).

Or I'll get so into men that I simply don't want sex with a woman at all and the idea of having sex with a woman, or seeing a woman naked disgusts me, and then I'll go back to being equal.

I say this not to scare you away from having sex with a man but to tell you that your sexuality might not be as simple as you think it is.

I'm into things that I never thought that I'd want to fantasize or hopefully eventually try with men like anal fisting, W/S, using toys on a guy, or Master/slave bondage/SM.

I'm not saying that you'll get into those things in your fantasies or exploration of your sexuality but that you should be aware, stay open minded, and try new things!

[rmorti]

I know what you mean with waking up feeling different as sexuality alters slightly each time, Sometmes I feel physically sick at the idea of even kissing a guy etc and sometimes not bothered. Sometimes Im gagging to do things with a girl like crazy and to my hearts contempt and sometimes I just cannot get in the mood at all.
At the moment I have preferences, I feel men looked better when wearing clothes, the body form is wicked, but then I absolutey love girls underwear, silk, bras everything love it, think its so sexy, hold ups etc.
I dont enjoy a man as a pin up at all tbh, whilst see a woman posing ina bikini or underwear is just brilliant and so sexy.
I think my preference will be just sex for men, I dont feel the holding hands etc will sit well with me as does the idea of being shagged myself, apparently I may be a "top". I prefer to cuddle a girl, be her "protector" kind of thing. Obviously things can change when I actualy take action, whether I discover its not for me, whether its becomes a big urge as its something knew etc, Im happily keeping mself open minded.
I just need to sort out a wy to take it on now....
would a gay/bi guy be annoyed with me if I did start stuff with them and then...well stop?

[jem_is_bi]

As I described, I knew that I wanted MM sex. Even though I was significantly apprehensive the first time I had MM sex, I was 100% sure that I wanted it, would not change my mind and it would leave me happy afterward.
Do you feel this way? Do not really hunger for MM sex? Do you want to experience MM sex because of the thrill doing what is taboo? Maybe, you only really need MF sex.
I do not know what you will ultimately discover about yourself. We are all different. But, I recommend harmony between sexual desires and actions.

JEM

[DiamondDog]

I know what you mean with waking up feeling different as sexuality alters slightly each time, Sometmes I feel physically sick at the idea of even kissing a guy etc and sometimes not bothered. Sometimes Im gagging to do things with a girl like crazy and to my hearts contempt and sometimes I just cannot get in the mood at all.
At the moment I have preferences, I feel men looked better when wearing clothes, the body form is wicked, but then I absolutey love girls underwear, silk, bras everything love it, think its so sexy, hold ups etc.
I dont enjoy a man as a pin up at all tbh, whilst see a woman posing ina bikini or underwear is just brilliant and so sexy.
I think my preference will be just sex for men, I dont feel the holding hands etc will sit well with me as does the idea of being shagged myself, apparently I may be a "top". I prefer to cuddle a girl, be her "protector" kind of thing. Obviously things can change when I actualy take action, whether I discover its not for me, whether its becomes a big urge as its something knew etc, Im happily keeping mself open minded.
I just need to sort out a wy to take it on now....
would a gay/bi guy be annoyed with me if I did start stuff with them and then...well stop?

I'm pretty constant in my sexuality between the being equal and then getting really into men like I wrote about.

Anyway, personally yes I would get annoyed if I were in what I thought was a relationship with a guy, or the start of a relationship/friendship/dating, and he didn't tell me that he just wanted sex and nothing more between us was ever going to happen.

For me sex with men is something that I prefer to have an emotional connection with the man/men who I'm with. This isn't to say that casual sex doesn't ever happen at all; but it's VERY rare for me and I highly prefer being in a relationship, having at least a friendship, or knowing a guy on more levels than just sexual attraction (spiritual, intellectual, physical, emotional, etc....) before having sex with him. I can't say that it's this way for women but again I don't know if I connect with women as well as I do in certain ways with men.

While I'm not looking for casual sex all that often, the rare hook up can happen and I'd rather someone tell me that all they want is sex instead of just leading me on saying that they want to date or have a relationship.

Don't go by the whole top/bottom/versatile labels.

They're not set in stone and while there are men who do say that they're tops in that they've never been fucked or sucked cock (or they're not into sucking cock or being fucked at all as not every guy that's bi/gay does these things) the best tops have had experience in being fucked (even if it's with just fingers/toys) and have tried sucking cock.

I even know self identified tops who would let a guy fuck them but he would have to be someone special like a boyfriend/partner/husband and it would be a rare thing and be making love. Or they're oral tops in that they simply don't suck cock or they're VERY picky about who they suck and just save it for a commited and monogamous relationship where they are in an emotional relationship with a partner and they know their partner's history and know that he is clean.

I also know guys who aren't into anal sex at all but they tried it once (even if it was a finger or a toy) and they can fantasize about being fucked but they're not wired for it and it doesn't give them pleasure.

IMO I think that WAY too many men try to put themselves into the whole top/bottom/versatile label and build their whole life/sexuality around it when you really shouldn't do that at all, and people do change.

Anyway I've been told that guys who are bi but who have only been with women are more likely to want to get fucked their first time having sex with a man since they've always topped women and want to see what the other side is like.

Personally this doesn't make any sense at all to me at all only since I can't really relate to it. But for vanilla (non BDSM/kink sex) I don't go by the whole top/bottom/versatile labels at all and I just say how I'm mostly oral (oral includes kissing which is a must for me! <g>) and masturbatory, anal sex is more "experimental" for me it's NOT a requirement for having sex with a man at all, and there's not really even a label/category for men like me and that's just fine. :)

Also I don't have a hard time finding men as sex partners even if I don't identify as a top/bottom/versatile I just tell people how I'm none of the above, not into anal sex, and how I just see anal sex between men as poorly imitating heterosexual sex/heterosexual sex roles, gay porn, and the idea that sex is only defined as penetration of an orifice or penetration of an anus with a penis.

[Tygress75]

It's like being thirsty or hungry. Until you satiate that need, it is a desire that won't go away.

I'm in a similar boat, but from the female point of view. I agree with Kitten. I'm also married, and my hubby has given me "permission" to have the ff experience I've never had. It's like this constant, nagging preoccupation that won't go away until I've finally had the experience. Still haven't found the right gal, and it's been a very, very slow, torturous going, but I'm hoping that eventually my patience will win out and I'll be able to experience that which, up 'til now, has only ever been a dream. <sigh>

[rmorti]

diamond theres one bit you may of misread. I dont mean would a gay/bi man get annoyed if we just stopped because I wanted them for sex. I meant in terms that If I didnt want to do it/it wasnt for me and I had to put a stop to it would they get annoyed.
Yeah I honestly dont know what I want or need right now, things change every second and it just gets annoying and im trying to go with the flow.
Sometimes I dont want to be witha girl, sometimes I cant even begin to contemplate being with a guy.....
It wouldnt surpise me if im going through this purely because I built it up and there is actualy nothing there, its the anxiety etc.
It wouldnt surpise me either If I am just Bi and need to get it out my system and experience what body is so dying to try.
I just want to hit the point where I reach inner sexuality peace.