hetero shame

[dafydd]

Are there any bisexuals here that wish they were just gay?

I don't.

D

[Skater Boy]

Not me. Some days I'm more gay than straight (and vice versa), but I'd never be ashamed of my hetero side when its there.

[cliffml]

I'm not ashamed, even thou most of the time I prefer men.

[LWynn4]

I really don't see why any bisexual would be ashamed about either of their "sexual orientations" I mean it'd sorta be selfdefeating, no?

[shameless agitator]

I never have been, or known anybody who was for that matter. I have known a few people who wished they were straight though. Actually now that I think about it, my ex still sleeps with me, but identifies as lesbian so I dunno.

[TaylorMade]

Nah.... I like cock WAYYYYY too much to be ashamed of it. :p

*Taylor*

[12voltman59]

Nope--not ashamed of that part of me---a bit baffled that it raised its head later in life and keeps telling me--"I'm here--you can't ignore me anymore!!"

I don't know at this point how big my "gay side" (if that is a good way to put it) is going to be in my life---

I figure when I get it figured out I am going to come out to all of my family--that is something I had not mentioned-I have told my sister and her husband recently that I consider myself bi and they were totally cool about it---

It will be so fun to tell the folks thought when that time comes!!!!!:crosseye:

And finally--I have no shame about my hetero side either --even though sorta like being a white American middle class middle aged male--(I probably should have tons of shame about all of that)---I don't have any hetero shame!!! LOL

[NYRangersFan]

one word...nope

both guys and girls to me are amazing...

[mannysg]

I enjoy the ladies too much to be gay. There are times though, that I wish I wasn't bi, because of how so many people have the opinion that a bisexual is really a homosexual in denial.

[phoenix11664]

I used to have hetero shame. I'd never heard that term before now, though. I felt like I wasn't gay enough to pick up a cute guy. Or they'd think I'm on the "bi now, gay later" plan. (One of the most hateful things I've ever heard someone say in my life.) I've felt that way about both sexes, that my bisexuality is a strike against me because people feel suspicious of bisexuals. (Thank you, cultural myths and prejudices.) I started to think I'd never be fashionable enough (or a good enough interior decorator LOL) to snag a good guy. But now after being with such an amazing woman, I feel I have the power to attract and that I deserve a cute, sweet, wonderful guy.:flag1:

[AdamKadmon43]

Are there any bisexuals here that wish they were just gay?

I don't.

D

Nah !!! not me.

When I was very young and stupid and confused, I tried to be just straight for a while and then I tried to be just gay for a while. And after I finally realized that none of that was going to work for me, I just said to myself "Oh, screw it, I am bisexual .... big deal..... so what .... who cares?..."

Adam

[Germanicus]

No, I dont wish I was gay and dont wish I was straight. Either "option" is just as fraught relationship wise as the other or as the bisexual path. I just see people now, rather than men and women or the gay/les/bi/straight choice.

[funkycat36]

Yeah I do, well I always like to be awkward. But seriously I do wish that I was a lesbian and wasn't attracted to men. I thought I was a lesbian for 8 yrs so the part of me that hates being attracted to men is the part of me that does not want to lose what I had. I love my g/f and love being part of the gay community.
As I relax I hope I can become as positive as you guys and except all of myself.

[ambi53mm]

Are there any bisexuals here that wish they were just gay?

I don't.

D

No hetero shame here and absolutely NO desire to be gay. On one hand there is a feeling of balance in finally being able to accept my bisexual nature, on the other hand a ring that reminds me of all the enjoyment and sense of completeness that being hetero has bought into my life Bisexuality has been more of a distraction than an attraction I absolutely adore women and the uniqueness of their psyches as well as their bodies. The connection and exchanges of energy is based on the differences not on the similarities. Two becomes one when that happens. Perhaps it’s the same for those that are gay. I wouldn’t know I’m not gay. I would imagine that a similar connection takes place at some level and perhaps being a “true bisexual” as I’ve heard it described, it takes place for some with both genders. It just hasn't been my experience.

There is an incredibly beautiful sensation that comes every time when entering into a pussy be it familiar or strange, that has never been present when topping the male ass.
I enjoy pussy wayyyyyyyyyy to much to ever be ashamed of it :)

Ambi:)

[scubaman]

Love both side and no regrets. Personally I don't give a damn what others think. What you see is what you get! :2cents:

[folk2punk]

I cant call it shame. but sometimes i feel my life would be simpler if i was one way or the other alone. either gay or straight. its not a shame, so much as feeling like you dont fit in to one side or the other.

I mean, if you're straight, well the mainstream is cool with you, and your family has one less thing to get on your case about (especially with any amount of religiousity.) And if you're gay, there's plenty of community out there - its not hard to find a group to hang with (at least on the east coast.)

But Bi seems to come with baggage. you get flack from both sides. they dont know what to make of you. they seem to be either sexually intrigued, or disgusted b/c well, you "must" be a swinger... Dont get me wrong, I'm proud of who i am, but in the existenstial terms of "simplify your life," i think it would be easier. Although typing this, i think you'd have to go one step further and be asexual to do that.... hmmm... am i making any sense?

[Sarasvati]

A good question illustrating a different potential perspective.
But not a question for me.

[bhg08054]

Are there any bisexuals here that wish they were just gay?

No way. I no more want to be "just gay" than I want to be "just straight".

[Tx46M]

Are there any bisexuals here that wish they were just gay?

I don't.

D

No way, never was really interested until late 30s, no mm experience until mid 40s, now it's just part of me. I can't ever ever imagine "romance" with a male, but the sex is grreat!

:male::2cents:

[DiamondDog]

:2cents:

[darkeyes]

Neva asked for it, an certainly didn wish it.. but me life is pannin out jus that way... but hearten ye merry gennelmen...JD aint dead yet!!!

[Vuarra]

Are there any bisexuals here that wish they were just gay?

I don't.

D

Why would anyone out of the social purgatory called secondary school be ashamed of any type of sexuality?

dafydd, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but give your head a shake. (both of them :cool:)

[DiamondDog]

Why would anyone out of the social purgatory called secondary school be ashamed of any type of sexuality?

dafydd, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but give your head a shake. (both of them :cool:)

Do you really get it though?

People shouldn't have shame about their sexuality but there are many reasons why people are shameful or they don't want to come out if they're not hetero.

I mean you are hetero so you've probably never been in fear of your friends/family/society not accepting your sexuality.

Have you ever had to lie about your sexuality for fear of getting beaten up, disowned, or rejected by people who you love like your friends/family? Or felt like you're sticking out like a sore thumb at a family/extended family party where everyone that's hetero brings their opposite gender people who they're married/dating/invovled with or when your friend's parents act like your friend is practically married to her boyfriend when they've only been in a relationship for half a year. Or just felt really weird and uncomfortable when people always ask you if you've got a girlfriend yet or which woman you're dating. Or that you can't kiss/hold hands with the man who you're dating because you fear that you'll get bashed/beaten up or killed? Or had to lie about your sexuality to keep your job? Or feared that you'd have your house/property/children, or other things taken away because of your sexuality? Or had trouble finding a place to live or even an apartment to rent since you're going to be living with a man and not a woman? Or felt that a gay/GLBT bar/club is perhaps one of the only places where you can actually feel at home/be comfortable who you are and not feel like a second class citizen or a big minority?

I know it's not like this in north america/western society but in many other non-western countries and societies you can be put to death by your country's own government because you're not heterosexual.

I'm not flaming you or anything, and I loathe closet cases and heterophobes; but I want you to see it from our perspective about why someone would be ashamed of their sexuality or try to hide it.

[darkeyes]

Think thats wy Vu is tellin daffy 2 shake is heads DD hun....:tong:

[izzfan]

Do I ever wish i was 100% gay? Not really, perhaps very occasionally. To be honest my straight side is generally a lot more screwed up than my gay side [ which is relatively normal and not really that kinky at all] but it is a much larger part of myself than my gay side. Nevertheless, although the idea of a gay relationship does interest me occasionally, the idea of a 'normal' straight relationship with a woman who I loved and who loved me seems slightly more appealing.

however, I've been single for as long as I can remeber [not celibate...just single] for loads of reasons, the list has gradually got longer over the years. Some examples are the fact that even the hint of a possible chance of a relationship in a conversation/friendship with the opposite sex makes me paranoid/nervous, the fact that if anyone knew me 100% [bisexual side, BDSM side, TV side, political side with all of its numerous contradictions etc..] they probably would dump me, there is the likely event of a tearful break-up, I NEVER want to have kids [just worried that if I got into a straight relationship, the other half may get 'broody' or there might be an accident with contraception], I have yet to find a woman who I feel I would want to go out with as opposed to just being friends with [I'm talking more about personality than appearence here] and who would want to go out with me, being single is better financially, being single you have a lot more free time etc.....

Izzfan :flag3:

[parkwings]

diamond dog, after the first part of your post, why would you say you loathe closet cases? I'm sure there was a point in time when you too did not broadcast to the world that you were'nt straight.

for example;What if YOUR job and livelehood could be put in jeopardy for not being straight? Would you still trumpet your qeerness?

There are many reasons why a person may be closeted in some aspects of thier lives..I never understood people like you that were so judgemental about it. People come out on thier terms, not on your schedule.

So much for LGBT "community"

[DiamondDog]

diamond dog, after the first part of your post, why would you say you loathe closet cases? I'm sure there was a point in time when you too did not broadcast to the world that you were'nt straight.

I've been out since I was 16. I knew that I was not heterosexual long before that. Even my mom knew about me when I was a kid and was perfectly fine with it and encouraged it!

I don't like closet cases since to me they represent homophobia/biphobia, self loathing, shame, men who have major "issues", a block on intimacy/romance with a man, and I've had bad experiences with them.

I've met many closeted men who compartmentalize themselves and do some very fucked up things.

I'm not going to go into the things that I've had them do to me or seen them do but I don't associate with them at all.

You would not either if you'd been beaten up and called a faggot by a closeted guy. I don't want any sympathy and I didn't deserve it but it's in the past now and it could have been 1,000X worse and I'm glad that I was never raped or anything.

Staying closeted is misery. I really don't know anyone who has actually benefited from it in the long run or actually been happy when they're closeted.

I know one closeted guy who says he is "straight" and has a wife and kids and yet still hits on me constantly and would love me to tie him up, fuck him, flog him, verbally humiliate him, face slap him, and do cigar play with him but that's not going to ever happen.

I don't feel bad for him since he has created a hell for himself based on being in the closet, consumerism, being afraid, and money.

I don't want a relationship with men like this and they'd never want the type of relationship that I want with a man with me.


for example;What if YOUR job and livelehood could be put in jeopardy for not being straight? Would you still trumpet your qeerness?

I would not take a job that does not have sexual orientation protection in the clause/contract or follow laws that protect you because of your orientation.

Being queer is a small aspect of myself.

It's not a huge defining factor and I have no desire to live in a gay ghetto or even talk/read about the subject a lot when I'm not on this site or with friends who bring up the subject in our conversations together.

I'm not that self conscious and I don't feel the need to be queer in every single thing that I do. I don't mention it everytime I see friends, I don't feel the need to be this way 24/7, or define my entire worldview on my sexuality and nothing but it.

I checked out a bisexual discussion group just to meet new people and I personally did not like it since it was just full of people who talked about nothing but their open relationship/marriage and then who kept hitting on me/cruising me, too much discussion of sexual politics, too much attachment to orientation labels, and it was way too PC. One woman there who talked about nothing but how she and her husband (who both kept hitting on me and cruising me and talked about nothing but who in the group they'd hooked up with) have an open marriage/relationship had a tattoo that was a symbol of this and there were not any skulls or any artwork on it or anything.

I don't wear jewlery or tattoos with the GLBT flag, leather flag, bear flag, or the bisexual flag and I see that sort of thing as being pointless, it's not something I want to do since it's too political, I'm not even into brands/slogans/flags, and it's not important to me.


There are many reasons why a person may be closeted in some aspects of thier lives..I never understood people like you that were so judgemental about it. People come out on thier terms, not on your schedule.

So much for LGBT "community"

I never said that people should come out when I tell them to, or on my schedule.

Coming out is a personal thing and it begins with yourself.

I used to actually feel bad for closeted men but now I don't since they bring it onto themselves. I did actually try to say to a few that if they wanted someone to talk to that I'd be there but they refused.

In the case of the men I just described in the paragraph above and in earlier paragraphs (like the guy who wants me to fuck him and do BDSM to him) everyone KNOWS that they're not hetero since it's that obvious, even their wives/girlfriends know this about them; but they're that deeply closeted and don't see themselves as being anything but "straight".

I do however think that people should come out early even if it is to themselves since this will cause them less problems in the future, and they won't wind up coming out later in life when they're married/settled into life and they will be a better person for it.

How am I being judgemental? Read what I wrote again.

Look at what happened to those two teenage boys in Iran for being gay, they were hung by their own government and country.

We have it easy in the west/North America compared to people in other countries particularly in the middle east, Africa, and Asia.

Anyway I don't believe in the idea or concept of a GLBT "community" since as people we're all widespread, there's no central point/location, there's not one single GLBT community (gay ghettos don't count). There's no monolith of what GLBT people are into, or share, just because we're not hetero.

What we have in common is that we're not purely heterosexual or in some cases we're not of a single gender. I don't see that as a particularly solid foundation on which to build a community. Shouldn't a community have more cornerstones holding it together than just the detail that everyone isn't heterosexual or that some people in it aren't the gender that they were born?

I know many homosexual men who don't believe in the idea of a gay "community" or a gay "culture" at all, and don't want to associate with mainstream gay men and don't like the idea of gay pride/sexual politics.

I also know many homosexual men who don't like the label of gay since they see it as being too political, a label of our consumer culture, not a label that even really describes them as a person, they don't identify with gay men in general, and for a bunch of other personal reasons.

[jem_is_bi]

I am bisexual and would prefer to be homosexual. I am not ashamed that part of me is heterosexual or that I am mostly homosexual. Being completely homosexual would just simplify life. However, my attraction to women is not going to go away.
Further, I am not “out of the closet as bisexual” and neither is my partner of one year. While this is does not allow for perfect sexual and emotional bliss, we are not unhappy with this arrangement.
I am comfortable with my bisexual nature.
I am comfortable with my sex life.
I am comfortable with how these aspects of me fit with the rest of my life.
Specifically, while sex is both fun and important to me, it is a relatively small part of my life.
My sexual identity is not the most important component of who I am.

Maybe, I should have a "Proud to be in the Closet" bumper sticker? Oops, that would not be a good idea!

JEM

[dafydd]

Why would anyone out of the social purgatory called secondary school be ashamed of any type of sexuality?

dafydd, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but give your head a shake. (both of them :cool:)


why? I thought this was an interesting question that needed to be voiced. There are many people who are ashamed to be gay....I am sure that there must be some corespondance in the straight scene.

d

[parkwings]

DD, you are being judgemental when you say you loathe closet cases..yes I read your post again.

When you say you loathe someone or a group, that is judging them-it means you don't like them for certain reasons/behaviors.

You're entitled to your opinion of course, and you did make some other valid points in your last post that I agree with.

My opinion on closet-ness is: 'whatever'.. it's thier life. Nobody's forcing anyone to associate with closeted people if they don't wish to.

[darkeyes]

Not every 1 sadly is able 2 b other than a "closet case".. God.. such a contemptuous and nasty little expression.. for such contempt and loathing 2 roll of the keyboard or out of the mouth of 1 who is himself of an oppressed minority is in itself rather contemptable. I do hope DD, you dont mean it quite in the all encompassing sense which you have expressed it.

It is not the fact that people are closetted which is contemptable. Mostly if contempt there be, it should be aimed at those who use that secrecy to satisfy their own desires at the expense of those who love them, and who they profess to care for. Who abuse and lie to those with whom they are having a relationship "on the side" or simply getting themselves laid to satisfy their needs while denying to the world their true nature. Their true nature may be bisexual.. or gay, but more to the point their true nature is selfish, greedy, hypocrital and dishonest, and downright bloody dangerous..

I suppose it can be argued that their actions are no different from straights or gays who stray from the straight and narrow within their marriage or partnership. But it is different, for inherent within that is not just the betrayal of their partner within the context of their accepted sexuality, but worse, by straying from that accepted sexuality and betraying their partner and themselves to boot. Not to mention betrayal of the other person or person upon whom they prey, and the sexuality of which they are themselves a part.

Being closetted is fine, if frustrating for the person afraid for whatever reason to come out, and certainly nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to loathe as such. It is how some people use that secrecy and hypocrisy which we can have contempt for.

[CuddlyKate]

We have a friend who is gay yet still remains in the closet. He has no shame of feeling that he is gay, but does about his deceit, for he is married with young children, but has had the strength of will so far at least to resist the temptation to go out into the world and break the trust his wife and children have in him. It is a sad and tragic case, and yet we both admire him his strength of will not to just go out and do "his own thing". He will not destroy his family and break the heart of the one woman he loves more than anyone else. Someday I fear he must, because of what it is doing to his insides. We both wonder if deep down his wife doesnt suspect that at least something is amiss.

I just hope that when the time comes the closeness, love and respect they have is not destroyed by recrimination and rancour.

[ChancesTaken]

I wouldn't know... I haven't found anyone willing to help me explore yet.

[open2both]

What would be the point? Gay men like men...I like men too.
Straight men like women...I like women too.
Sadly, the "real" gay community disavows us and the "straight" world doesn't accept us either. No biggie!:flag3:

[DiamondDog]

What would be the point? Gay men like men...I like men too.
Straight men like women...I like women too.
Sadly, the "real" gay community disavows us and the "straight" world doesn't accept us either. No biggie!:flag3:

What "real" gay "community"? There is no such thing.

I've never had any problems with either gay or hetero people not accepting me or understanding me.

Is it a big deal if someone thinks I'm homosexual?

Well no, but I don't go around nitpicking them, telling them that they're an idiot, or make a huge scene. I don't lose sleep over it, or let it ruin my day and crush my entire worldview of myself.

That's how I would describe myself too as well as bisexual, or I'll wonder if I am homosexual (sometimes for as long as half a year) since I'll go through periods where I simply don't want women at all but it does not last forever like it does for my friends who are purely homosexual.