Feelings of Guilt

[deeTM]

So here is something I've been wondering about...

Up till about 6 or so months ago I didn't realize that I was bi. I had settled in my own head that I wasn't gay due to an experience a few years ago. Now that may seem a bit of a contradiction but I didn't really enjoy that experience most likely because I was way to nervous coupled with the fact that I really loved being with women, lol. OK, that being said, now that I have realized that I do really enjoy being with men, I don't feel guilty about it. Which brings me to my point. I've had quite a few gay friends over the years and a couple of gay cousins. Most of them seemed to be into drugs or alcohol to the point of doing some serious damage to their health. My assumption at the time and up till now is that they were trying to deal with the guilt of same-sex relationships. I've had the opportunity to talk to some of my current friends (also gay) and they've agreed with my assumption and admitted that they've had problems dealing with the guilt as well.

So I'm wondering how many of you do or don't feel guilty over same-sex relations?

BTW, I'm not asking if you feel guilty over the "cheating" aspect if you happen to be in a relationship.

[FalconAngel]

I feel no guilt at all. I used to when I was younger, but it was more of a concern over what would happen if I got caught in a same-sex situation. I've long since outgrown that and wallow in my sexuality.

As far as the drug/alchohol use, some of that is exactly what you think it is, but there is also a lot of it which is brought about because of issues of child abuse and/or ways to cope with the stress of keeping their sexuality a secret.

[heavyfnmetal]

I'm not sure if it was guilt for me so much as shame...

I'm not sure why I'm ashamed, maybe it's just fear. Fear of what, I have no idea. But it all stems back to my sexuality and sexual preferences.

This whole thing along with a bunch of other stuff has me pretty fucked in the head.

[quiet1fornow]

I have had another kind of major set of circumstances occur in my life which I am associating with what you write of here. It is not guilt as much as in some ways a lack of freedom to be able to communicate feelings and desires and happiness and sadness and emotions openly or without fear of a judgment or confrontation or debate. I suppose share with all as one does the weather or children or experiences of life that are much more common and for lack of a better term "accepted" to share.

When put out there it is freedom of speech at its best as it leaves one open to someone's opinion that may well be not anywhere near in agreement. It is the conversation that suddenly takes a "bad" turn and the control of that is out of my hands and it becomes "hunting season" and my feelings or sharing has become the "game" of the day. Sharing and defending should not be the case; but they do become that in this set.

The other side of this is I have also found that suddenly there are many more that do accept and understand and as a result a bond forms that I had no idea might be there or even available. So as always it is the risk that one has to deal with and its resulting consequences we wrestle with emotionally.

I am older and do not believe I have the right to just blast people with my beliefs. I do however feel that life is life and it has a path that I am not afforded the map of daily. I don't feel I wonder aimlessly. I do feel I am guided by each and every one of the individuals I come across. I try to seek some piece of what they may have to offer.

I may have gone astray a bit here of the question. It is not a simple answer or question it is of personal choice and freedom to enjoy those choices. Do I feel absolutely free to enjoy them, no. I am free to? I do not feel that freedom 100%.

Perhaps I should not try to write my answers at this hour...I have not engaged all of the necessary areas of thought or expression. I do not have guilt or shame I just have more limited times to enjoy and share. Wow I guess I should have just written that!!

:cool:

[ambi53mm]

I don’t believe my abuse of alcohol or drugs were used to escape the guilt or shame associated with my eve- fluctuating sexual orientation. The drugs, especially LSD forced me to at least acknowledge that I wasn’t totally 100% hetero. Whatever lied deeply buried within and rarely surfaced about my same-sex feelings were intensified and bought to the surface as were many other hidden aspects of my self. Alcohol pushed me over the edge into the exploration by breaking down those inhibitors that usually served to keep myself in check.

There are many feelings associated with my sexuality that I still struggle with. Sites like Bisexual.com did not exist during those times that I struggled with my sexual orientation. There was no visible community or open forums where exchanges could take place. The internet was non-existent until my early 40’s. You were gay, straight or just plain fuckin weird. I still opt out for being plain fuckin weird however, I know now at least I’m in good company.

On one hand I had the guilt and shame associated with not quite fitting into the status quo of heterosexual identity. I was flawed and as long as that flaw remained hidden, I was free and continue to live as I choose. The desire to grow and follow my natural inclinations and desires were stronger that the fears of self-discovery. With that discovery came the realization that the flaw was not within but without. I’m convinced now that I’m not plain fuckin weird. What a relief!! But I’m not totally convinced that the rest of you aren’t :bigrin:

Ambi:)

[heavyfnmetal]

I'm not sure if it was guilt for me so much as shame...

I'm not sure why I'm ashamed, maybe it's just fear. Fear of what, I have no idea. But it all stems back to my sexuality and sexual preferences.

This whole thing along with a bunch of other stuff has me pretty fucked in the head.

I guess I should also state that another part of the shame or whatever is not being able to be completely honest with my family and friends. I believe in honesty as being a very important part of these relationships. I feel bad that I can't share this part of me for fear of rejection from the people that are closest to me. In a way, I'm being a hypocrite, which I'm not too fond of. But at the same time, I don't want to lose these people.

It's hard going through life with this kind of weight on your shoulders all the time. Coming out is supposed to make you feel better, but before you feel better, you kinda feel sick to your stomach and stuff (at least in my case. I've only come out to one person so far... I'm pretty sure it's only been one person).

[the mage]

Guilt is a result of judgment.
Why spend time on a "feeling" of guilt?

Ask yourself, "did We enjoy it?
Did anyone get hurt?
Do I want it again?"

Do not ask yourself "Do I deserve punishment for this?"
Because you do not.

[parkwings]

I don't feel guilt about same sex feelings now that I'm single, but I did when I felt it was negatively affecting my relationship with my female ex.

Coming out is no picnic,but, personally I can say that the less effort I put into concealing the real me, the more relaxed and happy I become.

This process takes time, so be patient. I'm out to family, they support me, so I'm fortunate.

If I knew for a fact that the people around me would not support me, I would either move or write a letter/e-mail them and just get it over with that way.

as you age, you'll get sick of all the hiding, posturing, pretending etc, and you may just say f*ck it, this is me, and that's it. Otherwise it's sooo tiring!

[dafydd]

good question
we feel guilty because we are programmed to believe there is only one way of being: straight. it's hard to break the programming that consumes us as children day and night. as adults we realise that guilt and shame is a negative emotion and so we live our lives as gays, afraid of what we are, loving what we shouldn't and knowing that we won't ever fit the template. Who hasn't felt some guilt at some stage? luckily most of us get over it

d

[icarus24]

Even though I never had any gay sex, I feel guilty of having m/m fantasies because it is so against my values and the kind of life I want to lead. The thing is that the buttocks is the only part of the male body that I find attractive but malt butts are constantly in my thoughts. I don't find a penis any more arousing than my microwave. When I'm at my gym locker room, I never check out other guys. Basically, I only fantasize about same sex spanking. So I think my attraction to men is more psychological in the sense of being controlled and embarassed. Guys are stronger than women so when I fantasize about spanking, a guy would be better able to force me to submit. I never realized this fantasy.

I once tried to let a guy massage me while I was naked but my genitals were covered. Not only I didn't have an erection, after I told the guy that I had enough, I just run away and rush to my appartment to take a shower because I felt so dirty that a man touched me. I even called an health line because I wasn't sure the sheets I was lying on were clean so I was afraid I could have caught AIDS. I know it's completely fucked up but that's the way I felt. And what bother me is that I'm completely unable to receive affection from a man, even from my dad, and I still have these fantasies.

I'm now questionning if I'm bi at all. I think I'm probably asexual as I seem to be unable of sexual intimacy with either gender even though I definitely prefer women. If I was no so scared of death, I would just put an end to my life to get out of my misery.

[DiamondDog]

Even though I never had any gay sex, I feel guilty of having m/m fantasies because it is so against my values and the kind of life I want to lead. The thing is that the buttocks is the only part of the male body that I find attractive but malt butts are constantly in my thoughts. I don't find a penis any more arousing than my microwave. When I'm at my gym locker room, I never check out other guys. Basically, I only fantasize about same sex spanking. So I think my attraction to men is more psychological in the sense of being controlled and embarassed. Guys are stronger than women so when I fantasize about spanking, a guy would be better able to force me to submit. I never realized this fantasy.

I once tried to let a guy massage me while I was naked but my genitals were covered. Not only I didn't have an erection, after I told the guy that I had enough, I just run away and rush to my appartment to take a shower because I felt so dirty that a man touched me. I even called an health line because I wasn't sure the sheets I was lying on were clean so I was afraid I could have caught AIDS. I know it's completely fucked up but that's the way I felt. And what bother me is that I'm completely unable to receive affection from a man, even from my dad, and I still have these fantasies.

I'm now questionning if I'm bi at all. I think I'm probably asexual as I seem to be unable of sexual intimacy with either gender even though I definitely prefer women. If I was no so scared of death, I would just put an end to my life to get out of my misery.

Get some therapy. I'm serious it's not a flame or anything.

[jem_is_bi]

Even though I never had any gay sex, I feel guilty of having m/m fantasies because it is so against my values and the kind of life I want to lead. The thing is that the buttocks is the only part of the male body that I find attractive but malt butts are constantly in my thoughts. I don't find a penis any more arousing than my microwave. When I'm at my gym locker room, I never check out other guys. Basically, I only fantasize about same sex spanking. So I think my attraction to men is more psychological in the sense of being controlled and embarassed. Guys are stronger than women so when I fantasize about spanking, a guy would be better able to force me to submit. I never realized this fantasy.

I once tried to let a guy massage me while I was naked but my genitals were covered. Not only I didn't have an erection, after I told the guy that I had enough, I just run away and rush to my appartment to take a shower because I felt so dirty that a man touched me. I even called an health line because I wasn't sure the sheets I was lying on were clean so I was afraid I could have caught AIDS. I know it's completely fucked up but that's the way I felt. And what bother me is that I'm completely unable to receive affection from a man, even from my dad, and I still have these fantasies.

I'm now questionning if I'm bi at all. I think I'm probably asexual as I seem to be unable of sexual intimacy with either gender even though I definitely prefer women. If I was no so scared of death, I would just put an end to my life to get out of my misery.


Wow! I agree with DiamonDog. All you have done or thought about doing is only a very mild sexual fetish. None of us is perfect and all of us have some inner conflicts. But, your emotional reaction to your desires is way too extreme. You need help to regain your psychological balance and inner peace.

JEM

[Iowason]

Sometimes I feal a little guilty when thinking of men instead of my wife. But like I told her when I came out to her, it's just sex. It all feals good, but I love you. You are the one I want to go home with and cuddle with as we fall asleep.......

As far as drug use.... I have been known to partake at times. Don't get me started on a rant in that direction but I don't blame anything in life on drugs or anything else on my past. I have some regrets, but not many.....Most of us have had some kind of social trauma, it's all in how we deal with it and handle it.

[anteak]

I don't now or have I ever felt any guilt about having same gender sex. The first time I ever had a cock in my mouth I found out no one could tell I had sucked a cock except the ones that were present at the time. It was brief and no climax. curiosity compelled me to experiment further to find out what it was like to suck a cock to completion and eventually to swallow. It happened over a period of time but it happened, I also learned to DT. I could never love a man the way I love a woman. I have no feelings for men other than passion when we're naked and having a party. If I were with a couple I would prefer to eat and fuck the pussy if i had the choice of either. preferably I could have both, cum to think of it I have, and did :-)