what defines being a "slut"? and would you like to be one?

[funhunter44]

I often find myself fantasizing about experiencing the kind of "free love" that existed in the 1960's and 1970's before the fear of AIDS entered the picture. How often I have thought that if I had been an adult in those decades...I probably would have been quite a "slut", and then I wondered...what really defines being a slut? Is being a slut defined by how often you have sex, how many people you have sex with, or by what you do?
Surely it cannot be merely by how often, because somebody in a monogamous relationship could have sex 7 or more times a week and I think they'd be called "Lucky" rather than a "Slut". It seems to me that when people use this term, they are usually implying that the person is not discerning in their taste, has lack of discretion, or acts on overactive desires to the point that the sexual act itself is more important than the person with whom it is done.

In the dictionary, a slut is defined as a WOMAN who is promiscuous...so I guess by literal definition of the word a Man cannot be a slut...interesting don't you think?

There are 3 key definitions of Promiscuous:
1. Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.
2. Lacking standards of selection; indiscriminate.
3. Casual; random.

I don't think I have sex on a high enough frequency to meet the first definition of promiscuity, and I do have Standards of Selection, but I have had sex that I would call Casual and perhaps somewhat random...highly infrequent though those opportunities have been...but is that really so bad?

If I could have a "Free Pass" to be a slut for day, and then return to my normal life with no negative consequences...no STDS, no crabs, no fights with significant others....who wouldn't grab that chance!! I know I would....:bigrin:

[The Barefoot Contess]

A "slut", in puritan eyes, is a woman (of course, a woman, men are "real men") whose sexual behavior defies the conventions of monogamy, vanilla sex, commitment, love, and privacy of traditional sexuality. In other words, sluts desacralize sex and make it "admissible", and enjoyable for its own sake, without the love requirement. That is the ultimate crime, it seems. You would want to think that this puritan notion would try to "reform" sluts, if they are so evil (only in the case of repentance, though: if a slut recognizes that she is wrong, then the merciful majority will bathe itself in glory at its own magnanimity). The reality is, though, that sluts, a creation of dominant ideologies, help conventional morality create and preserve categories of "good" (virtue) and "evil" (sin) and establish itself as righteous: I am right because there is an other who is wrong, I am virtuous because you are sinful... A very powerful instrument of ideological control.

Would I like to be one? I was brought up to be both the perfect daughter and superwoman at the same time. In the midst of such confusion, I think I chose to be a slut :rolleyes:

[funhunter44]

Hi Barefoot,
I like your response here........I often think this would be a much better country in which to live if not for the Puritanical influence on it's earliest beginnings......

I believe sexual expression and satisfaction is necessary to being complete and healthy, but in me I also see some destructive influences in it. Sex does have addictive properties in my opinion, and sometimes I worry about that in my own case.

[the mage]

It is a purely derogatory term used as a weapon against women who have the nerve to live a hedonistic lifestyle.


Only a male would seek to be called one.

[**Peg**]

whore: does it for money

slut: does it for the love of the undertaking, gender notwithstanding:cool:

[darkeyes]

Me has written bout this before, and bout the dubble standard of "slut" for women an "Jack the lad" for guys.. 1 a term of abuse an contempt, the otha a term of affection an admiration. Me an me m8s, an many otha gals an ther m8s call each otha sluts all the time..as well as tart, trollop an many otha terms wich r considered less than nice. But it aint a nice name 2 b called by outsiders but we usually turn it on its head by drawin them in an blowin them off..an not in a sexual sense eitha.. ridicule an a massive tease of the accuser is triff fun. Ainnit gr8 wen ya expose their hypocrisy an an kick the luffly Jack the Lad inta touch.. an jeez don they not like it 2 much..spesh wen ther tongue is hangin off ther knees an they walkin on 3 legs...

Yea...in strict term of the word me is a slut...am exclusive 2 me partner these days an thats how it is.. but me nature remains that of the slut, an as far as me can within the boundaries set for me relationship wiv Naggy still act the part...... an am not ashamed of it..lives me life an lets othas live thers... ratha b a slut than prim an propa ole bag who wud luvta live it but has er own head so far up er arse because of er own fear, er own upbringin or er own contempt for er own sex an sexuality.

[ambi53mm]

I don't think I have sex on a high enough frequency to meet the first definition of promiscuity, and I do have Standards of Selection, but I have had sex that I would call Casual and perhaps somewhat random...highly infrequent though those opportunities have been...but is that really so bad?

If I could have a "Free Pass" to be a slut for day, and then return to my normal life with no negative consequences...no STDS, no crabs, no fights with significant others....who wouldn't grab that chance!! I know I would....:bigrin:

I hit 20 in 1970 and was for all extensive purposes..I was the male version of a slut...Did I enjoy it? From what I can remember of those days via flashbacks and fleeting moments of memory, YES!

Would I do it again? Yes...but under the conditions you mentioned with regard to the absense of all the dangers. The other big concern back then that wasn't mentioned was pregnacy. Many a man and women will recall with regret, the consequences of one night of free love that turned out to be very costly in the long run.

I love sex in all it's variations and complexities. It's human creativity at the most sensual level.. and I make no apology.. it is a part of who I am and I'm content with who I am...and obviously that part of me hasn't changed much... One of my favorite lyrics:

"I may not be as good as I once was.. but I'm as good once as I ever was".

Would I grab at the chance to be a slut for a day under the circumstances and conditions you mention? Hell Yeah!! My only fear would be that I'd ask for an extension and that it would be declined:tongue:

Ambi:)

[ziggybabie]

"Slut" is a combination of factors. Being dumb as a brick is one of them. If you sleep with 3-4 different guys every week or two, and skip using protection half the time or more, you are exhibiting "slut" traits.

Then, lying to and cheating on your boy/girlfriend, and not caring or feeling guilty AT ALL.

If all you care about is drugs, partying, or materialistic interests, and you have no sense of intellect, independence or consciousness......if you are way too dependent on some asshole who is going to mistreat you...if you think you can change some asshole into something he's not, such as the decent person (only) you seen in him and he ends up beating you or taking advantage of you.....if any and/or all of these are true, you are exhibiting serious traits of being a slut.

[brunette]

i got into sex after high school. i'm lucky i met my husband early, because i would have been a slut. but not the good kind. we never had "safe sex" education at school or at home, so i would have ended up knocked up or diseased or both.

i still fantasize about being slutty though. i would definitely take a day of unabashed sex with strangers and friends without consequences!

[darkeyes]

"Slut" is a combination of factors. Being dumb as a brick is one of them. If you sleep with 3-4 different guys every week or two, and skip using protection half the time or more, you are exhibiting "slut" traits.

Then, lying to and cheating on your boy/girlfriend, and not caring or feeling guilty AT ALL.

If all you care about is drugs, partying, or materialistic interests, and you have no sense of intellect, independence or consciousness......if you are way too dependent on some asshole who is going to mistreat you...if you think you can change some asshole into something he's not, such as the decent person (only) you seen in him and he ends up beating you or taking advantage of you.....if any and/or all of these are true, you are exhibiting serious traits of being a slut.

Ahah.. nice man tryin 2 intellectualise wot bein a slut is..an gettin it all arse ova tit! Mans view.. strange man.. tee hee

[The Barefoot Contess]

"Slut" is a combination of factors. Being dumb as a brick is one of them. If you sleep with 3-4 different guys every week or two, and skip using protection half the time or more, you are exhibiting "slut" traits.

Then, lying to and cheating on your boy/girlfriend, and not caring or feeling guilty AT ALL.

If all you care about is drugs, partying, or materialistic interests, and you have no sense of intellect, independence or consciousness......if you are way too dependent on some asshole who is going to mistreat you...if you think you can change some asshole into something he's not, such as the decent person (only) you seen in him and he ends up beating you or taking advantage of you.....if any and/or all of these are true, you are exhibiting serious traits of being a slut.

First, only sluts practice unsafe sex?; second, so someone who cheats on someone else is a slut by definition?; third, if I do drugs and party and go shopping, and happen to not like, say, reading Marcel Proust, and I am in a co-dependent relationship, and I fall on the floor and lose consciousness... am I a slut? :rolleyes:

Being in a (co)dependent relationship, or being dependent, is not being a slut. There is a lot of controversy whether or not it is it is a psychological / personality disorder, and, not being an expert on the topic, I will not comment on it. I can say, however, that people on these situations do not choose them, nor is it easy to escape them. Battered women/men do not like or choose to be battered, and whoever claims that "well, you just have to leave your partner, and if you don't you deserve what happens to you" has no idea what it is to be in a situation like that. Women/men in abusive relationships need professional help, not scarlet letters on their bosoms.

[pasco_lol_cpl]

"Slut" is a combination of factors. Being dumb as a brick is one of them. If you sleep with 3-4 different guys every week or two, and skip using protection half the time or more, you are exhibiting "slut" traits.

Then, lying to and cheating on your boy/girlfriend, and not caring or feeling guilty AT ALL.

If all you care about is drugs, partying, or materialistic interests, and you have no sense of intellect, independence or consciousness......if you are way too dependent on some asshole who is going to mistreat you...if you think you can change some asshole into something he's not, such as the decent person (only) you seen in him and he ends up beating you or taking advantage of you.....if any and/or all of these are true, you are exhibiting serious traits of being a slut.
Really? I suggest you pic up and read the book 'The Ethical Slut.' It has some interesting things to say on this topic. After reading it both my wife and I identify as sluts. To us, all that being a 'slut' means is that you are comfortable with your sexuality and fluidity of relationships. Being a slut does not necessarily mean that one is a cheater or engages in unsafe sexual practices.

[TaylorMade]

I personally found a slut to be someone who had no ethics or discretion when it came to sexual partners.

As I define it, of course, I don't want to be one.

*Taylor*

[darkeyes]

I personally found a slut to be someone who had no ethics or discretion when it came to sexual partners.

As I define it, of course, I don't want to be one.

*Taylor*

Interestin definition Taylor... not 2 sure its useful cos every 1s ideas of ethics an discretion is diff... jus as morality always will b... thats wy me mite call me a slut an me m8s sluts.. thats larkin bout an takin piss tween friends..wud neva call ne 1 a slut an mean it... cos reality is such as such don accept ther such a thing..

Sum 1 may hav no ethics an no discretion..don make em a slut..makes em a rite selfish arrogant vindictive viscious tosspot an they shud b avoided at all costs an given a rite hard time ..but don make em a slut...

[TaylorMade]

Interestin definition Taylor... not 2 sure its useful cos every 1s ideas of ethics an discretion is diff... jus as morality always will b... thats wy me mite call me a slut an me m8s sluts.. thats larkin bout an takin piss tween friends..wud neva call ne 1 a slut an mean it... cos reality is such as such don accept ther such a thing..

Sum 1 may hav no ethics an no discretion..don make em a slut..makes em a rite selfish arrogant vindictive viscious tosspot an they shud b avoided at all costs an given a rite hard time ..but don make em a slut...

Read the entire post.

When it comes to sexual partners... sleeping with someone's boyfriend or best friends sister/girlfriend or bare backing with multiple partners are taboos that I would think are universal to most sane people, whether straight or not straight that warrant a stronger name than selfish, arrogant, vindictive, vicious, or tosser. They need a name that speaks to the type of transgressions they commit. Slut serves best here.

Just me, I guess.

*Taylor*

[The Barefoot Contess]

Darkeyes, looks like we are INSANE! ;)

[darkeyes]

Knew ya cudn resist Taylor...s'ok... no biggie..we can agree 2 disagree...

Have read the every post an nuna them makes me change me mind 1 jot.. so long as ne human bein dus nuthin wich is not intended 2 harm eitha physically or mentally ne human bein, or does so within a sexual context with permission of anotha......no 1 can call em sluts..if on otha hand peeps do an don care...the word slut is innapropriate .. they much much worse than that... for ne descriptive purpose me xcludes paedophila ere..bein branded paedophile is bout as bad as it cums...

[gfofbiguy]

...if you are way too dependent on some asshole who is going to mistreat you...if you think you can change some asshole into something he's not, such as the decent person (only) you seen in him and he ends up beating you or taking advantage of you.....if any and/or all of these are true, you are exhibiting serious traits of being a slut.

Excuse me??? Maybe you should read up on so-called co-dependent relationships/abusive relationships, then. Because I certainly would NOT categorize myself as a SLUT because my ex-husband beat me and took advantage of my trust as well as mentally and emotionally abused me.


...Being in a (co)dependent relationship, or being dependent, is not being a slut. There is a lot of controversy whether or not it is it is a psychological / personality disorder, and, not being an expert on the topic, I will not comment on it. I can say, however, that people on these situations do not choose them, nor is it easy to escape them. Battered women/men do not like or choose to be battered, and whoever claims that "well, you just have to leave your partner, and if you don't you deserve what happens to you" has no idea what it is to be in a situation like that. Women/men in abusive relationships need professional help, not scarlet letters on their bosoms.

I'm not going to say I had or did not have a psychological/personality disorder but after leaving the marriage - yes, I LEFT, and I consider myself one of the lucky ones - I ended up having generalized anxiety disorder, posttraumatic stress syndrome, panic attacks because of the mental, emotional and physical trauma. Like Contess says, I did not choose to be battered, I was physically abused ONCE, and I left that night; however, the mental/emotional abuse just creeps up into the relationship insidiously so you don't even really see it coming. I mean, if I had met him at a bar, without knowing anything about him, and he came up and punched me in the face, I would never have gone out with him. But until you live in a situation like that, when you are scared for your life (and this is BEFORE the physical abuse started), and you are so scared that you can't think straight or leave, how does that make one a slut?

[gfofbiguy]

.....If I could have a "Free Pass" to be a slut for day, and then return to my normal life with no negative consequences...no STDS, no crabs, no fights with significant others....who wouldn't grab that chance!! I know I would....:bigrin:

Now, in answer to funhunter44's question, yeah, I'd take that free pass to be a slut for a day! ;):bigrin:

[Bluebiyou]

ME! ME!
I'm a slut, I'm just too old and in a monogamous relationship to deliver the goods!
Oh, irony, irony!

[BicuriousWA]

If you don't know the name of the person you are having sex with, that characterizes a slut to me. Sex is great and I mean really great. Most people would say that having sex on a first date would be acting like a slut. If you feel the connection go for it. I was a kid in the 70's and a teenager when AIDS was emerging. Knowing and feeling what I do now, if I had been an adult in the 70's, I would have taken full advantage of exploring my sexuality. A person that has a rich and full sex life is very fortunate, but I know that I don't want to be the guy giving oral to anyone in the video booth at an adult book store.

[ziggybabie]

First, only sluts practice unsafe sex?; second, so someone who cheats on someone else is a slut by definition?; third, if I do drugs and party and go shopping, and happen to not like, say, reading Marcel Proust, and I am in a co-dependent relationship, and I fall on the floor and lose consciousness... am I a slut? :rolleyes:

Being in a (co)dependent relationship, or being dependent, is not being a slut. There is a lot of controversy whether or not it is it is a psychological / personality disorder, and, not being an expert on the topic, I will not comment on it. I can say, however, that people on these situations do not choose them, nor is it easy to escape them. Battered women/men do not like or choose to be battered, and whoever claims that "well, you just have to leave your partner, and if you don't you deserve what happens to you" has no idea what it is to be in a situation like that. Women/men in abusive relationships need professional help, not scarlet letters on their bosoms.

Look, I misworded some of that. Let me clear it all up. All I was saying is that a slut is about attitude more than whom someone sleeps with or how many. Cheating just to fulfill personal pleasure while lying to a significant other makes you a "slut", in my opinion. Yes. But, that's my personal definition.


And about the drugs and alcohol.....look I just work around a bunch of teenage girls and some who are dumb as a brick and the kind of thinking I meant to attack was the same kind of thinking that leads to premature pregnancies and things of the sort. And yes, I call that slutty. AND they often are a drain on welfare and are unfit parents. BUt it's all about partying, and sex. And they CONTINUE to be this way and irresponsible.

Being dependent on an asshole who uses and abuses you does not make you a slut. That was shitty of me to say. I have just known many of the women who have done so are the above mentioned types. It's a casual observation I have made over the years. I realize that does not speak for MANY cases and I should have thought out my wording more carefully. Sorry.

I also recognize that there are psychological reasons why some women seek out abusive men or stay with them. But, once again, I refer to my argument about "attitude". I can't really explain it in words. Not all women who do this are "sluts" and truthfully, I should not have brought it up. Even if I think a woman is stupid or shallow, she does not deserve to be beaten and this is nothing to make light of. This is my only reply to everyone who replied to that last post of mine.

I only was thinking of some girls I used to know personally when I wrote this, and some of their traits that stood out to me, so for the last time, I truly am sorry for my poorly thought out and non-proofread comments.

[The Barefoot Contess]

Look, I misworded some of that. Let me clear it all up. All I was saying is that a slut is about attitude more than whom someone sleeps with or how many. Cheating just to fulfill personal pleasure while lying to a significant other makes you a "slut", in my opinion. Yes. But, that's my personal definition.


And about the drugs and alcohol.....look I just work around a bunch of teenage girls and some who are dumb as a brick and the kind of thinking I meant to attack was the same kind of thinking that leads to premature pregnancies and things of the sort. And yes, I call that slutty. AND they often are a drain on welfare and are unfit parents. BUt it's all about partying, and sex. And they CONTINUE to be this way and irresponsible.

Being dependent on an asshole who uses and abuses you does not make you a slut. That was shitty of me to say. I have just known many of the women who have done so are the above mentioned types. It's a casual observation I have made over the years. I realize that does not speak for MANY cases and I should have thought out my wording more carefully. Sorry.

I also recognize that there are psychological reasons why some women seek out abusive men or stay with them. But, once again, I refer to my argument about "attitude". I can't really explain it in words. Not all women who do this are "sluts" and truthfully, I should not have brought it up. Even if I think a woman is stupid or shallow, she does not deserve to be beaten and this is nothing to make light of. This is my only reply to everyone who replied to that last post of mine.

I only was thinking of some girls I used to know personally when I wrote this, and some of their traits that stood out to me, so for the last time, I truly am sorry for my poorly thought out and non-proofread comments.

No problem :)

[funhunter44]

I must say that it is very fun posting on this website...it's nice to see such a lively exchange of ideas and opinions....

It's interesting to me that while most people consider the word "Slut" as a derogatory insult that has valid uses....some see it is a tool of male chauvinism, and some have no issues with being called a "Slut" and embrace it as testament to their sexual freedom.

I guess I identify more with embracing it....much like the gay community has embraced the word "Queer" despite the fact that it was originally used as a derogatory slur. Embracing it gives you a feeling of power over it....almost as if to say "I'm not going to be shamed by you".....or...."this word has no power over me".

I just think it would be great to be able to throw discretion aside for one day and have all the sexual experiences that I've wanted to have but was always too afraid of actually doing.....but I guess that would be like letting Pandora out of the box....could I be content with just one day....:rolleyes:

[gfofbiguy]

Look, I misworded some of that. Let me clear it all up. All I was saying is that a slut is about attitude more than whom someone sleeps with or how many. Cheating just to fulfill personal pleasure while lying to a significant other makes you a "slut", in my opinion. Yes. But, that's my personal definition.


And about the drugs and alcohol.....look I just work around a bunch of teenage girls and some who are dumb as a brick and the kind of thinking I meant to attack was the same kind of thinking that leads to premature pregnancies and things of the sort. And yes, I call that slutty. AND they often are a drain on welfare and are unfit parents. BUt it's all about partying, and sex. And they CONTINUE to be this way and irresponsible.

Being dependent on an asshole who uses and abuses you does not make you a slut. That was shitty of me to say. I have just known many of the women who have done so are the above mentioned types. It's a casual observation I have made over the years. I realize that does not speak for MANY cases and I should have thought out my wording more carefully. Sorry.

I also recognize that there are psychological reasons why some women seek out abusive men or stay with them. But, once again, I refer to my argument about "attitude". I can't really explain it in words. Not all women who do this are "sluts" and truthfully, I should not have brought it up. Even if I think a woman is stupid or shallow, she does not deserve to be beaten and this is nothing to make light of. This is my only reply to everyone who replied to that last post of mine.

I only was thinking of some girls I used to know personally when I wrote this, and some of their traits that stood out to me, so for the last time, I truly am sorry for my poorly thought out and non-proofread comments.

OK, I understand that you were thinking of people in those situations that you knew personally, and I accept your apology...

I do want to point out, there are also a lot of women who do not "seek out" abusive men to be with or to stay with, and abuse crosses all genders, all economic realms, all educational levels. I, myself, am college-educated. Way back when, I had an internship in the family court when I was going for my paralegal degree. Tuesdays and Thursdays were when the judges would hear the cases for restraining orders. I remember having to check people in - and men would be asking me out while I was checking them in. (Most abusers are men abusing women; however, there are women who abuse men as well as men abusing men and women abusing women). I thought to myself, I am NEVER going to date/marry/be in that kind of a situation. I will NEVER "let" someone do that to me. Yet, here I am, a survivor of domestic abuse, college-educated, non-drug-using, non-alcoholic, not dumb as a brick woman. There was a woman that my counselor told me about who she had counseled and was in a survivor group that was an attorney, and her husband had abused her as well.

I agree there are quite a number of stupid people who are into the partying, drugging/drinking-type behavior that can lead to bad situations, unplanned pregnancies and abusive relationships, but not everyone who is or has been in a relationship like that is that type of a person.

OK, :2cents: and now I'm off my :soapbox:;)