Cheaters? Did you get get away with it or did you get caught?

[flynn]

Just curious...for those of you that have cheated...how did you get away with it? And if not...what happened then?

[ambi53mm]

Cheater...Yes I own that experience...easy enough to rationalize and justify and if you can convince yourself it's OK.. it's easy enough to hide within the deception. I never got caught and had I chosen to... would have carried it to the grave without ever being compromised... After a divorce I finally came clean...more out of anger than anything else..the response to an even greater deception.....my belief at the time...better to be the cheater than the cheated.
Some say once a cheater always a cheater...I don't buy into that myth.... because it eliminates the possibility of change and growth.... You can't change the past...but you can certainly learn from it...and if you don't you'll probably repeat it until you do...This is Ambi....Over and Out.

Ambi

[gfofbiguy]

I've never cheated.....I've been cheated on - it's pretty shitty. I would never do that to anyone, no matter the circumstances - I have had the opportunity to cheat for*no* reason, as well as had the opportunity to cheat while I was being cheated on, and still did not act on it in any instance. I'd break it off first and then be with the other person.

[darkeyes]

Have neva hidden fact that me has cheated in me life. Didn intend to..for God's sakes it wos neitha wot me wanted 2 do or did me eva wanna cause grief 2 the people me luffed.. but did it an am not proud of it an havta liv with guilt..

But am not a serial cheater. Don do an hav neva dun it willynilly cos deep down hurtin peeps an destroyin em aint how me likes 2 liv. Me only cheated wen me emotions became involved an the confusion in me head an heart wer jus 2 much 2 bear. It aint nice an it aint wise, but sumtimes it aint avoidable. Sumtimes the power of ya need jus becums 2 much 2 bear an inya desperation ya gets sucked in an it can b end of everythin yas tried 2 build. An sumtimes it happens cosya relationship wivya partner aint rite in ne case. Sumtimes its 2 late an wenyas found out it aint the big thing ya thot it wos the damage is dun, an the relationship which dus mean the world 2 ya is lost, or yas already destroyed that relationship an then finds out the person ya cheated wiv reely wos jus toyin wivya. Ther a million an 1 scenarios.. so many of wich end up bad...

Jus say this.. 2 them that say they neva will.. don u believe it... ther is always a circumstance wen no matta how deepya feel for ya partner, that may jus get up an bite ya on the arse... don matta who ya r..how ya feel woteva ya convictions r.. accept it ..b on ya guard gainst it ifya truly value wotya hav wivya partner.. cos ifyas not on ya guard..thats wen its mos likely 2 do that sneakin up onya an sinkin its teeth inta ya nether regions...

[Sarasvati]

Illicit pleasure, oh I hang my head in shame down the corridor of corruption. I straddle a dual personlity - that's my way around it. On one side pure and sweet, on the other molten molasses of delicious decadence.

Yesterday, she stared straight into my blues with her dark, hypnotic eyes as she volunteered me her personal number, taking care to not be noticed by her shop colleagues. I can not get the thought of her mincing crotch out of my mind, so perfectly sat in her black jeans. And her body, her breasts, her fingers, her long hair kissing her nipples.

How can I refuse, how can I resist - do I have to castrate my desire?

Oh shame on me, shame, shame, shame, damned me!!!

I can't resist.

Shame, shame, shame

[Sarasvati]

Coming here and saying the above is like visiting a confessional. But in no way does that absolve me. I don't seek it or expect it.

Many out there will detest me for my behaviour, many will no doubt be willing to carry out a castration themselves.

What honesty I can claim here I can not give to my very own sweetheart. So there is nothing for me but the oppobrium of the world.

I will walk this earth for eternity in shame, like those very snakes I so much idolise.

I don't want to stare at Milton's abyss, I don't want to make that crossing.

[wolfcamp]

Just curious...for those of you that have cheated...how did you get away with it? And if not...what happened then?

I assume you mean cheating sexually, and that probably is the common definition. But how many here have been cheated in other ways? Who has married someone only to find that they can't control their spending habits, and those dreams you once had are shattered because of financial burdens? Who has been cheated out of a normal life because of their spouse's drinking habits or their abusiveness? Who has found that their spouse is such a persistent nag that you are driven to depression and despair? Who has been cheated out of their dreams because of a spouse's selfishness? Who has been judged and belittled to the the point where you have no self-esteem left? I have often heard someone say that "if they cheat on me I would leave them," but how often have you heard, "if they run the credit card over the limit, I'll leave them", or "If they belittle me in public, I will leave them." Don't get me wrong. Sexual fidelity is very important to some, but I truly believe that fidelity goes hand in hand with other forms of respect.

[Lisa (va)]

Confession time. Back nearly 10 years ago, I did, it was a one time thing, and no I wasn't caught, but I did confess.

Lisa
hugs n kisses

[darkeyes]

Coming here and saying the above is like visiting a confessional. But in no way does that absolve me. I don't seek it or expect it.

Many out there will detest me for my behaviour, many will no doubt be willing to carry out a castration themselves.

What honesty I can claim here I can not give to my very own sweetheart. So there is nothing for me but the oppobrium of the world.

I will walk this earth for eternity in shame, like those very snakes I so much idolise.

I don't want to stare at Milton's abyss, I don't want to make that crossing.
As me ole Grandad used 1 say S.. "There but for the grace of God go I".

[Sarasvati]

As me ole Grandad used 1 say S.. "There but for the grace of God go I".

Not sure I'm worthy of such kind, friendly words from you - as is my way I'm more likely to thank you and then look for a devious way to get your knickers down your legs.

I'm so bad, is there a cure for this addled approach - but I don't want a cure, I like to gorge myself, I like sweet flesh to hang from my teeth.

Crocodile Rock

[innaminka]

Like Wolfcamep, I assume the subject is cheating sexually.
It hppened a number of times. Proud - no. Wracked with guilt - no!
They were brief encounters that were sexually satisfying, and because they were well away from home base with virtually no chance of follow-up, there was almost nil chance of any discovery. Both with men and more recently, predominantly with women.

The killer was the "affair." they hurt, because emotions at a far higher level are involved. Yes, I embarked on one and after it was over revealed all to my husband.
Forgiveness took time, but he is a wonedrfully understanding man who loves me dearly as I love him.

[darkeyes]

Not sure I'm worthy of such kind, friendly words from you - as is my way I'm more likely to thank you and then look for a devious way to get your knickers down your legs.

I'm so bad, is there a cure for this addled approach - but I don't want a cure, I like to gorge myself, I like sweet flesh to hang from my teeth.

Crocodile Rock

ya tried that S babes an ya mite find ya own ripped down ya own legs an stuffed up ya nose..wudn like 2 say wer the detached bits end up... havnt decided yet wetha up the bootie or giveya sumthin 2 gorge on afta all...:bigrin::tong:

[happycpl]

divorce...but found the perfect woman

[Sarasvati]

ya tried that S babes an ya mite find ya own ripped down ya own legs an stuffed up ya nose..wudn like 2 say wer the detached bits end up... havnt decided yet wetha up the bootie or giveya sumthin 2 gorge on afta all...:bigrin::tong:

Classic stuff there DE, you are bang on form with that lot. You put me right back in my place.

But the crush just got bigger again! How did that happen?

Quick! Run to your nearest ironmongers and sort it will you honey, honey, sweet, sweet...honey quick, quick, honey, quack...

[DiamondDog]

Where's welick it? They write about how cheating is bad.

As for myself I've never cheated on anyone.

[Iowason]

I have been cheated on before by my ex and I never caught on, maybe I didn't want to know. I have never cheated on anyone, but I can see where someone would though (in very limited situations). I have met people on this site who are a little older and their wife just isn't interested in sex anymore.

I am in a situation now where my wife and I trust each other completely. I have told her that if she has someone that she would like to be with, let me know and we would talk about it. It hasn't really happened, she told me about one of my friends, but it never went anywhere. We have also discussed me meeting men on here and she is ok with me meeting someone without her. She knows I have no interest in other women, been there and done that. She knows it is only sex...

:bipride:

[naughty'BI'chick]

sadly, I have cheated. I'll tell the truth, I'm not really ashamed. the problem was I fell in love w/ the person I was cheating w/. But no, I'm not really ashamed that I did it. I just wish if what happened between us woud have happened when he wasnt w/ her & I wasnt w/ my boy.
We got away w/ it bcuz his girl, my friend, trusted both of us... thats the only reason I feel ashamed.

[thinkfree39]

Yes, within 2 years of getting married. No affairs, just couldn't say no when it was easy to get. I travelled and drank back then, which is a combination that allowed me to convince myself I wasn't really guilty because I didn't make a point to go out and find someone.

After 10 years of marriage, and about 5 episodes, I quit. But the guilt caught up to me and I confessed. I wasn't happy in my marriage either, so I think I was also trying to shake things up. I was also afraid I would once again be faced with easy sex and give in to the temptation, so having her know would make me think twice about getting caught again. Then I would be breaking a promise in addition to cheating. I guess that's kind of redundant, but you get the idea.

She forgave me. Our marriage has improved some over the years. I've been sober 7 years and I'm committed to never cheat again. It isn't worth it.

[ambi53mm]

Yes, within 2 years of getting married. No affairs, just couldn't say no when it was easy to get. I travelled and drank back then, which is a combination that allowed me to convince myself I wasn't really guilty because I didn't make a point to go out and find someone.

After 10 years of marriage, and about 5 episodes, I quit. But the guilt caught up to me and I confessed. I wasn't happy in my marriage either, so I think I was also trying to shake things up. I was also afraid I would once again be faced with easy sex and give in to the temptation, so having her know would make me think twice about getting caught again. Then I would be breaking a promise in addition to cheating. I guess that's kind of redundant, but you get the idea.

She forgave me. Our marriage has improved some over the years. I've been sober 7 years and I'm committed to never cheat again. It isn't worth it.

Awesome story Thinkfree!....I was totaly moved in many directions while reading of your experiences...but will admit your ending line lol had me rolling on the floor in a fit of hysterical laughing....that was too cool for words!! I needed that :bigrin:

Ambi:)

[kitten]

Have been cheated on: sexually, financially, mentally and probably a few others ways I haven't recognized, yet. It hurts and it makes for a long road to self-discovery. Lots of whys asked of the cheater and of myself for putting up with it.

good thread and very good point wolfcamp.

[thinkfree39]

Well, Ambi, there are those that think there is some absolute moral law about cheating. I think it's more about sticking to a committment you make TO YOURSELF as much as to the other person. You don't learn and grow from the good times, but from the difficult times, and it takes work and can be uncomfortable. When you cheat, you are just deferring the problem you don't want to face. That's what's not worth it.

[jamiehue]

I cant remember.

[ambi53mm]

Well, Ambi, there are those that think there is some absolute moral law about cheating. I think it's more about sticking to a committment you make TO YOURSELF as much as to the other person. You don't learn and grow from the good times, but from the difficult times, and it takes work and can be uncomfortable. When you cheat, you are just deferring the problem you don't want to face. That's what's not worth it.

I couldn’t agree more Thinkfree…and my apologies for the misinterpretation. Your clarification of that line in particular, is more consistent with the direction I originally thought you were heading. Having learned those lessons as well and then falling in love with someone with now 19 years of sobriety and knowing how difficult “that” journey can be, I guess I found your last statement tragically humorous if all you were saying that in the end… it had no value. Absurdity along within a warped sense of perspective gave it almost a Zen twist…,That is what blew me away….and I suppose what I found comical.

Namaste’
Ambi :)

[Lorcan]

Too bad you don't have a catagory: "cheated and confessed" because the catagory: "cheated and got away with it" doesn't explain the situation well.

I did cheat on my ex-boyfriend....even if i told him beforehand that i was going to do it, it's still cheating because he didn't give his verbal approval. He didn't say anything, but just allowed me to be alone with this person. When i confessed later, at the time our relationship was ending, he didn't seem to surprized.

[12voltman59]

The choices on this poll were actually limiting--I have never been married so cheating in the technical sense has never applied to me I suppose. I have been involved in many serial long term relationships over the years and when between us--we had negotiated that we would be monogamous--and I was true to my word, but all too often---my partners--all females-- did not hold true to their word.

The only time that I had other relationships going on is when they were not exclusive relationships and was under no obligation to be monogamous.

Being a single--or unmarried guy--I at one point in my life had a series of relationships in succession with women---who after I had started being with them---found they were married.

In the case of all but one--they were already seperated or in the process of seperating and their divorces were in some stage of happening -- in one relationship----she did start up with me while still with her hubby--but the marriage soon fell apart.

So based on all of this--I had to say "never cheated"--I feel that even though I was technically involved in adulterous affairs--I was not the "cheater"--- merely an inititally unwitting participant in such a relationship.

By the time I found out--I had some sort of bond with the lady in question and did not care too much I was involved with them and the nature of their other situation.

I don't know--does that make me a "cheater?"

[letsdoit1969]

I cheated on my x wife for many years let me tell what it is like. In order for anyone to cheat and feel OK about it you have to justify it in your own mind why it's the thing you need to do and how it will help you stay married etc. or your going to be guilty as shit.

In the beginning it was easy for me the first time a girl approached me and BOY is that hard to resist at least for me it was. BUT once you cheat / con yourself into thinking it's alright to do then the gilt is gone and your on your way to becoming a career cheater. It gets easier and there is something that attracts cheaters together you some how have a look about you that signals all the other cheaters that you are lose.

I could go on and on but the bottom line is that it is a bad thing to do and only gets worse. Let me tell you what I think will help. I sincerely believe that a man and wife or GF / BF need to be open and upfront about their sexual desires (lust) - likes - dislikes talk about it get to know and trust each other and lets face it your not going to both be in tune with everything 100% and you may (chances are) that you both will discover things about yourselves you didn't know turned you on. Trust me cheating is not the way.

[MissySue]

Hi, forum, this is my first post, please be kind.

I have cheated. At the time, I was being extremely selfish and I was ensconced in my own narcissism. It was exciting and crazy and dark.

The results of that came when I fell in love again. Suddenly, I started thinking about it all, and felt sooo wrong for my actions. I always thought I was a wise, old soul, but the truth is, I'm a young soul. I don't learn unless I hurt myself, apparently.

Once this new relationship started, I realized the depth of my injury to my ex. TG, he knows nothing, because it was all worthless. It meant nothing. Pleasure is transitory. Faith, trust, and love is forever, sometimes. lol But it's better than transitory sexual satisfaction.

It took me a long time to get that lesson, but I thank God every day that I finally got it. IMHO, a relationship that works is not worth getting a little strange over. Or a little excitement.

However, I never would have listened before. I now have to acknowledge that I'm an idjit and never really understood a lot of stuff involving human interaction.

I'm just hoping this post may help one person who is contemplating it just because they are bored. It's not worth it if you have a great relationship. Talk to you SO, explain it to them. It's still better than getting momentarily satisfaction, only to have the guilt and bad feeling about yourself later.

[casio]

In my first marriage of 17 years with 15 of those years in a flux with the last 5 as totaly miserable I had one affair, with a friends wife. There was a lot of guilt for me for even with my marriage on the skids and going down hill I still took my vows seriously. The realy bad part was I knew what I was doing to my friend was beyond the bend. I had no guilt about my wife, just about my friend and my vows. The affair is what I needed to feel like a man again and it did strengthen my friends marriage but it helped me make the decision to get out. I needed a little happiness after so many years of being in the pits. Now I am married to a wonderful women and I would never cheat on her. Did my first wife find out? No! And when she asked I denied then and still would if she questioned again. I would never give her the satisfaction of her knowing she was right.

[Falke]

Cheat? No.

I really like trust in my relationships and strive to have the highest amount possible. Cheating on the other person would destroy that, further I just wouldn't like that done to myself, so why subject another to it?

[DiamondDog]

I've never cheated on anyone.

[ghytifrdnr]

So far, this poll is verifying what so many similar ones have shown, more people cheat than not. When will people admit that humans are not naturally monogamous?

[Azrael]

I never have.
It's been done to me, and I've determined that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did. Not giving anyone shit, either. Just how my mind works.

[luvspanties]

There's a big difference between cheating with the body and cheating with the mind. I've never cheated emotionally, but the body is willing many times and I just can't seem to do anything about it:)

[DiamondDog]

I like how the people who cheat say things to justify it to themselves and make up excuses that it's OK, excusable, or no big deal at all like "So far, this poll is verifying what so many similar ones have shown, more people cheat than not. When will people admit that humans are not naturally monogamous?" and "I've never cheated emotionally, but the body is willing many times and I just can't seem to do anything about it". :rolleyes:

You all must make excellent partners/boyfriends/husbands/girlfriends/wives!

[ghytifrdnr]

Well DD, it must feel really wonderful to be so much more righteous than the majority of the human race.
:rolleyes:

[DiamondDog]

Well DD, it must feel really wonderful to be so much more righteous than the majority of the human race.


I'm only human too, but if I'm in a relationship with someone and it's a closed/exclusive/monogamous relationship, I'll break up with them before I start dating/sleeping/having a relationship with someone else or before I date other people besides them.

At least I don't delude myself and cheat on people who I care about, who I'm in a relationship with, and say that it's somehow right or somehow justified when the other person/people think or presume that we're in a closed and monogamous relationship together.

Or tell myself that I'm in an open relationship with a partner or that we're "poly" and in an open and honest relationship when we're not in an open relationship, the other person/people think we're actually in a closed/monogamous relationship, and I'm simply just cheating on them with other people behind their back.

People can do what they want but if they cheat on people who they care about who they're first and foremost in what's thought to be a closed/monogamous relationship with, they shouldn't be surprised when it comes back to bite them in the ass when they get caught/discovered, or when their relationship turns sour and ends.

Also they shouldn't be surprised if their partner/partners know all along about the cheating, and cheat on them too.

:rolleyes:

[jeancarleo]

I'VE NEVER CHEATED BUT FOUND OUT THE OTHER ONE CHEATED ON ME. I'M VERY JEALOUS OF THE ONE I LOVE SO I TAKE CARE OF THAT PERSON. I BELIEVE IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU MEAN TO BE WITH THAT PERSON AND JUST WITH THAT PERSON. I BROKE UP WITH A GIRLFRIEND TO START A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GUY BECAUSE I BELIEVED SHE WAS LYING TO ME AND SO HE LIED TO ME TO BUT OH WELL. LIFE HAS ITS UPS AND DOWNS SO I'M JUST HOPING TO SOMEDAY FIND TRUE LOVE IF IT REALLY EVEN EXIST.

EVEN WHEN I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL OR A GUY I STILL FEEL ATTRACTION TO THE SEX I DON'T HAVE SO AM NOT SURE IF THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED CHEATING BUT I'VE NEVER DONE IT AND LOVE IS JUST FOR 2 PEOPLE I BELIEVE IT'S HARD TO LOVE A GUY AND A GIRL AT THE SAME TIME BUT COULD IT REALLY HAPPEN?

[Abbey Road]

I`ve never cheated on anyone as I`ve bin cheated on more than once & it really hurt me.It`s certainly made me more wary of relationships.


Abbey Road. :bibounce::wiggle2::paw:

[Vuarra]

Perhaps some one can explain why I should break up my marriage of more than ten years over a fling that both parties know will be short term.

I find holier-than-thou posters more annoying than those who only see black and white, with no shades of gray.

BTW... I've been the one cheated on, by my wife, with another woman. I forgave her mostly because she's a human, and the other part because I do not have a vulva for her to experiment with.

[DiamondDog]

Perhaps some one can explain why I should break up my marriage of more than ten years over a fling that both parties know will be short term.

I find holier-than-thou posters more annoying than those who only see black and white, with no shades of gray.

BTW... I've been the one cheated on, by my wife, with another woman. I forgave her mostly because she's a human, and the other part because I do not have a vulva for her to experiment with.

There's a HUGE difference between an open relationship which is what you have, and going behind someone's back and cheating on them when you're both in a closed/monogamous relationship.

What if your wife actually fell in love with women and it wasn't just "experimenting", and she left you for another woman? I'm not flaming you or anything but this does happen a lot.

[TaylorMade]

No. . .I broke up with my last boyfriend, purely to give another guy a try. The other guy didn't work out, but I didn't miss my former boyfriend either.

I ended up with no guy, :(, but in the long run, I'm happy.:flag4:

*Taylor*

[Vuarra]

What if your wife actually fell in love with women and it wasn't just "experimenting", and she left you for another woman? I'm not flaming you or anything but this does happen a lot.

I've thought about it, and if she *has* fallen in love with a woman, it didn't work out for them.

The goal in life is to be happy, and if my wife is more happy with another woman than with me, that's up to her to decide. And I'll fully support that decision.

BTW... I didn't consider that a flame, DD... most guys wouldn't think about it :)

[lookn0ver]

there is only one reason you are going to cheat(if it is really called cheating at all) is because you ain't gitt'n what you think you oughta a be gitt'n. pretty simple... why would you run off with ole whats her face if she was a lousy lay? and your gitt'n golfballs sucked thru a garden hose at home? ...unless you was a sick glutton for punishment, would you cheat on your free ride?... now if'n you ain't gitt'n it the way it needs to happen then what do you call then? cheat'n?..in my book that is up for debate with all a you moral wannabee types.
maybe you want some STRANGE huh is that it ? i ain't to sure about gitt'n STRANGE for no reason whatsoever other than being stoopid and want'n to be nothing but a playboy wannabee. i mean the odds are totally against you stick'n it are gitt'n stuck that much tht you ain't gonna walk away without some kind of a STD and give to your now partner you DOOFUS!! ...break up and go back to being single and go catch V.D. all by yourself gross putz.
practice commonsense.
this ain't about cheating...this is wholly about many other things.cheating indicates someone doesn't know whats happening and maybe needs to or they wouldn't be where they find themselves in life as they understand it. and if they(ain't gitt'n it the way they want it)wanna cheat...what would your thought be?if you cheat it only means you want out of your relationship and into a more suitable one... but if you cheat and do not want to lose your mate,we gotta ask you this...are the people your cheating with interested in being your accomplice ? or being your partner in spreading around free doctor's appointments?
you know the best thing about giving advise?
its the fact that you also give to yourself as well !:2cents:

[BiphobiaFighter]

I've never cheated. I despise cheating. I respect non-monogamy but not when somebody is hurt or their trust in somebody is betrayed.

[fffff]

I assume you mean cheating sexually, and that probably is the common definition. But how many here have been cheated in other ways? Who has married someone only to find that they can't control their spending habits, and those dreams you once had are shattered because of financial burdens? Who has been cheated out of a normal life because of their spouse's drinking habits or their abusiveness? Who has found that their spouse is such a persistent nag that you are driven to depression and despair? Who has been cheated out of their dreams because of a spouse's selfishness? Who has been judged and belittled to the the point where you have no self-esteem left? I have often heard someone say that "if they cheat on me I would leave them," but how often have you heard, "if they run the credit card over the limit, I'll leave them", or "If they belittle me in public, I will leave them." Don't get me wrong. Sexual fidelity is very important to some, but I truly believe that fidelity goes hand in hand with other forms of respect.

Thanks for bringing this up. I agree that all issues that can destroy a partner's self esteem are as bad as cheating sexually, just that the label sounds less bad at face value. I've done terrible things to ruin my ex's self esteem when I was with her, and this was because I had no self esteem myself.

It's awful how when we are down and weak, some of us are tempted to ruin it for others.