Very disappointed and frustrated

[acuriousguy2005]

I'm a separated 36 year old man that is interested in finally having some fun and exploring my sexuality.

I have been looking for a couple to have some fun with with absolutely no luck. I have made some contacts via the internet, but all of them are too far away to be realistic. I've even tried to find an attractive, fun bi woman that maybe would be interested in getting to know me and exploring together, but again. No luck there.

I'm at the point where I believe that this is just never going to happen. If anyone has advice, feel free to share it, but this post is just basically me venting.

In today's 'enlightened' times, why does it have to be this difficult?

[dancechic17]

First I would say don't lose hope and try to stay positive. Having a negative attitude will definitely lead to negative results, in my opinion. However, even the most positive people get frustrated and depressed and sometimes feel like giving up. Also, think of how long it takes straight people to find people to find someone to date and/or explore sex with. If you're looking for someone very specific, a good person who you have chemistry with, then that takes long in and of itself. Being bi means that more often than not the majority of the people aren't receptive to you or are not open about being bi themselves so it takes longer to find someone. How long have you been on the site and looking? Have you tried other sites? What other ways are you getting out there? The more options you try, the greater chances of your success. I know it can be frustrating, but it took me a good six months before I ever found and then met someone who was exactly what I was looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your search and really hope you don't give up. Hopefully something I've said will be helpful to you.

[acuriousguy2005]

Thats for the encouragement. I've been on this site for a while, at least a couple of years, but I've only just recently (the last 5 months or so) begun actively searching for a partner(s).

I figured it wouldn't be incredible difficult to find a couple looking for a single male. WRONG.

Then I though, ok.. Maybe if I can find a bi woman who clicks with me, we can find that third party together. Wrong again.

Do you have any recommendations for other sites? This is the only one I've tried.

[Gemini25]

Have you tried going to a gay bar in your area? Or looked at the Yahoo groups for something close by to where you live? Is there a GLBT group in your area? Or maybe a GLBT center?
I know how frustrating it is not being able to find other BI poeple in your area. Where I live there isn't a GLBT center, but there is a GLBT mothly potluck group. It's at least a start. Or, like I do on occasion, drive an hour and a half to a bigger city that does have the Bars, Dance Clubs, GLBT Center, ect. It's something to think about..... Different ways of connecting with the community. :bipride: :2cents:

[acuriousguy2005]

Gemini.. Thanks for the suggestions. Until my situation is resolved legally I can't visit the bars in my town, but I travel frequently for business so perhaps I could visit some there.

I have had apprehensions about visiting a 'gay bar'. I suppose I just figured that most everyone there would be interested in finding a person of the same sex. I think I would be much more comfortable starting with a couple. I'm extremely limited in the amount of experience I have with men, and I feel like having a woman participating would make things a little easier for me.

Do you really think I could make contacts like this in a gay club?

[open4bizness]

Do you really think I could make contacts like this in a gay club?

That's pretty much what gay clubs are for. Otherwise they wouldn't be gay clubs.

[acuriousguy2005]

LOL... Ok.. Let me be more clear. Do many couples or bi females visit gay clubs in search of a bi guy?

[DiamondDog]

LOL... Ok.. Let me be more clear. Do many couples or bi females visit gay clubs in search of a bi guy?

some do, IME most don't.
Most people just go on the internet nowadays.

Just get out there and meet people.

Don't worry about the idea of a gay/bisexual/GLBT "culture" or "community" since there's no such thing just like there's not really a heterosexual "culture" or "community".

[jamiehue]

some do, IME most don't.
Most people just go on the internet nowadays.

Just get out there and meet people.

Don't worry about the idea of a gay/bisexual/GLBT "culture" or "community" since there's no such thing just like there's not really a heterosexual "culture" or "community".
so true.

[acuriousguy2005]

Thanks guys. Can anyone suggest some sites where I may be able to meet some like-minded individuals?

[Kojak]

I think I can relate to your problem,I have been trying to meet a guy for quite some time now,but they are really not serious about meeting,they talk a good game,but when you want to pin them down to a time or day to meet their gone,what gives?

[the mage]

Gemini.. Thanks for the suggestions. Until my situation is resolved legally I can't visit the bars in my town, but I travel frequently for business so perhaps I could visit some there.

I have had apprehensions about visiting a 'gay bar'. I suppose I just figured that most everyone there would be interested in finding a person of the same sex. I think I would be much more comfortable starting with a couple. I'm extremely limited in the amount of experience I have with men, and I feel like having a woman participating would make things a little easier for me.

Do you really think I could make contacts like this in a gay club?

How about you figure out what sex you really want to play with before you use a couple to figure YOU out..
You will be read like a bad porn novel by couples who have seen the same approach a thousand times.
Go have sex with a man. Just a man. Leave the woman out of it. If after that you are still "Bi" you might get to play with a couple.

[acuriousguy2005]

the mage,
I didn't say in my post that I have never had sex with a man. I have. I'm admittedly not overly experienced with men, but I have had some experiences and I'm looking to branch out from there.

[the mage]

the mage,
I didn't say in my post that I have never had sex with a man. I have. I'm admittedly not overly experienced with men, but I have had some experiences and I'm looking to branch out from there.

Please define "some experiences"...

I've had men say to me, while in the midst of trying to set up a meet, that they are "True Bi" men.. I always for a definition.. It often comes back as..
"I won't kiss a man."
"I don't do anal"
" I want my cock sucked and swallowed, I may suck you a bit, but I won't swallow."
" I don't want to have a coffee after"...

........men..............

I'm amazed that men actually turn away upon hearing that I have kissed men, with passion, and even on a downtown street corner...Apparently its too gay.
.I'm not picking on you acuriousguy, Its what you face out there. Most couples want more than just play.

[DiamondDog]

How about you figure out what sex you really want to play with before you use a couple to figure YOU out..
You will be read like a bad porn novel by couples who have seen the same approach a thousand times.
Go have sex with a man. Just a man. Leave the woman out of it. If after that you are still "Bi" you might get to play with a couple.


Please define "some experiences"...

I've had men say to me, while in the midst of trying to set up a meet, that they are "True Bi" men.. I always for a definition.. It often comes back as..
"I won't kiss a man."
"I don't do anal"
" I want my cock sucked and swallowed, I may suck you a bit, but I won't swallow."
" I don't want to have a coffee after"...

........men..............

I'm amazed that men actually turn away upon hearing that I have kissed men, with passion, and even on a downtown street corner...Apparently its too gay.
.I'm not picking on you acuriousguy, Its what you face out there. Most couples want more than just play.

Cut the OP a break. We're all on different levels, have different comfort levels, and have had different life experiences when it comes to sex.

I really don't care if someone wants a woman there in order to have sex as everyone's different.

I have bi male friends who only want sex with women when another guy is there, some who aren't into kissing/making out with women, some who don't want vanilla sex with women at all, and it doesn't make them any less bisexual at all.

You don't even fall in love with men at all, and you don't date/get into real relationships with men so you're not even that qualified to dole out your usual flames of fake advice and false standards of what it really means for someone else to be bisexual to you by your own standards. :rolleyes:

Grow up. The world doesn't revolve around you or your definitions of human sexuality or your definitions of other people's sexuality.

Many of your posts about sex with men are about how it's "play" to you, how you're into NSA sex/hook ups with strangers, and how you're not romantically inclined towards men, but are towards women only, so everyone can see how seriously you actually take homosexual sex with other men.

So you've kissed men in public and make them buy you coffee after sex. Big deal. I've kissed so many men in public places that I have lost count by now and it's a very high number. I've also gone on lots of dates with men and I actively have romantic relationships with men. No, I'm not a sex pig either. I'm VERY picky about which men I have sex/get into relationships with and I'm even more picky about women. Yes, bi/gay friends of mine say that I'm husband material for both men and women and it's true. :)

Not all homosexual men are even into kissing other men, many are just out for quick sex, and many cheat on their partners with other men or have been cheated on.

Also, since when is being into anal sex or not being into it a determinantion of how bisexual someone is?

I have friends that are totally homosexual and they're not into anal sex. This doesn't make them any less gay/homosexual. They hate anal sex, happen not to like it, find it to be the most overrated sex act ever, can live without it, some see it as being very dangerous, a pointless power exchange, and an imitation of heteronormative sex roles between two or more men.

Also since you post on and on about other STDs and HIV and how easy it is to get HIV, and how prevalent it is among bi men, why are you even condoning swallowing strangers, or swallowing at all, since it's considered a high risk sex act?

Not everyone's even into swallowing or even wants to do this at all and they shouldn't feel forced/obligated to.

You should heed some of your own advice that you frequently give to other people, which is not to judge others.

[onewhocares]

I am sorry that it is taking you so long to find someone for you. I know that it is not always easy. I am a most fortunate woman to say that I have had the chance to meet lots of fine folks from this site. Most are friends, a few lover included which have added to the joy and beauty in my life. Finding the right man is not easy, but if it is mean to be, he shall come along.

Belle

[bityme]

So far all of your statements have been just a bunch of BS. This guy is no more BI than my pet fish. He's looking for an opportunity to nail someone else's woman. If he were truly bi, he would be talking about oral or anal from a giving or receiving standpoint.

[DiamondDog]

So far all of your statements have been just a bunch of BS. This guy is no more BI than my pet fish. He's looking for an opportunity to nail someone else's woman. If he were truly bi, he would be talking about oral or anal from a giving or receiving standpoint.

like I said before, you shouldn't use your own standards to somehow be able to tell or judge if someone else besides you is bisexual.

As far as oral and anal sex from a giving or receiving standpoint goes, I know gay/bi men who aren't into anal sex at all and I even know bi/gay men who aren't into both giving and reciving oral sex but are into other forms of sex.

Even if the OP does want to have sex with someone else's woman, what's wrong with that? I'm not saying that he does or doesn't but this is a VERY common fantasy among people of all orientations, just do a search for cuckolding, and as long as everyone's a consenting adult what's wrong with it?

[Falke]

DD does make a point. After all, how many people here honestly have a 4 on thier Kinsey test results? Not all that many I have seen thus far...

[acuriousguy2005]

bityme,
Since when does what I talk about in a post make me more or less bi? Notice that I didn't mentioned giving or receiving oral or anal with a woman either. Does that make me asexual? I gave no details regarding what I intended to do in the sack whatsoever. You cannot possibly make any assumptions about my sexual preference or orientation based on what I typed.

I only asked for advice on where to meet people to expand my sexual horizons. I would think that if I meet a couple, they would have the opportunity to evaluate my intentions on their own.

For future reference, perhaps you would care to write a sample post on how a 'real' bi male would ask for advice on where to meet someone. I'll be sure to include your text on all of my future postings so noone will think I'm out to 'have sex with someone's woman'.

By the way, I don't need to post an ad on this website to have sex with a woman. I assure you finding a woman to go to bed with me has never been a problem.

[midtnbi8669]

I'm not a big poster on this site and, evidently, for good reason. Why do some people on here look for a reason to give someone a bunch of shit simply for asking a question???

I haven't seen a lot of this attitude until recently, and DAMN... I hope this site doesn't become just one more to avoid...

With that said, Man, keep looking for what you want in life and don't let DICKHEADS discourage you from it or give you shit about it.

I have found if you use the internet exclusively, chances are your never gonna get laid. You HAVE to meet people face to face. Especially couples... its all about attitude and clicking with the right people.

Make sure that a BI lifestyle is for you and go for it.... Good luck to you!

[kittylovers]

My opinion on this would be to try a one on one with another guy first, to be sure you'll enjoy it with a couple. I'm sure it'll be a new experience, but will help play with couples go much more smoothly.
I'm like you, I'm still waiting for my first, but I'm patient, and positive.

[dancechic17]

Here's the link to the thread from earlier on other bi sites:

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4054

Also, if you're specifically looking for a couple, I would suggest trying some swingers sites. Good luck in your search!!

[bigirl_inwv]

First of all...let me respond to this...

Please define "some experiences"...

I've had men say to me, while in the midst of trying to set up a meet, that they are "True Bi" men.. I always for a definition.. It often comes back as..
"I won't kiss a man."
"I don't do anal"
" I want my cock sucked and swallowed, I may suck you a bit, but I won't swallow."
" I don't want to have a coffee after"...

........men..............



This has nothing to do with being a "true bi," if there even is such a thing. I'm not a big fan of kissing, I don't do anal, and I don't swallow. That doesn't make me less heterosexual and more lesbian does it? No...didn't think so. Not everyone likes the same things in and out of the bedroom. That changes nothing about the gender of the person they enjoy having sex with....only the preferences of the things they enjoy in bed. Think a little bit before you post next time.



Now, on to your actual question. Most couples aren't looking for single males. Especially bi males. My husband and I have no problem with it...but we are one of the few that don't. Sadly, there is still a large bias between being a bi male...and being a bi female. However, there are the rare few that are looking for another bi male. The websites my husband and I use are www.swinglifestyle.com and www.swappernet.com We have had luck with those, but we are also searching for something totally different. But I guess something is better than nothing!!

[open4bizness]

I'm a photographer who isn't into landscapes. Does that make me less of a photographer?

[the mage]

Cut the OP a break. We're all on different levels, have different comfort levels, and have had different life experiences when it comes to sex.

I really don't care if someone wants a woman there in order to have sex as everyone's different.

I have bi male friends who only want sex with women when another guy is there, some who aren't into kissing/making out with women, some who don't want vanilla sex with women at all, and it doesn't make them any less bisexual at all.

You don't even fall in love with men at all, and you don't date/get into real relationships with men so you're not even that qualified to dole out your usual flames of fake advice and false standards of what it really means for someone else to be bisexual to you by your own standards. :rolleyes:

Grow up. The world doesn't revolve around you or your definitions of human sexuality or your definitions of other people's sexuality.

Many of your posts about sex with men are about how it's "play" to you, how you're into NSA sex/hook ups with strangers, and how you're not romantically inclined towards men, but are towards women only, so everyone can see how seriously you actually take homosexual sex with other men.

So you've kissed men in public and make them buy you coffee after sex. Big deal. I've kissed so many men in public places that I have lost count by now and it's a very high number. I've also gone on lots of dates with men and I actively have romantic relationships with men. No, I'm not a sex pig either. I'm VERY picky about which men I have sex/get into relationships with and I'm even more picky about women. Yes, bi/gay friends of mine say that I'm husband material for both men and women and it's true. :)

Not all homosexual men are even into kissing other men, many are just out for quick sex, and many cheat on their partners with other men or have been cheated on.

Also, since when is being into anal sex or not being into it a determinantion of how bisexual someone is?

I have friends that are totally homosexual and they're not into anal sex. This doesn't make them any less gay/homosexual. They hate anal sex, happen not to like it, find it to be the most overrated sex act ever, can live without it, some see it as being very dangerous, a pointless power exchange, and an imitation of heteronormative sex roles between two or more men.

Also since you post on and on about other STDs and HIV and how easy it is to get HIV, and how prevalent it is among bi men, why are you even condoning swallowing strangers, or swallowing at all, since it's considered a high risk sex act?

Not everyone's even into swallowing or even wants to do this at all and they shouldn't feel forced/obligated to.

You should heed some of your own advice that you frequently give to other people, which is not to judge others.

...................once again, into the fray....

Not once did I offer up any judgment on any other than myself in my post.
I stated snippets of statements made over time, all containing statutes of limitations on the "Sex Act" if you must.
Couples as a rule are looking for a nice guy with a good giving mind and an experienced sexual partner with a good body.
The third man in is the toy, should recognize this and should be willing and able to accommodate any play requests of a couple. Saying "Oh I don't do that" needs to be talked about first...

Openness and willingness to accommodate is the biggest asset to any man looking to play.

[DiamondDog]

Not once did I offer up any judgment on any other than myself in my post.


Actually you were judgemental, rude and arrogant, and were flaming the original poster and you don't even realize it. :rolleyes:

How about couples treating single people regardless of their gender, (you've written about this subject before and flip out when couples do this to women but think it's somehow OK for couples to treat men like a 'toy') like a person first and foremost instead of a "toy"?

I guarantee you that no matter how hot a couple is or a single person is, if they treat me like a piece of meat, a sex object, or like a "toy" instead of as a person first and foremost, I want absolutely NOTHING to do with them.