Bi-Dar. . .

[TaylorMade]

Who has it?

Who . . .don't? (I count myself in this group)

Can it be cultivated? Can it be developed?

Is there a "tell" that gives us all away?

Can a bi girl and a bi guy find one another in a crowd?

*Taylor*

[Skater Boy]

I don't. I can sometimes spot gay men or lesbians if they're "obviously" so, but aside from that I just see "people". Maybe I'm just not "in tune" enough with the world around me...

[TaylorMade]

That's what I'm saying... I have to be told if a woman is interested in me... but I sense it would be even harder to cull out the bisexual men from the rest of potential candidates.

Because it seems that the guys that are interested in me are too far, and the guys that are nearby are either married or out of my age range or simply not my type.

So, I hope with a new city, my real life prospects will change.

But I don't know for sure, since I broke Purdue's E-magic 8-Ball when I asked, "Will I meet an attractive bisexual man and have a relationship with him?"


*Taylor*

[diB4u]

I can spot most gay men. Only the a typical lesbian, and im useless at bisexuals...

[proseros]

I was waiting for this thread. Thanks Skater Boy!

I dunno. I think of bisex too much something potentized by realization and directly dealing with diversity to be altogether detectable. What is Bi-Dar that is not Gaydar, is the question. But I think still that yes it is a cultivation of engagement; a strong sense of domoestic comfort and kindness that matures between same and 'mixed' gender-at least through the very rare instance of rose color and utopic company. But what else is eros?

[TaylorMade]

I was waiting for this thread. Thanks Skater Boy!

I dunno. I think of bisex too much something potentized by realization and directly dealing with diversity to be altogether detectable. What is Bi-Dar that is not Gaydar, is the question. But I think still that yes it is a cultivation of engagement; a strong sense of domoestic comfort and kindness that matures between same and 'mixed' gender-at least through the very rare instance of rose color and utopic company. But what else is eros?

I know you are trying to make a very valuable point, but...can you break your language down further to the simplest common denominator so I can understand it in totality? The bolded lost me.:(

*Taylor*

[OcalaCouple683]

It is definitely not as easy to tell of a bisexual!! I wish it was easier though! I think bi woman are easier to tell because they are more open about conversating about such things... but *most* men don't openly talk about things so easily! There is one guy that we know is bi and we NEVER EVEr would have guessed because he presents himself as a very masculine straight christian !! :eek:

[OcalaCouple683]

I know you are trying to make a very valuable point, but...can you break your language down further to the simplest common denominator so I can understand it in totality? The bolded lost me.:(

*Taylor*

LOL girl!! you crack me up!! but i totally agree with you! :tong:

[TaylorMade]

It is definitely not as easy to tell of a bisexual!! I wish it was easier though! I think bi woman are easier to tell because they are more open about conversating about such things... but *most* men don't openly talk about things so easily! There is one guy that we know is bi and we NEVER EVEr would have guessed because he presents himself as a very masculine straight christian !! :eek:

That's exactly what I'm talking about ... I wish a bi-guy could be comfortable enough telling a bi girl what was on his mind and heart. Even if he doesn't tell anyone else- - I'd love to know if a guy I was interested in was interested in *other* things too.

I know it's even harder because of the type of guys I'm interested in... I guess they could be colloquially identified as "Jocks" - -muscular/masculine/smooth/straight acting.

But I guess we are meant to live lives of quiet despiration.

*Taylor*

EtA: I sound this depressed b/c right before my period, I get super morose, right after becoming so horny a nail studded dick couldn't stop me.

[pasco_lol_cpl]

I wish I had a working bidar. Hell I even wish I have a fully functional gaydar. Unfortunately all mine seems able to do is detect lesbians, and even then its iffy. Other than that Im just as clueless as can be.

[OcalaCouple683]

Tell me about it!! I think I just lucked out on my husband..and he didn't even open up to me for the first 2 years of being together!! :rolleyes: :bigrin:

Want some chocolate to help with the pmsing? :tong:

[TaylorMade]

Tell me about it!! I think I just lucked out on my husband..and he didn't even open up to me for the first 2 years of being together!! :rolleyes: :bigrin:

Want some chocolate to help with the pmsing? :tong:


I work at a Godiva (till the 20th).. It's time to bust out with the chocolate.. maybe even go to the shop tomorrow and do some "self medicating".

*Taylor*

[OcalaCouple683]

I work at a Godiva (till the 20th).. It's time to bust out with the chocolate.. maybe even go to the shop tomorrow and do some "self medicating".

*Taylor*

OMG I couldn't work there- I'd be even fatter than I am now!!! :tong:

[proseros]

I know you are trying to make a very valuable point, but...can you break your language down further to the simplest common denominator so I can understand it in totality? The bolded lost me.:(

*Taylor*

In rarer instances these kinds of unions healthily thrive [rose color and utopic company for most of us] are usually left to youthful innocence and discovery, but otherwise cultivated and nutured as a result direct interaction. Now; that is discovered by way of a domestic comfort and mutual kindness that sports hint of an admiration or attraction that permits and may desire closure with physical contact (a sense of personal candor and 'private' exchange that even when maintained discreetly, affectionately befriends).

For instance a remote co-worker may be exceptionally courteous with you and often offer his hand in affirming comradery (you may not even know his/her name), conveying recognition of complete humanness that if nutured welcomes and accepts greater affection.

I observe this all the time with gentlemen who keep the company of ladies though mingle with particular males (myself included) with brief personal exchanges- that while keeping in masculine context project genuine affection and concern for another's well being. It is a kind of communication that is as innocent as that of the wiles of eros, and anticipates that private knowledge.

If that is what is meant by "BiDar"...

I haven't seemed to think of it anyother way-This handsome lad loves me?
But he is certainly not gay.

[TaylorMade]

In rarer instances these kinds of unions healthily thrive [rose color and utopic company for most of us] are usually left to youthful innocence and discovery, but otherwise cultivated and nutured as a result direct interaction. Now; that is discovered by way of a domestic comfort and mutual kindness that sports hint of an admiration or attraction that permits and may desire closure with physical contact (a sense of personal candor and 'private' exchange that even when maintained discreetly, affectionately befriends).

For instance a remote co-worker may be exceptionally courteous with you and often offer his hand in affirming comradery (you may not even know his/her name), conveying recognition of complete humanness that if nutured welcomes and accepts greater affection.

I observe this all the time with gentlemen who keep the company of ladies though mingle with particular males (myself included) with brief personal exchanges- that while keeping in masculine context project genuine affection and concern for another's well being. It is a kind of communication that is as innocent as that of the wiles of eros, and anticipates that private knowledge.

If that is what is meant by "BiDar"...

I haven't seemed to think of it anyother way-This handsome lad loves me?
But he is certainly not gay.

Bisexual men= More human in their interactions with others?

Maybe I should start with my definition- - BiDar = Looking at the guy you're having a conversation with and knowing that he is a non-alcohol-fueled negotiation away from a ChiChi LaRue porn viewing and a strap on.

I know you are still breaking it down, and admire your efforts. . .but I am still lost- - maybe I need more chocolate and less alcohol.

*Taylor*

[DiamondDog]

I have it, and I can tell which men and women are bi even without talking to them and I can do it just by looking at pictures of them.

It works in crowds and it seems random but there's no way that it is since I've been correct more often than I can count with it. I've also had other bisexuals be able to tell this about me.

I also have a very strong gaydar; but I've written about all of this on here before.

prosperos-perhaps he's hetero but just being cordial and nice to you? What if you're just projecting yourself onto him? Lots of people (myself included) refuse to get involved with anyone who is in the workplace.

What Taylor means is that it's the ability to be able to tell if someone is bi or not and it's like how some homosexual people have gaydar.

[TaylorMade]

I have it, and I can tell which men and women are bi even without talking to them and I can do it just by looking at pictures of them.

It works in crowds and it seems random but there's no way that it is since I've been correct more often than I can count with it. I've also had other bisexuals be able to tell this about me.

I also have a very strong gaydar; but I've written about all of this on here before.

prosperos-perhaps he's hetero but just being cordial and nice to you? What if you're just projecting yourself onto him? Lots of people (myself included) refuse to get involved with anyone who is in the workplace.

What Taylor means is that it's the ability to be able to tell if someone is bi or not and it's like how some homosexual people have gaydar.

Maybe I should be asking ... YOU...

Is this cultivated? Or did I miss it, cause it was given out at birth?

*Taylor*

[proseros]

Oh I certainly would not intend to advance on such a whim esp.in the workplace-is hypothetical example only. I only mean that yes, he may be hetero. Shit he may be gay. But that is where the rose color and utopia come in, and where the BiDar turns on, because it doesn't matter anyway considering where we are starting from-a projection of acceptance, that may be nutured through direct interaction; and whether BiDar or not, would not necessarily inform me either way without it.

[DiamondDog]

Maybe I should be asking ... YOU...

Is this cultivated? Or did I miss it, cause it was given out at birth?

*Taylor*

It's not developed or coincidence, since the women who I actually wanted relationships with and who when I was younger I could see myself settling down with all are bi. Most of this happened long before we had labels for this sort of thing/for each other.

It can even work if I'm drunk and it's never been wrong. I've also had bi male friends who have used it on each other and ended up in a LTR that way.

[TaylorMade]

It's not developed or coincidence, since the women who I actually wanted relationships with and who when I was younger I could see myself settling down with all are bi.

I missed it!!!

<Bawls>

(comfort me, dammit.)

*Taylor*

[DiamondDog]

I missed it!!!

<Bawls>

(comfort me, dammit.)

*Taylor*

Eh don't feel bad. I have gay friends that seriously can't tell if another person is homosexual at all even when it's painfully obvious to everyone but them.

[Not2str8]

Wow...BiDar. Where do I sign up for that ? I've always been pretty good at picking out gay men and women, but have never been able to tell who's bi. And it sounds like most of us have trouble identifying each other, away from this site. That's one of the reasons I display the Bi Pride flag on my car bumper. Every now and then I get a "thumbs-up" from someone on the road.
Trying to bring it up in a social situation, like dating, can be problematic. I've encountered women who were disgusted at the idea that their male date also liked men, as if bisexuality is only the provence of females. lol Anyway, I look forward to the day when I can buy a portable, full color, Bisexual Detector at Best Buy, and mount it on the dashboard of my car.

[pasco_lol_cpl]

I missed it!!!

<Bawls>

(comfort me, dammit.)

*Taylor*
YOu may be blessed in missing it. Do you know frustrating it is to know that half of the women you have liked are gay. Of course there is the other half that is bi :bigrin: But damnit I wish it would work on guys.

[FerociousFeline]

Wow. This is a helpful thread. Thank you for this Taylor.

As for myself. I've been told my gay-dar is amazing. The reason for this is not intentional as much as a side effect of desperately trying to develop Bi-dar.

The way it works for me is: I tend not to sense with my eyes, or my head. I reach out with my heart. Sounds kind of like maybe what Proseros was saying. It does however become confusing though because lately I've been noticing that even het men are beginning to respond to my psychic query with warmth and security. (which totally screws me up in trying to determine if it's just them dropping their guard and allowing themselves to be sensitive without rough gruff machismo based on my lead, or if it's an indication of something else....)

But generally, I look for people who have fairly balanced masculine and feminine energies to them. Balanced yin and yang. Harder women and softer men. Or, more accurately, Feminine women with a latent but slightly apparent harder edge, and masculine men with an ability to show vulnerability, or purrhaps hard men with soft eyes? It's very difficult to verbalize.

I wish though that there were a NATIONAL secret spy decoder ring kinda thing so that we could all just KNOW. Personally, I vote for small hoop earring on left ear. (silver is yin energy, gold is yang) So silver for bi men, gold for bi women. Maybe an earring that was both silver and gold?Something like that. <shrug>


FF

[wolfcamp]

Maybe I should be asking ... YOU...

Is this cultivated? Or did I miss it, cause it was given out at birth?

*Taylor*

I think it would be very difficult to spot a bi man in a crowd, and it would be most difficult for a woman.

Consider. Suppose that I am a somewhat closeted bi man in a crowd. I am reluctant to give any type of signal, unless I have a targeted signalee who I know would be receptive. The only persons who obviously are like that would be gay men. I think an openly gay man would have the best chance of spotting or making contact with a bi man in a crowd. I think this might be a component of DD's bidar/gaydar. The signals you send out will invoke signals to be sent back.

I think the best way to determine if a guy might be bi is to strike up a conversation. I had a guy come on to me once in a straight bar. I thought about it later and wondered if I was giving off some kind of vibe. Hooking up with a guy was really the last thing on my mind that night. I decided it wasn't a vibe. I was just one of the more approachable guys in the bar. The place was basically a biker bar, a meat market for bikers and biker chics (suburban, weekend bikers), and I wasn't dressed like a biker. I was just your basic guy hanging out and listening to the band. He started a conversation, and as we talked we found some common interests and became more relaxed. After a while he dropped a few very subtle hints that I leave the bar with him. I think I probably missed them to start because the situation was so out of context. But once I figured out what he was doing, I started responding back.

It might be hard for a woman to approach a guy to find out if he is bi. The whole thing is so contradictory, and it's probably confusing for the guy; to have a woman approach him and say she is attracted to him because he might like other guys. That's just...um...confusing. I really don't know what a woman should do in a situation like that. I suppose you could be very honest and just tell the guy what you are looking for. Or, you could ask if he'd like to come over for wieners and buns.

[proseros]

And preciesly FerociousFeline (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/member.php?u=44531)! There is also the grey-area apprehension that excites,but to feign again, a "hint" of it all, so that whatever BiDar has homed in still does not break through the obscurities of this kind of personal self-discovery. This sort of communal longing is even (and I think pronounced) in bi-women relating similarly to bi-men; neither really wants the burden of allowing inclusive sentiment to burn the either/or curtain that capos the stage, still leaving 'us' (forgive me) to wonder- "Ok but just who/how is included?"

(is he/she mmf or mff enjoining? Gay/Str8 and? OR just curious? Is he/she wed or Seeks to wed? Involved and would welcome this third? Can I/he/she really have 2, want 3. Does he/she even know their own mind, their own heart? Am I fit? Am I foine? Am I fat ("enough"/"too"?) And a million other self-conscious chatters passion evokes.)

Am I enough or as much as he/she needs...

There is an extra layer of of fundamental human complexity that overwhelms even youthful eros and struggles, with a degree of sadness and risque readiness, that is just what it is -I think- BiDar 'pings'.

[jeancarleo]

My gaydar works perfectly. My bi-dar doesn't. I guess it's because I don't interact much with bi people or lesbians. That sucks but I'll work on my bi-dar as I'll interact more with bisexuals this year:)

[diB4u]

My gaydar works perfectly. My bi-dar doesn't. I guess it's because I don't interact much with bi people or lesbians. That sucks but I'll work on my bi-dar as I'll interact more with bisexuals this year:)

Exactly I couldn't put it better myself. Call me a freak but i dont care, when in a large crowd of gay men.... i just try hard not to growl and bark. I've never been in a crowd of gay women but i probably would behave in the same way... Some women I'd probably wanna chase, especially the butch ones... Some i'd natrually be drawn to..

Bisexuals i dont know... But i would like to find out how i would behave... or act...

[Bluebiyou]

My gay-dar used to be pretty good. Bi-dar is totally down.
Yet -
My therapist friend says that if he just plain likes someone right off the bat, he suspects they're a sociopath (not necessarily a bad thing).
I know that when the 'instant kharma' happens for me when I meet a girl, she's bad news (serious man hating streak), but probably bi.
I think my mother was an angry lesbian who decided to conform to a het world (married in mid 1950s), hence the genesis of my attraction.
Sigmund! Help me! :tongue:
...kill my father, have sex with my mother...
...kill my mother, have sex with my father...
I forgot which one Sigmund told me I want to do!! :tongue:

[TaylorMade]

Eh don't feel bad. I have gay friends that seriously can't tell if another person is homosexual at all even when it's painfully obvious to everyone but them.

Says the person who has it...

*Taylor*

[Wyatt]

hi Taylor - looks like I am in the same boat with you.
Nope! I got no Bi-Dar and my Gay-Dar don't work as well as it once did.:tongue:

[wanderingrichard]

I don't. I can sometimes spot gay men or lesbians if they're "obviously" so, but aside from that I just see "people". Maybe I'm just not "in tune" enough with the world around me...

don't feel left out.. if anyone has read my personal ad, theyll see i have the same trouble.. guess those who want me to know should carry a frying pan with them to hit me on the head to get my attention :bigrin::eek:

[rickyfailington]

LOL FAGGOTS

[jem_is_bi]

I do not have bi-dar or gay-dar and only by guessing that everyone is straight do I have any chance at being more accurate than chance. But, there always seems to be a way to get what I need.

If you get the right situation, I suggest you just declare your desires.
If he is not interested it is likely that you will intrigue him. If he is interested, he will be both intrigued an excited by you. Also, as suggested by others, give hints about yourself. As a bi-man I would definitely like it if bi-women would not leave me believing they are straight.

JEM

[jem_is_bi]

LOL FAGGOTS

Since I am Bisexual your observation is both right and wrong.
What else do you do for fun?
Or is this as good as it gets?

JEM

[MarieDelta]

I'm pretty good at guessing if someone is gay or straight. Bi, on the other hand, is damn near impossible for me.

I would love to have Bi-dar. The problem is that since we are such a diverse community its practically impossible to nail us down through anything.

Marie

[TaylorMade]

I'm pretty good at guessing if someone is gay or straight. Bi, on the other hand, is damn near impossible for me.

I would love to have Bi-dar. The problem is that since we are such a diverse community its practically impossible to nail us down through anything.

Marie

That seems to be the shape of things....I just have ask and drop hints till someone says. . ."Yeah, I think a strap on would be something I'd like to try..." Or. . ."I wouldn't be uncomfortable with a little MMF experimentation."

And then I wake up in a puddle of my own drool.:wacko:

*Taylor*

[IanGray]

In rarer instances these kinds of unions healthily thrive [rose color and utopic company for most of us] are usually left to youthful innocence and discovery, but otherwise cultivated and nutured as a result direct interaction. Now; that is discovered by way of a domestic comfort and mutual kindness that sports hint of an admiration or attraction that permits and may desire closure with physical contact (a sense of personal candor and 'private' exchange that even when maintained discreetly, affectionately befriends).

For instance a remote co-worker may be exceptionally courteous with you and often offer his hand in affirming comradery (you may not even know his/her name), conveying recognition of complete humanness that if nutured welcomes and accepts greater affection.

I observe this all the time with gentlemen who keep the company of ladies though mingle with particular males (myself included) with brief personal exchanges- that while keeping in masculine context project genuine affection and concern for another's well being. It is a kind of communication that is as innocent as that of the wiles of eros, and anticipates that private knowledge.

If that is what is meant by "BiDar"...

I haven't seemed to think of it anyother way-This handsome lad loves me?
But he is certainly not gay.

Years ago I attended a College Access Course during which I was advised to ensure that any writing I produced was understandable to the person reading it. Can you please explain in plain english what your point is as I fail to understand what you are on about.

[Bluebiyou]

Defined; terms within GLBT culture based on the word radar:

Gay-dar; the ability to sense, usually upon sight a homosexual.

Bi-dar; the ability to sense, usually upon sight a bisexual.

Simplified topic:
Does anyone have bi-dar?

:);):bigrin::cool::flag1:

[jrlopz]

Well, from my experience, sometimes you can have a strong feeling if the other person cmay be bi or have the curiosity to try at least once. In college, I met a few guys that admitted in group conversations that they were curious about it.

[the mage]

Bi-dar sometimes becomes Bye-dear. But I digress....
Its rare to pick out the Bi guy till his cock is hard. Gaydar is real and I've come on to a few guys using it, often totally surprising them..with good result..