biazcouple
Jan 10, 2008, 4:06 AM
I must say I was suprized by the number of responses my last post recieved.
Many of the responses took the words out of my mouth literally, some unfortunately so. As some of the responders noted that there may be more to this story than meets the eye. I am affraid that there is. When it comes to short comings, I have far more than my wife. I don't express my fellings very well. I have become insecure in our relationship. My unhappiness in my job also has got me down. Financial issues, well we have financial issues in spades. Our oldest daughter is practicing at being a teenager. And my wife is not very happy in her job at the moment either. A very dear freind of ours is in the hospital battling pancratic cancer. And I when Shelly told me that she thiought she was gay, we argued and fought and cried, till we where emotionally and physicaly exhuasted. I was so angry and hurt I wanted to kill, so attempted to end my life. It happened in an instant, I forgot all the good in my life. I woke up in the hospital 4 days later. I have since sought professional help.
In response to the people kind enough to respond to my original post.
My wife and I did have ground rules and boundries, and yes there was even a "veto" rule that we had agreed to as well when we first embarked on our bisexual journey together. Our relationship was strong and we went into this with, we thought eye's wide open. We considered ourselves swinger's. We have played alone in the past but our experiences together were so much better. At least for me. When I would be with a man when Shelly was not participating, I felt... well I felt off somehow and I did not enjoy it as much as I did when she was there. We have shared men and women, much to our enjoyment. I think things began to change when she took a job. She was working nights and my job was a day shift. Men would come on to her all the time. Sometimes she would flirt back, but mostly she spoke of how she did not like the way these men would look at her. I always trusted her though. There was one man she met in that time that she did like. I was aware of this too, since she had told me about him.
I was ok with her attraction to him, she had always allowed me the same freedom too, we spoke openly of such things. One day I got home from work and my wife met me at the door, she took my hand and practically dragged me into the bedroom where she was all over me, we made love passionately untill we where spent.
Later that week Shelly said she needed to talk to me, it was important. She began speaking of the person and the feelings that she was having, again I was fine with it. I pulled her close and whispered in her ear, Honey if you want to s**k his c**k than go ahead its ok.
She said that she already had, she told me how it started the story was pretty hot actually, until it became clear that it had happend 4 days prior, and that was the day she was all over me. I was not happy about not meeting him first but more so about the delay in being told. As the next few weeks unfolded I became aware that there was more to this relationship than she was telling me. There was constant emails and phone calls. One evening I was working on some guitar tableture's and I accidentally clicked paste instead of copy. This long flowing peotic almost erotic love letter appeared from her to him. I confronted her with it, I said this is f**ked up, she explained, it is just the way she writes (there is a lot truth in that statement). Then you are leading him on and that is just cruel I told her.
She told me that they never did anything other than what happend in the initial encounter, I believed her, I still do. They drifted apart and he turned out not to be as great as she had first thought. We I thought had got thruogh it. We still had open communication, we still had our passion and our freindship. We had not been "swinging" for about 6 months before this episode for lack of a better word, and this episode was a little over a year ago. Shelly and I met Lisa in late August, we all became freinds, I knew she was gay. Shelly did not catch that at first. Shelly began to help Lisa with some issues she was dealing with. (12 step stuff). Both my wife and I have been clean and sober over 13 years. We have developed a relationship based on honesty, and spirituality, one day at a time. and until now I thought that it was working well.
Lisa started spending more time at my house, her and Shelly had sex a few times. I did not participate in anyway. Lisa was not comfortable with anything like that. I respected her boundries and I wanted Shelly to do what she wanted. Shelly and I would make love after Lisa would leave.
She began to come over very early in the morning, just before I was leaving for work. As I would leave I would go to kiss Shelly goodbye, and I was reduced to a simple peck on the lips. I tld her I did not like that. When it happened again, I was reduced to an old lady kiss, she placed her cheeck against mine and made the mmmwwwaa sound. I was pissed. The kids had not left for school yet so I did not feel like we could discuss it then and there.
when I got home that day is when I found out that Lisa wasn't comfortable seeing that. I said you have got to be kidding. Some strong angry words later is when I found out that Lisa told my wife (quoting as best I can) I don't want you to have to lie to me(Lisa) and I don't want you to have to lie to Daniel(me), but if you two have sex it will change the out come of this. I don't want you to have to compromise, you need to be true to your self.
Shelly and I have not had sex since. We still have afffection for each other we share tender kisses and touches still too. Shelly told me she needs time. I love her so I can give her time.
As I stated in my first post Lisa would like a monogamous relationship with my wife. My wife is now considering whether she is gay or just bi. We are both looking deep inside and asking the hard questions. I have stepped back. I have had an epiphany of sorts and I will wait as long as it takes for Shelly to come to terms with whatever she decides. I will concentrate on being a better father to our kids.
Many of the responses took the words out of my mouth literally, some unfortunately so. As some of the responders noted that there may be more to this story than meets the eye. I am affraid that there is. When it comes to short comings, I have far more than my wife. I don't express my fellings very well. I have become insecure in our relationship. My unhappiness in my job also has got me down. Financial issues, well we have financial issues in spades. Our oldest daughter is practicing at being a teenager. And my wife is not very happy in her job at the moment either. A very dear freind of ours is in the hospital battling pancratic cancer. And I when Shelly told me that she thiought she was gay, we argued and fought and cried, till we where emotionally and physicaly exhuasted. I was so angry and hurt I wanted to kill, so attempted to end my life. It happened in an instant, I forgot all the good in my life. I woke up in the hospital 4 days later. I have since sought professional help.
In response to the people kind enough to respond to my original post.
My wife and I did have ground rules and boundries, and yes there was even a "veto" rule that we had agreed to as well when we first embarked on our bisexual journey together. Our relationship was strong and we went into this with, we thought eye's wide open. We considered ourselves swinger's. We have played alone in the past but our experiences together were so much better. At least for me. When I would be with a man when Shelly was not participating, I felt... well I felt off somehow and I did not enjoy it as much as I did when she was there. We have shared men and women, much to our enjoyment. I think things began to change when she took a job. She was working nights and my job was a day shift. Men would come on to her all the time. Sometimes she would flirt back, but mostly she spoke of how she did not like the way these men would look at her. I always trusted her though. There was one man she met in that time that she did like. I was aware of this too, since she had told me about him.
I was ok with her attraction to him, she had always allowed me the same freedom too, we spoke openly of such things. One day I got home from work and my wife met me at the door, she took my hand and practically dragged me into the bedroom where she was all over me, we made love passionately untill we where spent.
Later that week Shelly said she needed to talk to me, it was important. She began speaking of the person and the feelings that she was having, again I was fine with it. I pulled her close and whispered in her ear, Honey if you want to s**k his c**k than go ahead its ok.
She said that she already had, she told me how it started the story was pretty hot actually, until it became clear that it had happend 4 days prior, and that was the day she was all over me. I was not happy about not meeting him first but more so about the delay in being told. As the next few weeks unfolded I became aware that there was more to this relationship than she was telling me. There was constant emails and phone calls. One evening I was working on some guitar tableture's and I accidentally clicked paste instead of copy. This long flowing peotic almost erotic love letter appeared from her to him. I confronted her with it, I said this is f**ked up, she explained, it is just the way she writes (there is a lot truth in that statement). Then you are leading him on and that is just cruel I told her.
She told me that they never did anything other than what happend in the initial encounter, I believed her, I still do. They drifted apart and he turned out not to be as great as she had first thought. We I thought had got thruogh it. We still had open communication, we still had our passion and our freindship. We had not been "swinging" for about 6 months before this episode for lack of a better word, and this episode was a little over a year ago. Shelly and I met Lisa in late August, we all became freinds, I knew she was gay. Shelly did not catch that at first. Shelly began to help Lisa with some issues she was dealing with. (12 step stuff). Both my wife and I have been clean and sober over 13 years. We have developed a relationship based on honesty, and spirituality, one day at a time. and until now I thought that it was working well.
Lisa started spending more time at my house, her and Shelly had sex a few times. I did not participate in anyway. Lisa was not comfortable with anything like that. I respected her boundries and I wanted Shelly to do what she wanted. Shelly and I would make love after Lisa would leave.
She began to come over very early in the morning, just before I was leaving for work. As I would leave I would go to kiss Shelly goodbye, and I was reduced to a simple peck on the lips. I tld her I did not like that. When it happened again, I was reduced to an old lady kiss, she placed her cheeck against mine and made the mmmwwwaa sound. I was pissed. The kids had not left for school yet so I did not feel like we could discuss it then and there.
when I got home that day is when I found out that Lisa wasn't comfortable seeing that. I said you have got to be kidding. Some strong angry words later is when I found out that Lisa told my wife (quoting as best I can) I don't want you to have to lie to me(Lisa) and I don't want you to have to lie to Daniel(me), but if you two have sex it will change the out come of this. I don't want you to have to compromise, you need to be true to your self.
Shelly and I have not had sex since. We still have afffection for each other we share tender kisses and touches still too. Shelly told me she needs time. I love her so I can give her time.
As I stated in my first post Lisa would like a monogamous relationship with my wife. My wife is now considering whether she is gay or just bi. We are both looking deep inside and asking the hard questions. I have stepped back. I have had an epiphany of sorts and I will wait as long as it takes for Shelly to come to terms with whatever she decides. I will concentrate on being a better father to our kids.