the state of the site

[Azrael]

I hate to bitch and whine, but this is intended to be constructive criticism.
I do little but lurk these days. This place is becoming hopelessly overpopulated with FMP (fecal minded people).
I won't name drop, though one in particular does stand out. But there are others. There's been a veritable insurgence of hard-liner upstarts and noobs.
Endless threads about NOTHING. Posters gay bashing as well as doing everything to distance themselves form anything remotely smacking of homosexuality. Denial, hostility, and lots of petty little dick one-upmanship. People saying things like 'bi is best', 'bi' people calling me a pansy faggot for not calling women bitches and hoes, and spreading all kinds of disinformation about STDS/HIV. Get your information from a doctor, not a 'health care worker'. A physical therapist is a health care worker, doesn't make them a better source of information than a Pathologist.
The killer, though is that people making actual physical threats are finding their way back in with very little trouble just to stir shit up again.
It's painfully obvious how little the 'moderator' actually does here. If you're too lazy to keep people in line, at least appoint some people to do it for you.
Meanwhile, those who actually post factual information and discredit the charlatans are subject to slander, threats and mockery.
This site has become the daytime television of the LGTB web. Lots of really cool and insightful people have left here in the three years I've been on here. More will follow, I fear. As long as we allow it.
"Mr Horse, how do you feel about the state of this message board?"
No sir, I don't like it.

[OcalaCouple683]

I've noticed a bit too much "drama" going on but I just joined last month so I'm hoping its just a short phase that will pass and the forum can become a great place for bisexuals to feel open and conversate about things that aren't so acceptable in other places...

:bigrin:

[jedinudist]

Yeah, I have to agree to a point - there has been allot of stuff on here lately that just seems to be here to cause trouble.

That's why I've been so quiet for so long. I go through short bursts of posting, but get discouraged by all the other junk and lay low for a while.

I reported a thread started by some idiot that bashed all of us. I never heard anything back from a Moderator or anyone else for that matter. There's no gray area in that thread either - it's flat out bashing. And it's still up loooooooong after I reported it and asked someone to intervene.

[12voltman59]

Azrael--we have had times like this before--they did pass--hopefully this one will too.

It is true that many people that used to come here no longer do--I am sure there are many reasons for that---
This site may have its problems--but it is still far better than most other web sites-----

I am going to continue to stick around

[bigregory]

I hate to bitch and whine, but this is intended to be constructive criticism.
I do little but lurk these days. This place is becoming hopelessly overpopulated with FMP (fecal minded people).
I won't name drop, though one in particular does stand out. But there are others. There's been a veritable insurgence of hard-liner upstarts and noobs.
Endless threads about NOTHING. Posters gay bashing as well as doing everything to distance themselves form anything remotely smacking of homosexuality. Denial, hostility, and lots of petty little dick one-upmanship. People saying things like 'bi is best', 'bi' people calling me a pansy faggot for not calling women bitches and hoes, and spreading all kinds of disinformation about STDS/HIV. Get your information from a doctor, not a 'health care worker'. A physical therapist is a health care worker, doesn't make them a better source of information than a Pathologist.
The killer, though is that people making actual physical threats are finding their way back in with very little trouble just to stir shit up again.
It's painfully obvious how little the 'moderator' actually does here. If you're too lazy to keep people in line, at least appoint some people to do it for you.
Meanwhile, those who actually post factual information and discredit the charlatans are subject to slander, threats and mockery.
This site has become the daytime television of the LGTB web. Lots of really cool and insightful people have left here in the three years I've been on here. More will follow, I fear. As long as we allow it.
"Mr Horse, how do you feel about the state of this message board?"
No sir, I don't like it.

I use "Bi is best" in my signature.
If I am offending with this please let me know.
This site is called Bisexual.com and I would assume for bisexuals.
The population here has changed the site to the point where people are leaving and that is understanable with silly posts and rudeness.
I would love to tell everyone to find a site that suits them and if your not bisexual go away. but that would be silly lets just get along.
There are so many site out there for your thing. If bisexuality is not you thing well.... Maybe we could get Azrael to moderate as that could only be a good thing.

[pasco_lol_cpl]

Azrael - I haven't been here as long as you have, so I'll trust your judgement. I think you do a great service to the board by bringing up these complaints so they can at least be evaluated at the least. But please keep in mind that 12Volt also bring up a good point. I see this cycle on boards (that cater to a wide variety of topics) all over the net. My only advice is that at the least please hang in there. To be honest your posts have at times brightened an otherwise lousy day for me. I enjoy them, and by extension, your presence here. So despite of it all, please dont go.

[TaylorMade]

I've noticed a bit too much "drama" going on but I just joined last month so I'm hoping its just a short phase that will pass and the forum can become a great place for bisexuals to feel open and conversate about things that aren't so acceptable in other places...

:bigrin:

I'm gonna be honest, I hope this is yet another phase as well, but I do worry it will drive the site down if it's not addressed.

I know worries about mods becoming cliquish and misusing their power are not totally unwarranted, BUT- - to me that seems like a worry that can be staved off and an acceptable risk in the face of what could happen. . I am asking the owner to please , PLEASE put his reservations aside about having moderators. Not having moderators seems to say that you do not trust us to police ourselves and take another worry off your chest. Plus, you can de-mod a rogue mod.

I know you're doing a lot with other endeavors, so it would probably be even more imperative to have moderators here, so you would have one less thing to worry about. Letting the situation fester, thinking occasional care will keep things going seems to only make the situation worse, driving away valuable posters, and eventually wasting bandwidth on what could have been a interesting and resourceful site for a growing community.

Please consider that while we are not paying for this, we are contributing in other ways. This board has become a first stop for many as they try to figure out their sexual identities and find they are not alone. There are so many people who have given their support and an electronic ear for those who are scared, confused and generally wandering in the wilderness, looking simply for someone to talk to. This site has so much to offer, and to cede it over to those who don't have it's best interests at heart is simply unfortunate, and I hope to heaven that it will not happen here.

*Taylor*

[Azrael]

I use "Bi is best" in my signature.
If I am offending with this please let me know.
This site is called Bisexual.com and I would assume for bisexuals.
The population here has changed the site to the point where people are leaving and that is understanable with silly posts and rudeness.
I would love to tell everyone to find a site that suits them and if your not bisexual go away. but that would be silly lets just get along.
There are so many site out there for your thing. If bisexuality is not you thing well.... Maybe we could get Azrael to moderate as that could only be a good thing.

I'm bisexual, dude. I just think saying one way is better than another is kinda not cool. It's not a contest.

[bigregory]

A moderator is a great idea but this would create more work for Drew not less.

[TaylorMade]

A moderator is a great idea but this would create more work for Drew not less.

How? He already has his hands full, a mod has the ability to be there when Drew is not- - most mods have the ability to suspend members and delete threads, clearing the board of clutter caused by a disruptive member, which is what most people want in the first place.

They diffuse the tide of complaints/suggestions/and general FAQ-type PMs that probably swamps the typical board admin's E-mail box.

A Mod can be a useful thing if used well.

*Taylor*

[pasco_lol_cpl]

How? He already has his hands full, a mod has the ability to be there when Drew is not- - most mods have the ability to suspend members and delete threads, clearing the board of clutter caused by a disruptive member, which is what most people want in the first place.

They diffuse the tide of complaints/suggestions/and general FAQ-type PMs that probably swamps the typical board admin's E-mail box.

A Mod can be a useful thing if used well.

*Taylor*
Exactly. Mods are there to take the pressure off of the board op / owner. The only thing that Drew would have to do is select a few mods from various geographic locations (to ensure that the board is covered most times) and moderators whom he trusts their judgment to run the place as he sees fit.

[rissababynta]

"Mr Horse, how do you feel about the state of this message board?"
No sir, I don't like it.

lmao. i wonder how many people are going to remember where this came from.


anyways, i do have to agree with you. i used to be on here everyday. i used to chat every night. the past couple of months i have been on MAYBE once a week just to see if there is anything new and that's pretty much it. i also hope that this will pass soon because i miss a lot of the people that used to be here and made everyone enjoy this site.

[ghytifrdnr]

If there is someone on here that you find objectionable, go to that person's profile and press the "ignore" button. It works!

:2cents:

[Skater Boy]

Well... I've only been here a few months... but I had noticed that some people are visiting less often, which is a shame. I don't think it would be fair to blame this *completely* on the controversy surrounding a certain "Magician", as I feel that others (myself included) are playing their part. Anywho, I can feel an "interlude of enforced discipline" coming on... I shall make yet another (and more radical) attempt to vet my posts and not potentially pollute the fresh waters of our online community. I would urge anyone who feels in a similar position to do the same.

[mrplayfuluk]

I agree with skater, when a post of mine pops into the recent list I usually vet it to make sure its not being flamed or abused.. its a way for us to self moderate the forum and take responsibility for anything we post.

[Bluebiyou]

As much as drama seems usually uncomfortable and unseemingly to me (there are occasions where appropriate), I don't see it as such a problem as opposed to the opposite - 'allowed speech'. I haven't been here that long, but I think the moderators err on the side of free speech.
Even that little basher's thread was left up (What's up homos)... to a creative and productive end. A moderator banned the little bastard very expediently.
Drama is certainly part of our culture (have you been to gay/lesbian bar lately?) partially because of pent up feelings about hiding our sexuality.
Granted, there are folks who are just angry, but just address it directly.
Just send an IM-PM to someone if you think s/he rants too much.
Hell, I accept this site as great therapy for me... why not for others? The folks who get into rants are folks who belong in our bisexual culture; they're not (outside/straight or gay) bashers of bisexuals.
Hell, I've gone into a couple rants myself; I'm passionately against harming innocent children, even when its approved by a culture. Start a post that states how good it is to circumcise innocent little girls and boys and watch my head spin (just like on 'The Exorcist')! :rotate:
I think this site is fantastic as is and thanks, thanks, thanks to... who all ever runs this site.

[bhg08054]

I must be in a strange mood today, as I usually try to stay away from contentious topics...

First, I agree that the general "feel" has deteriorated significantly. I'm not sure I agree to all the causes suggested though.

Argumentative and aggressive posters are a problem, especially those who seem to be here soley to argue.

Threads about nothing? I'm not sure this is bad. Every other board I visit has large collections of those. In the same way every cocktail party has groups of people standing around talking about nothing. It's what people do when the congregate. Heck, Seinfeld was a long running TV show about nothing.

And we must not forget that new people will keep arriving with the same questions we all had when we got here. Yes, they should be reading some of the old threads for some of the answers, but think about this. Did you learn about yourself by reading some book or stale message board, or by interacting with other folks?

I do agree that people without appropriate professional certification shouldn't be pontificating about things that would require such certification elsewhere. Others should still allowed to express their opinions on such matters, but must be clear that they are expressing opinion and not try to claim themselves to be an expert providing facts.

I agree that any form of threats need to be taken seriously. I'm not sure how best to do that though.

There was mention of at least one negative thread that is still around. If it is the one I'm thinking of, the originator of that thread has been "banned", and most of the content of that thread is other people endlessly trying to refute the claims of the originator rather than just letting things die off. Personally, I think responding to trolls is exactly the behavior they want, so why do we do it?

I am very concerned that Drew hasn't been visible here much of late. Lot's of little things haven't been happening. "THE BI WEB" hasn't been updated in eons. "EVENTS" still has November items in it. We didn't get any cute Holiday icons at the top of the page this year. No new "ARTICLES" (and no solicitation for the same, if content is what's needed). Has he lost interest? Has his life become too busy? We have no way of knowing.

Certainly one possible answer to this is for him to find help in maintaining this site, including moderation duties.

[deeTM]

I've only been here a few months myself. I don't come here as much as I did in the beginning but that may be a result of me becoming more comfortable with myself and that place I go everyday and stay at for longer than I really should. But I gotta pay the bills...

Az, I've talked to you and a few others and am better off I think because of those conversations. So please stick around. My guess is that this is a phase. Most "bashers", no matter what they're bashing, get bored and go away if ignored. They're in it for the excitement of pissing someone else off.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great day (or night depending on when you read this :tong:).

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

There Is one thing thats been bothering me lately. It all started with a 14 yro girl coming into chat and asking sex advice. Now to my knowledge, it states that people 18 and over are allowed on this site. I am uncomfortable with young kids coming in and asking sexual questions. You never Know who it might be, and I would hate to see this site, or people getting into trouble for contribution to the deliquence of minors.
Granted, if a kid IS just coming into themselves(so to speak) then thats great, but there are groups for teeners to go to to discuss their sexuality and explore their options and questions. I dont feel it should be done Here. I think there needs to be a bit better of a screening process done.
Just my 2 cents ya'll.

[the mage]

Well, people are not forced to read any given post.
Posting is for enjoyment, fun, edification, information exchange, on any given topic. Posting about sex topics only gets stale quickly for any forum.
This place is supposed to be for persons who are BI. No one promised you a rose garden. As to the control of the board, its par for the course. There are cycles of nasty and cycles of fun as well as cycles of sex talk. So what is the problem?
They happen in life,on the job, at home, all over, why run away?



As to issues surrounding HIV and STD's and my complete willingness to offer up info I know to be correct I say to you......
Stop assuming every thing I say is a lie.
You allow my arrogance, freely admitted, to get in the way of real info.
I do not need to be a math professor to know 2 plus 2 makes 4 any more than I need to be a doctor to know the statistical realities and the clinical values of various aspects of HIV /AIDS. You do NOT see me offering up medical advise. You see me stating statistical probabilities and absolute values of lab numbers. Some of the info I get is indeed directly from world renown experts in the field, never mind a GP. I'm NOT a doctor.
GET PROFESSIONAL HELP are words you've seen me type before.
I have been involved in HIV issues for 21 of the 26 years it has been a defined infection. I do NOT TELL LIES in this matter. That would be criminal. To remain ignorant of HIV issues while being sexually active IS in FACT criminal.

Sexuality carries risk of disease. To pretend its not there is just bloody foolish. It should be a open honest topic of inquiry with mutual information exchange. Not an excuse to flame the guy who's a bit arrogant in posting.

You're right, there has been filth spewed lately. I have said my piece on that in the other thread. However I will not refrain from further posting on any topic that strikes my fancy, This in fact a free space for us all to be our selves. If I do not fit thru the narrow slot that is the entrance to your world you do not have to let me in, but its foolish to close the door and never look out.

[shameless agitator]

I've been less involved lately because of the FMPs too. The drama and sexual threads do get a bit tiring, but as some of the others have said, I think it's just part of the cycle. For what it's worth, I'm a nurse & have been working with HIV treatment & prevention for several years now. I haven't read any posts by Mage on the subject that weren't factual. As far as the mod concept goes, I would suggest we come up with a list of volunteers and send it to Drew, probably along with a link to this thread. I agree with those who've said Az would be a good mod, & I'll volunteer my services as well. I don't go into the chat, but I could help mod the forum.

[Skater Boy]

I've been less involved lately because of the FMPs too. The drama and sexual threads do get a bit tiring, but as some of the others have said, I think it's just part of the cycle. For what it's worth, I'm a nurse & have been working with HIV treatment & prevention for several years now. I haven't read any posts by Mage on the subject that weren't factual. As far as the mod concept goes, I would suggest we come up with a list of volunteers and send it to Drew, probably along with a link to this thread. I agree with those who've said Az would be a good mod, & I'll volunteer my services as well. I don't go into the chat, but I could help mod the forum.

I sent a PM to Drew a few hours ago to ask him exactly how many moderators there currently are, and whether he'd consider appointing some new ones. I'll post anything he says, if and when he responds.

Personally, I would vote Marie Delta as a potential mod. I would also throw in Biwords, but he doesn't seem to visit here that often of late. And I think its important that a mod visits the site as frequently as possible to keep track of whats going on.

[Annika L]

lmao. i wonder how many people are going to remember where this came from.


I did! (and wondered the same thing myself!) Go Az!

In general, I see two issues: the worthlessness itself, and the people who feel compelled to point to it and call it worthless, and get everyone else's buy-in that it's worthless.

MANY threads would have died a young death if it wasn't for a bunch of people posting to them to point out how bad the information is, or to announce their opinion of the person posting the thread...or to defend the person, or the rights of posters generally, and on and on. Ultimately, this leads to bad feelings (big surprise).

I don't know mage and I don't read his posts (or the inevitable ensuing fights) closely...but I have to agree with him that nobody forces people to read and perpetuate his threads.

And it is NOT just him. There are many threads that are either of questionable worth or attempt to be destructive. They would quickly die if we let them...but so many can't seem to let themselves do that.

As far as I am concerned, if we want to have forums where we are free to speak our minds, then we must accept that there will be some threads we don't like or that offend us. But we need to be aware that we have a choice: if we feel compelled to respond to voice dissent, then that thread will surely continue; if we feel strongly about the thread dying as quickly as possible, then choose to let it go.

And a final thought: I don't know what all Drew has on his plate, but I think Az owes him an apology for suggesting that he may be "lazy"...we owe him gratitude for the fact that this site exists at all. A place like this doesn't come about out of laziness, and the maintenance Drew does give it requires effort that he is not paid for. Like the rest of our planet, if a creator does not micro-manage it, then we are left to make of it what we wish...if we choose to pollute it, we reap what we sow. Let's make better choices. :2cents:

[TaylorMade]

I've been less involved lately because of the FMPs too. The drama and sexual threads do get a bit tiring, but as some of the others have said, I think it's just part of the cycle. For what it's worth, I'm a nurse & have been working with HIV treatment & prevention for several years now. I haven't read any posts by Mage on the subject that weren't factual. As far as the mod concept goes, I would suggest we come up with a list of volunteers and send it to Drew, probably along with a link to this thread. I agree with those who've said Az would be a good mod, & I'll volunteer my services as well. I don't go into the chat, but I could help mod the forum.

I'll throw my hat into the ring as well. I've gone through ALOT of forums, and been a mod at one or two- - I figure that's as good of a resume as any.

*Taylor*

[anne27]

As long as the mods don't play favorites or bash on people who disagree with them, I think it's a good idea to add a few. I think those selected for moderators need to be the people on the board who don't already like to stir crap. Seems these days too many enjoy the drama more than the comradery this place used to have. Something certainly needs to be done.:2cents:
I used to post frequently, and still hit the boards every day at least once, but with the tone of late, I just lurk.

Who needs the drama? It gets old in a hurry.

[Iowabiguy]

I have been a member here for over two years and I remember when it felt like a community. There was a feeling that everyone was pulling together for one common goal; to hold up one another as bisexuals regardless what the differences between us happened to be. I don't believe that the differences were overlooked or ignored but there was a gentleness and respect that I don't feel now. I certainly believe everyone has the right to an opinion and I have a right not to read the posts by certain people but I am sadly struck by the harshness and negativity that has crept into this community.
I believe that we ALL need to take a step back and take a breath and realize that we are all on the SAME SIDE. We are here to HELP, and STRENGTHEN, and NURTURE, and EMPOWER other Bisexuals. That can be done by healthy conversation. I am not sure that a moderator is what we need. Let's try to manage ourselves in better ways and show each other our positive sides and see if that doesn't help to fix all of the troubles the are going on presently.

[mrplayfuluk]

I have been a member here for over two years and I remember when it felt like a community. There was a feeling that everyone was pulling together for one common goal; to hold up one another as bisexuals regardless what the differences between us happened to be. I don't believe that the differences were overlooked or ignored but there was a gentleness and respect that I don't feel now. I certainly believe everyone has the right to an opinion and I have a right not to read the posts by certain people but I am sadly struck by the harshness and negativity that has crept into this community.
I believe that we ALL need to take a step back and take a breath and realize that we are all on the SAME SIDE. We are here to HELP, and STRENGTHEN, and NURTURE, and EMPOWER other Bisexuals. That can be done by healthy conversation. I am not sure that a moderator is what we need. Let's try to manage ourselves in better ways and show each other our positive sides and see if that doesn't help to fix all of the troubles the are going on presently.

I think there are enough people who 'moderate' this site naturally, without having to give anyone a moderators badge so lets moderate together, we are all big enough and old enough.... and the moral panic recently has shown us all a little reality check that is a good thing. Power to us all!!!

[shameless agitator]

I think there are enough people who 'moderate' this site naturally, without having to give anyone a moderators badge so lets moderate together, we are all big enough and old enough.... and the moral panic recently has shown us all a little reality check that is a good thing. Power to us all!!!The only problem there, is that without any kind of authority to tell people to knock it off when they get out of line, all we can actually do is fan the fire.

[FerociousFeline]

I have been a member here for over two years and I remember when it felt like a community. There was a feeling that everyone was pulling together for one common goal; to hold up one another as bisexuals regardless what the differences between us happened to be. I don't believe that the differences were overlooked or ignored but there was a gentleness and respect that I don't feel now. I certainly believe everyone has the right to an opinion and I have a right not to read the posts by certain people but I am sadly struck by the harshness and negativity that has crept into this community.
I believe that we ALL need to take a step back and take a breath and realize that we are all on the SAME SIDE. We are here to HELP, and STRENGTHEN, and NURTURE, and EMPOWER other Bisexuals. That can be done by healthy conversation. I am not sure that a moderator is what we need. Let's try to manage ourselves in better ways and show each other our positive sides and see if that doesn't help to fix all of the troubles the are going on presently.


Well said.

Personally, as a veteran of the psychic wars and a moderator of Aol chat rooms back in the day, I'd have to agree that the fastest way to create more drama is to give people more power.

Part of the charm here is that because there ISN"T a moderator, we all have to band together and actively enforce community stds for the good of the hole. Oops.. Whole. So, I'd have to say that I think what would be best is, is if someone has a problem with something that they bring it to others attention. As far as the sites growth, well, that's going to happen. Intimacy is something that occurs among those who are intimate. That's one of the reasons I enjoy the chat rooms here so much. Posts are more formal, chat is much LESS formal. Chat allows people to bring the text alive with interactive personality. True, you see much more moodiness and stuff, but hey? I'd rather that than the alternative.....some kind of sanitized version of what we have.

The truth is, that as a community gets larger we will see more lurkers, more agitators, more fakes, more kids in disguise, etc. It pretty much goes with the territory. What allows this place to maintain it's charm will be those of you actively participating in what is going on, either on the boards or in chat and IN community we will maintain standards of behavior which more fully approach those of our ideals.

..or something.

;)



FF

[meluhnee09]

:2cents:When I first joined things seemed a little more interesting and happening....now things just seem boring and juvenile in some ways. I rarely even log into the site anymore. It's kind of sad...I was really hoping to meet some new people that are "like me," but I'm sad to say I haven't met anyone. Am I alone in this? :2cents:

[Iowabiguy]

Thank you FF. This is the kind of positive response with additional suggestions that makes this place work.
I am not looking for Nirvana just a supportive respite from my daily life.

[Azrael]

Thanks to all who replied.
I would have no problem with being a mod, but somehow I doubt Drew (to whom I intended no disrespect) would have me as one. Never know, though.
I would do my best to be fair and unbiased.
That said, the ship hasn't sunk yet.

[Skater Boy]

Just FYI: Drew never replied to my PM about appointing some new moderators, so I can only assume that either he didn't like the idea, or that he was too busy to consider my suggestion. therefore, unless anyone with a little more influence wants to contact Drew, I guess we'll just have to band together and govern ourselves. Anyway, thats all. I'm gonna fade back into the shadows for the near future...

[12voltman59]

Skater--I would not take the lack of response from Drew as being anything personal--he has not come on and made any sort of posts at all in recent months--for all we know-he may not even be part of the ownership or management of this site any longer----I have no knowledge in this regard-- just a sense that such might be the case--or if he is still involved---he has other areas of concern that demand his time elsewhere.

[The Barefoot Contess]

I have mixed feelings about mods. On the one hand, it does seem a little bit like "1984", like a Big Brother who is watching your every move. The question this brings up is, of course: who moderates the moderator? Moderators are human and have personal likes and dislikes, and whoever thinks that that is not going to influence their decisions is mistaken.
I would like to think that we are mature enough to be able to disagree respectfully, but, and this leads me to my second point: the reality is that sometimes we do not respect each other at all, we insult, and we are so self-righteous that it is disgusting, myself included, of course. In this circumstances, especially when it comes to personal insults that people feel the need to express in public when there is the option to send PMs, we might need some people watching us. If we behave like kids, then maybe we do deserve to be treated as such.

[Uneedhands]

As much as drama seems usually uncomfortable and unseemingly to me (there are occasions where appropriate), I don't see it as such a problem as opposed to the opposite - 'allowed speech'. I haven't been here that long, but I think the moderators err on the side of free speech.
Even that little basher's thread was left up (What's up homos)... to a creative and productive end. A moderator banned the little bastard very expediently.
Drama is certainly part of our culture (have you been to gay/lesbian bar lately?) partially because of pent up feelings about hiding our sexuality.
Granted, there are folks who are just angry, but just address it directly.
Just send an IM-PM to someone if you think s/he rants too much.
Hell, I accept this site as great therapy for me... why not for others? The folks who get into rants are folks who belong in our bisexual culture; they're not (outside/straight or gay) bashers of bisexuals.
Hell, I've gone into a couple rants myself; I'm passionately against harming innocent children, even when its approved by a culture. Start a post that states how good it is to circumcise innocent little girls and boys and watch my head spin (just like on 'The Exorcist')! :rotate:
I think this site is fantastic as is and thanks, thanks, thanks to... who all ever runs this site.

I generally agree with this statement, except the part about "Drama is certainly part of our culture (have you been to gay/lesbian bar lately?)" That's lame. "our" culture. ...not mine! Culture: the ideas, customs, skills, arts, ect... of a given people in a given period: civilisation. I don't care what other people do in their beds. it's animalistic, base, and completely natural. Not culture, culture is a product of abstract thought, not an act of the flesh. I hate disco, glitter, and drama, so I don't go to the gay bar. I have my own culture which is not concerned with what I choose to put in my mouth.
Now this is a joke ...remember this when you question your sexuality, or climb into bed with someone. You are what you eat.

[Uneedhands]

... I guess we'll just have to band together and govern ourselves. Anyway, thats all. I'm gonna fade back into the shadows for the near future...

Maybe thats what he wants. Maybe thats what is needed. So you want change; and if there is no leader around to do it for you you will run away? ................................I'm definately an upstart. It's seeths in my blood. Always has and will. Am I part of this problem ?

[Skater Boy]

Maybe thats what he wants. Maybe thats what is needed. So you want change; and if there is no leader around to do it for you you will run away? ................................I'm definately an upstart. It's seeths in my blood. Always has and will. Am I part of this problem ?

Hehe, no... I don't think you're part of the problem. At least not from my perspective. I was more concerned about whether "I" was part of the problem. And if I were, I guess it would be down to me to figure that out and do something about it. I don't wanna be the bad apple that spoils the bunch. And for that reason, I'm backing off... I don't consider it "running away" (as you put it). I'll still visit the site, just in "lurk" mode. At least for the near future.

[naughty'BI'chick]

Azrael, ur rite & I must admitt I CAN be one of those who cause trouble, but not on purpose.
I think u should help w/ the site, u very opinionated & quite intelligent.

well, thats my opinion.
love you Azrael-hun
*kisses*

[Uneedhands]

Hehe, no... I don't think you're part of the problem. At least not from my perspective. I was more concerned about whether "I" was part of the problem. And if I were, I guess it would be down to me to figure that out and do something about it. I don't wanna be the bad apple that spoils the bunch. And for that reason, I'm backing off... I don't consider it "running away" (as you put it). I'll still visit the site, just in "lurk" mode. At least for the near future.

Thanks. If apples let other apples spoil them, they were the bad apples. instead of choosing to withdraw from the field, why don't you do something positive.

[Skater Boy]

Thanks. If apples let other apples spoil them, they were the bad apples. instead of choosing to withdraw from the field, why don't you do something positive.

Well, like I said, I'm not withdrawing altogether. I'm just continuing with with the "positive" action I started in an earlier thread (which suggested that we all "measure twice and cut once" so to speak) by applying my advice to my own actions. In other words, I may still continue to visit and post... but a few carefully selected words every now and again are probably far better than lots of ill-thought-out ones posted regularly. IF we are going to govern ourselves, I don't see how else it can be done. Did you have another (and perhaps more suitable) form of positive action in mind for me?

the way I see it, Bi.com is like a big house-party. Most people are welcome, and unless you SERIOUSLY piss off the person who owns the house, you will not be FORMALLY asked to leave. BUT within the party there will be an atmosphere. Some people will contribute to that atmosphere positively, and some negatively. the majority usually positively. I just don't want to be one of the people who contributes negativity to the atmosphere, if I can help it. For my own benefit, if not everyone else's.

[party on! :bdaygrin:]

[Uneedhands]

Well, like I said, I'm not withdrawing altogether. I'm just continuing with with the "positive" action I started in an earlier thread (which suggested that we all "measure twice and cut once" so to speak) by applying my advice to my own actions. In other words, I may still continue to visit and post... but a few carefully selected words every now and again are probably far better than lots of ill-thought-out ones posted regularly. IF we are going to govern ourselves, I don't see how else it can be done. Did you have another (and perhaps more suitable) form of positive action in mind for me?

the way I see it, Bi.com is like a big house-party. Most people are welcome, and unless you SERIOUSLY piss off the person who owns the house, you will not be FORMALLY asked to leave. BUT within the party there will be an atmosphere. Some people will contribute to that atmosphere positively, and some negatively. the majority usually positively. I just don't want to be one of the people who contributes negativity to the atmosphere, if I can help it. For my own benefit, if not everyone else's.

[party on! :bdaygrin:]

The only advice I would give you is do whatever you want. Everyone will deal with things differently. Responsibility is the order of the day, everyday, for those who boldly choose to govern themselves. One person's positive is always another persons negative. There will always be conflict.

[DiamondDog]

For what it's worth, I'm a nurse & have been working with HIV treatment & prevention for several years now. I haven't read any posts by Mage on the subject that weren't factual.

I suggest that you look harder. Ignore the revisionist history and denial written by him.

The best was when he said how when a hetero woman gets HIV that she gets it from a bi man that is cheating on her of course with a man, and claimed that this is how ALL het women get HIV.

Or how HIV is not in sperm. Or that it's somehow 100% safe/safer sex to swallow random people and let them ejaculate in your mouth, and that you simply can't get HIV this way at all.

Perhaps the crazy part was when he wrote about how heterosexuals, particularly het men don't need to use condoms or practise safer sex since HIV/AIDS simply isn't around in countries that aren't in the third world.

Then there was the time that he wrote that going to a prostitute is somehow a lot safer when it comes to not getting STDs/STIs or HIV.

[DiamondDog]

As to issues surrounding HIV and STD's and my complete willingness to offer up info I know to be correct I say to you......
Stop assuming every thing I say is a lie.
You allow my arrogance, freely admitted, to get in the way of real info.
I do not need to be a math professor to know 2 plus 2 makes 4 any more than I need to be a doctor to know the statistical realities and the clinical values of various aspects of HIV /AIDS. You do NOT see me offering up medical advise. You see me stating statistical probabilities and absolute values of lab numbers. Some of the info I get is indeed directly from world renown experts in the field, never mind a GP. I'm NOT a doctor.
GET PROFESSIONAL HELP are words you've seen me type before.
I have been involved in HIV issues for 21 of the 26 years it has been a defined infection. I do NOT TELL LIES in this matter. That would be criminal. To remain ignorant of HIV issues while being sexually active IS in FACT criminal.

Sexuality carries risk of disease. To pretend its not there is just bloody foolish. It should be a open honest topic of inquiry with mutual information exchange. Not an excuse to flame the guy who's a bit arrogant in posting.

You're right, there has been filth spewed lately. I have said my piece on that in the other thread. However I will not refrain from further posting on any topic that strikes my fancy, This in fact a free space for us all to be our selves. If I do not fit thru the narrow slot that is the entrance to your world you do not have to let me in, but its foolish to close the door and never look out.

Oh god, stop being such a martyr. You're not giving out correct factual information and you're not somehow saving humanity from HIV and other STDs/STIs with the false information and bullshit that you post about HIV/other STDs/STIs on this board.

If people actually want correct and factual information they'll go to a doctor or a clinic where they can get tested for STDs/STIs and get factual information from trained medical professionals.

They're not going to go to an old paranoid Canadian pothead who is a random stranger on the internet and who posts false outdated information who claims that he does so because if he doesn't he's a criminal and somehow so important that not doing so is somehow fucking up humanity itself and spreading HIV and other STDs/STIs. :rolleyes:

I don't care if you are reading this or you're ignoring it. You're still a fool and a quack who spreads false information about HIV and other diseases that only fools take as valid and truthful information instead of asking a doctor out of their own fear of being out or embarassment, and that's the scary and dangerous part.

This is yet another reason why people should be out and honest to their doctor/health care provider, since it is their business and it's in your best interest for your health.

[Doggie_Wood]

just my :2cents: no flames - just exuding my observations

Mage - DiamondDog - you two crack me up, It is obvious that you don't like one another. One says Tit, the other says Tat. Just like two children arguing.

And it does not show any intelligence at all when you both keep doing it. It shows that you are both pigheaded and stubborn. Even with your obvious intelligence:rolleyes:, the immaturity shines through.

Did Drew appoint either of you as the others log keeper? No? I didn't think so.

I am saying what I'm sure has been said before and many would like said again,


CHILDREN!! PLEASE STOP FIGHTING!!

[void()]

Wanted to express a few things after reading something mage posted.

Sexuality carries risk of disease. To pretend its not there is just bloody foolish. It should be a open honest topic of inquiry with mutual information exchange. Not an excuse to flame the guy who's a bit arrogant in posting. - mage

Let me break this down into chunks, mage. Not to edit with malcontent here, but to expound upon what you're saying and offer the view from this end.

Sexuality carries risk of disease.

Yes it does and I think many who frequent our site here understand that as fact. It doesn't hurt to offer this bit of redundant statement, though. In case someone does indeed need the axe in the glass case. I'll be a bit more redundant.

Life carries all forms of risks.

It doesn't take long to experience that as factual, either. Some might even consider it common knowledge or heaven forbid, common sense. But, it doesn't hurt anything to state it redundantly. "Hey, bud look here's something we've all experienced or shared experience with. We're letting you know so you might avoid consequence." That seems pretty fair and reasonable to do.

To pretend its not there is just bloody foolish.

While I may concur with your frustrated sentiment in this statement, shunning folks usually doesn't work to desired affect. Sure, it may not be wise to confer with redundantly stated common sense, but we can't be expected to judge others based on a single choice.

In fact, I'd play hell to judge anyone. We've all slept with dogs and or saints. And by this I mean we're all human beings. Humans tend to be random, illogical, prone to err and prone to do great all in one fell sweep of the brush. So knowing that, makes it nigh improbable I or anyone else could clearly and accurately judge another fellow human being.

Judging aside, folks do as they shall no matter what they are told. A prime example is a bit of a one liner joke. Tell a fellow there's billions of stars in space, he believes you, tell the same fellow the bench he's about to sit on has just been freshly painted and ... You see the point, or I'd hope you would.

It should be a open honest topic of inquiry with mutual information exchange.

I agree fully. However, I think most folks are keen to be like me. We don't want to hear the numbers, the deaths, just tell us what can cure this damn beast and do it now.

We look for answers even when there are none. Again it falls under being human. We must define it all out because fearing the unknown is unbearable. So, an open conversation stating facts about lifestyles, means of spreading the disease, deaths accounted to it, moral paradoxes, philosophical quagmires and such don't interest us. We want someone, anyone, to say "We've a simple ^cure for HIV and are releasing the recipe for it freely to the public domain for the benefit of human kind, post haste!"

And I'm not trying to belittle factual open conversation. Just positing what i feel is a general sense of enough facts being enough facts, solve the damn problem already! Of course, I know that is often easier said than done. And I'm not suggesting that you are responsible to provide a solution. Everyone is frustrated, saddened by this foul beast that has poured forth onto our Utopian fields of carnal delight, a heinous and dire illness. Let's bite it back and be rid of it.

Not an excuse to flame the guy who's a bit arrogant in posting.

So far, I've withheld flaming a person. Then I'm more seduced by words than folks at times. And you've not read as arrogant, save for a pinch. "Look i know all this shit and you don't!" The only that would really draw from me is an indifferent "so?"

Sorry, I really don't get involved in pissing wars. That always seems immature to me, not that I'm any better or worse than anyone, just tend to see myself clear of such contests. It's pretty boring to stand or sit around and see who pisses the farthest, anyway. Why not invite all the pissers out for a real pisser of a night? "Hey bud 'stead of pissing the night away doing fuck all, why not go take a piss with me at the pub?"

If that's crude and naive, remember I'm well versed in ignorance and shall deflect any incoming attempts at elucidating me with utter folly. You've been warned. "Oh look, silly putty and sporks, ping pong balls ... hmmm."

Life's too short to hate or loathe, rather curl up and love, be loved instead. But then that isn't always sexual, nor does it concern HIV discussion. Which tells me I've prattled enough. Thanks for reading my expression of opinion.
Excuse me whilst I try to figure out a puzzle left by another wizard, how to open invisible doors to altered realms without being nabbed by what lay on the other side, should prove an interesting way to spend a day off work.

[parkerbi]

I'm bisexual, dude. I just think saying one way is better than another is kinda not cool. It's not a contest.
I do agree with you.:three:

[Delilah]

I just ignore all the dramas and stay away from it. I just read post that is appealing and respond if I have anything to respond. Simple as that and then I move on. I made a lot of friends here. :flag4:

[BreeIsMe]

Azrael,
I agree with others that the state of the site has changed from time to time and that has affected things both positively and negatively at times.
My way of handling it is to ignore the things that I don't like or don't think I should have to deal with (as much as possible) or to take a site "vacation" on occasion and come back fresh in a few weeks or couple of months. I find that doing that gives me a fresh perspective....

my :2cents:

Bree

[Sapphrodite]

Along with a few other site members with credentials, I have offered to assist in moderating the site, but not in the fashion that most people are relating to.

I'm not suggesting that I should or shoudn't be chosen, but someone that Drew trusts should be instated to clean up the threads. As I have experienced in the past, it's often hard for an owner to let go of some of the control over their creation for fear that it will move away from their personal vision, but Bisexual.com is too large to leave it unmoderated much longer.

On many sites, there is a misuse of direction that Site Owners give a Moderator, but there is a general misconception to the ultimate supreme 'power' that a Moderator can hold. The phpBB design is such that you can individually program the authority of Moderators in Advanced Mode, so that they even can't edit or delete threads, but simply move them around and keep them organized, which has been my standing offer for about 8 months.

By organizing the postings into different sub-catagories, such as Sex, Porn, Relationships, Birthdays, Tech Support, etc., this site would be easier to navigate and (once the initial organizing was done) completely self-moderating, allowing users to post in appropriate catagories. This would clean up the look of the Main Forum and encourage people to post in existing threads (or at least creat new posts under related catagories.

Instead of letting the Moderators 'take over' the full authority over what is site appropriate or not, Drew could create a private "Inappropriate Threads" forum that is invisible to the public, where Moderators could move obvious threads into this area for Drew to review and re-post or delete as he saw fit on his own time schedule.

The most frustrating thing for me personally is to revist the site on a daily basis and see another new thread asking the same questions that have already been discussed in great detail in previous threads (for example, Anal Sex has 26 separate dedicated threads). In this instance, the Forums are becoming redundant and irritating to long-time members as well as difficult to new members to follow.

Hopefully The Admins will see fit to seek out or accept help in the manner that will bring the forums to a point where it will be almost self-moderating. Please assign helpers with limited jurisdiction to help keep Bisexual.com a place of Acceptance and Free Speech without the intentional bashing of any orientation, etc. :2cents:

[grayhound]

I personally have only been here on this site a short time. I am more bi-curious and have found good information when I read some of the posts. I feel that this forum is a great place to get information for someone in my place. There are times when I see bickering between people and just bypass that thread. There is no good reason to bicker when adults disagree. Life is all about the choices we all have. If you don't agree with something then so be it. Pass by the post. I have read some posts I do not agree with but also look at what might be good in the post to help me understand things. That being said, I wish everyone on here the best in all they seek. :2cents:

[12voltman59]

Sappy--what you offered to do and your way of organizing things are great---it would make it so much easier to use the site---most sites are organized like that---and it would kind of eliminate the reposting of the same subjects--but I think you do have to admit--with this site--if noting gets posted to it--after just a few days it can move back into the background and in a few weeks---posts get lost--I know I have tried to find posts from say a year ago--and it takes what seems like forever to go back and find it--most of the time--I just give up.

As far as people bickering and such is concerned---I think it is great that we do have such a diverse array of views and such---it shows that for those of us who fall into our "gender crazy" little world--we are not a a monolith and we come at this subject from all kinds of directions---I do wish that people would keep it civil and not get so personal at times though---

I hope you get some response from Drew or whoever---have you tried contacting the person who is the editor on this subject?---it seems that this person is the only official type from the site we hear from any more -- I sure have not seen anything from Drew in a very long time---

[**Peg**]

greetings fellow forumites (is there such a word?):tong:

I came over here to avoid the kind of profane, crude, lewd doods and childish infighting at my previous chatsite (had been there 7 years). I was invited over here by a friend and have found it to be THEE most engaging place. I've met some wonderful people. I shall be eternally grateful for the invite.

One thing I was criticized for at the "other" place was that I refused to "defend" my friends who were being attacked. I'm sorry (I'm not really) but I figure if you are adult enough to be sexchatting then you shouldn't require my help to defend you... sticks and stones etc. Use the iggy button honey ;)... that's what it's there for.

>hugs<
**Peg**

[Doggie_Wood]

greetings fellow forumites (is there such a word?):tong:

**Peg**

Well - there is now Peg - it does kinda sound like an insector bug, tho.
:tong:

:doggie:

[Fresia]

Was this the beginning of the downward slide?

[tenni]

I don't know if this was the beginning. I was a member back then but rarely read the forum. The issue of a moderator has been raised a few times. The issue of disruptive people coming to the site under several user names to spread toxicity has been going on for awhile as well. The difference this time is Drew is awol. I think that the site is improving but it has been pretty well the worst over a duration.

[Annika L]

Was this the beginning of the downward slide?

Fresia, I would have to say it was. At least I don't remember any other periods of true awesomeness that followed.

What I find particularly ironic is that when I have queried certain trolls privately about why they do what they do, the biggest answer I get is that they are responding to a call put out by...wait for it...THE OP OF THIS THREAD!! Yes, a few years ago, Az (who I always rather liked and got along with on a personal level) had some psychological issues, quit the site, came back in another guise and caused havoc, was banned, returned again and vowed vengeance and destruction of the site, claiming to have put out a call to trolls everywhere that this site should be harassed. Not *terribly* long after that, he returned yet again (as Celtic_Berserker, I believe) with apologies and a statement that he was back on meds and things were better. Unfortunately, the "call to action" was apparently heeded (as I later learned), and perhaps continues to be (although motives of current members remain completely unclear).

Ah, Skaterboy, Taylor, rissa, shameless_agitator, FerociousFeline, Doggie_wood, Sapphy, Bree, Contess...where are you all now, I wonder? How I loved you all! And of course, many of the longstanding members of the site still fondly recall *Peg*...RIP, dear. Wow, what a trip down memory lane!