How to convince my wife?

[Peggy]

Hi, I want to confess to my wife that I am bi. I don't want too much to have sex with another man. I am not dying for it. What I would love is for her to f*ck me with a strap-on dilbo. How do I convince her. Thanks.

[Bluebiyou]

Talk. Ask.
Tell her of your feelings for her.
Tell her of you sexual ideas.
No shortcuts... that I know of.

[rnt0705]

Honesty, Honesty, Honesty. Thats how I came out to her.

[proseros]

Wanting your wife to fuck you with a strap on has nothing to do with coming out to her as bisexual, oer even that you should be. It just means you'd like to try something "different" in the bedroom, and getting fucked by your wife happens to be it.

If you feel a need to disclose this to her as a bonafide fact NOW, then I don't know that you should supress that need, but that has more to do with the soociological dynamics of your marraige, which you both know more about than anyone else. But strap on sex should not be the reason behind you "coming out" to her.

The way I see it you have a wonderful opportunity here to warm up to the revelation in many ways that may apply to you both.

Simply introduce your "anal" side to her sometime.
There needn't be anything overtly "gay" or "bisexual" about it. Simply you and your wife adding a little diversity, as it were, some "backside manner" to your bedside manner. Where is all the wisdom bound up in that little poem of "Repentance", ie, "returning the favor".

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4871


Ask her to finger you during oral sex. "Do such-and-such to my ass" or "I like when you such-and-such" kind of thing.
Do oral sex in a doggy style positio as a subtle "hint" and ask for more licking arounfd the balls and near the ass.
Play more with her ass manually and orally-have more anal sex.
Ask her how anal sex feels to her in a way that hints you are fascinated and would like to experience what she feels too.
Get on the net together and investigate prostrate massage.
Introduce (as a surprise) some anal toys. Be chivalrous and childish; "Now you do me." kinda thing combined with oral flavour.


As long as you are not interested in men at this point there is no need to blow yourself out of the water so desperately for anal penetration, with of all people, your wife. Perhaps she has a bisexual side as well (And I have a feeling this may be the case; A woman is keen on her man, and intuits everything about him before he even opens his mouth. She is only hoping the right thing(s) come out of it). However not unless such a thing beholds itself would I consider more than harnesses and probes. At some point she is bound to approach the issue of course, except by then you both will have had quite a time together uncovering it, and your marriage will have been none the worse for wear-In fact, the better your love relationship should have become.

[cutenbiguy]

HONESTY! HONESTY! HONESTY! I can't say it enough. People need to live their lives honestly with the people that matter. The reason I'm with my wife is because she is the only person I can be totally honest with, and that really matters.

[rnt0705]

HONESTY! HONESTY! HONESTY! I can't say it enough. People need to live their lives honestly with the people that matter. The reason I'm with my wife is because she is the only person I can be totally honest with, and that really matters.

You said it all right there. Although we arent married yet, it feels that way with us. We were both previously in long term marriages. But neither of us have ever been this honest. We have shared so much in the short time we have been together. Just start talking. You'd be surprised what you can learn if you just listen, and ask the right questions.

[HighEnergy]

Today, I respect but disagree with Proseros. Honesty is the way to go. Having this secret between you and your wife is not healthy. I believe that to be really loved, you must be able to share all of yourself with your spouse. Otherwise, your marriage is a sham.

She might feel uncomfortable with the strap on. I did at first. But she might feel more comfortable with knowing that the strap on is just that, anal sex between the two of you, it's not pretending that she's another man. It's having a new depth to your sex life with HER and it's you wanting to experience something with HER.

[parkerbi]

Honesty, Honesty, Honesty. Thats how I came out to her.

YES. to be honest to your wife and tell her what your feeling. I believe she will understand you.:three:

[BreeIsMe]

honesty is certainly the best "policy" but I have heard stories from people who were honest and got crucified because of it. Obviously, you need to carefully and honestly discuss sexual things with your wife. You can bring up various "behaviors" and include a variety of things to get her take on these things. If you find out that she absolutely doesn't want ot consider anything but missionary sex; be careful.... otherwise, you can always ask (if she loves you she should be accepting of your thoughts) but she may not wish to participate....

good luck

my :2cents:

Bree

[Doggie_Wood]

Hi, I want to confess to my wife that I am bi. I don't want too much to have sex with another man. I am not dying for it. What I would love is for her to f*ck me with a strap-on dilbo. How do I convince her. Thanks.


Today, I respect but disagree with Proseros. Honesty is the way to go. Having this secret between you and your wife is not healthy. I believe that to be really loved, you must be able to share all of yourself with your spouse. Otherwise, your marriage is a sham.

She might feel uncomfortable with the strap on. I did at first. But she might feel more comfortable with knowing that the strap on is just that, anal sex between the two of you, it's not pretending that she's another man. It's having a new depth to your sex life with HER and it's you wanting to experience something with HER.

Although Honesty is paramount in any relationship, be it MF, MM, FF or triad, brutal honesty can be totally devastating to a relationship. Once again, the level of trust comes into play.
I can see where advancing at a slower pace to 'introduce' anal foreplay and stimulation can be beneficial for inclusiveness into their pact, as eluded to by Proseros.
I do not feel that using tact and caution when exploring new avenues can really be discerned as dishonest.

One can drop the truth on another 'like a ton of bricks’ – given time, the shock can be absorbed, yet at the same time, based on the frame of mind of the one being dumped on, it could be a severing blow. -- -- however;
The truth can be gradually given, not strung out like a never ending drama, but more so as if eating. Smaller bites are much more palatable than gagging on a larger piece.

Peggy - Honesty is important in your relationship with your wife. Maintaining a loving, nurturing balance between you is paramount for your pact to survive.
And the satisfaction of not only your wife's physical/emotional needs and desires to be met, but yours as well are keys to that balance.

Best of luck to you in whatever your decision.

:doggie:

[proseros]

Thank you Dogwood for clarifying the point made. I think responses to this issue have focused more on the problem of "coming out" somewhere and somehow and overlooked everything past that first sentence. Remember that the subject query of the thread "How do I convince my wife" (to accept the bisexuality suggested relative to desiring anal penetration), NOT "How do I come out to my wife". While I agree that honesty is important, there is nothing that suggests keeping any "secrets" or lying about something which has not otherwise made itself obvious. This is a marriage we are talking about, the social rivers of which run far deeper intuitively-or at least should, than some "beneficial" relationship.

It is quite plain that there may be some degree of uneasiness about acknowledging one's bisexuality-on the one hand; yet on the other there is nothing about it in THIS CASE that desires to introduce anything more on its behalf than exploration, and an opportunity to share that aspect of one's person with THE person closest, and most loved.

I always say before anythng else DO NO HARM! There is no need for such a dramatic spin-

"Honey I'm bisexual."
"WHAT! YOU'RE FUCKING OTHER MEN?"
End of marriage.

But this is still a marriage, and I am sure that these two have touched on many issues and intuited many things about one another long before this forum was ever heard of. We're all saying be honest, but in a marriage that's a rule of thumb which, if requiring outsiders to emphasize, is an indication of communication issues that far less than hubby's inherant bisexuality would ultimately pose a threat-For all we know, the Mrs. may in fact have been harboring such variables in the back of her mind, except that the amplitude of external factors (personal, social, traditional morale or religous) may just be too high for either to admit, even to each other-

"That was fun."
"Yeah it was!"
"Honey do ever think of being with another man?"
"Well-no, not without you at least. How would you feel about US having a third?" (something along those lines) OR
"Well-no, not without you at least. But if anyone were going to fuck me, I'd rather it be you."


But again-That is a kind of conversation that couples (should be able to) have. Now unless this gentleman has been parading strict heterosexuality throughout the course of his marriage (for however long it has existed), then there is another issue at work here-And from the guarded stance the initial posts tends to project, I get the feeling this may be the case. But again, all the more reason for as little drama as possible.

Your wife needs to know that you LOVE HER. You may like to be with other men; you may like (the opportuniy for) your wife to share a another man with you-BUT YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE, HANDS DOWN NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU LIKE.

We had an issue on this forum much like this not long ago, and remember what was going on there...

[truelove201]

I will echo what many have said...honesty honesty honesty. It's always the best policy.

[Herbwoman39]

It truly depends on your marriage. Is it secure? Can the two of you discuss absolutely anything? Since you came to the forum to ask, I can only presume that there are some things you still feel you can't talk to her about.

If this is truly the case, I suggest taking things very slowly. Maybe rent a bisexual movie and see what she thinks about it. Talk to her in the context of what happens between fictional characters. This is not lying nor is it keeping anything from her. It is simply testing the waters and finding out what is "safe". Then, eventually you can work up to the other suggestions.

It takes time.

Good luck to you both.

[PolyLoveTriad]

H O N E S T Y !!

Have you tried dipping into the topic at all with her? Maybe pick a movie with a bisexual tone to it, see how she reacts, or simply just ask her how she would feel about it if you were wanting to try some new things in the bedroom? (or kitchen :tongue: )

My husband, way back when we were first dating, while watching tv just simply asked me, what would you think if I was bi? I smiled and said Im bi too! lol it was great that he loved and trusted me enough to tell me he was bi. It only brought us closer together and has made our relationship something really wonderful :)

I wish you all the best!