Why

[pobidor]

I am somewhat new to this. I recently have had strong desire to suck someone--I am middle age-married--do not understand where this is coming from--am frightened and curious at same time.

If disease and cheating on wife were not issues I would explore--
why is this urge here?

[someotherguy]

I think it is probably a sexual urge.

[eddy10]

Since you have not taken any overt actions that might be considered cheating, my recommendation would be to discuss your feelings with your wife. You might find that she is supportive and could even be of help in your decision making. The answer is always 'no' until you ask. It might still be no, but at least you were honest and tried.

[onewhocares]

Granted Sir, I am not a male, but I have found that many men whom I have had the pleasure to speak with on this site find themselves in your same position. Although I am NO expert by any means, I do find that perhaps this feeling comes into play when either one of two things happen..1 st that a man is so incredibly settled into his life and now wants to explore those feelings which he has placed at the back of his mind........or 2nd that his current lifestyle, be it married or single is lacking and he needs the connection with another man. I guess it is up to the individual man...but follow your instincts for they shall never lead you astray.


Belle

[jem_is_bi]

Since you have not taken any overt actions that might be considered cheating, my recommendation would be to discuss your feelings with your wife. You might find that she is supportive and could even be of help in your decision making. The answer is always 'no' until you ask. It might still be no, but at least you were honest and tried.

I have always wanted to suck other men, so I can understand how you feel now. But, asking your wife for support might get more than a "no" answer. You might get total rejection and really bad home problems. So decide first if you really absolutely must suck dick. If yes, then do you have to do it once to be satisfied or will it be a continuing issue? Then, decide what to tell your wife.
I hope all goes well.

[shameless agitator]

I have to agree with Eddie here. Even if you don't necessarily plan on doing anything about it, you should be able to talk to your wife about this. She's supposed to be the one person you can talk about anything with right? Whatever you decide to do about these feelings you're discovering, she can help you cope.

[PolyLoveTriad]

Dont try to make the confusion any harder on yourself by asking why. I think of it this way, people change. You know how when you were growing up you didnt like onions and now as an adult you do? Same thing, people change. But I would talk to your wife about it. Tell her how youve been feeling, what your thoughts are. Maybe she can help you on your path of exploring. Either way, know theres nothing wrong with you! Good luck!

[**Peg**]

Since you have not taken any overt actions that might be considered cheating, my recommendation would be to discuss your feelings with your wife. You might find that she is supportive and could even be of help in your decision making. The answer is always 'no' until you ask. It might still be no, but at least you were honest and tried.

excellent advice IMO

[jamieknyc]

My own (unscientific) observation is that a lot of men get the urge to try this when they reach their middel years. I believe it is part of the maturation process.

[darkeyes]

My own (unscientific) observation is that a lot of men get the urge to try this when they reach their middel years. I believe it is part of the maturation process.

..an women go rite off the idea much earlier:bigrin::tong: ...thats our maturin process... tee hee .. we always did grow up much kwikka than guys...

[csrakate]

My own (unscientific) observation is that a lot of men get the urge to try this when they reach their middel years. I believe it is part of the maturation process.

I also agree with this...but I also think that once you reach middle age, you begin to subscribe to the theory that life's too short to ignore certain things as well. What may have been existing in a dormant stage for very long can surface when one feels the need to actually throw caution to the wind and actually experience something before life passes them by.


..an women go rite off the idea much earlier:bigrin::tong: ...thats our maturin process... tee hee .. we always did grow up much kwikka than guys...
This applies to woman as well, my dear Frannie! You are such a luffly lil tart but I simply have to add that not all women figure it out early on!! LOL!!


Hugs,
Kate

[darkeyes]

This applies to woman as well, my dear Frannie! You are such a luffly lil tart but I simply have to add that not all women figure it out early on!! LOL!!


Hugs,
KateDon u worry ya pwetty lil head Mumsy..hav faith..ther r a few of us r late developers...:bigrin::tong:

[*pan*]

i agree with the ones that say be honest, theres ways to talk to your wife saying someting in the area of bisexuality about someone else and seeing her reaction to it before just bombarding her with your question, without knowing her stance or feelings on it. who knows, by discussing others reasons and bisexuality with her while remaining netural you will see where she stands on the subject and it wouldent be such a shock to just come out and tell her. you may even be supprised to find she might even be open minded on the subject. in any case feel her out before just blurting it out but do it in a way she wont suspect. maby in the course the question could come up what if i were bisexual would you still love me ? as for why, well it's part of life and learning, it's natural to be curious, now whether or not you like it depends on a lot of factors, your first encounter, your feelings on the matter ect ... but as we all know wanting is not the same as having , i mean at times we think we want to do or try something to find it's not for us didnt taste like we thought or felt like we thought it would, :of course this is just my :2cents: and this is just my opinion good luck. peace and blessings > pan /|\

[billy_campbell]

My own (unscientific) observation is that a lot of men get the urge to try this when they reach their middel years. I believe it is part of the maturation process.

Is that what happen for you?

[ncman]

Unsure why the urge just happened. I think you may have answered the question for yourself. You can not live with yourself if you cheat on your wife and there is little risk of disease if proper precautions are taken. But you use these as your reasons.
I do disagree to some extent on the other postings. If you and your wife are honest and there is little risk for problems occurring in your marriage, by all means talk with your wife and be honest about your urges. But like so many of us, wives are not always full accepting of our bisexuality. My wife knows and "understands" but can I indulge, Nope. Not at all. This is the choice I made. The best thing I could recommend is to talk to a therapist who deals with these issues. This way you can work through your feelings confidentially and then make rational decisions about what you need to do for your future. Good luck.:)

[darkeyes]

I am somewhat new to this. I recently have had strong desire to suck someone--I am middle age-married--do not understand where this is coming from--am frightened and curious at same time.

If disease and cheating on wife were not issues I would explore--
why is this urge here?

Kno me can b jus a lil flippant sumtimes hun. Well a lot, but dus hav me serious side. Wy as we get olda our sexuality an our urges change is an ansa every 1 struggles wiv. Wy we need new avenues 2 explore in life is human an sexuality an our sexual needs r but 2. Am 28yo an since me 1st started 2 get interested in sex, me has gone through a million an 1 changes. Ther r things me dus now an allows 2 b dun me wudn dream of happnin wen me wos 14. Sexually me talkin bout.. but in otha avenues of life an all.

In the last year or so hav finally acccepted that me is a lesbian. Few years ago wudda put me last pound on that neva cummin 2 pass. Hav a partner me adores an we hav 2 luffly snots 2 care for. That wos neva in me plans eitha. For all me bluster in chat an 2 sum degree in ere, am not gonna cheat on Kate... she means 2 much 2 me. We hava history tween us me not 100% proud of but thats anotha story... hav had an still get me chances 2 stray the nest an hav backed away..an believe me me history aint 1a bein the faithful type.

Kate's sexuality 2 has changed. She a lil youger than me but in the time me has known er how she is has gone up an down like a fiddlers elbow. Very volatile sexually. An thats how me expects both of us 2 b throughout our lives. Its how peeps r..all of us 2 sum degree or otha. Sum day it mite b me will start fancyin guys gain...jus cant say. Kate dus still...a lot. But we r togetha an expect 2 stay that way. Point me makin through alla this blether is.. no facet of our nature is cast in stone. We change.. we need change.. ur lil tale aint so unusual. Its summat every 1 of us..in our own way.. yea...females an all.. go through from the day we r born..

[chook]

As the old saying goes....."what they don't know wont hurt them"

You should at least try and satisfy your curiosity and just keep it to yourself after all millions of people do and are none the worse, life is way to short to go to your grave regretting that you didn't fulfill some of your desires. My advice would be go for it and worry about what you may think later, and should you need any advice there is all of us here who have probably gone through the exact same thing at one time in our lives.

Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[jem_is_bi]

As the old saying goes....."what they don't know wont hurt them"

You should at least try and satisfy your curiosity and just keep it to yourself after all millions of people do and are none the worse, life is way to short to go to your grave regretting that you didn't fulfill some of your desires. My advice would be go for it and worry about what you may think later, and should you need any advice there is all of us here who have probably gone through the exact same thing at one time in our lives.

Cheers Chook :bigrin:

I don't know if that is the best approach with a wife since I have never been married. But, I know it works very well with many others. Because, they do not want to know and are much more comfortable not "really knowing" even if they really know. Kind of wierd sometimes. But, I do like harmony even if we are not singing the same song. Sometimes, we give others the room they need to be truely be themselves by not confronting issues that would cause us to do them and us great harm.

[shameless agitator]

I cannot believe people are actually advocating this kind of betrayal of trust, not to mention risking her life without her consent.:eek:

[csrakate]

As the old saying goes....."what they don't know wont hurt them"

You should at least try and satisfy your curiosity and just keep it to yourself after all millions of people do and are none the worse, life is way to short to go to your grave regretting that you didn't fulfill some of your desires. My advice would be go for it and worry about what you may think later, and should you need any advice there is all of us here who have probably gone through the exact same thing at one time in our lives.

Cheers Chook :bigrin:


I try very hard not to judge others and I am well aware that many struggle with this very situation, sometimes having to stray outside of the marriage in order to satisfy those urges. That is not up to me to judge nor do I condemn those that do. BUT the cavalier attitude with which you advocate cheating is very hurtful to those of us who have struggled to work through our fears when presented with a spouse who is bisexual. This attitude merely perpetuates the myth that bisexuals cannot control their libido and that they are willing to jump the first available same sex body that is presented to them. What you fail to realize is that this is the very thing that many of us fear the most...losing the one we love in order for them to satisfy a prurient interest. Please consider the other people involved....cheating may be the road that many have to take...but for God's sake, don't make it sound like it's no big deal! "What they don't know won't hurt them" may sound good in concept, but it's very painful to the spouse that fears it. And your suggestion to "go for it and worry about what you may think later" is very ill advised. It is quite possible that the spouse who cheats may very well experience a great deal of pain and a hell of a lot of guilt after doing so.

Kate

[darkeyes]

As the old saying goes....."what they don't know wont hurt them"

You should at least try and satisfy your curiosity and just keep it to yourself after all millions of people do and are none the worse, life is way to short to go to your grave regretting that you didn't fulfill some of your desires. My advice would be go for it and worry about what you may think later, and should you need any advice there is all of us here who have probably gone through the exact same thing at one time in our lives.

Cheers Chook :bigrin:
Hav dun the cheatin bit Chookie..not cos me wos hidin me sexuality..jus cheated.. the wreckage wich so often cumsa cheatin for yasel an those ya luff jus don make it worth wile... wudn condemn peeps for doin it...jus sayin... is it worth the consequences? Howeva much ya desires tug atya... shame an regret for loss tugs eva so much harder..

[jamieknyc]

I also agree with this...but I also think that once you reach middle age, you begin to subscribe to the theory that life's too short to ignore certain things as well. What may have been existing in a dormant stage for very long can surface when one feels the need to actually throw caution to the wind and actually experience something before life passes them by.

Hugs,
Kate

That is true, but there are also people who actually had no interest in trying it at a younger age, but start getting interested in trying it at a later point in life. Not all over-40-and-newly-bi people (men and women alike) are people who suppressed long-held urges.

[jamieknyc]

As the old saying goes....."what they don't know wont hurt them"

You should at least try and satisfy your curiosity and just keep it to yourself after all millions of people do and are none the worse, life is way to short to go to your grave regretting that you didn't fulfill some of your desires. My advice would be go for it and worry about what you may think later, and should you need any advice there is all of us here who have probably gone through the exact same thing at one time in our lives.

Cheers Chook :bigrin:

One word of caution: if you are going to have that sort of double life, on the principle of 'what the spouse doesn't know won't hurt them,' you had better be sure that you can keep the separation bertween the two halves of your life airtihgt. I don't mean just for the divorce, alimony and child support exposure, either. Keeping up a double life is a lot of pressure even if your spouse knows nothing about it, and you had better be sure you can deal with it yourself.

[chook]

I try very hard not to judge others and I am well aware that many struggle with this very situation, sometimes having to stray outside of the marriage in order to satisfy those urges. That is not up to me to judge nor do I condemn those that do. BUT the cavalier attitude with which you advocate cheating is very hurtful to those of us who have struggled to work through our fears when presented with a spouse who is bisexual. This attitude merely perpetuates the myth that bisexuals cannot control their libido and that they are willing to jump the first available same sex body that is presented to them. What you fail to realize is that this is the very thing that many of us fear the most...losing the one we love in order for them to satisfy a prurient interest. Please consider the other people involved....cheating may be the road that many have to take...but for God's sake, don't make it sound like it's no big deal! "What they don't know won't hurt them" may sound good in concept, but it's very painful to the spouse that fears it. And your suggestion to "go for it and worry about what you may think later" is very ill advised. It is quite possible that the spouse who cheats may very well experience a great deal of pain and a hell of a lot of guilt after doing so.

Kate

Well geez kate I am astounded in your findings in what I wrote, after all I didn't know that I was using your personal life as an example because it certainly looks that way. And to the rest of you with comments all I was trying to say was that he will never know if he doesn't try and for the record I DONT cheat on my "spouse" and also if the curiosity gets the better of him no amount of advice will do any good.


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[jem_is_bi]

I cannot believe people are actually advocating this kind of betrayal of trust, not to mention risking her life without her consent.:eek:

From a right/wrong nothing in between moral point of view I understand your anger.
However, I have observed on this site, that your ideal relationship is not universal. What works for them works for them. Nevertheless, if he wants more than a single trial run, she is going to know even if the topic is not discussed. So, it appears to me that if he wants to play and play it will likely lead to big problems if he tells her or if he does not tell her.
But, that is not always true. Everybody does not want to be informed of what they already know and wish to avoid confronting.
It works that way sometimes and sometimes not.

[Freebob54]

As an occasional dipper in the bisexual pool I wouldn't worry too much about why. It will drive you nuts. I gave up analsying awhile ago. It just is what it is. Yes, be very carefull about disease just as you would if you were thinking about being with a woman outside of your primary relationship but that is not exclusive to thoughts of gay sex. Believe me you are not alone when it comes to men who wonder about it or indulge in it . Hopefully you might be able to talk to her about it. Who knows? At any rate you are not alone in these feelings. Bi for now.

[darkeyes]

Well geez kate I am astounded in your findings in what I wrote, after all I didn't know that I was using your personal life as an example because it certainly looks that way. And to the rest of you with comments all I was trying to say was that he will never know if he doesn't try and for the record I DONT cheat on my "spouse" and also if the curiosity gets the better of him no amount of advice will do any good.


Cheers Chook :bigrin: Shudn b 2 astounded Chookie babes... wos jus the way ya rote it... :tong: don b surprised of mumsy gives ya lil slap for ya lip eitha... but tell er 2 hold off till me ther 2 wotch...:bigrin: me believes ya don cheat on Mrs Chookie.. cos yas far 2 scared..Aussie wud make mince meat o;) ya!!!!.. an me wud wotch that an all...:bigrin:

[jedinudist]

after you soul search, the FIRST person to go to is your wife. I did.

Honesty. It's the foundation of relationships.

[csrakate]

Well geez kate I am astounded in your findings in what I wrote, after all I didn't know that I was using your personal life as an example because it certainly looks that way. And to the rest of you with comments all I was trying to say was that he will never know if he doesn't try and for the record I DONT cheat on my "spouse" and also if the curiosity gets the better of him no amount of advice will do any good.


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

No Chook...you are not talking about my life...I am one of the lucky ones who has a bisexual spouse that chose to tell me about it before we got married in addition to promising to be faithful to me after we did marry. BUT...part of adjusting to the news of having a bisexual spouse is fighting the fear that you may not be enough for him/her and that they will seek that satisfaction outside of the marriage. I also contend that many bisexuals hesitate to tell their spouse because they fear that they will have that very reaction when all they want is to be able to share a part of their life with the one they love. By suggesting that cheating is the only way to discover one's true urgings and that what the spouse doesn't know won't hurt them suggests that it is acceptable. I merely wanted to point out that doing so is very hurtful to all concerned and shouldn't be taken lightly. I have never for once believed that you have cheated on your spouse and I would never assume to suggest as much...any of us who chat with you know of your love for your wife and that is something I have always admired about you. I am sorry if you took offense at my words and I am also sorry if I appeared to have come on too strong. I have just talked with too many people who are facing this situation, both the bisexual and the spouse. I know the pain it is causing them, I know there are no easy answers but I mostly know that whatever they choose to do, they need to think before they act and weigh all of their options before choosing to cheat.

Hugs,
Kate