Straight forward(?)

[Sarasvati]

Suppose somebody has a sexual and emotional affair with a person of one particular gender and then has another similar affair with a person of the other gender, can that person still assert that they are totally straight and always have been?

Can they object if you decide they can't be?

[rayosytruenos]

Suppose somebody has a sexual and emotional affair with a person of one particular gender and then has another similar affair with a person of the other gender, can that person still assert that they are totally straight and always have been?

Can they object if you decide they can't be?
Hi!

As somewhere else I've said, you are trying to use labels, I prefer to live and to let live. Some people don't accept themselves for what they do or they have done, so there are many ways to go around it. I met a guy a few weeks ago in a cruising place, leaning on a wall in the cruisiest area of the park. I approached him, I slowly approached my hand to his crotch, while he was looking sideways and into the distance as if nothing was happening to him. I put my hand on his package and gave him a slow massage. I opened his zipper and took his dick out. He still kept looking sideways in the distance as nothing was happening to him. I pulled roughly his trousers and underwear down to a bit above his knees, and I grabbed his ass buns, but when I started to play with his ass hole, he grabbed my hand with one of his hands to pull it away, while he was still smoking a cigarette with the other and STILL looking sideways and into the distance as if nothing was happening to him. I took his hand and put it on my dick and he took it away as if it had touched a red-hot iron. I kept playing with his dick and once I noticed he was really excited I played again with his asshole till suddenly he noticed what he had let me do it, and pulled my hand away again...

People like these, they have a lot of issues at accepting what they do and want, but if they want to say they are straight, gay or bisexual, I don't care, it's just a label. The pity is that probably they are suffering a lot denying and trying to hide their own feelings and wishes.

All the best,

ray

[Sarasvati]

I would like some "straight forward" answers to the original questions posed.

To Rayos', if this site abandoned its "Bisexual' name and called it something else far fewer bisexual people would probably visit and they would be less likely to broadcast themselves as bisexual (if that is what they are). The "label" plays a central role in determining what types of people visit. While you wish to jettison the use of labels, please accept that you are using one simply by coming to this site.

The issue I am trying to get at with this thread is at one point in a person's development might such labels become relevant or otherwise.

So, once again, I would like some answers to the original questions as stated.

[RockGardener]

They can assert all they want, but that doesn't make them straight.

They can object, but what difference does it really make?

Labels can help and they can hinder. Someone in denial is not apt to listen. You know what you know, and they know what they know.

It doesn't seem like something worth fighting over.

[void()]

Concur with RockGardner here.

[eddy10]

Maybe the person was just experimenting and discovered that he/she was in fact str8.

[miamiuu]

labels are kind of iffy cus if someone labels themselves as one thing than they are kind of expected to behave like that label. Just some people have differences.

I used to say I was bi lite cus I am a male and would rarely go with a guy, but I am open to it if I meet someone i like a lot. Also i believe in monogamous relationships and not dating two sexes at the same exact time. A lot of time when someone thinks bi they think you want both at the same time. Hell a lot of times I just dont feel like explaining exactly what my preferences are so i just tell people im straight.

[rayosytruenos]

I would like some "straight forward" answers to the original questions posed.

To Rayos', if this site abandoned its "Bisexual' name and called it something else far fewer bisexual people would probably visit and they would be less likely to broadcast themselves as bisexual (if that is what they are). The "label" plays a central role in determining what types of people visit. While you wish to jettison the use of labels, please accept that you are using one simply by coming to this site.

The issue I am trying to get at with this thread is at one point in a person's development might such labels become relevant or otherwise.

So, once again, I would like some answers to the original questions as stated.
Sorry if it seemed that I didn't want to answer your questions.

I do admit that labels help sometimes, but I think things are not that white or black. Here, for instance, although, it is a bisexual site, we gladly and fortunately accept straights, gays, transexuals...

We have already discussed about labels on this forum... For example, I think that you can have a homosexual behaviour (having sex with another person of the same sex) without being homosexual, because you could be experimenting, as someone else has already said on your thread. Jeff Stryker, the porn star of so many gay movies, claims he is straight and he is married to a woman who gives him tips to perform on his gay movies.

Also we could discuss if it is only physical, emotional or both, the requirements to classify that person as homosexual, bisexual or straight. For what you said of your friend, it seems that the involvement was both physical and emotional, so if you insist on putting labels, I would say that he at least did have a bisexual behaviour (as he was with a woman and also with a man). Even having done a homosexual or bisexual act, it doesn't mean that he is actually homosexual or bisexual, because he eventually could have realized that after all, guys are not for him. So in my humble opinion, if he claims he is, he has been and he always will be straight... let him be.

I hope that this answer goes more into what you wanted.

All the best,

ray

[Sarasvati]

[QUOTE=RockGardener;111454]They can assert all they want, but that doesn't make them straight.

They can object, but what difference does it really make?

Labels can help and they can hinder. Someone in denial is not apt to listen. You know what you know, and they know what they know.QUOTE]

Interesting to note that you do think that sometimes we can overrule someone's opinion of themselves.

The tone of the previous posts seems to suggest that the sexual/emotive behaviour of a person does not necessarily identify that person with any particular category.

Thus bisexual behaviour, for example, does not imply a bisexual person; heterosexual behaviour does not imply a heterosexual person; homosexual behaviour does not imply a homosexual person; etc, etc.

And so we have answered "dark matter's" question in his earlier thread (or have we?).

The girl he contacts on his computer who has been making lesbian comments tells him nothing about her sexual nature. She says she is straight - but this doesn't matter. I think he's going to have to stay in the dark

[jem_is_bi]

Some of us know exactly, what we are.
Other people that know us know exactly what we are.
Very often, these are totally different.
But, can we claim we know the truth?
Can others claim they know the truth?
Is what we truly are both our view and their view at the same time?
We are intimately part of the society in which we live.
So, who we are may be like a quantum mechanical melding of the states of being. Which state is manifest depended on how it is measured. Such that, who we are depends on whose opinion rendered.
So, your certainty of who you are may be very important to your happiness and satisfaction with life, but, it is only one such measurement of who you are.

[darkeyes]

Me initial response 2 this wos no.. silly but me dus that sumtimes.. we 'a hae a guid conceit o' oorsels as the ole Scots sayin goes.. but Rabbie Burns had it bout rite wen 'e sed "Wad some power the gift tae gie us, tae see oorsels as ithers see us.."

[Sarasvati]

.. but Rabbie Burns had it bout rite wen 'e sed "Wad some power the gift tae gie us, tae see oorsels as ithers see us.."

Many thanks for this fabulous reply.

[angelrose1955]

It is a fine line you walk with this thread. I am wondering why anyone would decide that one "can't be straight" because they have an affair with the same sex and then declare they are straight.
Who are we to decide who can and can't be because of what they do???
That person is the only one who knows how they feel deep down in their heart...in their soul..
Sometimes confusion leads to actions one is not totally right with and those actions can "un-confuse"...maybe that is what happened here.
In any event...I am thinking it is not for anyone else to decide whether that person is bi or not...the only one that really knows...has told you...
AngelRose

[darkeyes]

Mayb those that don like labels hav it rite... our sexuality like owt else bout us works in so many mysterious, wonderful an sumtimes awful ways me reckons we havn even scratched the surface...

[Sarasvati]

It is a fine line you walk with this thread. I am wondering why anyone would decide that one "can't be straight" because they have an affair with the same sex and then declare they are straight.
Who are we to decide who can and can't be because of what they do???
That person is the only one who knows how they feel deep down in their heart...in their soul..
Sometimes confusion leads to actions one is not totally right with and those actions can "un-confuse"...maybe that is what happened here.
In any event...I am thinking it is not for anyone else to decide whether that person is bi or not...the only one that really knows...has told you...
AngelRose

Hello there Angelrose, thanks for your thoughts.

However my thread is asking a "hypothetical" question. I am asking others to give their opinions, I have not given mine.

I personally don't give a damn how a person wishes to describe themselves. Be as you wish to be.

The (questionable) conclusions I was deriving earlier were based upon the replies in this thread from others.

[Bluebiyou]

Well, collectively, if you have an attraction to and sex with both sexes when you're 13, you can feel straight or gay for the rest of your life and you can be appropriately labeled bisexual. In your lifetime you have had an attraction to and sex with both genders.

Now more to the point (I think), can you be attracted to one or both genders, and lose interest in one of the options so you are now 'straight' or 'gay'?

I think this happens with straight men and women, where they have loving sexual hetero relationships, but in time become exclusively gay.

Once established as gay, men seem much more strongly polarized than women. 'Lesbian' women seem much more open to intimate hetero (penis in vagina) relations/encounters than gay men. (I can obviously only speak from my observation).

And so, discovery of the "straight hypothalamus" among other discoveries:
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1815538,00.html

So, men and women are different, gay and straight are different, but yes, I think a man or woman can (possible) lose significant gay interest and become 'straight'. Much more likely for a woman, but yes. That's my opinion.

[badkitty87]

I have a friend with whom i have had a sexual encounter with. she claims to be straight and i accept that. Whether what happened between us was her experimenting or whether she is denying a part of herself is none of my business.Despite her expressing her emotional and physical attaction to me, i will not claim to know more about her sexuality than she does.

[Shy Sally]

I think it depends on the person you fall in love with. It´s his or her character, the tenderness and the kind of communikation you´re in with. It doesn´t matter if the person is male or female. The sexual attraction is the second thing, which should work. I have experienced both (but not very often because I´m young) but as far as I see the sexual attraction of both genders is different.
Men always are fairly hot and randy and for them the most important way to have sex is to put the cock inside you. They want to be inside your mouth, pussy or ass cumming as soon as possible and off they go after that. Emotional relationship doesn´t matter so much for them.
This is completely different with a girl. She is tender what begins with the very first words she is speaking to you. You can stay in bed with her just hugging, caressing, kissing and laughing and there´s no need to put action on genitals every minute of the day. And if this happens it happens slowly and without hesitation.
I had such a friend a few months ago and she was responsible for my first orgasms, something I never had with men at all. And I had many boy-friends before and just this one real girl-friend, who made me recognize that I´m bi. She was elder than me and had seduced me, but I knew what I do, because and I had heard about her before that she was lesbian. She lived in a relationship with another girl before she knew me but it was something like love at first sightfrom her and me from the very moment we met the first time.

In the beginning I wasn´t thinking about a lesbian love. Up to now I´m living in very open kind of relationship with boys because I don´t want to belong to one single person. So I´m open to sexual experiments and have tried some. And I think it´s right to do that and will continue it because I´m still young and interested in improving my experience when I´m young.
But I had recognized that something was missing. And I realized that all my thoughts circled around meeting her and to kiss her tender just to try. One day my fantasy came true when she invited me to her flat for a glass of wine.
And in spite of being shy usually I can act very naughty when I´m drunk. So she felt my attraction and faszination, caressed me and kissed me soon and from the very moment I felt lost in love.
So this girl came into my life and made me really love sick because I didn´t know how to handle it in public. She was living alone and she expected from me to quit every sexual relation to men and to move to her flat to live together with her after a few weeks. But I love having sex with men especially more than one ore doing experimental things because I think men are more in concerning trying something new.

So my girl friend didn´t accept my male relationships and so our lovestory failed. That sucks, because I loved her but I felt forced by her to do what she wanted and so I was forced to go. It´s always the same: It starts in heaven but comes to earth.

So it´s a privileg of bi people to be independend from the gender in some way if they fall in love.
But I´m interested in trying a new relationship with a girl especially if she´s experienced because I felt it very hard to show my love in public, because of prejudice of people. So my former relationship was secret, no one of my friends or my parents did know it.