jazzer
Oct 10, 2008, 3:15 AM
Well things are looking a bit grim in the financial world but sometimes it is good to see the funny side of adversity....Let's examine what investing in shares is all about and what all the financial terms mean :)
CEO: He is the Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO: He is the Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistakingly believe he is a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and hubby gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market really hits the skids.
BROKER: What my broker has made me.
STANDARD AND POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK SPLIT: What your wife and her lawyer do to your assets equally between themselves.
STOCK ANALYST: The idiot who just downgraded your stock.
FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose phone seems to have suddenly been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it gets flushed down the toilet.
YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240.
WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you are the poor sucker who paid $240 for Yahoo.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who is now currently locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT: An archaic word that is no longer used in the stock market.
CEO: He is the Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO: He is the Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistakingly believe he is a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and hubby gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market really hits the skids.
BROKER: What my broker has made me.
STANDARD AND POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK SPLIT: What your wife and her lawyer do to your assets equally between themselves.
STOCK ANALYST: The idiot who just downgraded your stock.
FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose phone seems to have suddenly been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it gets flushed down the toilet.
YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240.
WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you are the poor sucker who paid $240 for Yahoo.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who is now currently locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT: An archaic word that is no longer used in the stock market.