Color Matters. Why?

[diamond_tether]

I'm interested in finding out why people choose to play strictly within their own race. Of course, a lot of people don't care, or will say they don't, but more than I typically thought seem to when the loving blanket of internet anonymity comes into play.

Most people have at least heard (whether they choose to ignore them or not) all the 'enlightened' reasons why it's ill-advised to think that some folks can be 'friends' but never anything more than that. And, why making judgments based on color is frankly, stupid. But we've all seen ads on every kind of board imaginable from caigslist to pay sites loaded with people who only want to play with others of their same ethnicity.

When it comes to white folks not wanting to be involved with blacks, is there a concern over being associated with thugs/ghetto individuals? That some of the perceived negative elements of that culture will somehow rub off? Is there an actual fear that they live ignorant lifestyles and are more likely to be unclean, rude, ignorant?

And of black folks, why is the idea of playing across the color spectrum so unconscionable? Are there fears of seeming like a 'sell out'? Perhaps the benighted idea that white guys aren't going to be hung well enough to satisfy?

I'm really interested in hearing what people have to say - aside from the obvious 'judging people by their color is wrong'.

[FalconAngel]

I'm interested in finding out why people choose to play strictly within their own race. Of course, a lot of people don't care, or will say they don't, but more than I typically thought seem to when the loving blanket of internet anonymity comes into play.

Most people have at least heard (whether they choose to ignore them or not) all the 'enlightened' reasons why it's ill-advised to think that some folks can be 'friends' but never anything more than that. And, why making judgments based on color is frankly, stupid. But we've all seen ads on every kind of board imaginable from caigslist to pay sites loaded with people who only want to play with others of their same ethnicity.

When it comes to white folks not wanting to be involved with blacks, is there a concern over being associated with thugs/ghetto individuals? That some of the perceived negative elements of that culture will somehow rub off? Is there an actual fear that they live ignorant lifestyles and are more likely to be unclean, rude, ignorant?

And of black folks, why is the idea of playing across the color spectrum so unconscionable? Are there fears of seeming like a 'sell out'? Perhaps the benighted idea that white guys aren't going to be hung well enough to satisfy?

I'm really interested in hearing what people have to say - aside from the obvious 'judging people by their color is wrong'.


Some of the issue is created by "soft" racism, but the majority is created by hard racists such a Jesse Jackson, and others like him, who make their living by keeping race an issue.

Fact is that when race is no longer a social issue, it will become easier.

Many of us have heard this or that person say something to the effect of how whites have to stop keeping the blacks down. Check with a cop who has to patrol the worst of the inner city neighborhoods; it isn't whites segregating the black community. It is blacks segregating themselves through Gang violence and racially motivated self-created propaganda. In the previous decade, there was a push in California, by a black educator, to teach "ebonics" in the schools.

Why? What purpose does it serve to segregate the black community further, through a fabricated dialect? It certainly does not support a program of eliminating racism. Bill Cosby has said it the best when he blamed the parents of the children who are suffering from the current racial problems.

No one is so special that they deserve to be treated better because of their racial background. White or black doesn't matter. A person wants better for themselves and their kids? Don't scream "racism", just because it's an easy excuse. What is racist about treating someone well because they speak the language properly, don't mumble and actually behave in a manner that is civilized? I have known, been friends with and lovers of both men and women of many colors and from many countries and the ones that deserve the least respect are the ones that act like, talk like and dress like gangland punks or militant racists. It never matters the color and I will treat a white "gangster wannabe" the same as a black "gangster wannabe".

Sorry, but that does not qualify as wanting to be part of society. If one acts like a lowlife, then one should not be surprised when they are treated like a lowlife.

With me, it's about behavior, not color. Anyone else agree with that?

[elian]

I know this might possibly sound ignorant so please forgive me - you did ask. For me personally when I was looking on dating sites I would find a handful of guys of another race that sounded interesting.

The things that stopped me from pursuing were:

1) Lack of self-esteem and confidence in myself
2) Lack of confidence in my gender identity - without more experience I didn't know if I was really comfortable in the arms of a man to start with.

given #1 & #2

3) At the time, being "gay" seemed already "different enough" in rural PA - there are still many folks here who use racial slurs.

If I would have been confident and positive about #1 and #2 I don't think #3 would've mattered as much.

Overriding all of this is the fact that I am an introverted person - it takes me a while to open up to people to start with. Regardless of WHO an individual is it can take me a long time to build up trust and be truly comfortable to speak my mind around that person.

I do not think it is appropriate to discriminate against someone for simply being who they are - especially in regard to something they do not have control over. Each person is a gift, it's not "God's" fault (or yours) if my own insecurity and self-hatred prevent me from loving others, recognizing their potential and accepting the love they give back in return. There are times when I fear and hesitate living in a sense of right community with others and it breaks my heart..makes me feel less than human.

I'm taking some courses to learn some skills and try to broaden my understanding of marginalization - of course you might study something for years until you are blue in the face and it would never equal one day of ACTUAL experience in terms of value gained. I DO know what it feels like to be marginalized from growing up questioning my gender and sexual preference - but if you really wanted to you could hide being gay - you can't always hide skin color or other body features.

When I hear a redneck say a racial slur I just want to say in a very loud voice - "Well, thank GOD you were BORN with the *right* skin color!!" in the most sarcastic tone imaginable. Of course - anyone who would use a slur probably wouldn't hesitate to use violence either so I rarely speak up - sure makes me feel like a coward at times.

[Falke]

From this point of view... color is a non issue. Personally, I like the mixup. I think lifestyle and mannerism is the issue as we are looking for more than just a fuck-buddy.

[void()]

When it comes to white folks not wanting to be involved with blacks, is there a concern over being associated with thugs/ghetto individuals?

That is no concern for me.

That some of the perceived negative elements of that culture will somehow rub off?

Again no concern here.

Is there an actual fear that they live ignorant lifestyles and are more likely to be unclean, rude, ignorant?

No.

I can and have been intimate with someone of different ethnicity. I would do so again if that were where the love existed. Presently it isn't. Guess that sort of stuff isn't much of an issue for me.

[allbimyself]

Reminds me of a joke. A gay, white comedian from Wisconsin. He said his parents were very supportive of his sexuality, then he dated a black man. His mother took him aside and said "Isn't it enough that you're gay?"

[**Peg**]

speaking of which...

in CNN this morning the poll was:

"Will race influence the presidential vote of you or someone you know?"

45% said yes
55% said no

[csrakate]

Sadly, society seems to dictate what is acceptable when it comes to attraction, be it race or gender. Someday I hope that we live in a world that sees beyond such things, but as I stated in another post, I doubt I will see it in MY lifetime.

[darkeyes]

Hav friendships wiv peeps of lotsa diff "races".. hav had a few flings an 1 nite stands wiv em an all.. fact is ther is but 1 race within humankind... it called homo sapiens.. ne diff is merely cultural or cosmetic as decided by ole motha nature 'ersel.. we r the same..

...an the CNN poll Peg?? dunno how it wos conducted but am willin 2 bet quite a few of eitha figure gave ther ansa for ther own reasons an may not necessarily b accurate..but spose it wlll giv or take the usual +/-2 or 4% b bout rite.. an so is a rite damnin indictment on near as damn haff a society... considerin wot me sed in 1st sentence... is like condemnin sum 1 for havin mousy brown hair dyed red an green eyes raised presbyterianan likes Bach wos born in Aberdeen an whose gr8est passion is conservation a the planet ..

[darkeyes]

... is like condemnin sum 1 for havin mousy brown hair dyed red an green eyes raised presbyterianan likes Bach wos born in Aberdeen an whose gr8est passion is conservation a the planet ..

God wotta bloomer.. meant whose gr8est pash is lil daft tart wiv luffly bootie an whose 2cd gr8est pash is conservation a the planet..:bigrin:

[bigirl_inwv]

It is honestly sad that race is still an issue today. Even more sad is the fact that it will probably never go away. Hatred breeds hatred. Racist parents will teach their children to be racist and so the circle will continue. I, personally, don't have a problem with it at all. I think the contrasting skin colors are a beautiful thing to watch. But when it comes right down to it...we're all people.

I don't know how many other people have noticed this...but there is sort of a...I dunno..."reverse" racism I've noticed in the swinging community. The girls/wives who are only looking for "big black cock." Perhaps I'm just cynical...but it seems to me...if that's what you want, why aren't you married to a black man? I usually get the feeling they treat them like a swinging dick and that's it. Good enough to fuck, but not good enough to actually be with. I think that's just as bad as those people who say they won't play with people of a certain race at all.

[Lienda]

For some people it might be subcontiously based on the sort of race they see most often. Espetially while growing up. In that way, it's not much of a choice, if at all which race a person prefer. Unless most people like to be brave and confident about unfamilior grounds, they will stick to areas they are familior with. That's my oppinion, so take it however, I don't care.

[darkeyes]

For some people it might be subcontiously based on the sort of race they see most often. Espetially while growing up. In that way, it's not much of a choice, if at all which race a person prefer. Unless most people like to be brave and confident about unfamilior grounds, they will stick to areas they are familior with. That's my oppinion, so take it however, I don't care.

I almost wrote a post similar to this myself some time ago but someone said something stupid and I was distracted..which happens..

There is some merit in your argument Lienda. In many ways, human beings do like the familiar.. one reason why so often we defend our own countries and our own political systems against attack is because they are things about which we are familiar. We defend our home city, or our school or employer because the loyalty we feel is in part created by familiarity. We meet and marry people of our own race not out of racism but because we are for the most part familiar with their culture and believe rightly or wrongly our own morality and beliefs will in essence be shared by them. We go to places to meet such people because we are familar with them and expect people much like ourselves to go because they too are familiar and share our values... as humans we like what we know and have a suspicion born of ignorance of what we do not...

It is not of course as simple as that..there will be those who quite simply go and do things in part because they are familiar, but also because their ingrained sense of intolerance, and their steadfast refusal to accept difference and the unkown will not allow them to do other. What we do not know and does not think or look like us must therefore be wrong, inferior, dangerous and evil... the war cry of the bigot...

Also, by how much wanting the familiar, and living our lives with the familar, is in itself a result of our institutionalised racism, a racism of which we are quite simply unaware and so never think about is a question we should be asking ourselves. Very few ever do..... I sometimes do, dependant on how serious the issue, and whether it will be hurtful to other human beings... I truly believe what you have said poses questions that we and other societies should be getting to grips with...

[vitt&cho]

check our profile... it apparently dont matter to us

[Sarasvati]

If a jet black coloured, intelligent alien life form suddenly turned up on earth how would you react?

Would you swing open your front door and introduce them to your children?

Would you offer them a shag?

Would you consult wikipedia or find a dictionary to get a defintion for a relationship with them?

Would you go to the ironmongers to find an appropriate sex toy to use with them?

Would you ignore them, grab a copy of Vogue and go sit on the bog for a couple of hours?

Would you elect them president?

Would you call the FBI and have them trailed?

Would you be suspicious and scared? Would you offer your right hand while keeping your left clenched behind your back?

Would you torture them, imprison them and put them to work?

How would you react?

Would you deny the evidence of your eyes and treat them as human.

Or would you say, S get out of that ridiculous outfit, you don't fool anyone, and get the hell right out of this place?

Native Americans once faced these questions when first countenancing the arrival of Europeans. How did they answer them?

[bigirl_inwv]

If people of other races just suddenly showed up...that post would make sense. As it stands, I don't find it to be relevant to the topic at hand. It's 2008. Everyone knows that there are other cultures that happen to have different skin colors. :2cents:

[anda692]

My wife and I have no problem with skin colors of our partners. We are only interested in the person inside. We also have no problems with their ages, or body styles. We have found that some people turn us on and some people turn us off. And sometimes the "sexiest" people are the ones that turn us off the most. So if you are black, brown or white; overweight, underweight, or just right; male, female, or tg; if you are likeable, we will like you. And we want to meet you.

[onewhocares]

It is a sad state of affairs that as "progressive" as we believe our society to be, that issues of race and culture pervade our negative thought process. Perhaps I am viewed up as a naive woman, but I guess I have always prided myself upon the way that I respect each and every person for who they are within their skin and not a reaction to the hue of it or the heritage they decend from. I enjoy and am enlightened by the people who have come into my life to compliment me and from those I have learned much and have shown me unconditional love, admiration and compassion. Never once have I shunned away from an interesting and exciting person for the mere fact that they were "different" in any way than I. Actually it is they who must bare the burden of having me as a friend at times. Look not what lies upon what you see on the outside but "see" beyond to the soul.

Belle

[CuddlyKate]

It matters because too many believe it matters and will continue to make it matter until they finally grow up. It will become less important in time but until the day comes when we stop being afraid of ourselves there will always be those who will need someone tied to a whipping post.

[TaylorMade]

It is honestly sad that race is still an issue today. Even more sad is the fact that it will probably never go away. Hatred breeds hatred. Racist parents will teach their children to be racist and so the circle will continue. I, personally, don't have a problem with it at all. I think the contrasting skin colors are a beautiful thing to watch. But when it comes right down to it...we're all people.

I don't know how many other people have noticed this...but there is sort of a...I dunno..."reverse" racism I've noticed in the swinging community. The girls/wives who are only looking for "big black cock." Perhaps I'm just cynical...but it seems to me...if that's what you want, why aren't you married to a black man? I usually get the feeling they treat them like a swinging dick and that's it. Good enough to fuck, but not good enough to actually be with. I think that's just as bad as those people who say they won't play with people of a certain race at all.

Yeah, that's the question that I REALLY want to know. When I first arrived on the innertubes (seems like an eternity ago), when SOME women found out I had two older brothers, all common sense just went out the window and disturbing questions just got asked as a result . . . <shiver>

You are not the only one to have noticed , Laken. . . I've asked that question before. . .and no one seems to want to answer.

I've explained why I prefer white partners many times. Still lost as to why some prefer black ones.

*Taylor*

[darkeyes]

I've explained why I prefer white partners many times. Still lost as to why some prefer black ones.

*Taylor*
Numba a black guys that seem 2 prefer white gals an even end up marryin em is an interestin phenomenon.. rock artists, athletes, footie players, film actors, an ordinaire guys in the street... it has neva reelly been summat wich me has paid a lotta thot 2. Is it that they jus meet an fall for white wimmen? Or r they makin a point born outa centuries a racism that they r as gud as ne whitie? Is it that that racist oppression makes em strive 2 b as gud as ne white person an so an instilled inferiority complex makes em hit on white girls 2 boost ther self respect? Or is it jus that its as it shud b.. an that peeps meet an truly don give a poop bout skin cola... me suspects its a bitta alla that.. no doubt its more an all..

Lotsa white guys go for girls outsida ther "race" an all.. how mucha that is jus ther machismo an priapic need cant ansa.. how much is down 2 ther feelin a superiority an find a nice black girl 2 keep down trodden.. or how much is ther feelin that we jus human beins an cola is irrelevant?

Happens wiv girls an all.. hav played me part ther.. but it sumhow seems more noticable wiv guys.. is interestin, but hav neva thot deeply enuff bout it 2 articulate me thots an cum 2 a conclusion ..all me knos is personally ..long as peeps r happy an harm no 1.. inter-"racial" relationships can only b a gud thing in helpin us gerova this shitty attitude so many seem 2 hav bout "race"..

[TaylorMade]

Numba a black guys that seem 2 prefer white gals an even end up marryin em is an interestin phenomenon.. rock artists, athletes, footie players, film actors, an ordinaire guys in the street... it has neva reelly been summat wich me has paid a lotta thot 2. Is it that they jus meet an fall for white wimmen? Or r they makin a point born outa centuries a racism that they r as gud as ne whitie? Is it that that racist oppression makes em strive 2 b as gud as ne white person an so an instilled inferiority complex makes em hit on white girls 2 boost ther self respect? Or is it jus that its as it shud b.. an that peeps meet an truly don give a poop bout skin cola... me suspects its a bitta alla that.. no doubt its more an all..

Lotsa white guys go for girls outsida ther "race" an all.. how mucha that is jus ther machismo an priapic need cant ansa.. how much is down 2 ther feelin a superiority an find a nice black girl 2 keep down trodden.. or how much is ther feelin that we jus human beins an cola is irrelevant?

Happens wiv girls an all.. hav played me part ther.. but it sumhow seems more noticable wiv guys.. is interestin, but hav neva thot deeply enuff bout it 2 articulate me thots an cum 2 a conclusion ..all me knos is personally ..long as peeps r happy an harm no 1.. inter-"racial" relationships can only b a gud thing in helpin us gerova this shitty attitude so many seem 2 hav bout "race"..

I can probably answer for my current partner (and for a good lot of my past ones) in that if you know American Black women, we're a hard group to keep down or keep up with, so in many cases, it usually boils down to aesthetics or. . .that is what you grew up with. . .

Just your assumptions though. Damn.

*Taylor*

[vittoria]

tied to a whipping post.


"Oh Lord, I feel like I'm dyin...."

Damn good song! :)

[**Peg**]

...an the CNN poll Peg?? dunno how it wos conducted ....

the poll (called QuickVote) is conducted anonymously on the CNN homepage each morning. I believe it's the purest form of polling: kinda like telling a cabdriver your life story - you probably won't ever see him again and he doesn't know your name... very freeing. I also believe it is an accurate reflection of western society.

[Lateralus]

IMO, race matters simply because humans need to discriminate, on ANYTHING. If it wasn't race, then it'll be something just as equally ridiculous.

[Lateralus]

Yeah, that's the question that I REALLY want to know. When I first arrived on the innertubes (seems like an eternity ago), when SOME women found out I had two older brothers, all common sense just went out the window and disturbing questions just got asked as a result . . . <shiver>

You are not the only one to have noticed , Laken. . . I've asked that question before. . .and no one seems to want to answer.

I've explained why I prefer white partners many times. Still lost as to why some prefer black ones.

*Taylor*

From what I've noticed, the white girls I know (not to generalize of course) that only date black guys were into a certain type of black guy....thug types. It's even worse with white gay men. I talk to this Brazilian guy online and we trade porn sometimes. He's really into that whole black guy dominating and ravaging the little white boy with his 12" black penis fantasy.

I'm sure that didn't answer anything...but maybe it shined a glimmer of light on the question...lol

[peterock]

For the most part when i read post from white couples looking for black men, they always specify BBC. So all the black men with average size dicks are out of luck. Me being one of them. Lol. But people want what they want. If people want to restrict who the are willing to be with based on things like race, then they'll miss out on alot of experiences in life not just sexually, and they'll have no one but themselves to blame.

[jem_is_bi]

I get excited about a sex partner for a combination of both good and naughty reasons that are part me as much as my arms and legs are part of me.
Why feel guitly about any sex preferences?
I have had sex on both sides of the color line without guilt or regrets.
With a lot of luck, keep what I now have. But, with or without luck, I will be happy just being me on either side of the line.

[nothings5d]

Perhaps the benighted idea that white guys aren't going to be hung well enough to satisfy?

That's a possibility, my ex-girlfriend, who happens to be black, was once listing off her ex's and what they looked like. They were all white guys, when I asked her about this one of the things she said was that she thought that black guys might be too big for her. She did have a fairly tight pussy.

So I'm assuming that the other way around might be a possibility.

[Lateralus]

That's a possibility, my ex-girlfriend, who happens to be black, was once listing off her ex's and what they looked like. They were all white guys, when I asked her about this one of the things she said was that she thought that black guys might be too big for her. She did have a fairly tight pussy.

So I'm assuming that the other way around might be a possibility.

No offense, but it sounded like a cop out on her part. Had she been with blk guys she would've found out that most of us are just as average in the pants as the next guy:). And there are more than a few hung white guys out there.

[csrakate]

I don't know what it is but seems race can be a big part of many people's fantasies. The fact that I'm a Southern woman seems to have prompted a request, via private message, by a certain black man requesting to be submissive to me, going so far as to refer to himself as my "black buck". Now I don't know where he got the idea that I feed into some sort of "Mandingo" scenario merely by virtue of my birth origin, but I would NEVER allow such an exchange to happen. I found it insulting and denigrating, not only to me, but to him!! He's certainly a lovely and charming man and had he approached me differently, then maybe so, but the moment he started in on the "black buck" angle, I was turned off. Fantasies are a wonderful way to explore and share, but should never be at the cost of integrity, unless of course it's a mutually shared fantasy. And believe me, there is no way in hell I am going to perpetuate stereotypes by portraying the randy Mistress of the household taking advantage of another person. Fiddle dee dee, why I nevah!!! LOL!

[darkeyes]

I don't know what it is but seems race can be a big part of many people's fantasies. The fact that I'm a Southern woman seems to have prompted a request, via private message, by a certain black man requesting to be submissive to me, going so far as to refer to himself as my "black buck". Now I don't know where he got the idea that I feed into some sort of "Mandingo" scenario merely by virtue of my birth origin, but I would NEVER allow such an exchange to happen. I found it insulting and denigrating, not only to me, but to him!! He's certainly a lovely and charming man and had he approached me differently, then maybe so, but the moment he started in on the "black buck" angle, I was turned off. Fantasies are a wonderful way to explore and share, but should never be at the cost of integrity, unless of course it's a mutually shared fantasy. And believe me, there is no way in hell I am going to perpetuate stereotypes by portraying the randy Mistress of the household taking advantage of another person. Fiddle dee dee, why I nevah!!! LOL!... that the day me got home from school an heard all the screamin an bangin from ya bedroom mumsy?? An ya sed thatya jus kept bangin ya thumb wiv hammer tryin 2 put up sum new pics on wall???

Funny tho...wen me went inta bedroom lata didn c ne new pics.. ya change ya mind???:) Always memba tho cola a ya face wos very very red.. tee hee:tong:

[csrakate]

... that the day me got home from school an heard all the screamin an bangin from ya bedroom mumsy?? An ya sed thatya jus kept bangin ya thumb wiv hammer tryin 2 put up sum new pics on wall???

Funny tho...wen me went inta bedroom lata didn c ne new pics.. ya change ya mind???:) Always memba tho cola a ya face wos very very red.. tee hee:tong:


Silly girl....I didn't say I was hanging pictures....you misunderstood...I was merely installing a new headboard, and I had a friend there to make sure it was secured. (See the "Have you ever been so horny" thread) But you're right...my face WAS red...it's just a silly thing that happens whenever I exert myself! LOL

[darkeyes]

Silly girl....I didn't say I was hanging pictures....you misunderstood...I was merely installing a new headboard, and I had a friend there to make sure it was secured. (See the "Have you ever been so horny" thread) But you're right...my face WAS red...it's just a silly thing that happens whenever I exert myself! LOL

.. aahhh rite mumsy..undastand now..

... but wy did ya stuff ya knickers inta unda the settee pillow???:rolleyes:

[Sourdough]

Wife and I used to go to swingers parties, and there was all ethnicities there. We looked at couples that were what we felt comfortable with in their mannerisms, dress, and style. Meaning they dressed like us, acted like us, and made us feel comfortable with them. Dreadlocks were out, baggy pants, or big baggy clothes were out. Goth was out.

We swung with many couples, most were white like us. Mainly because they were the predominate race there. Black was second, then Asians and Native Americans. During a rare Orgy, who carried. First you had agreed to participate with the group, meaning you had no problems with anyone in the group. After you had moved around to two or three different partners it did not matter anyway, a dick was a dick and a pussy was a pussy.

Mixed couples were altogether different. White man married to Black woman, I usually was drawn to the Black woman, but the wife did not like the White dude. Most came across as weak, easily manipulated. Not the strong manly type she went for. Black men married to white women. The women of the couples we met were just not attractive to me. They seemed gaudy, fake, like they were trying too hard. My wife usually did not like the men, their attitude made her feel they were just looking for another conquest. Yet Native American married to White, or Asian married to White, made no difference to us. We accepted them just as if they were white.

[bamabiguy47]

Makes no difference to me. I'd love to "do" a black guy as much as a white guy or asian or latino. never had the chance.:tong:

[elastisexual]

I find people out of my ethnicity and culture more alluring cuz it adds more color to my life (pun intended) and as a matter of fact I find other ethinics to have certain characteristics that are different sexualy. I think its interesting how different genders of different cultures allure us. For me black women are so sexy when dominating me.I love their confidence.For me asian men are very sexy for kissing and hand play and aribic women my fave for licking.I have a good friend who goes crazy for black men and i find black men and women very sexy.I could go on and on but what i would like to know is this.Is this racist,I really hope not.I understand there is a tint of objectifying in what i am saying.
Of course personality trumps all things.Cuz its a fact,right, that who someone is
matters more then where they are from.

[synrosyn]

I find it really strange people cant get past color, I'm a black man in NY and been with all types of men black, white, latin, and asian. In regards to women black, chinese, and korean. I like people nationality is not important

[elian]

I'm naturally shy to start with. I am finding that the more folks I interact with from different races, cultures, ages - the fuller my life and understanding of the world seem to become, the more comfortable I become relating to other people and finding common ground. In each case it seems to be making a personal connection with the individual that inspires me.

It can take a lot of effort and energy to create and maintain positive active relationships/community but sometimes one person extending a hand and offering a genuine smile is all it takes to start a friendship.

<hugs> ?

-E

[DiamondDog]

I don't know what it is but seems race can be a big part of many people's fantasies. The fact that I'm a Southern woman seems to have prompted a request, via private message, by a certain black man requesting to be submissive to me, going so far as to refer to himself as my "black buck". Now I don't know where he got the idea that I feed into some sort of "Mandingo" scenario merely by virtue of my birth origin, but I would NEVER allow such an exchange to happen. I found it insulting and denigrating, not only to me, but to him!! He's certainly a lovely and charming man and had he approached me differently, then maybe so, but the moment he started in on the "black buck" angle, I was turned off. Fantasies are a wonderful way to explore and share, but should never be at the cost of integrity, unless of course it's a mutually shared fantasy. And believe me, there is no way in hell I am going to perpetuate stereotypes by portraying the randy Mistress of the household taking advantage of another person. Fiddle dee dee, why I nevah!!! LOL!

I'm glad that sex doesn't have to be PC.

I see nothing wrong with people having/wanting, telling others about, or acting out fantasies that may be deemed not PC or "racist" by society.

I don't have fantasies or do power exchange that includes any this at all; but I know plenty of people who do.

There are even porns out there that are like this mainly black porns where there's one white guy that gets fucked by lots of black men, and there's one by DickWadd called "nigga's revenge" that deals with white supremacists moving next to black men and the black men getting revenge on the white supremacists.

Of course it's porn so it's all scripted and consensual and they had to pass over lots of legal hurdles just to appear on film.

I have friends that are gay/bi that enjoy being called a faggot or a cocksucker during sex.

I've met and seen profiles written by black bi/gay men who want to be a white Master's nigger slave to work in his yard, and I even know gay Jewish men who love German/Aryan men and they frequently do holocaust roleplay/interrogation scenes during sex.

The prisoner/Warden fantasy or roleplay during sex is one of the oldest ones that there is and there's nothing wrong with it.

My ex and I were once talking about how the French fetishize blacks to the point where it's a big tired cliche.

Yet French society even upper/middle class well educated French people still hate Arabs, Jews, and other Semetic people.

I know white bi/gay men who only want sex with black men who are in their opinion thugs/gangstas, and how if a black man is middle class or not a thug/gangsta at all, they're no longer interested in him because he's no longer black.

I even know one white bi guy who wants to go to Africa and have sex with what he hopes are big dicked African black men and probably some black African women too.

Then there's the false myth about black men being well hung or having huge cocks. I've noticed in bars and online that lots of closeted bi/gay men seem to fetishize/want black men just for their supposed big cocks.

A gay friend of mine told me how in the past he had dated/slept with black men but how he now refuses to because of the fact that every single black man he's ever dated/slept with has consistently refused to even acknowledge that they knew him at all, or were dating/sleeping/friends with him when they were both around other black men, and how this is a form of racism and yes lots of black men are closeted/on the "down low" but as soon
as they weren't around other black men it was all "oh damn! You're so hot! I like having you as a boyfriend/partner!"

My friend said how black men seem to fetishize him because he's young, white, and good looking and then when they're around other black men (even other bi/gay black men) they pretend that he doesn't even exist when their black norms come back to haunt them, and how they're more racist than anything he's ever thought about or said about any black person.

I also know other GBM (gay black men) who refuse to date/sleep with most other queer black men because they feel that lots of queer black men never fully come out or feel totally comfortable with their sexuality, and the fact that among lots of black men it's popular to be closeted or on the "down low" about being queer when it's painfully obvious.

It does get tiresome when ignorant people say that someone is racist just because they happen to not be sexually attracted to people of a certain race at all, and tend to gravitate and be sexually attracted towards people of their own race/background.

Then there's the ways that bi/hetero men will totally fetishize Asian women. I also know hetero/bi men who are into black women but they only want a black woman who conforms to their stereotype of a black woman.

As far as white stereotypes/myths go I remember when I got tested this year like I do every year and one of my friends told me, "eh don't worry you won't be HIV+ because that doesn't happen to attractive white men!"

I'm not HIV+/Poz but that's very ignorant and as ignorant as the director from the WHO (world health organization) saying how hets don't need to worry about HIV at all. :rolleyes:

[gurlydon]

I can only speak for myself. I'm white. I have had experience with both black women and black men. Despite how well we worked together sexually, there was always a disctinction about us that I never thought to make. But they often made it. It would come up in the odd remark about "You," "you-all," "all you people," or "you whites" or "whites" in general conversation. It never occurred to me to talk about "blacks" or "you blacks" or "you all." I had put my distinctions on the shelf, so to speak. Most of them had not. My experience suggests to me that today's blacks are far more aware of color and culture differences than whites, and are not shy about bringing it up.

[twisted sister]

just my :2cents: for what it's worth butt when we cuddle up together and enjoy the after glow. what does color or sex matter? i'm with the one i love, and that is all that really matters to me.

sis

[19biman61]

I simply don't find people of certain races attractive. I like having them as friends, but having a sexual relationship with them is not appealing to me. I know that some people will find that shallow and perhaps it is. That's just me.

[READYUC238]

WHEN A GUYS BODY TURNS ME ON, I DONT LOOK AT RACE AS AN ISSUE, IF HIS CROTCH IS BULGING AND HIS ATTITUDE TOWARD ME IS POSITIVE, I CAN SEE I AM GOING TO ENJOY BEING WITH HIM INTIMATELY.
BLACK MEN HAVE A THING FOR GETTING THEIR COCKS SUCKED, BUT THEN SOMEHOW WANT TO BACK OUT WHEN IT IS THEIR TURN, FOR FEAR THAT THEIR PEERS WILL DISCOVER THEY HANDLED A WHITE MAN ORALLY.
I DONT KISS AN TELL EVERYONE AN I MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IF THEY TURN ME ON, THAT I HOPE THEY ARE TURNED ON BY ME. AND WHAT WE DO IS OUR BUSINESS. I THINK THAT A BLACK MAN FULFILLS MY ORAL NEEDS BETTER THAN A WHITE MAN WILL.

[sammie19]

A good friend of mine is always saying the colour of a person's skin should be considered in the same way as the colour of their eyes, their complexion or colour of hair. Not as an alien, but as belonging to a human being to be judged on merit as a human being, and that attraction should be on what we see and like, and not on a person's place of birth, culture, belief or ancestry, without prejudice, but according to our personal preference. There is just one human race on this earth. Skin colour, like texture or colour of hair or shade of the eyes, is an accident of the genetic mix, and to judge others on that basis is to lessen one's own qualities as a human beng.

[the sacred night]

I think it has to do with a lot of unconscious factors. The familiar, like someone mentioned, is one of them. Another is that the various races all have slightly different cultures, even in the same country. Another is sheer numbers- I just don't see that many people of other races in my day to day life, so the odds are less that attraction will form with one. Another is that our society has a distinct idea of what "attractive" looks like, and racial characteristics are part of it. Also, each subculture has its own spin on that definition of attractiveness, so people may just find those of their own race better looking because of that cultural definition. People just have expactations of what they want a partner to look like, and race is often part of it. Personally, I have never been with someone of a different race, but I have wanted to before and it just didn't happen because circmstances got in the way.