coming to terms

[cuthwulf]

married and a few years back realized was bi. kept it quite for a long time till wife found out. she found it very difficult to accept. she told a few people and i found that i became embarrassed about it and she now believes that i have "quietened down" so to speak. i now find i'm more bi than ever but i'm now getting to the stage of "what the hell" this is me. i like and enjoy being bi. in fact it makes me come alive. if everybody knows about it and they don't like then let them deal with that. i've got to the stage when the embarrassment is starting to go. i really am starting to say its ok there's nothing wrong with you and you don't have to hide who you are. but i have found that this all takes time to sink in.

[titanic11969]

I was just outed by my nephew (by marriage). I am married with 2 kids and wondering what to do now. I have always been bi, but only started acting on it in the last few years. The first was with him. What do I do now??? Any help appreciated...

Ken

[_Joe_]

Being married and Bi, my wife knows and only two really close friends. It's not something I'm pressured to share with the world, nor is it something that becomes awkward, because I wish to remain faithful to the wife... best advice I can give right off the bat is wear nice sunglasses so your eyes can do all the wandering they want :D

Other than that, you'd be surprised how often this topic comes up.... one of my first post was about it....

Be true to yourself bottom line, and be true to your spouse (which can be quite difficult if they aren't totally OK with it)

[titanic11969]

Thanks for the advice. We are going to try some counseling and I really do want to stay together. I am willing to do whatever it takes. This is going to be very painful, but I fell like the last weight was lifted off my shoulders if that makes any sense. I love women and lust for young guys. I hate what I have done to my wifes family and mine. I told my parents and about 5 friends that knew I was bisexual. I am trying to keep my chin up...But know it will be hard.

[Westwick]

I have just come to terms with being bi. Came out to my wife, and she said the marriage is over. Funny, we are getting along better now than the last few years, planning for a separation. I suggest you pick up a copy of Outing Yourself by M. Signorile. It is helping me with the process of telling others and being comfortable with who I am. I was raised Roman Catholic and have been a born again Christian for twenty years. It is great telling my friends I am bi, even one I knew was homophobic. My friends still like me, and now I have a lot more self esteem. Moving from self loathing (internalized homophobia) to feeling happy to be me. Being out of the closet is much less stressful than being in it! Really!

[CountryLover]

I have just come to terms with being bi. Came out to my wife, and she said the marriage is over. Funny, we are getting along better now than the last few years, planning for a separation. I suggest you pick up a copy of Outing Yourself by M. Signorile. It is helping me with the process of telling others and being comfortable with who I am. I was raised Roman Catholic and have been a born again Christian for twenty years. It is great telling my friends I am bi, even one I knew was homophobic. My friends still like me, and now I have a lot more self esteem. Moving from self loathing (internalized homophobia) to feeling happy to be me. Being out of the closet is much less stressful than being in it! Really!

I never was in the closet as for as my marriage partner was concerned. It's just not in me to be able to hide something that important from someone who is supposed to be my most intimate confidant.

I was married 20 yrs to a fundamentalist minister, mom of 2 kids, very active in church life, NO contact with the GLBT community - when one day I had this lightning strike epiphany.

I'd never even heard of bisexuality, til one day I happened to read a definition for it. It was like this BLAST roared through me ....THAT'S ME, THAT'S WHO I AM - THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE ME!!!!..... I'M NOT ALONE!!!!:eek:

There was never any doubt that God has created me as I am, and loves me as I am. Now it's up to me to be the best German heritage, brown haired, bisexual, hazel eyed female type that I can be.

I promptly told my husband, who promptly decided that was just one more thing wrong with me that he had to "fix". That complex - needing to 'fix' me - was what ended our marriage about 6 years later, not the fact that I'm bisexual.

Since then, I've been discreet about who I tell. For example, I have no need to hurt my 89 yr old mother who wouldn't have a clue how to understand. It's not anyone's business at church what my sexual desires are, so long as I'm legal. On the other hand, both my kids have been raised to be gay/bi accepting. Other than that, I'm not in the closet.

About 3 yrs ago, a (straight) man I was dating told me it was time for me to think about getting married. I respected him and was very fond of him, so I took his advice to heart. :rolleyes:

I *KNEW* I wanted a bisexual man for my life partner and
2.5 years ago, I met my wonderful, beloved bisexual husband, and it's been Happily Ever After. It's amazing to live with someone who understands when I say "whew, I've been woman hungry today!" and can share his desires openly with me too. :tong:

We call it a "God Thing" that we found each other, knowing that God moved in our lives to bring us together.

[paddington]

Hi, i've recently ended a relationship with a woman,i'm married-over 20 years,i'd never been un faithful before,never had experience with a woman before either. i felt seduced by her,she was very persistant. i grew more confident and relaxed with her,it was fantastic,i didn't know it could be like that!
over time i wasn't happy with things she was doing/saying lies etc,trust was a problem so i ended it, i realised i could never be without my husband,i love him so much.
she was so angry,(she's married getting divorced)that she's outed me,it's been dreadful-which is what she's intended. at times i've felt very pressured to do what she wanted,(she was adamant i am a lesbian)-leave my husband,it's felt like blackmail. she says she's "come out" and in doing so she's dragged me by the hair with her. to realise i am bi was a HUGE light bulb moment-i laughed out loud!
people we know locally have give me&my hubby the cold shoulder,especially older people. they think it's disgusting.
my husband has been amazing,he said today,"it would have been much,much harder to have heard about what you'd done from a 3rd party,hearing it from you means i got the truth" he blows me away with his support&forgivness. he accepts i'm bi (it was a huge shock though)he's prepared to try "other things" at a later date if i want to.
we've been going to relate,it's really helped to be able to just let everything out,going to relate was very hard for him,he felt it was airing our dirty laundry in public but he said he knows it's helped us.
there have been times this year when our relationship has hung by a thread,times when we didn't think we'd make it,but we are! being 100% honest has saved us,it meant he didn't get hurt even more by hearing things from her.
in response to a thread on faith i believe God created us as we are,it's more important that we treat each other kindly,with compassion than what our sexual prefrances are. we moved to a new church because people where we attended were unkind(un christian),at this new church one of the readers is a lesbian who's be with her partner for about 10 years.
it has been hard but we are moving forward together.
to anyone struggling,hang on in there,big hug x

[innaminka]

Just remeber:
You are not ill, physicaly or mentally.
you are not alone - there millions like us.
You don't change - you are still the person you were.

the hardest person to come out to is yourself. if you can be honest with that, the rest is discretionary.

truth with partners is what being partners is all about, but that's up to you.
Read a bit, but talking is the biggest and best thing you can do.

enjoy your being bi! Without being in any way sleazy, it opens up a whole new vista/outlook on life. :bipride:

[paddington]

thanks for that post,you're right,the biggest deal is accepting it yourself. i am getting there. i don't feel it's something that'll go away,it doesn't feel like "a phase". it does help knowing you're not alone.
i know i've made the right decision but i do still feel sad about letting her go and yeah i do miss the sex,i didn't know i could feel like that. at the same time i love my husband too. it's been a hard year,but my husband and i are so much more honest with each other now which is great.

[centralpamale]

i too was outted ...


I have had these feelings for m4m and m4f relationships for a while..I'm 31 yrs old . I've played with veryfew guys[ 3 thus far .Sense i've thought of expirementing 2yrs ago. i am working for a lady who has me do errands and collect rent . Well i happen to put my pics on craigslist in m4m section. Well one of her tenants called my "boss" and that outted me - I do not need someone who' 25 yrs older then me "trying " to fix me . i'm an adult granted i may have made a poor judgement posting my personal pics on that site but whats to say of that tenant who saw em . Why were they there in the first place? Just makes me wonder .. btw that tenant is FEMALE not male my ad was in the male 4 male section . I do not like being seen in this light like i have a problem . making me wonder if they think the next time a male friend comes by is there for sex or other .. the lady i work for says what i do behind closed doors is my buseness .. that is true .. but i am really not able to "play " being i don't have my own vehicle so its not any time soon i will beable to go looking for "fun" .

[titanic11969]

Well hello all again,

I have been watching the posts and thanks for the input. We have started counseling and have a great relationship under the circumstances. I am married to an incredible woman. While I am sure she wants to stab me in the back at any given time, she is in counseling with me and we are trying to work things out the best we can. We have a great communicative relationship and we talk a lot outside of therapy as well. I know this will be hard, but I truly believe that we will prevail together, not only for our kids, but for ourselves as well. She is obviously shaken by all this and if you can give me some words for her I will surely tell her. She is unaware of my being on this site and I will tell her soon as i am trying to hide nothing at this point. I have had it all and lost it over the past few years. I had a very successful building business that went down the tubes with this economy, and now this... Ifgeel that what does not kill you WILL make you stronger. I believe this and I think she does. I truly feel we can weather this together for US and our children. Any words of encouragement or otherwise will help. I know the cards are stacked against us, but we are a strong couple and love each other very much, or she would be gone already...

Help us please....

Ken

[DiamondDog]

Well hello all again,

I have been watching the posts and thanks for the input. We have started counseling and have a great relationship under the circumstances. I am married to an incredible woman. While I am sure she wants to stab me in the back at any given time, she is in counseling with me and we are trying to work things out the best we can. We have a great communicative relationship and we talk a lot outside of therapy as well. I know this will be hard, but I truly believe that we will prevail together, not only for our kids, but for ourselves as well. She is obviously shaken by all this and if you can give me some words for her I will surely tell her. She is unaware of my being on this site and I will tell her soon as i am trying to hide nothing at this point. I have had it all and lost it over the past few years. I had a very successful building business that went down the tubes with this economy, and now this... Ifgeel that what does not kill you WILL make you stronger. I believe this and I think she does. I truly feel we can weather this together for US and our children. Any words of encouragement or otherwise will help. I know the cards are stacked against us, but we are a strong couple and love each other very much, or she would be gone already...

Help us please....

Ken

Ken-
That's for you and her to do since its your relationship and you're both in it together.

Nobody else can do this except for you and her and it's good that you're seeing a counselor together and talking a lot. Like you wrote if you both want the relationship to work, it will.

Does the counselor know that you're bi and that you cheated on your wife with some guy in her family?

If you want your relationship with your wife to work earn her trust again, don't ever cheat on her again with anyone, prove you can be in a monogamous relationshps since that's probably what she wants (if not find out what she wants?), and if you do wind up splitting apart or getting a divorce it's not the end of the world. Good luck. :2cents: