Differences between str8/gay relationshps

[sometimesitbethatway]

Does anyone notice differences between straight and gay relationships? Romantically? Or just generally? Like straight relationships tend to be more of a utopia and gay relationships are sort of detached or more of each has "independence"? I'm curious, I've been going through some stuff and wanted other people's experiences I guess who've been on both sides.... anyone?

[DiamondDog]

IME I don't see either a relationship where both people are of opposite genders and one where others are the same gender to be all that different.

It all depends on what both people want, how well they communicate, and how serious they take the relationship.

I'd be a bit worried however if a partner thought of our relationship as being a utopia or wanted it to become that eventually, or the be all to end all other realtionships anyone else has ever had.

"no it's NOT like any other love, this one is different because it's ours!"

Anyway what have you been going through?

[sometimesitbethatway]

Well I guess I've just noticed a difference from my straight relationship with my ex-wife and my new relationship with my boyfriend. Me and her built a life together and while him and I talk about that, it almost seems like this is a part time thing a lot. Like he wants to be all independent but then at the end of the day be together.. for me though, I like being with that person and building a life and them being my #1 always. it just feels different from women I guess and my friend told me I won't get the same thing from a gay relationship as a straight. Especially regarding how money and stuff. Like not "our money", but "my money" and "your money"

[DiamondDog]

OK, that has to do with finances I know heterosexuals who have seperate bank accounts and while they're husband and wife or somehow together they still do this and don't combine their finances.

What do you mean that he wants to be all independent and then at the end of the day be there for you?

If you want a closer relationship with him, tell him this, if you want a closed/monogamous one tell him that too.

Does he know what you want when it comes to the relationship and finances and all that stuff? Most people aren't mind readers.

[sometimesitbethatway]

I think I am misscommunicating. We have a monogamous relationship. We live together. We are definitely a couple, but I guess I am used to doing stuff mostly as a couple with someone and not so much feeling like I have to give quite so much space. Like even if we are out with friends, it's like we are just there........ whereas with a female it was apparent we were "together". I wasn't just part of the crowd... then when we get home I am the lover... does that make sense?

[DiamondDog]

That has to do with society and people being not so observant.

If you want your friends and other people to know that you're together with your boyfriend, tell them this.

[sometimesitbethatway]

ok, this got way off track... because thats not really what I was asking. All my friends know I'm with my boyfriend..... so nevermind this whole thread I guess. Maybe I'm asking difficult questions..

[trubipoly]

I kept trying to respond to this posting and kept getting sidetracked , going back to look at sometimesitbethatway pic. mmm mmm beautiful man

[jem_is_bi]

I am mostly gay. But, if I were straight, I would not want a relationship with a woman who insisted that all of me and how I lived my life could only be as us. I would feel like my existence, as an independent person was dead, as in get a tombstone for everything I treasure about who I am. I had a friend who recently married just such a “clingy” woman. I am so happy I am not married to such a woman or involved with such a male lover. I very much like sharing my live with my family and my male lover. However, I demand that I am treated as a separate person from all others.
I know others want and even need TOTAL integration of their live with a partner, but this would destroy me. Those that I love and respect the most are those that treasure their independence as much as I treasure mine. Yes, they are very caring people.

[curious44]

I think it has a lot to do with where you were in life before the relationship began, rather than whether it's a straight or gay relationship.
For example when my wife and I got married we had 2 old cars and $600 between us. We rented a one bedroom apt. So everything we have today is truly ours together except maybe my tools and her sewing room stuff. Other couples we know that married young and are still together see things the same way. We know others who either married late in life or are no longer in their first relationship. They tend to keep separate bank accounts, have their own friends, that sort of thing. One couple we know are in the second marriage for both of them. They had established careers and businesses, she a doctor, he an engineer, when they got married. They are still more two individuals than a couple even after 20 years of marriage.
On the other hand we have a gay couple living on our street. These guys have been inseparable since high school. They went to college together, are in the same profession and work at the same place. They ride to work together. They cut the grass and shovel snow together. We rarely see one without the other. They are truly inseparable. If anything ever happens to one of them it better happen to both at the same time because I truly doubt they could function without each other.
I know another gay couple that has been together over 20 yrs. But they were in their late 30s and mid 40s when they met. The older one owns the house but they share expenses and travel extensively together. The younger one does all the grocery shopping and cooking. They are not nearly as "joined at the hip" as our gay neighbors. Once again, they both had careers and were financially independent when they met. So, as I said at the beginning, I don't think being straight or gay has a lot to do with it.

[sometimesitbethatway]

Well thanks to everyone who responded. After I posted I did sort of rethink to myseld that it probably just boils down to the people involved in general and not so much gay or straight..
I guess my problem is the only other relationship I've been in, with my wife, was sort of joined at the hip. We were together since we were 16, got married at 20, had no money really, sort of built everything together, had all the same friends.... so it's odd to me to just sit around while my boyfriend makes other plans.... I guess it doesn't help that I moved across the country and don't really have my own friends here :/

[Bluebiyou]

I disagree.
I think there are different levels of dependency that are commonly accepted in southern culture straight vs. gay.
My observation.
Ideally, they are no different. But socially, a greater dependency is expected/associated with straight relationships than gay.
I think southern culture enforces this.