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View Full Version : This is unf**k'n believeable!!



vittoria
Jan 15, 2009, 6:23 PM
Check this out... an actual ad on Craigslist...

Copied:http://cleveland.craigslist.org/apa/993934904.html

$480 / 1br - **The Apartment of your DREAMS** Take a LOOK *** (Lakewood)

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Reply to: hous-993934904@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-15, 12:18PM EST



Available Immediately – OFF Clifton in Lakewood – Showing Saturday and Sunday – Email for directions and additional information.

What kind of apartment is it?

One bedroom basement apartment with separate entrance
Tastefully decorated with modern décor
Approximately 650 square feet
There is even a window! Security bars installed for your safety and to prevent unauthorized activity
Closed circuit camera installed for security and safety. One in your suite, one at the entrance, and one in the exercise yard

Rent:

$480.00 per month
First month’s rent + ½ month security deposit due at move in
Small pet allowed with approval and payment of additional ½ month pet damage deposit
One year lease permitted, option to renew lease at end of the term with no increase in rent
LANDLORD’S SPECIAL! Move in before January 1st and don’t pay for the remainder of December! That’s significant savings.

Included in the rent:

Electricity
Heat – Maintained at 21 degrees with lock box to prevent unauthorized tampering. Additional heating available for $20.00 per extra degree of heating per month. You may not use your oven to heat the apartment. If you do, you will be fined $50.00 per occurrence.
Air conditioning – Maintained at 25 degrees during the summer with lock box to prevent extra cooling from being dispensed. Additional cooling for sale for $20.00 per degree of cooling requested per month.
25" Zenith color television set with basic cable service - INCLUDED IN RENT!
Wireless internet (with content filter applied to block forbidden/immoral websites) - INCLUDED IN RENT!
Provision of coin laundry services - You will have your own personal coin laundry washer and dryer machines. Washers and dryers are paid using a token system. Tokens can be purchased through the landlord. Washer tokens cost $4.15 each and dryer tokens cost $3.60 each. You are not allowed to use foreign currency or slugs in the washer and dryer. Violators will be fined $100.00 per infraction.

About us: (Landlords)
We are conservative, bible believing, God-fearing, born again, evangelical Christians. We interpret the bible literally in every way possible. We live a strict moral code and observe God’s laws in our everyday life. My wife stays at home and teaches our home-schooled children. I work as a pastor at a local congregation and am active in the faith community.

About you: (Tenant)

You are employed
You do not participate in lascivious deviant sexual behavior
You do not choose alternative lifestyles as your lifestyle
You do not have any criminal history
You must have excellent character references
You do not smoke, drink or take drugs. Mandatory drug screening required.

Additional Rules/Conditions:

CLEANLINESS: You are responsible for the cleanliness and orderliness of your apartment. Beds are to be made before leaving your suite, countertops must be wiped down, and you must remove all trash. Upon inspection, if the tenant's basement suite is not clean, the cost of cleaning services plus a fine of $100.00 will be levied.

LIGHTS: The lights in your basement suite and in the day room are not to be tampered with. If a light needs repair, report the condition to the Landlord.

WAKE-UP: Wake up will be at 5:30am each morning. All ceiling lights in the suite will be turned on automatically.

LIGHTS OUT: Ceiling lights in the suite will be turned off at 11:30pm.

CONTRABAND: The following items are considered contraband – alcohol, illegal drugs, tobacco, weapons, lock picking equipment. If any contraband is discovered to be in your possession, you will be subject to a minimum $1,000.00 fine. In addition, your items will be confiscated permanently. Second offense – you will be evicted without notice. A bailiff will escort you and your belongings off the premises. Your security deposit will not be returned.

SMOKING: The basement suite is non-smoking. Anyone in possession of tobacco products of any kind or any lighter or matches, will have their contraband items confiscated and will be fined $100.00.

INSPECTIONS: The Landlord will conduct unannounced inspections to ensure that these rules and regulations are being followed.

VISITATION: Visitation periods will be on Saturdays and Sundays from 1:00 p.m. until 3:00 p.m. All visitors and their vehicles are subject to search while on landlord property. Refusal to allow a search can result in their being barred from all future visitation privileges. All visitors must sign the Visitor's Log. Unauthorized visitors will be escorted from the property, and the tenant will be fined $250.00.

I.D. BRACELETS: Each tenant will be issued an I.D. bracelet with his/her photograph. It must be worn at all times. If you lose your I.D. bracelet or it is broken, you will be required to purchase a new one at the nominal cost of $5.00.

EXERCISE YARD: The tenant will have access to the exercise yard in the area to the back of the property for 2 hours per day from 4:00 pm to 6:00 pm. The tenant is not allowed to bring any personal property to the exercise yard. Once the tenant leaves the exercise yard on a particular day, he or she may not return. No boisterous behavior is allowed in the exercise yard. There is no smoking allowed in the exercise yard. Minimum fine for exercise yard infractions is $50.00.

rebecca2009
Jan 15, 2009, 6:43 PM
I think that its a scam. It's illegal to have security cameras in someone's apartment.
I definately think that its a scam.

shybipinay
Jan 15, 2009, 7:04 PM
I don't know about the State this suit is located, but around here, it would never fly. There are so many violations of a person's rights and tenant's rights. Sounds more like a prison than a rental suite. If it is not a scam, who would possibly rent such a place?

Seems like an automatic flag on cl if you ask us. I just can't believe people. Christians ought to know better. It's exactly this kind of crap that makes us wary of those who call themselves Christians. Jesus would never offer such a suite in his home as a rental unit. Aw well, we're all human and sinners. *tongue in cheek*

vittoria
Jan 15, 2009, 7:46 PM
Why did you post this twice?


'Cause not everyone feels like going to links and would rather read them directly... it was an afterthought:flag3:

Falke
Jan 15, 2009, 7:49 PM
That's a pretty good joke, I approve. :bigrin:

_Joe_
Jan 15, 2009, 8:25 PM
For the extreme subby!

Cherokee_Mountaincat
Jan 15, 2009, 8:29 PM
lol Well, that leaves me out. I'd be considered a deviate from the first meeting. Plus, I'm a single woman in the Lifestyle, AND would probably be considered a "Savage" with my Native American decor' inside, and on my windows..lol
Ah well...
Cat

rissababynta
Jan 15, 2009, 8:51 PM
Wake up time...visitatin days...unexpected inspections...make your bed...f I wanted to have every aspect of my life controlled I'd still be living with my mommy and daddy :-P

eddy10
Jan 15, 2009, 9:00 PM
I wonder which prison it is.

(m)ichClosetcraver
Jan 15, 2009, 9:14 PM
well.... i got as far as the "$20 extra per degree" on the heat and figured it had to be some kind of bullshit scam.... probably some run-down, falling apart, abandoned ex-crack house.

onewhocares
Jan 15, 2009, 11:39 PM
I am thinking a nice prison cell somewhere.

Belle

boca.openminded
Jan 15, 2009, 11:48 PM
About us: (Landlords)
We are conservative, bible believing, God-fearing, born again, evangelical Christians. We interpret the bible literally in every way possible. We live a strict moral code and observe God’s laws in our everyday life. My wife stays at home and teaches our home-schooled children. I work as a pastor at a local congregation and am active in the faith community.

I actually do believe it is real. We all know that evangelical Christians are basically cult people & doesn't this ad sound like a cult? They are trying to brainwash their tenants.

wanderingrichard
Jan 16, 2009, 12:25 AM
so, only two others besides myself figured out this is a jail cell and not some dorkus's appartment in ohio??

look closely, you'll see the prison routine indelibly stamped into every line.
and, it's not in the US.. we don't use 21 degrees for temps else it would be way too cold or hot..

since it says dollars, and is using the celcius scale for temp ratings.. i'm guessing it's a humorous scam of some type from canada, and has been very sloppily copied into US format..

nice funny, vittoria.. this one had us all thinking...:rolleyes:

TaylorMade
Jan 16, 2009, 2:04 AM
About us: (Landlords)
We are conservative, bible believing, God-fearing, born again, evangelical Christians. We interpret the bible literally in every way possible. We live a strict moral code and observe God’s laws in our everyday life. My wife stays at home and teaches our home-schooled children. I work as a pastor at a local congregation and am active in the faith community.

I actually do believe it is real. We all know that evangelical Christians are basically cult people & doesn't this ad sound like a cult? They are trying to brainwash their tenants.

Have you met ALL evangelical Christians? My brother is an evangelical. . .for all his faults, I DEFENATELY would not call him brainwashed.

While this couple isn't someone I'd want to know or live with, tarring all of them the same way makes you no different than that.

*Taylor*

frikidiki
Jan 16, 2009, 2:49 AM
I think this is an ad for an elaborate sex game. What will these perverts think of next?! :-P

12voltman59
Jan 16, 2009, 12:36 PM
Got to be a joke ad!!!

But I have read a few articles where some fundy type christians had posted ads for both sales and rental of real estate they were offering for which they had listed a number of restrictions and such that got them in serious violation of US Fair Housing rules--something if you have ever gotten your real esate license here in the US---you get taught is a major no-no!!

If this is a legit ad--and those people are tyring to impose such rules on their prospective tenants----you most likely won't have to worry about them----they will either have to pay fines way in excess of what they were going to make renting the apartment to the Feds or they may even find themselves spending some time in one of America's fine houses of correction!!!!! That couldn't happen to some nicer folks!!!!:bigrin::bigrin:

They will come to have an appreciation for a great song like "Be My Prison Bitch" :bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

gfofbiguy
Jan 16, 2009, 12:53 PM
'Cause not everyone feels like going to links and would rather read them directly... it was an afterthought:flag3:

Good thing you did post it twice, as the link/ad has been deleted by the author now...But my first thought when I read the ad was that it sounded like a prison! Even when I lived with my parents, I didn't have such restrictions! (oh, um, well now that I think about it, maybe I should have...!:tong: LOL)

elian
Jan 16, 2009, 5:19 PM
Does it come with free "kool-aid" ?/

centralpamale
Jan 16, 2009, 5:39 PM
this is so againist peoples rights where should i start?


un anounced apartment searches? Visitors vehicles and person may be checked if the landlords are present when company is there ? Company only allowed 1pm to 3 pm on sat and sunday? Gee - does that mean your gona drag me out of bed every sunday morning to go to church? UGH . that sounds like a mind wash to me - "safe others againist thier sins " in my opinion people who read so much of the bible think that the bible is 100% the right way and every one should follow what the bible states. Well it don't work that way in real life in my opinion . i had a apartment in delaware worked a double shift of work came home was preparing to enjoy some private time to my self when i had a knock on my door- i looked thru the door peep and i didn't recoginze them .. So i let it go - they eventually left- about couple weeks later- same thing- i said who is it what you want - they were mormans (sp?) feeling its thier duty to knock on peoples doors to share the gospal of the bible . No thats almost as bad as army recruitors calling coming to get you to join the army . IF I want to join something I will go search it out on my own - you offer nothing to me but being a pest in my FREE time that i had little of .




IN conculsion the ad sounds like a cult recruiting ..
:soapbox:

cddm50
Jan 17, 2009, 12:51 AM
LOL- Pretty good ad. As I read it I also thought it was describing a prison cell.

The ad is still posted on the list so I thought I would play their game a bit. I created a temporary email account since my ISP provider gives me up to 25 accounts. Then I responded to the ad. I am wondering if I'll get a response.

I'll post the reply here.

HJ

vittoria
Jan 17, 2009, 1:10 AM
LOL- Pretty good ad. As I read it I also thought it was describing a prison cell.

The ad is still posted on the list so I thought I would play their game a bit. I created a temporary email account since my ISP provider gives me up to 25 accounts. Then I responded to the ad. I am wondering if I'll get a response.

I'll post the reply here.

HJ

Thats a hoot! I wonder if you'll get a response as well!! Damn lascivious sexual behavior! And I'm still wondering about those "security bars"...:cool:

cddm50
Jan 17, 2009, 1:14 AM
If it IS legit... thinking it may not be... but if so and they give me an address I'll see if it pans out. My friend lives on the west side of Cleveland and it wouldn't be too far away to check out.

I'll take pics too.

HJ

vittoria
Jan 17, 2009, 1:19 AM
If it IS legit... thinking it may not be... but if so and they give me an address I'll see if it pans out. My friend lives on the west side of Cleveland and it wouldn't be too far away to check out.

I'll take pics too.

HJ

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! !!!! I wonder which street its allegedly on...Especially since there's an "exercise area" that apparently must be allegedly fenced in and stuff LOL!!! I wondered about that comment about a "baliff" escorting someone off the premises and pondered if they would have the "Flakewood" SS guards (aka cops) in their pocket... anythings possible.

Keep us updated ( as this is a riotous affair!!) :cutelaugh

cddm50
Jan 20, 2009, 1:23 AM
As I suspected the original poster did not reply to my email query. I will NOT be renting this mystery apt after all. <sigh>

Alas... I was sooo hoping to spend some quality time in the exercise area too.

I wonder if they regulate the water flow to the apt as well? 1.6 gal flushes and only 3 minutes of shower time... Free soap on a rope?

HJ

PolyLoveTriad
Jan 20, 2009, 7:54 AM
LOL Id rather be living in prison, at least there I wouldnt be considered a deviant!