Just need some advice, or a release

[*foxy_roxy*]

Hey guys, it has been a rather long time since I have posted on here, but I really need some help.
My partner and I have been together for nearly five years now, and being so young I felt it was a rather mean feat. However, of late I haven't been so blissfully happy in the relationship as I have been, and it has showed.
A month or so ago we had a chat about what was going on, and how we would deal with the situation, and we nearly separated then, but I didn't want to loose him, so we, or rather I, have tried to work through the problems I was having.
My main problem was, or rather is, that we have been together since I was 16, such a young age, and I love him so very deeply, however I am terrified that I am just comfortable with him, and am scared of what it would be like without him. What also scares me is that what we have is no longer new, we can predict each others' reactions to things, and feelings towards things. I think I miss the potential for that first kiss, or first date, maybe I am being really silly, but it is something that has been on my mind. These problems have built up, and yesterday came to a head with my other half.
We talked about how I felt, and sadly came to the agreement that maybe we want different things, he can see himself settling down with me and being with me for the foreseeable future, however there is then me with all my things I am scared of missing.
We are now not together, and after spending over 24hrs mulling it over, I am miserable. I have no idea what I want, I just know how sad I am. It sounds odd, considering the last time I saw him was yesterday morning, but I miss him, the sound of his voice, and his embrace. I would tell him in an instant that I want him back, but I know that these feelings of potentially missing something, or of something not being right in our relationship won't just disappear overnight.
I need some help. I know that only I, or rather we, can make the decision for our future happiness, I just need some advice. Right now I am constantly on the edge of tears, and I can't eat or sleep. I have no idea what to do.
Please, please offer any help on this subject, I really need some guidance.
Thanks,
Roxy
x x x

[arana]

Hi Roxy, I don't have much advice for you because what it boils down to is what YOU ultimately want out of life. He's got to know after all these years that you do enjoy a good bit of adventure in your life to keep you feeling alive and if he's the right one he'll give that to you one way or the other. Relationships are about meeting each others needs and compromises from time to time. Being comfortable with someone and knowing what they'll do next isn't always such a bad thing, but if he's not really the one you want it isn't good to stay together just for that sake either. Perhaps a break from each other to see how you feel without him is a good thing. Neither of you can make the other what they're not.

You're like someone else I know and I do hope you're able to find what you want in life and be as happy as she is now. Sometimes you just can't have "everything" you want, you just have to pick what makes you happiest of what's attainable to you.

Good luck sweetie!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Well Baby, maybe its a time of self-exploration for you. There are Soo many things in this big world that can be missed if you dont act on them. I found this out the hard way. :}
Maybe you should take some time, and see, do, experiance things just to see what they are like, then decide if you:
1. Want to settle down with one man.
2. Can be satisfied and happy with your current life.
3. Want to test drive some different thoughts, emothions, sensations, people.
4. Want to see how it would/could/might feel like without him in your life for a short time span.

There used to be an old saying in my day about "I need some space to find myself"
I think this still holds true for many individuals. Its perfectly natural to think "Hey, what if there's more to life than what others have planned?"
There's nothing wrong with doing things you've never done, or going places you have never been before settling down.

Its a path You have to walk, Dear One. Think about it completely before making any concrete decisions. Talk to your love about it, and see if a small vacation and time of discovery might be the right option for you. If you decide to go on your oydessy of self-discovery, just be careful, have fun, and be safe always. ;)

[12voltman59]

Foxy--i just wanted to say hello-it has been a long time since you were here last----

As far as your situation---you have to decide for yourself what to do----I am sure--in the end--you will make the right decison for you and your future---all the best!

[Realist]

Roxy, I split with my wife of 10 years last year. I loved her and missed her like crazy for some time after things went bust, but we hadn't gotten along well for years. We'd grown apart and I knew it was the right thing to do. We almost agreed to meet a couple of months later; both us were missing the other one, but something told me to stay away and maybe things would work out.

Well, within a few weeks after that I met a guy who is the best male lover yuo could imagine and soon after that, I met a girl who fit right in with us. If I had stayed with my ex, I never would have met either one of the wonderful lovers I have now. Things really did work out for the best and I'm glad I overcome the misery and loneliness.

I'm just saying that if you're not happy, but are still in a relationship, you may never find who you really need. I'm so happy that I took the chance and moved on. Just my experience, no recommendation. You must do what's best for you.

[Lonewolf76]

Hi Roxy,
I can't really add anything of merit that hasn't been said by my fellow forum peers. All I can offer is this. There is a saying that I love. "Life is not about the destination - it's about the journey". Take the time to think things through and then do what is best for YOU - just don't miss the opportunity for exploration and discovery. Be safe and have fun! :2cents: LW

[Vachenzo]

I don't have anything to offer really, but I do want to say, that I love this community. I have been here, observing and posting for the past week or so, and everyone here can be so helpful, and so caring. Thanks for being awesome!

[darkeyes]

Rox.. I am truly sorry how things are with you and that you are so unhappy. Life and love are never easy however much we wish them to be. We make decisions which one way or other we must live with and take the consequences. Now you are miserable and begin to feel just how bad they can be. I want many things. I cant have them all.. God I wish it was otherwise.. not long ago I truly tried to have it all the only way I could and it blew up in my face and almost ended up with nothing. Now thankfully I have much much more than I deserve, yet have regrets that I dont and cant have it all.

We all want so much, and we live our lives trying to get there. It will never be that you, me or anyone else can get it all... merely as much as we can. Striving for it all can be self destructive..it almost was for me.. but it can also be fun, rewarding and exciting. What it is an how you deal with depends on your nature, personality and upbringing.

Take stock babygirl.. take a little time to see what you want. You are a very young woman and I do hope that you do not make my mistakes and push things to far.. it is a big wonderful and exciting world out there and if you play it right you will get so much that you deserve that is good. But if the boyfriend is who and what you want most in the world, and the comfiness that goes with it, then do all you can to repair any damage and live the life that you both want.. even if that is waht you decide it can still be an amazing journey as you strive towards your ambitions in life..

Whatever you decide Rox, my thoughts, blessings and love go with you.:)