How To Tell [Archive] - Bisexual.com

MickeyJohnson

Jul 12, 2009, 3:49 PM

OK. So I work with this dude who's real hot. I have a nagging suspiscion (Ikno that aint spelled right) that he likes me.
He once said sumthin 2 me that seemed a little flirtatious, but stupid me didnt realize until like 3 days later. Sometimes i do flirty things as bait, and he goes for it half the time. i catch him lookin at me alot and laughs at every joke i tell. Our personalities are kinda similar and I just get this vibe everytime I walk past him.
On the job, theres a bout 7 0r 8 of us working together. Then, when they all go to lunch its just me n him. When were alone I want to say something but I almost shut down completly out of nervousness and stop talking alot (part of it is because idk what to talk about with him...).

now there are 2 big problems, 1. no one knows im curious. 2. he has a gf.

Is there any way to tell if someone likes guys without neccesarily letting them know that you do? Or a way to drop hints that aren't too obivious?

im thinkin bout just winkin at him ;). girls usually like it when I flash my smile n wink so guys must too right....lls jk.
Also I do look good, n no im not conceited just honest.

Realist

Jul 12, 2009, 5:34 PM

I agree, you could be in a bad place to find out, too late, that you were mistaken. In a place like that, you could be buzzard meat in a flash!

I'd remain open to letting him make the first move, if it were me, too.

You may be able to make that easier for him to make that move, by asking him in confidence about how he feels about a "person you know" who has commented about his/her being bisexual. If he responds negatively, you can drop the subject. If he comments favorably, you may consider going to another step and eventually finding out the BIG picture. It's worked for me before. Patience and caution is the key, here.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jul 12, 2009, 6:49 PM

I agree with what both gentlemen have advised, Hon. If you make a move and he is appauled, then you are toast in your workplace. I'd flirt gently, but watch his reaction when you do. Just be smart and think with yer head, (The one on your shoulders) and it might turn out to be quite fun. One never knows. :}
Cat

Realist

Jul 12, 2009, 8:12 PM

My wife and I used to swim in the lake naked after dark. Man, that felt so good! Then, we began to see gators and she wouldn't go in with me any more. I didn't wanna go in by myself, I figured they'd get her first, then I could run for help. She was a lot more tasty than I was!

the sacred night

Jul 12, 2009, 8:54 PM

If he has a gf and they are not in an open relationship, he's not on the market.

DiamondDog

Jul 13, 2009, 5:13 AM

It's usually VERY easy to tell if you have excellent gaydar/bidar like I do.

Keep in mind though I've pretty much always been able to tell even before I knew what being bi/gay/queer means.

He may just like you as a person, friend, or coworker and not be sexually attracted to you at all. Anyway he has a girlfriend and like sacred night said if they are not in an open relationship don't go there. Also you work with him and it's not always a good idea to date or sleep with someone who you work with.

I did this and it was not a big deal to me that some people in our large office knew that we were dating but I did not stay at that job and while I did not mind dating him we wound up seeing each other at least one day on the weekends and then we saw each other 5 days a week at work, and it all got to be a bit too much of seeing each other too much too often. Even though I did not stay in the same department as him and I switched departments after we started dating. He was not my boss or manager and we were on equal ground in the workplace, and just met as coworkers. It's not something that I'd ever do again but I know some people who do date people who they work with but it's not always a good thing and in some companies they see it as sexual harassment.

Realist

Jul 13, 2009, 9:11 AM

Senior moment, I posted number 5 to the wrong thread. Hey, I'm old, I have an excuse!

artsy girl

Jul 13, 2009, 11:31 AM

I find unless your really clear someone's bi, it's better not to go there.
Even before people know themselves they are bi.. they may look at people of the same sex.. but not really know they like them.
I don't know if that makes sence.. but it was true for me as well.. for a long time. I looked at women off and on.. but if someone had hit on me, or asked me i was bi.. i definitly would of said i'm straight.

If you really think your getting signals from him.. than you can try some things to find out whether he's outta the closet. ex. i did this at my own work before.. start conversations about "males you think are attractive (celebs.. i mean)
I brought this out randomly at mywork and it worked like a charm.
The other posibility is he is out.. but he's not necessarily looking. This is true for me.. i'm married.. but i love to look and flirt sometimes. hope that helps.

Marriedartsygirl

bimale32952

Jul 13, 2009, 11:50 AM

Wrong thread or not......I laughed out loud when I read your post. Thanks....I needed that.

Senior moment, I posted number 5 to the wrong thread. Hey, I'm old, I have an excuse!

MelissaMaven

Jul 13, 2009, 6:59 PM

I was browsing around for the first time and saw this topic, and it reminded me of something with a friend of mine a couple years back, so I thought I'd chime in!

I don't know your lifestyle after work or anything, but if you have a tendency to go out for a drink every so often then you might try making up a situation that could warrant inviting him. You know, just kind of work up to mentioning that you had nothing to do that night or weekend or whatever, and thought you might go out for a drink. If he doesn't bite and ask to come along on his own, then after letting him sit on the notion for a bit, you could casually mention that he could tag along if he wants. That way it doesn't particularly seem like you planned it, or that you care either way (even though you obviously do, lol).

Point of the drink(s) of course is that he's much more likely to open up or be more flirtatious. Or even just getting out of the work environment might do the trick, too.

As roundabout as it seems, this worked for aforementioned friend of mine. They had both apparently been equally uncomfortable about making a move, and without some initiative they would have never had the opportunity to get together.

But all of this would of course depend on personality and willingness to even do drinks in the first place, I suppose. And being cautious is obviously important, just in case his advances aren't what they seem.

Anyway, good luck, in whatever your approach may be!

Doggiestyle

Jul 14, 2009, 12:38 AM

This one is easy, I will not mess with anybody that I work with. Either male or female. I had to learn that one the hard way, several times, a long time ago. Too many potential problems here. Too many fish in the sea to mess with this one. Unless your in :love: If thats the case, then figgure on getting another job. :2cents:

But then again, It's yo thing, do what you wanna do. I can't tell ya who to sock it too. :tong:

Your friend, :doggie: ..............:bipride:

eddy10

Jul 14, 2009, 12:55 AM

I agree with Doggie. In my 40+ years in a work environment, I have seen many of these situations turn out badly. But, if you really do not care about your job, or what your peers think, then go for it.

IceLion

Jul 14, 2009, 2:14 AM

The overall tone of this thread has two resounding answers; he's taken and not at work. I can't help but agree... ironically I'm in the same situation and would love to be with this guy romantically. If you make a move and he is just being a genuinely friendly person, then you are outed and that can have DRASTIC consequences, trust me.

There is, however, a silver lining to this; for all intensive purposes it sounds like he likes you. You are in a very unique position to make a friendship that would probably develop into something lasting. Follow that route, life takes twists and turns, you don't know where things will end up. In the meantime if you think he's a worthwhile person, then you've gained a good friend.

Just my :2cents:

MickeyJohnson

Jul 14, 2009, 2:50 AM

Thanks 4 all the input. I guess ill just wait it out n see what happens.

bisexualcpl4fun69

Jul 14, 2009, 11:25 PM

No matter how good and tasty..
"NEVER GET YOUR MEAT WHERE YOU MAKE YOUR BREAD!" :eek:
NUFF SAID.

MickeyJohnson

Jul 15, 2009, 2:25 AM

No matter how good and tasty..
"NEVER GET YOUR MEAT WHERE YOU MAKE YOUR BREAD!" :eek:
NUFF SAID.

^i like that.:tongue:

M. Wolfe

Jul 15, 2009, 3:57 AM

So what are you going to do? I'm curious as to how you plan on moving forward in this situation.

MickeyJohnson

Jul 15, 2009, 4:32 AM

wait it out.
hes the one wit the gf so he should figure that HE should make the first move right?
plus if he doesnt im not gonna be heart broken or nothin, i just wanted him cuz hes hot but not generically good-looking like most hot guys.
come to think of it, hes way outta my usual type, i guess thats part of y i want him.

M. Wolfe

Jul 15, 2009, 7:50 AM

Fair enough. But make sure you do things that would help him think you would be reciprocal. If you just inactively wait, he may not even think of you as an option.

~ But I'm sure you've thought of that! ^_^

MickeyJohnson

Jul 17, 2009, 3:28 PM

SSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOo.
what should I do to seem more flirty and reciprocal?
please give me some tips cuz I been tryin.

M. Wolfe

Jul 17, 2009, 5:45 PM

SSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOo.
what should I do to seem more flirty and reciprocal?
please give me some tips cuz I been tryin.

WWWWEEEEELLLLLLLLLllll.
I have no idea, you may have to play it by ear. But there have been some good suggestions in this thread for things to help you tell if he's 'that way', perhaps you could reverse 'em to give the clue that you are 'that way' aswell.

For instance, if you managed to [non-overtly] steer the convo to m/m sexual contact. What he says in that context will tell you a lot. You could drop the hint that if you found yourself in a sufficiently comfortable situation, you may find yourself keen to try something. You could gauge his response from-

A) Eww, no way man.
B) Yea, I dunno. [puzzled expression]
c) Yea, me too probably.

You could also reference his response later.
"Hey do remember saying-....."

I'm not sure how you should move forward, man. But at the end of the day, it's going to involve some degree of manipulation. Good luck to you.

coldplay2009

Jul 17, 2009, 9:58 PM

This brings back memories lol. Actually, this is exactly what happened to me. The only difference was, I was the pursee not the purser. I had often thought about being with a man before but never did. One day, we got a new employee. He always wanted to help me and was always trying to get close to me. One day during our lunch break, we came to my house and grabbed a beer and a bite to eat. He then asked me if I was attracted to him I told him no. He had told me he was attracted to me. He then proceeded to ask me if i'd ever had sex with a man before. I said no again. He asked me if I ever wanted to and I said yes. The moral of the story is you'll never know unless you ask. Good luck to you.

M. Wolfe

Jul 18, 2009, 12:54 AM

MickeyJohnson

Jul 22, 2009, 11:48 PM

I know this thread kinda died a little but I hit a big snag in this problem.
Long story short, how can I let him know that Im interested in him without overtly coming out and saying I WANNA SUCK YOUR COCK! (like i really want to.)
Ive tried a lot of flirting but lately im just running out of ways to let him know without letting him know. I would just come out, but its not really worth it for this one person. not at this time, at least.

void()

Jul 23, 2009, 6:19 PM

Alright, here's a bit of underhanded psychology at play. Flat out accuse him of being a queer, fag, homo. You get the point. Then watch an gauge his reaction/s. You can do it while you are alone with him, or possibly for better results do it when around others.

If he laughs it off and 'goes with the flow' around others as a 'joke', he might have some tendencies you can profit on. If he gets defensive, apologize and let it drop. He and you won't ever be more than 'working buds'.

What you're doing by pointing the finger in this case, is forcing the ball into his court. It asks the question without asking. This spares you having to explain anything, because the usual consensus of thought won't analyze it too far. There's no 'connecting the dots'. "Oh he says I'm queer, maybe he is?" The reason that doesn't follow up is because they are in the 'hot-seat' and have to be careful.

GIAG,HTH

M. Wolfe

Jul 24, 2009, 2:17 AM

Focker

Jul 24, 2009, 8:58 AM

Just continue being friends, get closer and closer. If he is a true friend, and you should be able to see that, then he won't wig out if you spill yourself to him.

Tell him you need to talk to someone about something very personal and see if he's willing to be that "someone".

Don't let him know that he is the target of your desire, just see how he reacts to your situation.

Make him feel like his opinion matters to you, and most likely he will feel flattered that you trusted him this way.

Again, don't let him know that you are attracted to him, just ask him if he has ever had these feelings too.

Asure him that you are not gay, but you have desires to be with a man.
But don't try this approach unless you know in your heart that he is a true friend, for if he is, then either way, he will not turn on you.