WHY DO SO MANY OF THESE SITES REVOLVE AROUND SEX?

[sam in LA]

Okay I am new to all of you, and I hope this does not come off as holier-than-thou. But a peeve of mine is really starting to get to me. I joined this and a few other sites SIMPLY for some interesting conversation and hopefully meaningful dialog. A few recent events have had me re-examine a few assumptions held and I thought I could seek some better understanding online through discussion -- whether it is gay, bi, straight, male, female or other, the source did not matter. But I cannot seem to escape the sexual overtones that are ever so prevalent. From instant-messenging to the personal ads, it seems most are at these sites primarily for one thing. That purpose of course is to HOOK-UP, either for the night or something more long-term. And sometimes it can be completely vulgar and de-humanizing. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions, allow me to state some caveats and prefaces.

- I find this site in particular one of the more insightful especially in terms of these forums and the topics discussed. And though some of the profiles seem to put SEX front and center, it is somewhat self-contained.

- This issue does not seem to be as apparent in the female population (which seems to be inline with those characteristics that are more commonly associated with female traits). NOTE HERE: If this remark has been interpreted as sexist in anyway, I apologize. It is not the intent

- And those looking for more than simply the next lay also really are not at the heart of this issue

- Lastly and regardless, no judgment here…to each his own

So now that is out of the way, a little rant here. Why can’t men simply meet other men in a gentlemen-like fashion? Does seeing an erect penis point one (no pun intended) to a path of a good time or better yet, something more long-term? Are such talk, descriptors, and pics the “best foot” one can put forward? Whether you are seeking a partner, friend or f**k-buddy, all the sexual overtones really do a disservice if one is looking for something more meaningful. It’s one-dimensional, illustrates a lack of character (or at least no confidence to demonstrate one), and is no more fulfilling than eating a rice cake – again I apologize to those who enjoy such snacks.

So that is how I feel about this and I am certain others feel differently. I would really like to see the range of opinions of the subject. I do understand the basic differences between men and women and their respective modus operandi, so I am NOT looking for a human biology lesson. I want to know what makes one compelled to use such tactics to find that connection. I realize men can speak to this issue with a bit more experience, but I would also like the female perspective. PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME.

Fondly, SAM :cool:

P.S. please be kind to me if I have not followed some protocol I am unaware of. I am new here…thanks.

[APMountianMan]

Okay I am new to all of you, and I hope this does not come off as holier-than-thou. But a peeve of mine is really starting to get to me. I joined this and a few other sites SIMPLY for some interesting conversation and hopefully meaningful dialog. A few recent events have had me re-examine a few assumptions held and I thought I could seek some better understanding online through discussion -- whether it is gay, bi, straight, male, female or other, the source did not matter. But I cannot seem to escape the sexual overtones that are ever so prevalent. From instant-messenging to the personal ads, it seems most are at these sites primarily for one thing. That purpose of course is to HOOK-UP, either for the night or something more long-term. And sometimes it can be completely vulgar and de-humanizing. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions, allow me to state some caveats and prefaces.

- I find this site in particular one of the more insightful especially in terms of these forums and the topics discussed. And though some of the profiles seem to put SEX front and center, it is somewhat self-contained.

- This issue does not seem to be as apparent in the female population (which seems to be inline with those characteristics that are more commonly associated with female traits). NOTE HERE: If this remark has been interpreted as sexist in anyway, I apologize. It is not the intent

- And those looking for more than simply the next lay also really are not at the heart of this issue

- Lastly and regardless, no judgment here…to each his own

So now that is out of the way, a little rant here. Why can’t men simply meet other men in a gentlemen-like fashion? Does seeing an erect penis point one (no pun intended) to a path of a good time or better yet, something more long-term? Are such talk, descriptors, and pics the “best foot” one can put forward? Whether you are seeking a partner, friend or f**k-buddy, all the sexual overtones really do a disservice if one is looking for something more meaningful. It’s one-dimensional, illustrates a lack of character (or at least no confidence to demonstrate one), and is no more fulfilling than eating a rice cake – again I apologize to those who enjoy such snacks.

So that is how I feel about this and I am certain others feel differently. I would really like to see the range of opinions of the subject. I do understand the basic differences between men and women and their respective modus operandi, so I am NOT looking for a human biology lesson. I want to know what makes one compelled to use such tactics to find that connection. I realize men can speak to this issue with a bit more experience, but I would also like the female perspective. PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME.

Fondly, SAM :cool:

P.S. please be kind to me if I have not followed some protocol I am unaware of. I am new here…thanks.

Mmmmm... so many places to start and so little time.

1. All males are not just out for a fuck buddy... read my posts.
2. Not all post are ungentlemanly... read my posts.
3. There is nothing wrong with being honest that one is interested only in sex. That allows those of us that are interested in deeper relationships know the playing field.
4. Look deeper, there are more of us out here interested in the total package (pun intended) than you think.

:cool:

[biscuits]

Dearest Sam,

I agree with you that this site is head and shoulders above others as far as its sense of community is concerned as well as the intellectual range of topics discussed in the forums, etc. I love it here. I'm not a huge chatter by any means but I enjoy reading and occassionally responding to posts. I have met several very cool people here and and am truly greatful for the opportunity Drew has given all of us. (Props to Drew)

However, the name of the site is BiSEXual.com so I'm a little surprised to see that the fact that members often discuss sex or converse in sexual inuendos is surprising you. If the site was titled gatheringofintellectualpeoplewhojustsohappenedtoap preciatemembersofthesamesexaswellastheopposite.com then I could see where nude photos of members cruising one another could be a bit shocking.

Please note...as it states in my own profile (some would say unfortunatley devoid of personal porn) I am sarcastic to the Nth degree and I hope you take this in jest as it is meant. It's my own little way of saying, "Welcome to the club."

BUT...you know, some days I want to talk about how is the best way for someone to come out as gay or bi to their friends and family. Some days I want to talk about why I think Hillary would be a great president. And some days I just want to see a picture of some really hot guy with the best six pack going and wonder what it would be like to be in the sack with he and my girlfriend at the same time.

Like you said, "To each [their] own." No one is making you look at nude pictures of potential one night stands. But someone else might be looking for one so why shouldn't they be able to if they're not in the mood to discuss politics or astrophysics or art history on a Friday night?

I hope I'm not coming across as a complete jerk here Sam. Just trying to shed a little light.

Casey

[codybear3]

Can someone point me (with thier finger or erect cock) to where the naked people pictures are, pleeeeze????

"- Lastly and regardless, no judgment here…to each his own"...Like you said Sam, to each his own.

There is diversity here....The key word is "diversity". I see and read just about everything but will choose to act/reply to that which may be of interest to me.

P.S. Welcome to the site Sam...Hope you have fun here with all these wonderful, different people here.... :2cents: :paw: :paw:

[oralolder]

there are a lot of things this old man does not understand about the younger people. for sure I don't understand someone joining a site with sex in the title and not expect sex and sexuality to be part of the subject matter. there must be thousands of sites on the web without such a suggestive title about any other subject known to man, or woman. I am old enough and wise or unwise enought to not beat around the bush, so to speak, about what I seek. if that offends you or anyone else on this site, some or one of the mods can ask me to just leave, and I shall. but untill then I will exercise my privilege to post those wishes as I see fit. stated with no apology to anyone.....oralolder

[sam in LA]

I feel compelled to interject here. Some of you are missing some of the more salient points here and while others seem to be responding to generalizations not stated in the first post.

First, my initial preface made an exception torwards this site.

- I find this site in particular one of the more insightful especially in terms of these forums and the topics discussed. And though some of the profiles seem to put SEX front and center, it is somewhat self-contained.

I am not sure what part of this was missed, but I was particularly not referring to this site. I have not experienced here any of 'vulgar or de-humanizing' gestures that I referred to earlier!

Second, just because the letters S-E-X is contained in the word BISEXUAL does not necessarily imply this is a site about SEX and HOOKING-UP (though I think I was astute enough - prior to registering here - to suspect some would exist). In fact, I have read some wonderful anecedotes here that went far beyond the issue of sex. I do enjoy the full breadth of issues covered in the community.

Third, I was simply asking for opinions so that I (and maybe others) could be MORE ENLIGHTENED. That's all. I am not here to change ny attitudes or behavior - it's not my mission. Absolutely no judgements on my part.

So if I may request again, to please be careful not to be so quick to attack for generalizations and complaints not made. I was looking for a discussion ...nothing more.

Thanks for the posts and the private messages.

Respectfully, SAM :cool:

[Diddybidaddy]

Sam: Not all men are whores. Some are some aren't. Ask yourself if you'd want to live in a world where the only thing anyone ever ate was pâté de foie gras and cordon bleu and read only War and Peace? There would be no comic books and no McDonald's. Both have their place in the world and both are extreme. I wouldn't want a steady diet of either, but a little of each is a good thing. So a little sleaze now and then is too.

Okay I am new to all of you, and I hope this does not come off as holier-than-thou. But a peeve of mine is really starting to get to me. I joined this and a few other sites SIMPLY for some interesting conversation and hopefully meaningful dialog. A few recent events have had me re-examine a few assumptions held and I thought I could seek some better understanding online through discussion -- whether it is gay, bi, straight, male, female or other, the source did not matter. But I cannot seem to escape the sexual overtones that are ever so prevalent. From instant-messenging to the personal ads, it seems most are at these sites primarily for one thing. That purpose of course is to HOOK-UP, either for the night or something more long-term. And sometimes it can be completely vulgar and de-humanizing. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions, allow me to state some caveats and prefaces.

- I find this site in particular one of the more insightful especially in terms of these forums and the topics discussed. And though some of the profiles seem to put SEX front and center, it is somewhat self-contained.

- This issue does not seem to be as apparent in the female population (which seems to be inline with those characteristics that are more commonly associated with female traits). NOTE HERE: If this remark has been interpreted as sexist in anyway, I apologize. It is not the intent

- And those looking for more than simply the next lay also really are not at the heart of this issue

- Lastly and regardless, no judgment here…to each his own

So now that is out of the way, a little rant here. Why can’t men simply meet other men in a gentlemen-like fashion? Does seeing an erect penis point one (no pun intended) to a path of a good time or better yet, something more long-term? Are such talk, descriptors, and pics the “best foot” one can put forward? Whether you are seeking a partner, friend or f**k-buddy, all the sexual overtones really do a disservice if one is looking for something more meaningful. It’s one-dimensional, illustrates a lack of character (or at least no confidence to demonstrate one), and is no more fulfilling than eating a rice cake – again I apologize to those who enjoy such snacks.

So that is how I feel about this and I am certain others feel differently. I would really like to see the range of opinions of the subject. I do understand the basic differences between men and women and their respective modus operandi, so I am NOT looking for a human biology lesson. I want to know what makes one compelled to use such tactics to find that connection. I realize men can speak to this issue with a bit more experience, but I would also like the female perspective. PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME.

Fondly, SAM :cool:

P.S. please be kind to me if I have not followed some protocol I am unaware of. I am new here…thanks.

[ambi53mm]

Hi Sam,

If the most recent poll is a fair sampling of why people come here initially then the numbers pretty much speak for themselves. The reasons are as diverse as the community itself. I came here from a swing site that had a format that included posting personal adds for those “looking for a sexual connection.” My initial intent was for that reason and to some extent that hasn’t changed much. In the above mentioned poll I chose the “all of above category”. I am not the same person that came here just a few short months ago. This site has changed the way I view myself and bisexuality in general largely due to the people that inhabit the community. The exchanges between the people on this site from all over the world, and from every conceivable background whether bi or straight, have helped my understanding of sexuality evolve.
There is a double standard against male bisexuals that exists on other sites whose agenda centers around making a real time connection I have recommended this site to many that I know from these other sites especially, those that list themselves as bi-curious because of the level of understanding, insight intellect and compassion I find here. I never fail to mention the “posts” because that is where the most sincere and widest range of ” thought” seems to take place.
I wish I had a "best foot" to put forward…unfortunately…mine’s only seven inches but it’s been with me so long and been such an object of my attention that I’ve become more or less attached to it ( a little one dimensional humor) LOL. :bigrin:
Interesting post! I’m anxious to read the opinions myself
Ambi

[rupertbare]

WELCOME to our little cyber community.

Look forward to seeing your posts and maybe new threads started by you.

The profiles - written and visual - are as diverse as our members and although many (and maninly from men) feature their pride in their sexual member and prowess I would suggest it is because they do wish for more than intellectual stimulation (lol!! :) )!!!!

Look forward to catching up with in chat sometime.

Rupe, London, UK.

[Sparks]

Good Grief! Chill out Sam. This site, and others like it, were not set up in a one dimentional fashion. This isn't Psych 101, dude. If you join Bisexual.com, and click on the "Chat" button, you have to accept the notion that sex is the theme that brought you here.

As on the streets of LA, you'll find a vast diversity in dialogue here as well. I welcome you here. This community is filled with wonderful, caring people who enjoy general chat. Sometimes it's deep. Sometimes, it's not. But most of the time it's just plain fun.

Once again, welcome. I hope that you stay, post, and chat. This is a mello place to just let your hair down and do whatever. As most regular members
here say in parting, "take good care". And we mean it!

Since I live in Ventura County, I hope to see you in the room one day. Take good care.

[smurf111978]

I came here to try and find answers to various issues regarding being Bisexual. I have made many wonderful friends without who's help, support, and understanding I would never have felt able to come out to my Parents, close friends & other relatives. This is the only such site I belong to and in which I feel at home and safe.

Whilst partial body shots are often not my kind of thing, I do understand that they are for many people and as such I do my best to keep an open mind on such things. I think Drew should be congratulated for creating such a wonderful and diverse community. I feel its this diversity that makes this such a strong and viable online community which I hope will go from strength to strength.

I hope you decide to stay Sam and look forward to perhaps seeing you in the chat room. As others have said we discuss a wide range of things often going from light hearted fun to serious topics. As one of the chat room regulars I'm sure the others wont mind me speaking on their behalf by saying we always try to do our best to welcome new members, and to answer to our best ability any questions both new or long standing members have.

[2curioustwo]

I suspect that it is that it is partly because of the prejudice against bi guys in the general community. I am not out, probably will never be of my own choosing. Why? I don't like being discriminated against.

The downside - its pretty hard to meet another bi guy if I'm not out - how do I approach him? What if he's not bi - my "bidar" is hopeless and I've had a couple of close calls with guys that made lots of gay/bi jokes but were doing it as an expression of their homophobia (I'll never understand that one but its sooo common)

My solution - find people online. Its not all about sex for me, but I'm not that interested in hours of chat if there is little chance of sex because their sexual interests are different to mine. So, I tend to cut to the chase early on. I have enough straight friends offline. If there is agreement and a similar sense of humour - why not meet?

My 2c

[Driver 8]

Wow - there's a lot here, but let me start with the observation that a couple of people have made, that the site title contains the letters S-E-X in that order.

The thing is, the only widely understood words for "bisexual" are "bisexual" itself, and "bi" (and everyone knows what that's short for.) Even if all you want to discuss is the social, emotional, or political aspects of people who are interested in relationships with members of either gender, you're going to end up back at the word "bisexual," because it's the one we have to talk about the subject.

The gay and lesbian communities have been very successful in getting people to move away from the word "homosexual," but, for bisexuals, there just isn't another word that's a candidate right now. (I know there have been other proposals, like PeterH's "biamorous"; what I mean is that none of them are well-enough known that you could say them and expect most people to know what you're talking about.)

I find this all a bit ironic. Back in '93, I took part in the big March On Washington. All the official materials said "Gay, Lesbian, and Bi" - see what's missing there? (Actually two things are missing - the organizers also refused to put "transgender" in the name.) At that time I was running the local bi support group here in town, and I was endlessly hearing "Bisexuals have nothing in common with gays and lesbians. We have relationships; you just have sex." Their proof, inevitably, included "That's why you're called bisexual."

Now, thirteen years later, most GLBT organizations have figured things out - hence the change in acronym - but isn't this a form of the same idea? That the origins of a word none of us picked determines what's most important about us?

[anne27]

"so many of these sites revolve around sex" because we as humans revolve around sex.

If not for sex, none of us would be here. :2cents:

[rumple4skin]

Sam,
I have been coming to this site for about a month. I agree that this site has alot more substance then other sites. I come to this site to read the posts and talk in the chat room. I must confess that in the chat room I do flirt sometimes and some of my comments are inuendos but that is just a little harmless fun. I am not here for hookups or cyber. I am very eager to talk about any serious topic someone brings up in the chat room, or watch the chat if I can learn something from the topic. I also love the forum. That is one of the big reasons I enjoy this site. The wide range of topics here gives me alot to think about. The biggest reason I enjoy this site is the people. There is a real sence of community here and I did not find that other sites.

If you are coming to this site for interesting conversations then you will definatley find that here. I consider myself a gentleman and do not think everythng revolves around sex. It is just one of the parts that makes me who I am. If others are here for a hookup then good for them. That is not why I am here. If they post nude pics of themselves then I will most likley look at them :).

The other sites that I know of are more of a hookup site than this one. I have used 2 other sites to "hookup" with guys. My reasons for doing so were for exploration. I was never really into one night stands so I do not consider myself promiscuous. I was not looking for a "relashioship" so i felt it was a good idea to mention that in the profile on the other sites. I even had nude pics of myself on those profiles. I have turned down most of the offers I got for various reasons. The people that I have gotten together with invloved a connection on at least some level. I found it a convient way to find people interested in what I was interested in without alot of song and dance. So i have visited the hookup sites but enjoy this site much more. I am not sure if I spoke to your actual point at all but these were my thoughs and experience on it. Hope you enjoy this site and look forwad to reading more posts by you.
Welcome to the site,
Rumple

[JohnnyV]

Sam in LA,

I guess I'll adopt the minority opinion here and tell you that I empathize with what you're saying. I'm also frustrated by the fact that so much discussion of sexual orientation sinks into pornography, but I am guessing that you aren't frustrated with THIS site, rather with the larger culture in which we all live. I have found that people on bisexual.com are more than willing to engage in intellectual discussions, even to the point of warring with one another like eighteenth-century philosophers in a Parisian coffee salon (for examples, you can cruise my old threads on religion and health care, etc.) You're probably exhausted by the hypersexual culture in which we live, and that's understandable; I'd just suggest that you should be aware of the wide range of discussion possibilities this particular site can offer you. You should feel free to vent on bisexual.com and don't get discouraged by people who may feel unfairly attacked ... Just try to explain yourself, be patient, and give people a chance. I don't know what your situation is, but since I'm in a happy marriage, I also try to be flexible toward people who aren't getting regular sex and will naturally want to find sex partners online. They need a place to connect and this is as good as any. We can all share the same space.

Good luck,
J

[mrplayfuluk]

As someone coming to terms with the knowledge that i am attracted to more than just womankind, and attempting to view myself as biSEXUAL, this site has been a godsend; it has opened my mind sexually in a relatively safe environment. There are people here on different levels. I haven't had a sexual experience with another male since my youth, so experiencing a new erotic episode with another man will be a defining moment and it will be a profound sexual moment, so I am naturally wary and need support. You have to be careful not to confuse pornographic sex with erotic sex on here. Some guys and gals use the profile section alone for meeting people, some enjoy the forums to be part of a community and some do both; same with the chat room. As long as everyone is open, never pushy and can accept the odd rejection, then we can all live under the same roof. I have already had one pushy experience from someone on here and it was rude and abusive, as his idea of 'fun' was not like mine. I gently rejected further advances and he took it personally. I need to be sexually bisexual, if I am... not just intellectually. Therefore this site inevitably revolves around sex and its impact on us all, wives, partners, and friends included.

[meteast chick]

It is absolutely true that what drew us all to this site was sex, whether wanting it, acting on it, talking about it, or wanting understanding of it. While I have an ad in my profile, it is only there to attract those who may be interested. I also said that I would love new friends just as much as new lovers.

I would say it is much easier to get out these feelings through text of some sort. The internet is so much more discreet, more mysterious, more accepting. Most of us don't have the balls (ok so I REALLY don't) to go out in public and say these things, but here it's just so much...simpler. I'm not much into cybering, but I do have sexual overtones in my discussions. Frankly, it's just funny, and it lightens up topics of conversation. Remember, we're all here for the same reason: someone in our lives, including ourselves, is bisexual.

[Driver 8]

I also think that this site has so many good discussions because it's open to everyone, from those looking for sex to those looking for more.

Too many of the real-life and online bi groups I've seen are either so quiet they're nearly dead, or they're made up of a small group of people who share the same opinions about things and aren't welcoming to those who don't agree. I once got flamed in one group for posting about some cruel and small-minded things a lesbian woman had just said to me; turned out that the regulars felt that bisexuals should never complain about gays and lesbians, because we should be using all of our time and energy to dismantle the heteropatriarchal system of oppression, or some damn thing like that. That was my last straw with that "community," but, as you can guess, it's not as though there was a lot of interesting discussion going on.

Here, though, I haven't run into the idea that there's one right way to be bi. The site is open to everyone, no matter where they're coming from, whether they're deeply closeted and just working things out, or completely open and comfortable. I'm continually amazed by the variety I see here - and how much I turn out to have in common with people from very different backgrounds. :2cents:

[rupertbare]

I just wanted to say what a great thread that this one is and how the replies are "way cool".

And Driver 8 - I couldn't have put it better although I'd add to your list of site users - the straight partners with bi husbands and wives - their contribution is both enormous and enlightening.

Love and Peace from the UK

Rupe :)

[Long Duck Dong]

lol ok, I belong to the bisexual community cos i am a bisexual

strangely enuf, i go beyond the standard idea of a bisexual in the fact that I am indeed dual sexual in mind, thought, emotions, and that is really differcult for me
it simple means that my body has the traits of the female ( hairless and smooth skin ) and the build of the male
I am able to think understand and speak as male or female on many subjects
I can be sub/dom etc etc etc

now in bisexual.com, I belong as a person and I am accepted as a person...and the outside world is no longer a hard place to live... and i escape the judgement of the outside world

but if i was advertising in this site, I would advertise in a manner that best illustrated what i sought

a pic of a male or females anatomy may interest me if I want sex without attachments
or if i have a precise desire that i wish to have furfilled

or i could read all the personals if i was indeed nosy enuf ( i do actually but don't tell anybody :tong: )

but in my home town... I am outlawed ( being bisexual, a wicca witch and not afraid of the town bullies is something that makes my life interesting )

but honestly and simply, some sites are meat markets, some are forums and one ( bisexual.com ) is a community and * family * site
hence i stay here and enjoy the fact that here I am a person

[sam in LA]

There certainly has not been a dearth of opinion on this topic. Thank you to all of you who took the time to reply - regardless of the opinion. It so far has been interesting (even entertaining). I knew starting such a thread might trigger reaction at the very least, prompt profound insight at the most, but elicit a cross-section of comments nonetheless.

However it seemed some were compelled to take a defensive posture. Admittedly, it was not the reaction I anticipated. I re-read my original post and feel an apology (of some degree) is in order. The line between opinion and judgment can be rather blurry. In my zeal to better understand the issue raised, I now realize in hindsight how certain remarks may have pushed some hot buttons. I am sorry if someone felt they had to defend their actions.

The common thought among most of the posts was “to each his/her own”. Many of you pointed to the diversity of the site as the single element that compelled each of you to remain as a part of the community. Though I am too new to this site to agree wholeheartedly, I can certainly see evidence of that.

Some intriguing analogies were made to support ones position on the topic.
However I do think certain comparisons beg further exploration. One compared the dialog on this site to that of the streets of LA. This is an interesting association, if I was simply referring to dialog. A better analogy to my remarks would have been the alley. The fact of the matter is that I was not speaking to simply the discussion that takes place as much as I as the pornographic gestures and related photos.

Several summed it up succinctly. A comparison to the larger culture seemed to accurately frame the issue. In our excitement to freely discuss sexual orientation and desires, elements that border on pornography eventually creep in. And yes, this is not a surprise. Did you really think I was expecting bible discussions? Of course not! I do realize this medium affords many a modicum of anonymity offering freedom sometimes not possible beyond the cyber-world. Be free, express yourself, and just remember to respect your fellow community members

Ciao, SAM

[JohnnyV]

Sam in LA,

I'm not clear as to whether you have written a permanent farewell or an extended introduction. If you are planning never to return to bisexual.com, I wish you well, though I suspect you may have reached a hasty judgment about us. If you are planning on staying at bisexual.com, I invite you to contact me about any non-sexual issue that you feel can't be addressed in the most public venues. I, for one, enjoy having non-pornographic discussions. I just don't find pornographic discussions in any way offensive; I take them for what they are and focus on what interests me.

best wishes,
J

[Driver 8]

If you are planning on staying at bisexual.com, I invite you to contact me about any non-sexual issue that you feel can't be addressed in the most public venues.
And I'd invite you to post about them in the public venues, since that's how many of the more interesting discussions start.

[Quitestorm]

:) Hi Sam in LA this is Quitestorm from Bisxual.com :2cents: and her is what I think ... I coundlt agree more being a female and just trying the field for the first time and trying to make friends the sexual inuendos are always present . I have always liked women true But I have never slept with a women also . I want to earn their trust first as they must also earn mine being abused sexually several times I dont like the sexual pressure that you must decide upon in order just to talk to females/males . It is ashamed that many people dont feel the way that I do I hate being pressured into things that I cannot control and I refuse to get myself into a situation where I cannot get out of . :girl: :soapbox ..........I admire you for speaking your mind

[searchingbrian]

:) Hi Sam in LA this is Quitestorm from Bisxual.com :2cents: and her is what I think ... I coundlt agree more being a female and just trying the field for the first time and trying to make friends the sexual inuendos are always present . I have always liked women true But I have never slept with a women also . I want to earn their trust first as they must also earn mine being abused sexually several times I dont like the sexual pressure that you must decide upon in order just to talk to females/males . It is ashamed that many people dont feel the way that I do I hate being pressured into things that I cannot control and I refuse to get myself into a situation where I cannot get out of . :girl: :soapbox ..........I admire you for speaking your mind


What you point out, Storm, is important. I believe that if you take away the "pressure" things are more likely to work out anyway. I have found that the more you push the less likely things will happen. This site, for instance, is not about instant sex connections but more about people. I found that I like talking to so many people here and the sexual inuendos are meant more as a lighthearted and natural parts of the conversation, not as come-ons. It is sites like these where you are more likely to relax without pressure and actually fall in love with someone...I know I have!

[kickasstrinity2]

Sam, welcome to the diverse community of bisexual.com!

I learned of this site from a friend of mine that I met from a previous site (which had more nude pics than I expected :yikes2: ) LOL.....but I must say that we are all sexual creatures. ;) It is tough to answer ur question to be honest. I, myself, don't mind the nude pics, although there's times when I wonder why or even how they took the pic...LOL. I guess it is a comfort zone. Our threshold with ourselves is very different from others. Although I have not nude pics posted...I'd take a nude pic :tong: , but that's not what I want people to see first.....But again and I can't stress enough...people have a comfort zone with what they post for others to see....We have grown into a world where "sex sells". Well that is the motto in most commericals, TV sit-coms, movies, ads, and everywhere....I guess people want to "sell themselves" like we see everywhere in the world.

But again, the reasons why one is here is for their personal understanding of themselves, or of bisexuallity, or for sex, or just to meet people...whatever the reason maybe just knowing that there are people going through the same issues as I have... makes the world of difference. There is a place I belong ;)

[SourGreenAppleBeauty]

Dear Sam,
I would like to point out that at first, when I signed up for this site I was looking for a f**k buddy as you so elegantly put it and instead walked away with beautiful woman for whom I want to spend a very long time with...Sometimes I think people are looking for sex when what they find is something so much more meaningful. :bipride: I'm happily engaged...I love my fiancee but he wanted and I wanted to find someone to make me feel...loved in all aspects and to experiment a little....so here we are! My gf Jonie is darling and My bf is so loving and understanding. I couldn't be happier. :color: :female: :female:

[chook]

I think I can safely say that I've been coming in here longer than most of you who have posted here. For starters Sam, what are you looking for, this is an above 18 or older site and of course people are going to talk about sex and flirt and some may even carry on in the main room and if it offends you there's always the log out icon. This chat room is basically what you make of it if you want friends you'll make friends if you're after lovers you might be lucky enough to find them too and if you simply want to chat just tell the person so, after all no one is in here just to entertain you or judge you in any way so I suggest you give the room a lot more time than you have and I think you might enjoy it better.

Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[chook]

bye the way I have been coming here for over 4 years now, sorry I forgot to mention it.


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[nubiwoman]

Dear Sam,
I would like to point out that at first, when I signed up for this site I was looking for a f**k buddy as you so elegantly put it and instead walked away with beautiful woman for whom I want to spend a very long time with...Sometimes I think people are looking for sex when what they find is something so much more meaningful. :bipride: I'm happily engaged...I love my fiancee but he wanted and I wanted to find someone to make me feel...loved in all aspects and to experiment a little....so here we are! My gf Jonie is darling and My bf is so loving and understanding. I couldn't be happier. :color: :female: :female:

I too came to this site unsure of what i wanted.... i knew i didn't want to be so confused about my sexuality and at first my expectations were pretty low.

Through using the forums and chatroom i gradually built up a network of friends both online and in person by being able to access my local bi group..

i had a few 'liasons' with folk, some good some not so good... but it was only through these experiences that I, like sourgreen, became more discerning and gained the confidence to not settle for second best...

many folk use this site on their journey of self discovery and access invaluable support from its largly uncensored resourses... i for one would be very sad if these resources no longer existed...

i'm glad you found us Sam and hope you can experience how much we are valuing your input already ;)

Julie :female:

[Billythekid]

Hu Nubi

hey your question of why these sites revolve around sex..look at your own profile your eyes shut yiur tits erect and look like you rae covered in oil..why do ya think???????? Dah take a look at your prof :) ile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

[thelos]

This being a graphical medium there is really no other way to attract mate.friend, partner than to post sexually expressive pics. In the real world you have movement, sound, smell and touch to attract with or be attracted to. Sex is fun and a lot great relationships start with sexual attraction.

There is no reason good conversation can't come after a great blow job.

[sam in LA]

I am sitting here with a smirk on my face wondering what some of you must think of me. Run away just because of a little flesh or sexual innuendo, I THINK NOT. :rolleyes: Besides the discussion was not centered on this site, so I really do not have a sound reason to leave. And as someone pointed out, I have NOT been here long enough to make such a judgement. I may not hang-out the chatroom often, but I will pop in offering a thought here and there on occasion.

And also a special thank you to those of you who sent me a private message. I really appreciated it and will catch-up with you individually when I get the chance.

Ciao...just for now, SAM :cool:

[wanderingrichard]

sam,
it's the anonymity of the world wide whoopee that makes so many sites revolve around sex. you can take a person with a face that would stop an eight day clock, and a body that would make a freight train take a dirt road, and make them into the hottest thing since casanova or yvonne decarlo.
add to it, the fact that sex just plain outsells everything else except air and water.
maybe i misread the opening question, but those seem to be the best answers i can give ya.
and , nope, i didnt originate them, i'm only passing them on.
Rich

[nubiwoman]

Hu Nubi

hey your question of why these sites revolve around sex..look at your own profile your eyes shut yiur tits erect and look like you rae covered in oil..why do ya think???????? Dah take a look at your prof :) ile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

er what?... maybe it would help if you re read my post Billy and note that it is the first response on page 2 of Sams provocative thread 'why do so many of these sites revolve around sex?' ?

My response is celebrating the fact the site is largly uncensored, the question was Sams...NOT mine?

I hope that clears things up for you?

julie :rolleyes:

[Driver 8]

I hope that clears things up for you?
I'm still confused. I think it would help if you posted more pictures.

[rupertbare]

I agree with Driver 8 - more Julie, more!!! lol!!! :)

Oh I'm sorry, but you are gorgeous in my eyes,

love and peace to you and yours

Ron (Rupe) ;)

[ErosUrge]

There have been so many to respond to Sam and I wish I had the time to read through them all. So, I apologize if I am regurgitating something someone has already posted. I will try to keep this as short as possible. I completely relate to your desire to have more meaningful dialogue here and think that it is the reason why many of us indeed do return here. With that said however, it is important to remember also that those of us who are seeking to 'hook up' shouldn't be shunned or made to feel unwholesome. One of the greatest tragedies to me about sexuality period is that it is colored in such a way as to be made negative whether it be for a brief encounter or not. Please don't misunderstand as I am wanting meaningful relationships with people also and certainly do have them. But at the same time, let's not denigrate those who are merely seeking to 'hook up'. They are not dominant here anymore than anyone else. I certainly enjoy the ocassional 'hook up' also but treasure the more meaningful communications as well....we're all in this together.

[danny_bi]

Maybe some religious group could be of more use!

[nubiwoman]

I agree with Driver 8 - more Julie, more!!! lol!!! :)

Oh I'm sorry, but you are gorgeous in my eyes,

love and peace to you and yours

Ron (Rupe) ;)

PMSL Driver and Ron!

Oh you guys :kay:


mwah! julie xx

[tonya73]

Today is my first day at this site and I like it alot. I do have to agree with you about forums that talk about nothing but sex. It is a turn off to the any site. I thank you for bringing that up I thought it was just me. I stayed away from a lot of sites because that just isnt me. So for every one who is upset by the statement, I have only one question. Why? I have only been at this site for one day and so far I am seeing less then I thought I was going to see. Sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you dont.

[nubiwoman]

Today is my first day at this site and I like it alot. I do have to agree with you about forums that talk about nothing but sex. It is a turn off to the any site. I thank you for bringing that up I thought it was just me. I stayed away from a lot of sites because that just isnt me. So for every one who is upset by the statement, I have only one question. Why? I have only been at this site for one day and so far I am seeing less then I thought I was going to see. Sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you dont.

Grins :bigrin:

welcome tonya..

Julie xx

[Kitsy]

Hmmm...Yeah it is kinda annoying and luckily the issue isn't too bad on this site ^_^;; I suppose some are here to explore their sexuality and think the best way to do so is through sex, even I do to an extent....Either way I thankful the chatrooms here are not very much like Gay.com, which although in general has quite a lot of interesting things going on outside of chat, most, verging on all, of the chat is sex ^_^;; plus you get bots on there too which is such a pain >_<;;

.....Um I kinda forgot where I was going with that ^_^;; ..... anyway it seems to be very hard to find guys who are looking for more than just sex, but obviously there are some, yourself being an example ^_^ and hopefully me too LoL. I have had a few women approach me in chat for that kinda thing, though once they realise I'm not a girl they tend to go off....Get that more with men though still.....They don't even wanna talk....I mean it kinda makes sense, just annoys me a bit too.... Oh well I'm ranting now kinda ^_^;;

Anywho, Thanks Sam for bringing up the subject and catching my attention, though if I hadn't I would have been doing something useful maybe so maybe you shouldn't have.....Oh well I probably wouldn't have done anything useful anyway ^_^;;

[JohnnyV]

The one thing I can say in defense of Gay.com is that I've found fabulous phone sex partners online there. Once they're on the phone, they will sometimes prove to be highly articulate people. Believe it or not I've made two very good acquaintances and I still keep in touch with them. Often we talk about politics or religion and don't even get off. When we do get off, what can I say -- BONZAI!!

J

[Kitsy]

Yeah I met one or two lovely people, but yeah it hard to find anyone in chat who's interested in anything much more than sex.....or maybe I just attract that kinda person somehow ^_^;; I dunno....In the forums there people seem not to mention sex that much....Either way Gay.com isn't a bad place....And plus something I noticed is sometimes guys have a sexual build up, but once it's out of the way it's much more fun kinda, I know I prefer events after with the cuddling and such *nods* But yeah Gay.com isn't a bad place to check out anyway.

[JohnnyV]

Kitsy,

Yes, I've noticed that on gay.com, the discussion boards are actually quite sophisticated. There are more vigorous debates there than here, partly because there are fewer of us on bisexual.com, and partly because gays are, in my opinion, more staunch in their views than bisexuals (who are more likely to go with the flow, in sex as in everything in life.) I think the discussion boards here are more polite and tactful, and people are more thoughtful. But on gay.com the discussion boards incorporate a much wider range of opinions and a higher degree of argumentation.

J

[bookworm]

Set the Wayback Machine, Sherman...lol!

Sam--

Your post has much merit, and I appreciate your honesty. I think we can all agree that any site which includes personal thought will inevitably create a wide--as well as specific--range of experiences and desires. 'Tis but human nature...

So if I may address memory for a moment--

Throughout most of my life, computers were a thing of science fiction, movies, and shows like The Man From U.N.C.L.E. How cool to have a computer (and phone!) in your briefcase? In the 60's the phone on the wall in my house had a cord! Ah, but to dream...

Today, kids 40 years younger know how to navigate the net better than I! Okay, so I'm a Luddite. To my point... (with sighs of "At Last!" from readers)...

The net has changed everything, for good and ill. Personally, a good conversation and exchange of ideas on this site makes me feel part of a special community. I want to know what others think, want, and feel, and desire. I want to know who they are. For the most part I have found users of this site to be polite and respectful, and I give huge props to Drew for making this the most relaxing site on the web. Yes, sex is here, no doubt. At the same time, perspective.

An oft-written effect of our computer culture is that of anonymity, isolation, and extremist viewpoints. What I appreciate here is the vast array of experiences, of lifestyles and orientations, and of questions. I may not agree with everything I see and read here, but I will defend it.

docendo discimus.
(we learn by teaching)