Used Bear has left us...my thoughts

[onewhocares]

It is with a full but sorrowful heart that I must share with all the members here the news that our USED BEAR, the lovable, affable naked chef from New Jersey has passed away. While his time here recently was limited by his eyesight, his thoughts and wishes were always expressed to you all through me.

You may have come to know him through late night conversations on a wide variety of subjects....his love of politics, music, old movie and literature. We had a core group of folks that made up "the old gang of mine" and he never forgot to ask about you all.

Recently there has been a discussion on this site by those who would comment on what this site can mean to the members, some have said that we are a community, a family to those with a common bond. Some disagree, but those of us who have come to meet people from this site in person can tell you that many of us have indeed become family.

Such was the case of Used Bear and I. Shortly after we joined this site, I met Bear in the chat room and found a common bond of music and old movies. When I found out that he was in the electrical business I had many a question for him as we were building our new home and had some difficulties. He was always happy to answer this blonde's questions no matter how trivial or dumb. Over the next several months we would meet in chat and talk about what was going on in the room but would have side conversations about old movies, jazz, cooking. I had the
chance to meet him in person in January of 2006. While we were unsure of what kind of a relationship would develop, after that first meeting we knew that we would be great friends and soul mates and I was not the romantic woman he searched for. Our friendship grew over the years and he became part of my family, spending vacations and special events with us.

While he was part of my family, I was not alone. He also developed a wonderful caring love for our dear Huneypot who had a special place in his heart and who was heartbroken over her death nearly two years ago. His heart ached and she left a permanent tear in his eye. Another tear was shed when Angelina another friend from this site passed away two months ago. I had introduced them a few years ago and had great hope that two very special people had found the one special love that they had been seeking. His heart was broken when she died in a car accident in September.

He was proud to be Italian, a good cook, supporter of the New York teams.....even so brave as to wear a Yankees or a Giants cap when here in Boston with us. He grew up in Harlem at a time when being an outspoken white boy could have caused trouble but he fit in with all he
came to know. He loved Jazz and there was never a time when a song was not heard in the backround when talking on the phone. He just recently flew to Las Vegas to walk his daughter down the aisle and so happy she found a wonderful husband.

Many of you touched his life. His admiration of Kate for her forthrightness and common sense; CMM and Volty who shared thought provoking discussions on politics and Bill Maher, Arana and Michael for never forgetting a special date. Showmeguy, Cat and he shared a love of writting.He was SO happy that Gleeky, the young woman who would come to be like a daughter was going to be a mom soon. Smurf, the young man whom he believed possessed the stamina and diligence to overcome his disabilities to Peggers and Texy and those from the land down under....to others whom I would be limited by space to write of.

May this burly gentle giant of a bear be blessed with a wonderful time in eternity and I know with certainty that he shall be looking down upon us, with a drink in one hand a fine cigar in another telling us to stand up for what we believe, take no shit from anyone, enjoy the arts, learn from those who have come before you and share your knowledge with the ones who come after you....and most importantly...tell those whom you care about how you feel.

Dear Bear.....you may have left us, and your journey on earth is done but you are now able to share your days and walk hand in hand with the two most special women in your life... Huney and Anglelina. You will always have a most special place in my heart, my husband Bill and our daughter your beloved Kendall. She will one day show all the greatness you have seen in her.

Bye Sweets.

All MY Love,

Belle

[still_shy]

Oh Belle, I cannot find the appropriate words to express my sorrow and deep condolences for the loss of Bear. I am so very sorry, dear. May those whose lives he touched remember and love him always.

Hillary

[csrakate]

I don't have the words to express my sorrow in the loss of our beloved friend. I will miss him, but will always remember his huge heart, his loving smile, his big BEAR hugs and his big, wet smooches! He was a big part of our life here on this site and his passing leaves a great void in the hearts of many.

I'll miss you, my friend and it is my hope that you and Huneypot are once again hand in hand.

Much love,
Kate

[showmeguy]

Belle,

Thank you for speaking to us and for us. Usedbear was loved by and will be missed by many, and I know it is an especially difficult loss for you and your family. He was a good friend and wise counselor to me. Your thoughtfulness in posting this sad news in the face of this loss is, in itself, a marvelous tribute to Usedbear.

Thank you, Belle.

Showmeguy

[mistymockingbird]

This is beautiful Belle. I didn't know him well, but I knew him well enough to know that he was a truly wonderful person. And I'm very well aware of how much he meant to people that I think of, still, as my friends.

My thoughts are with his loved ones.

[Long Duck Dong]

I recall seeing used bear post and in the chat a few times... like belle and allbi, arana and micheal and many others, he became somebody i admired and thought the world of.....

over my time in bisexual.com I have realised that I will never meet a lot of the people in the site that remind me that LGBT is not about being sexual but about being loving, caring, a listener and a hugger, a smiler and a tear jerker and somebody that the world would stop to listen to .......

used bear was one of those people.... and for that I am grateful.... for it is their light that shines as a beacon for the lgbt community....and now that light shines no more..... but I am thankful for those that have remained to shine on and hold hands with those whose light is starting to shine

used bear had many names in my eyes... brave heart bear, lotsa love bear, hug a lot bear..... and now its walk in peace bear......

thank you used bear for being you.... you may be missed, but never forgotten

[AdamKadmon43]

I did not know this person, but apparently he was very kind and gentle and well-liked.

It is always sad to lose the nice ones.

[ladydelanie]

With such sorrow I give my thanks to you Belle for letting us know. As we all know Used Bear was a kind, loving, precious soul. Blessings to you and your family Belle. May your hearts find peace.
Bear, our loving Bear...you will surely be missed, as you were loved by many, just as you loved....To you my fellow Italian friend......

"Chi trova un amico trova un tesoro" - He who finds a friend, finds a treasure

We found one with you Bear......

May you soar on the wings of the Angels......

Ladyd

[arana]

Thank you ((((Belle)))) for paying such a lovely tribute to a wonderful man. I was so stunned by the news when allbi told me. Bear will indeed be missed by many. If you looked up "teddy bear" in the dictionary you'd see a picture of Usedbear. He was such a kind and caring soul even with his gruff exterior. A gentle man if ever there was one. I got a kick out of reading his rants about the government and healthcare issues at another site we are on. He was passionate and spoke his mind yet open enough to listen to other opinions and never belittled for having a different point of view.

I know what a big part of your life he was Belle and I hope you are holding up ok. Big hugs to you, sweet lady!!!!!

[curious married m]

When he signed off on a thread he always wrote;
Yer ever-loving bear,

Well, he will forever be to those of us his life touched our Ever-loving Bear.

[meteast chick]

I saw your post and tears already started streaming down my face, and they continue to as I write this. Bear and I grew quite close, as many of you may know, through our mutual love of Huneypot (R.I.P.). It was just recently that I had a chance to call him, however due to the business of my life, I procrastinated a bit too long...and I'll never get that chance again. My heart has just dropped. Wow I know that feeling much too well through this site.

Thank you Belle for the touching tribute to my dear Bear friend.

luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Rachelle

[Adora]

it is with great sorry that i write this...what a great wonderful man. he also had a love of children that i personally know about. when my son was working on his Eagle Scout rank, bear was with him every step of the way. From talking him through things on the phone to even sending him a monatry donation, he was always there for my Jordan. We will sadly miss him. he will never be forgotten. Rest in peace my dear friend. I love you

[meteast chick]

These are for you Belle...the way we will always remember Bear: jovial, smiling, happy, warm and so much more. Thank you for listening to me.

[onewhocares]

These are for you Belle...the way we will always remember Bear: jovial, smiling, happy, warm and so much more. Thank you for listening to me.

THANK YOU for the photos that I have been looking for......to share with all of you.

The first is of Bear and his beloved Angelina.

The second is of Bear and Belle.

[texasman6172003]

As i am writing this y'all,i have tears also.Nick meant a lot too me.He befriended me right off.We had some chats and talked about cooking,which we both love. And then there was allways the humor between us in chat. May he rest in piece now with his huneypot,and Angelina... As i said with huney,why do the good folks allway's go too soon. Bless you Nick,for you will be missed buy many!!

[NJ Mac]

I'm sorry to hear this sad news Belle and everyone. I did not know him but it seems he was a good man. Keep him in your hearts.

"Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you"

- (W. Zevon)

Peace,
Mac

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Oh My God..:( I feel deeply hurt by his loss as I had come to love him as a good friend and fellow writer. Miss Belle, thank you for letting us know. My heart really hurts right now...:(

[Realist]

Belle, that is the sweetest, most heart-felt tribute I ever read. I didn't know Bear, but he must have been a peach. God's speed to him and thanks for the small picture of his life.

[mariersa]

I can't add more expressions of love and frieendship, other than those than have been expressed above! Sad Marie

[chook]

Thank you Belle, that is a lovely heartfelt tribute to a truly wonderful man.

Used Bear and I hit it off from the word go and we shared many a good laugh, even though he used to call me his Cheeky Paisano from Down Under. We shared many a recipe and good laughs.....I was floored to hear of his passing and was absolutely lost for words, as I still am.

Well, Used Bear, from one paisano to another, Ciao old friend and may you Rest In Peace. I along with all those who's lives you have touched will miss you heaps.


Aussie & Chook

[rissababynta]

There is nothing more I can say that hasn't already been said...:-(

[roy m cox]

:( oh sorry "hugs" :(

[mikey3000]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

But please remember, death is not the end. It is just the beginning of an amazing journey home. He can still see you, hear you and feel what's in your heart. And he knows what your friendship meant. Just know that he is so happy now, and will be watching over you and your family, until you meet again.

Warmest regards.

[Michael623]

He touched so many hearts here and mine as well. I can't believe there was a person who knew him that wasn't effected in a loving and caring way. I wish you well on your new adventure, my friend, and I will miss you. My condolences to you Belle, and all his friends and family.

Michael

[swimmergirl]

I am so sad to hear this my thoughts are with you all who was close to him and to his family

[Flounder1967]

Bear will be missed by all. He was a great friend.

[Mrs.F]

I woke up early this morning to read this.....I had tears instantly. I don't even know what to say. Bear was there for me on a daily basis. Infact I just wrote to him the other day and wondered why he never responded. I am just in shock. I will miss him so much...he was a wonderful, wonderful man! :(

[littlerayofsunshine]

I remember when I joined this site and how welcomed he helped make me feel. He was a jovial man, warm, kind and even when ya just met him, it was if he already knew you and the same in return. Seeing this, this morning, is saddening.

Belle, what a wonderful tribute to a wonderful man. To all that are touched by his passing, my condolences and prayers are with you all.


God speed to our ever luvin Usedbear

[Indaco76]

Belle, I didn't know Used Bear but your words touched a very deep place inside me.
May Used Bear continue to fill your life and your heart with his presence in spirit.
A big hug to you and a heartfelt goodbye to Bear.

[allbimyself]

Our community and indeed the world have lost one of the good guys.

As happened when we lost huneypot, the thing that keeps reverberating in my mind is the sound of Nick's deep, thunderous laughter.

I hope that he and Donna are having a good laugh together today.

Goodbye, my friend.

[**Peg**]

well...

I mentioned to showme last evening that I would post a response this morning when my mind was clearer; that hasn't happened.

I just don't know what to say that might comfort the people who knew Nick best. My mind is empty but my heart is full of pain for us all.

> love <

Peg

[12voltman59]

Well--after chatting with Belle on Yahoo yesterday regarding Used Bear--his actual name was "Nick"---I knew that something bad had to have happened to him---I haven't spoken with Belle since yesterday---from what she said in here post above--I take it that his death was from "natural causes."

I had been concerned about his health for sometime---even though I had not chatted with Nick in sometime--I sure do miss our conversations. I do deeply regret-that while I had often planned to travel up to the East Coast to meet him---for some reason those plans never seemed to work out.

He was an interesting person with his memories of the neighborhood he grew up in the New York City area---I had wanted to come up and go with him to Grand Central Station where National Public Radio had recording booths set up to record interviews done between people regarding their lives--I would liked to have had some of his memories of his days growing up in "the city
preserved for perpetuity---NPR provided those tapes to the Smithsonian Institution for archiving.

I am very much bummed to hear of Nick's death---but at least we do know that he passed-thanks Belle.

To Nick---rest in peace buddy-his life had seemed to have been unfarily hard of late-but then again-that is the way life goes. He was a big fan of Sinatra's and Old Blue Eyes sure had some great songs about life's up and downs--I am sure Nick is someplace listening to one of those great Frankie songs.

Even though we never did get to meet in "the real world"--I still very much considered you a great friend!! You will be missed.

[Donkey_burger]

I wish that I was able to meet bear. I'm so sorry that he passed away before I had the chance.

DB :bipride:

[Gleekybaby]

I have only very recently, in the last hour b4 my posting this (and seeing this thread) Found out my Darling Daddy Bear.
So i kinda wirte this Tears still falling from Shock and Saddness.

Besides not really knowing what to say, i want to Thank Belle for Letting us know that our Very Loving Bear has passed and peacefully.
*hugs Belle tightly*
You have always been Wonderful in letting us know of our loving bear and letting him know in return how we all are.

The last time i caught up with DaddyBear he told me how happy he was that i am going to be a mummy, he was so proud of me. and i was so very happy to have a chance to say hey to him.

Ive knowen Bear since i first came to this site when i turned 18 and he has always been DaddyBear to me.

I will Miss you DaddyBear you will always be in my heart. Love you!

Thank you again Belle for letting us all know. You mean so much to me for all the well wishies and hellos you passed on.

Gleeky.

[codybear3]

My heart is heavy with sorrow that our good friend has gone from us... The memory of all his kind words will always be cherished by those that were able to chat with him... It is a shame that many of the new people did not get to know such a loving and kind-hearted man... You will be greatly missed, old friend...:(:paw::paw:

[Lisa (va)]

How could you not love that cuddly bear. My first experience with him was us both staying up all night trying to help comfort another troubled memeber.
I had to leave the first time I read this, too many tears in my eyes.

Though he has passed from all those that love him, the love will still be ever present and someday the tears will give way to loving memories

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[Lonewolf76]

I did not have the pleasure or the privilidge of knowing used bear. However as the saying goes - it's not how much you love, but how much you are loved that makes the difference. Based upon that; I read your entries and realize what I've missed. Peace to you bear. The world is colder without you.

Wolfie.

[Mrs.F]

:angel::grouphug::angel: I still sit here with tears streaming from my eyes. I worried so much about him lately...I knew he was not doing well since he lost his Angelina. He struggled so much with losing her. The poor man had a broken heart!

I enjoyed hearing his stories of his mom..who he loved dearly and his childhood of growing up in the Bronx. He was always cooking or baking something that sounded so wonderful and it was always something I had never had before.

He had just returned from Vegas after seeing his beautiful daughter get married. Enjoyed a good, relaxing vacation at the Cape with Belle and family. Something he should have done a long time ago and more often.

My days will feel so empty not talking to him. Leaving me off line messages asking me how I am "dear sweet lady". He helped me so much in dealing with losing my dad and he was like a dad to me. My dad died October 22nd, 2006 at the age of 59. Nick has now died in October ?, 2009 also at the age of 59.

The only thing I know for sure is that Nick is happy again being with his Huney and Angelina and his mom. May he look down upon us all and continue to help us like he always has.

Love you Nick....you are a blessing and wonderful friend to me. Fly a kite for all of us you left behind who will miss you till we can be with you again!

Mrs.F :(

[onewhocares]

Just wanted to let you know that I believe that there will be an on line Condolence Book for Used Bear available tomorrow. I shall try and post the link here for those who might wish to express their thoughts.

Belle

[wanderingrichard]

What a huge hole the loss of such a short and limited friendship will bring :(

Belle, I'm sorry you had to deliver this news.
[WR]

[onewhocares]

Just wanted to let you know that I believe that there will be an on line Condolence Book for Used Bear available tomorrow. I shall try and post the link here for those who might wish to express their thoughts.

Belle


As promised, below is the link for the Condolence Guest Book for Used Bear. While he was never embarrassed about his bisexuality, I do think that those of us who would like to make a contribution to the book, I do request that we use discretion in writing. I know how much he meant to all of us and let that sense we feel guide us in the posting.

http://obits.nj.com/obituaries/starledger/obituary.aspx?n=nicholas-m-de-palma&pid=134557344

The obituary is in Star Ledger of New Jersey.

Belle

[**Peg**]

... in that vein, Belle, it might be a good idea for people to NOT refer to Nick as Bear nor UsedBear in their condolences. That might garner all sorts of questions. Nobody has posted a condolence yet (1020 am Sunday Eastern time)... I will follow your lead.

Thanks for all you are doing, dear Belle.

>>hugs<<

Peg





As promised, below is the link for the Condolence Guest Book for Used Bear. While he was never embarrassed about his bisexuality, I do think that those of us who would like to make a contribution to the book, I do request that we use discretion in writing. I know how much he meant to all of us and let that sense we feel guide us in the posting.

http://obits.nj.com/obituaries/starledger/obituary.aspx?n=nicholas-m-de-palma&pid=134557344

The obituary is in Star Ledger of New Jersey.

Belle

[wanderingrichard]

Done. Agree with **PEG**. No online names or references to here for sake of the family.
[WR]

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

[B]I for one wish to thank our Belle for all she's done to keep us informed on the departure of our Brother Bear.
I told her before she left for NJ that I hoped that Nick was feasting with friends, family, and loved ones and I hope hes sitting with Louis Armstrong and Frank Sinatra cuss and discussing music, and tossing back cocktails with Poe, Therou(sp) Kipyard, and Heinlin. :}
Payello my Dear Dovi (Brother)
Sad but smiling Cat.