TwylaTwobits
Nov 8, 2009, 8:42 PM
Cowboy rules for: Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana,Utah, Idaho, Oregon and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive apickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you'regonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell likemoney to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 & I-80 go eastand west, I-17 & I-15 & I-5 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 6. Every person in the Wild West waves.It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch ofgeese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shootit outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your earat the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar?It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's areligious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, oryou can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham andturkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, andketchup! Oh, yeah...We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati callthat stuff you eat...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how toshoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as theGiants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dangsite more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - itspooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo!That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear itanymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive apickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you'regonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell likemoney to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 & I-80 go eastand west, I-17 & I-15 & I-5 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 6. Every person in the Wild West waves.It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch ofgeese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shootit outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your earat the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar?It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's areligious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, oryou can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham andturkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, andketchup! Oh, yeah...We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati callthat stuff you eat...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how toshoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as theGiants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dangsite more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - itspooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo!That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear itanymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!