Many Thanks and a quick update

[rupertbare]

Well I just thought I'd like to thank a few folk by name for their love and support in these last few weeks through chat and PMs (they do mean such a lot) - it's not an exhaustive list and to those who know what they've said and don't see their name I apologise in advance - I love you all.

But special mention must go to;- Tom_UK, Nubiwoman, Proud Daughter, Arana, Mrs F, macylyn, Huneypot, curious-curvy, NSG(for "knowing" ),cmm, Peter H, smurf11978......without whom.........

Now for the update:
Well still "officially" homeless and from first week in April really homeless.
Mediation is now not an option and therefore the Family Courts and divorce loom large.
The 6th March marked a month since I heard my kids voices or saw them - although my youngest does e-mail daily - and they are becoming cheeky - which is a good thing!! :)
Today, 7th March, I start counselling.

These have been very "dark" days - pits of despair and depression like I have never known before and the pain has been so bad that I even got to a point of writing the "apology for what I have just done/farewell" letters to my kids. But I'm here typing this so they were torn up!! :)

So that's it folks - another day in Rupe's f**ked up life!!
Thanks for reading
And once again, (((((((()))))))) and XXXXXXXXX for all of the love and warmth I have received from you all - I can never express with words what it has meant and how it has helped.

With love and peace to you and yours

Rupe :)

[APMountianMan]

Hey Rupe,

Thanks for the update and kedp hanging in there. As one that has been through it, I can tell you that the best days are really ahead of you. You can't see it from where you are now but darkness will give way to light. Hang in there and if you ever need a shoulder to lean on, let me know.

:cool:

[Mrs.F]

((((((((((((((((((((((Rupert)))))))))))))))))))))) )))

I'm so glad that we could be there for you and that our "being" there did help you to feel better. :)

I wish you only the best that can come out of all this. Dark days are always followed by beautiful sunlight and sometimes rainbows. Your rainbow will come soon sweetie! :angel: :grouphug:

hugs and kisses
Mrs.F :)

[rumple4skin]

(((((((( Rupe )))))))))

Thanks for the update. I am glad you tore those farewell leters up and posted something here instead. Keep hanging in there Rupe.

Love and Peace,
Rumple

[rupertbare]

A couple of you may understand more the reason for this reply:

The very last words heard in the movie "Moulin Rouge" are:

"The greatest thing
you'll ever learn
is just to love
and be loved
in return"

Even if only for a few minutes
it will always be worth it

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

As they say

love and peace

Rupe :)

[PeterH]

Hi Rupe,

It's great that you tell and post what you feel and do here. Keep on doing it.
Rupe: please don't ever write those notes again, your children need you, they love you!!!!!
And you have a right to see them! More than once a month!!!
Depressions: I've been in that place, and I know it's horrible, and it seems so easy to just let go of everything, but please don't do it!
What I tried to keep reminding myself of when depressed was that I couldn't see what the future would bring. Really, when you think about it, you don't see much at all, except what you're going through, it's like having tunnel vision, seeing everything from a very narrow perspective. BTW, I'm not blaming you in any sense for what you feel, just trying to explain.

Did you know that Winston Churchill suffered from depressions? He referred to his depressions as the black dog. He was going through one in the late 30s, because no one was listening to his warnings against Adolf Hitler.
Look at what he achieved, after conquering his black dog. So please don't let your depressions get the better of you, don't let the black dog win!
You are a great person, you deserve to be loved, so please do love yourself as much as possible!

I like to think of it this way. I feel that the commandment to love your neighbour as much as you love yourself is a great one.
Does the commandment mean that if you love yourself very little, you must love your neighbour as little? No, of course not. It means you have to love your neighbour very much. But that means it suggests also, that in order to do so, you must love yourself just as much!!!! You deserve to be loved, you deserve to have a home, you deserve a great life.

Please do promise us to love yourself as much as you possibly can, no matter what. Your children depend on it, don't take their father away from them! Make sure they have the most loving father they could possibly wish for! Love them as much as you can, and love yourself too, so you an keep on living and loving.

PeterH

[csrakate]

Rupert,
I can not tell you how sorry I am that things keep progressing from bad to worse for you...but there is one thing I feel I must say. Don't you EVER apologize for being who you are and what you are...don't feel a need to accept all blame for what has transpired, and please, don't EVER consider writing another "farewell" letter. All you have done was to live your life as honestly as possible and if acceptance was not part of the package, you can not blame yourself for that.

You are a good man Rupert, you have many around you who love and support you, and I hope you continue to "write" your frustrations down and share them with us instead of doing something that would demean your existence in this world.

Best of luck to you Rupert!!! You shall one day find peace and happiness, but until that day, know that we are all here for you!

Hugs,
Kate

[arana]

Please hang in there Rupe and do whatever necessary for you to survive. You know you will need to be back on your feet and stable to look good for any court judgement. You deserve to see your babies and I'm glad you're at least able to get the emails. It's a start. They know you still love them and they need you. DO NOT EVER WRITE ANY MORE OF THOSE LETTERS!!!! Whenever the thought pops into your head think of how your children's faces will look reading them. Think of the lifetime you will have lost with them and their children. Your wife may get custody but they will not be babies forever. Eventually they will be with you and you need to be there for that day. Don't dissapoint them...just keep writing your thoughts and get out the frustration on paper, screen or whatever medium possible. We're here for you. Once you get the frustration out, think of your babies and write in their journal the happy thoughts of your future with them. Whatever you do Rupe, Do NOT give up!!!!

[RebekaLee]

dear rupe,

i've read your posts here and followed your situation. i never posted anything b/c i really had no idea what to say to even come close to helping out. but thank you for posting all this. i am glad that you have found this site adn these ppl...they truly are just one big loving family arn't they?

once again i find myself w/nothing to say b/c i have no clue what you have been going thru. just try not to lose hope. there is a light somewhere at the end of all this...its just a little dim right now.

---rebecca

[searchingbrian]

Keep the updates coming Rupert! I too have been through this as I have told you before. They are definitely "DARK" days but you WILL get through it. Posting is, I'm sure therapeutic and I would encourage it. It's great that you are starting counselling today!!! Congratulations. This is the first step to get back the rest of your life that your wife jerked away from you so callously. Just remember that we are here and know and feel your pain--- an have an incredibly amount of empathy. Keep your chin up and the sun will again shine. . . soon!

[JohnnyV]

Rupert,

Hang in there. As you can see, everyone on the site is rooting for you, and even if you're homeless, you can never be alone if they are.

Love,
J

[happyjoe68]

Rupert, from someone who has lived with a dark light light inside themselves, I can tell you that things do get better

[naughty-slave-gurl]

(((((((((((((((rupe)))))))))))))))) hey sweety.... hugz huggles to you.......... and id like to thank you aswell.... for yesterday that chat we had was good.... i hope ur having a better day and the councilling went/ will go well.. love u muchly.... ur friend nsg :)

[huneypot]

Rupe,
Thank god that you have found a way to share your pain.
By writing here and allowing us the privlidge to be a part of your life and a help in what way we can to your pain, you have shown a strength that a lot of people can but dream of.
This outlet that you have can be an enoromous shoulder to lean on.
You are ever only a click away from ur thread's and the reply's to them, the tender, caring, thoughtful and hopefull responses that people have written.
Whenever thoughts of that pen come into ur mind please come here and look at the care, love, respect and help that all here have for you.
I have been in low situations myself and people always said to me, ow dont ever do anything silly, ull regret it, what about thoses left behind, things will get better, time heals, and the list goes on and on and on..........................
But none of that seemed to get through to my heart(though it was said with love), it never took the pain away or changed how I fealt inside.
I remember waking up 1 morning, or coming too would be a better choice of word I think, anyway, I was facing the window and the first second I opened my eyes I began to cry. I cried because I saw the sun, and I had never wanted to see that again, I had said my goodbyes to the world but my plan had failed.
I do know that I can say I regret what I did, but I am where I am now because of it and other things, I can say also that I learned a lot from it, and the thought that I might not be here to know that is so scary (it must all sound so contradictory, but I dont know how else to word it).
What I learned is that to share is a gift, both to give and recieve. This gift, you have.
I learned to stop, I mean really stop and look at what I valued in my life and what I truly wanted, both for me and for the people I love.
The most important thing I learned is that................... time does not heal, but circumstances change............. good bad or otherwise, things change and with that brings a new set of circumstances to deal with, and so life goes on my friend,
My plan?...............well......to fill my life with as much love and soul as I can, and to watch the people I love grow, live, love, experience and be content, through this I hope that the circumstances that I face in my tomorrows are better because I did my very best to make them so.
This is but my view on things mate, 1 of many that you will be able to read over and concider and hopefully get some good help or advice from.
So please continue to share with us, allow us to listen and advise as best we can, and know that we are here, that we think about you.
You have great strength inside Rupert.
You have people that love you.
You have people to talk to and listen to,
You have us.
I wish you the very very best in your journey forward.
urs
Huney
xoxo

[MotherGoose]

Rupert, you already know how I feel. After going through 2 divorces myself, I can honestly say that it will get better. Just take one day at a time. Find one good thing in that day that will you make you smile, and then go to the next. Things always seem so bleak in the beginning and you feel like what's the use. But your children look up to you, and you need to be there and be strong for them also.

Your days wil get better my love!! You've got all of these wonderful people here love you and would do anything for you. If talking about it with all of helps, then one of us is always there to lend an ear. You're not alone in this! We'll do anything to help. DON'T MAKE ME COME THERE AND STRAIGHTEN YOU OUT!!!!! She's not worth it, but your children are. Live your life for you and with them. Everything else will fall in place.

(((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! Macy

[Mrs. Taz]

omg, im so sorry you have had to deal with this for so long but I want you to know I love you and will always be here for you. Wish I was there to give you hugs and hold you. I know this isnt easy but never give up hope, esp on your kids. remember, when ever you need me I am here hun.


hugs n kisses

[wanderingrichard]

hang tough partner. having been homeless once myself, i can identify and sympathize with you in that department.

not ever having had a family to speak of, [ no kids ever, and yes, an ex-wife] i can only say my heart goes out to you and your children for having to endure such pain.

may spirits keep and protect.
Rich

[rupertbare]

Oh my gosh!!!!

Where do I start.

Well I guess, firstly, that I should say that when I put this thread up I was worried that I was boring you all you all to death.

Like so many things of late, it appears that I was very wrong indeed.

I should like to thank those of you who have, in fact, encouraged me to continue to update and share, both in chat and by PM.

Somedays it seems like a bad soap opera - and I remain convinced that if I read my life of late in a book that I would throw it down in disgust uttering "unbelievable"!!! lol!!! :)

As I already knew I did, indeed, leave a few names off the thank you list:
two very old (site knowing wise!!! :) ) and dear friends:
Kitten and csrakate
and a very new and dear friend:
rumple (love yer man!!) who has had wise words and has shared many things with me that I truly appreciate!!

Lastly I'd like to give just a very quick update on the situation:

I went to my first counselling session and had been nervous because I had a time but not a name of who I would be seeing. I have always got on better with women and I knew this was going to be hard and that there was going to be lots of tears (only natural for someone in pain!!) and I find it much easier being "me" and vulnerable in front of women. So the prospect of a man was rather daunting - as I sat waiting a woman was leaving - her counsellor a man - another chap waiting was met by his male counsellor - I felt a growing dread - to be greeted by my female counsellor!! lol!! :) She's really sweet - we can "work" together - easily. So I guess God is turning His face towards me!!

So that's it for this thread - as things unfold and there is more to tell I will update you all.

Thankyou, my family of cyber friends, for you time and love and support - thankyou for making me realise that I am not a lump of pooh on the bottom of some-one's shoe - that I have some worth - that I can be liked, even loved and for reminding me that I am a "good" dad - all things I no longer believed possible!!

:grouphug:

Ron (aka Rupe) :)

[rumple4skin]

((((((((((((Rupe)))))))))))))
Thanks for keeping us updated. Love you too!!!! I am glad you feel comforatble with the counselor. I have a great deal of respect for you. You just keep doing what you need to do and NEVER give up.

You will get thruough this my friend. You do not have to go through it alone. You can tell from the posts here that we all are here for you. Lean on us whenever you need to mate.

With much love, support and respect,
Rumple

[Mrs. Taz]

your welcome sweetie. I am glad you get along so well with your councilor. (still cant spell)lol. you have been a wonderful person since I met you on here and you will never convince me otherwise. When ever you need me/us we are there for you. I love ya. :) things will get better hun.