story

[cypress1991]

can anyone tell me if this is good so far:

Clint Kitmen walked into his moms room, with his big hard cock in his had. His mom wasn't home so he was looking for one of her thongs to masturbate into. Clint is a five foot six blond haired blue eyed sixteen year old teen that doesn't have very many friends. He found a black lace thong in his mom's dresser. Stroking his ten inch cock slowly at first, Clint wraped the thong around his dick and slowly built up momentum. Suddenly Clint's body stiffend and a low soft moan escaped from between is slightly parted lips.
Clint quickly cleaned up, and threw his mom's underwear underneath some clothes in the hamper. He then went and put his own clothes back on and put Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 into his Xbox. Hearing a car pull into the driveway, Clint looked out his window. His mom was home. Ms. Kitmen was a single mom that was only seventeen years older then her son. She was Clint's hero for raising him by herself his entire life. He respected her and what she does for him, but Clint has a deeper love for his mom then most son's have for mother's.
Ms. Kitman stood at about five foot three and weighed about one hundred and ten pounds. She had shoulder length blond hair and light green eyes. Morgan, had the body of a seventeen year old cheerleader with a 38 dd chest. Her skin was lightly tanned and she had no tan lines. Whenever she was around Clint, he got a tingling feeling through his whole body, his eyes would glaze over, and he would forget everything he was thinking or doing.

[Long Duck Dong]

its ok.... but you have detailed the story wrong....

there is not to the masturbation aspect and more to the game for the xbox....

the description of the mother is rushed, and how would the person know there was no tan lines, and why are there no tan lines.....

add more expressions like sighs, smiles, interest...

I will give you a few examples
Clint wrapped the thong around his dick and slowly built up momentum. Suddenly Clint's body stiffened and a low soft moan escaped from between is slightly parted lips.

Clint saw the thong laying on the floor near the laundry hamper, a nice silken sky blue thing, picking it up and caressing the velvet soft thong he closed his eyes, imagining that he has just taken it from his lovers body.
His cock was pulsing fully erect as he tamed it with his hand and let the thong rest against the swollen head, the sensation of cool silk against hot cock making him gasp softly, a clear liquid oozing from the head of his cock on to the thong, Clint wrapped the thong around his cock and slowly run it up and down the full pulsing length of his cock, in his mind, sliding down into the heart of his lover, feeling himself enter fully, from head to balls and back out, hearing a voice saying * cum for me baby, *
Clint gasped and shuddered as the first orgasmic seizure tore thru his body, a creamy white volcano erupting from the end of his cock into the thong, a involuntary cry coming from his mouth as he filled the thong with hot cum, helpless in his explosive ejaculation, all Clint could do is lean against the wall for balance and support, taking to catch his breath and enjoy the feeling of blowing hard.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I was goingt to suggest a little more detailing as well. We writers are good at great detail to build up the story line; stretch it out a bit, build the pleasure and suspense.
If this day flu wasnt clouding my brain so badly, I'd expand on your, and Duck's versions. Well done Gentlemen.:}
Pooky Cat

[cypress1991]

thanks for the help both of you :)