Fantasy or Real

[Curious1st]

I have been married for 10+ years and enjoy sex with my wife but I have fantasized about being with a man for at least ten years. Most videos I watch I focus on the mans cock and about being the one sucking. I really want to pursue my fantasy but wanted to know from past experiences if I should continue to pursue and how would I go about it. Thank you.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

The thing is,....how would your Lady feel about this exploration? Communication and Honesty will have to be a major factor here, Sweetie. Experimentation is a wonderful thing and so if the experiance, but being open and honest with her is Paramount.
Good luck Hon.
Cat

[TwylaTwobits]

Seconds what Cat said. See how your partner feels about this and if she would be willing to explore a bit with you. Sometimes fantasies are so much better than reality but you won't know til you try. But trying without talking to your wife and having her approval will lead to a road of misery you don't even wanna think about on both sides.

[bikiniman]

I too have been married for 10 + years and really enjoy having sex with my wife. However allot of my sexual fantasies are about men and I love watching gay porn. I would like to pursue my fantasies but I am not prepared to risk my marriage over a sexual experience which may not live up to the fantasy. I would certainly talk to my wife first before pursing my fantasies.

[NEPHX]

... I really want to pursue my fantasy but wanted to know from past experiences if I should continue to pursue and how would I go about it....

No doubt, there will be as many experiences/answers as there are people who answer. The issue, of course, becomes one of what you speak of in your title. Is it real or fantasy or do you want it to remain fantasy vs. real.

Fantasying about same-sex sex is not the same as enjoying it. It can take time to get to a point of enjoying it based on many psychological issues as well as your shear physical responses. There are those that like to watch and don't like the act it self... As much so as there are those that love the act but don't want to watch.

The issue of you being married will undoubtedly play into the equation as it would involve either "coming out" to your wife on your desires or engaging in it secretly to see if its real. The moral implications aside, each decision point has many pros and cons. Not the least of which is the 10-year+ relationship you have with your wife, her views on same-sex interactions (between males at least) and the implications of your desires on your marriage, religion, etc.

"how would I go about it?" That depends... so much on you.

Me; I was out to my wife (now x) before even considering seeing anyone else... that was my way. I went down the path with her involvement which ended us in a triad for a number of years. Others who have done it any which way ... well, it can end badly. But is it better than regrets when your 75?

Search this site for the discussion. You'll find a pretty long list of threads related to "cheating" , "open relationship", "coming out."

While being who you wish to be is generally a good thing, as in all decisions in life, each path has consequences. Risk assessment and your willingness to suffer certain consequences are very personal things. Talking to a bisexual and lifestyle friendly counselor would certainly be a good thing (check PFLAG). Support groups can also be good but just depend on the facilitation.

Many will offer you advices vs. just expressing their own experiences. You shouldn't "take advise" from anyone. A properly trained therapist will not give tell you "what to do" either but help you decide for yourself. You should hear other people's experiences, draw from them and then make up your own mind.

So, rather than asking "how would I go about it" perhaps you should ask, "how have others gone about it, please share your experiences with me."

All the answers are right there for usw already ..we just have to "see them" and then sort them out.:rotate:

As they say in Hawai'i, "E hoe wa'a me ka akahele hiki ke ho'ea palekana" or "Paddle your canoe carefully, one can arrive safely."