Successful Hints

[fredtyg]

Lady Passion wrote on another thread, "...For fun a few weeks ago, I deliberately dropped a business card from Taboo Tabou, an adult store, on the desk of a hot lady who works at our gym. Instantly it was, "Oh, I go there too!..." and the fun begins."

I realize we've broached this topic on other threads, but I thought I'd try and start a thread focusing on successful hints some of you have given to people you were interested in, or testing the waters of outing yourself to. In other words, things that have worked. Or maybe even just some fun ones you've tried.

I'm not sure I can think of any successful ones myself. One fun one, though, was my best friend of a few years ago. He was always making anti- homo remarks. He didn't know I was queer but, on numerous occasions, he'd tell me I was "...just a butt- lovin' homo...". I used to just ignore it but I finally started just responding, "Yeah, I am".

He never knew I was serious.

[bemyonlyone]

He doesn't sound like much of a friend.

[rissababynta]

He doesn't sound like much of a friend.

That is how a lot of guys tease their friends...and girls too. It is not meant to be insulting and mean. Sometimes people can take it that way, but it is not meant to be that way.

[fredtyg]

That is how a lot of guys tease their friends...and girls too. It is not meant to be insulting and mean. Sometimes people can take it that way, but it is not meant to be that way.

Exactly. He was just fooling around. He did say that quite often, tho. Wonder if that was his attempt at hinting?

He used to make anti- homo comments all the time and I was always pretty strident in defending homo and bi folks. It was interesting when he brought up once that those who are the loudest in condemning the homos often turned out to be homo or bi- oriented themselves. I replied to him, "That's what they say!".

Might he have been trying to hint to me by reminding me of that? Doesn't matter. He was a very dear friend but not only did I have no sexual interest in him, I didn't find him sexually attractive at all.

[TwylaTwobits]

Well I had to metaphorically hit LDD over the head with a 2x4 and go "Hey, that was flirting" He goes oh and then pays attention and the rest is history :)

[rissababynta]

I pretty much told my husband I thought he was hot...I'm not exactly a beat around the bush type of person I guess.

[TwylaTwobits]

yeah but saying that to LDD... would get a no I'm cold response, that's why I said I had to pretty much tell him I was flirting lol

[Lady_Passion]

Jimmy has a favorite quote:


"Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question" -Albert Camus

It works. Used to make a very nice living using this as a strategy. Kind of works like using open ended questions that draw an answer without being pushy. Or asking questions to which you are sure the answer will be yes. Arthur Murray staff give sales pitches and scripted dialogues using both. Ideal for flirting and getting people to be more open :.)

[Realist]

Although, I've been bisexual all my life and, active since I was 14, but I am very cautious about revealing myself to others. I don't have a very good bidar, either. Seems like almost every relationship I've had, happened out of the blue. Historically, I will wait until someone really gets my attention and makes it obvious that they're interested, before I'll decide to share my sexuality with them..

I've had 9 mm/mfm relationships in 55 years..............much less than most who began when I did, I'm sure. Four were virgins and they required more effort to begin with, but were very rewarding.

I've never had a one-night stand with a guy, or was intimate with one I didn't know well and trust completely, first. Most all of my bi relationships have been LTRs.

[bemyonlyone]

I have pretty good bi and gaydar. :D

I don't think anti-gay jokes are funny, ever. I don't really tolerate it...others may feel differently but it really bothers me.

I've never had any female friend make anti-gay jokes at me, except one friend when I was 12 who called me a fruit. She's not my friend anymore.

[rissababynta]

I have pretty good bi and gaydar. :D

I don't think anti-gay jokes are funny, ever. I don't really tolerate it...others may feel differently but it really bothers me.

I've never had any female friend make anti-gay jokes at me, except one friend when I was 12 who called me a fruit. She's not my friend anymore.


Well if you choose to live like that fine but don't put down other people and the way they live their relationships with their friends because YOU happen to think it's not funny.

[Lady_Passion]

One of my closest male friends was gay and HE was full of anti-gay jokes and humor. Had plenty for straight people too :.). Depends on security and whether or not you appreciate warped humor.

[Gay2Bi]

Well I had to metaphorically hit LDD over the head with a 2x4 and go "Hey, that was flirting" He goes oh and then pays attention and the rest is history :)

That's how it is with me. I usually can't tell if someone's flirting with me unless they're in the process of trying to have sex with me, and even then I'd be thinking, "Wait - does this mean s/he likes me?" I also have the worst gaydar in the world. A guy could be dressed head to toe in rainbow flags and I'd simply be admiring his bold choices in color.

On the rare occasions I go out to clubs, I'm always tempted to wear a badge that says "Flirting Impaired: Please Make First Move." :tong:

[bemyonlyone]

Well if you choose to live like that fine but don't put down other people and the way they live their relationships with their friends because YOU happen to think it's not funny.

What do you mean "choose to live like that"? Choose not to surround myself with homophobia?

[rissababynta]

What do you mean "choose to live like that"? Choose not to surround myself with homophobia?

THAT...my dear...is not homophobia. Go talk to someone who has experienced REAL homophobia and try for just a second to see the difference. My husband and I tease each other all the time. Sometimes when he gets me really good, I call him a butt fucker. Or a ball licker. On top of the many other things that we say to each other when the other plays a practical joke. Even the original poster said that it was something his friend says fooling around. It's something that some people just do...even gay and bi people. Are we all homophobes now?

But like I said...if you choose to not live your life with people who joke that way, as non-malicious as it may be, that is your business. But don't knock people who have happy friendships with people who do.

[bemyonlyone]

A guy could be dressed head to toe in rainbow flags and I'd simply be admiring his bold choices in color.



Wow, that's bad, haha. :bigrin:

[bemyonlyone]

THAT...my dear...is not homophobia. Go talk to someone who has experienced REAL homophobia and try for just a second to see the difference. My husband and I tease each other all the time. Sometimes when he gets me really good, I call him a butt fucker. Or a ball licker. On top of the many other things that we say to each other when the other plays a practical joke. Even the original poster said that it was something his friend says fooling around. It's something that some people just do...even gay and bi people. Are we all homophobes now?

But like I said...if you choose to not live your life with people who joke that way, as non-malicious as it may be, that is your business. But don't knock people who have happy friendships with people who do.

There are different levels of homophobia. And I have experienced real homophobia. I would not call someone a buttfucker, a ball-licker a fudgepacker, a carpetmuncher, or anything like that. It may seem like an innocent joke, but to me it's not. It's a slippery slope and I'd rather not go there at all. From names to outright violence, there are levels.

[Luffly1]

There are different levels of homophobia. And I have experienced real homophobia. I would not call someone a buttfucker, a ball-licker a fudgepacker, a carpetmuncher, or anything like that. It may seem like an innocent joke, but to me it's not. It's a slippery slope and I'd rather not go there at all. From names to outright violence, there are levels.

Get a clue. This is how the real world works sweetheart. Not everytime someone calls someone a name is something meant to be mean. Are you sure you actually have any friends? Because you seem way too judgemental with far too high standards for anyone to truly want to be around you for any length of time.

There is a reason why people put you on ignore, because you kill every thread with your whining negativity.

Her point, twice, was that if that's how you feel than fine, but a lot of people don't feel that way and there is no reason to put others down for how they interact in their relationships. Yet your post continues to drip with a holier than thou attitude.

Sorry if you guys think I'm being mean, but I'm sick of this party killing winey ass dragging everything down all the time because she feels the need to pick the negative out of everyone's post and/or thread.

[rissababynta]

Get a clue. This is how the real world works sweetheart. Not everytime someone calls someone a name is something meant to be mean. Are you sure you actually have any friends? Because you seem way too judgemental with far too high standards for anyone to truly want to be around you for any length of time.

There is a reason why people put you on ignore, because you kill every thread with your whining negativity.

Her point, twice, was that if that's how you feel than fine, but a lot of people don't feel that way and there is no reason to put others down for how they interact in their relationships. Yet your post continues to drip with a holier than thou attitude.

Sorry if you guys think I'm being mean, but I'm sick of this party killing winey ass dragging everything down all the time because she feels the need to pick the negative out of everyone's post and/or thread.

Holy shit, I think this is the most you've ever typed :eek:

[bemyonlyone]

Get a clue. This is how the real world works sweetheart. Not everytime someone calls someone a name is something meant to be mean. Are you sure you actually have any friends? Because you seem way too judgemental with far too high standards for anyone to truly want to be around you for any length of time.

There is a reason why people put you on ignore, because you kill every thread with your whining negativity.

Her point, twice, was that if that's how you feel than fine, but a lot of people don't feel that way and there is no reason to put others down for how they interact in their relationships. Yet your post continues to drip with a holier than thou attitude.

Sorry if you guys think I'm being mean, but I'm sick of this party killing winey ass dragging everything down all the time because she feels the need to pick the negative out of everyone's post and/or thread.

Whatever. I'm a whiny ass because I don't agree with using those words? Okay then. I never insulted anyone personally.

[julbug]

THAT...my dear...is not homophobia. Go talk to someone who has experienced REAL homophobia and try for just a second to see the difference. My husband and I tease each other all the time. Sometimes when he gets me really good, I call him a butt fucker. Or a ball licker. On top of the many other things that we say to each other when the other plays a practical joke. Even the original poster said that it was something his friend says fooling around. It's something that some people just do...even gay and bi people. Are we all homophobes now?

But like I said...if you choose to not live your life with people who joke that way, as non-malicious as it may be, that is your business. But don't knock people who have happy friendships with people who do.

Thats how my husband and I are, we were like that before he told me and now its even funnier. But we are both secure, so...

Oh and as for hints..He told me on our first date he was going to marry me :love: corny, but it worked

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I have pretty good bi and gaydar. :D
I don't think anti-gay jokes are funny, ever. I don't really tolerate it...others may feel differently but it really bothers me.
I've never had any female friend make anti-gay jokes at me, except one friend when I was 12 who called me a fruit. She's not my friend anymore.

With age come wisdom, and you'll learn to not be so sensitive and thin skinned when people are kidding with you, or other people. Friends do this with each other. Just like when a friend looks at another and goes "Bitch". Its in fun most of the time, This was said to me just this morning when I snaked my friend's last black olive off her plate at lunch..LOL
You gotta learn how to lighten up and start enjoying life more...:}
Try it, its great.
Cat

[Long Duck Dong]

I used to make smart ass remarks like I have decided I am a cigarette... people would say cigarette ???? and I would say yeah.... nobody wants to admit to sucking on fags, but they sure love sucking on a cigarette

there was a time one day that I was in a bar having a few drinks with friends, and one lady said to me, rather loudly * I hear that you are a bisexual, is that right * I said yeah and she said so you are admitting to be sexually immoral and perverted..... I replied, no... the truth is a lil different.... she fired back how so... and my friends stopped drinking cos they knew what was coming....a famous slapdown by LDD...... I looked her directly in the eye and said, I would fuck ya hot hubby....and bang your gorgeous daughter cos I am bisexual.... but never you.... I draw the line at bestiality cos its immoral and perverted

my friends took about 5 minutes to stop laughing

[TwylaTwobits]

I used to make smart ass remarks like I have decided I am a cigarette... people would say cigarette ???? and I would say yeah.... nobody wants to admit to sucking on fags, but they sure love sucking on a cigarette

there was a time one day that I was in a bar having a few drinks with friends, and one lady said to me, rather loudly * I hear that you are a bisexual, is that right * I said yeah and she said so you are admitting to be sexually immoral and perverted..... I replied, no... the truth is a lil different.... she fired back how so... and my friends stopped drinking cos they knew what was coming....a famous slapdown by LDD...... I looked her directly in the eye and said, I would fuck ya hot hubby....and bang your gorgeous daughter cos I am bisexual.... but never you.... I draw the line at bestiality cos its immoral and perverted

my friends took about 5 minutes to stop laughing

omg baby ROFLMAO

[bemyonlyone]

With age come wisdom, and you'll learn to not be so sensitive and thin skinned when people are kidding with you, or other people. Friends do this with each other. Just like when a friend looks at another and goes "Bitch". Its in fun most of the time, This was said to me just this morning when I snaked my friend's last black olive off her plate at lunch..LOL
You gotta learn how to lighten up and start enjoying life more...:}
Try it, its great.
Cat

It is difficult to enjoy life when people speak to me the way you've seen here. And in real life, not at all.

[TwylaTwobits]

It is difficult to enjoy life when people speak to me the way you've seen here. And in real life, not at all.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v702/KitRawlings/Cat%20Pics/funny-pictures-cat-blocks-computer.jpg

[tenni]

hmm These are the successful hints on how to show someone that you like them?

wow:eek:

[Alaskan Couple]

That's how it is with me. I usually can't tell if someone's flirting with me unless they're in the process of trying to have sex with me, and even then I'd be thinking, "Wait - does this mean s/he likes me?" I also have the worst gaydar in the world. A guy could be dressed head to toe in rainbow flags and I'd simply be admiring his bold choices in color.

On the rare occasions I go out to clubs, I'm always tempted to wear a badge that says "Flirting Impaired: Please Make First Move." :tong:

Dude! I think you might have a money making product there. If you do the badge up in the Bi colors, I'll buy one!

Actually my wife has much better 'gaydar' than I do. We can be talking to a stranger and after we are alone she'll say. "Now that was a gay guy, did you notice how he was looking at you?" Me, I say, "No way! He's just a nice guy." But I think she is mostly right and I'm just dense.

I'm kinda thinking the Bi jewelry might be a good idea. I wear a toe ring now that my wife gave me (she thinks it's very sexy, but it only shows when I'm in sandals). Anyway, with the Bi jewelry maybe others who see it and know what it means would at least realize I am bi and be willing to flirt a bit.

[magari]

I think this is a great thread question...too bad it got sidetracked a bit..I really have no experience to share, but would like the responses to continue....I do have several gay friends that I'm into sexually, but never know how to break the ice.

[Lady_Passion]

^ Think of an activity you have in common with those you are interested in and go for it.


"If you're into...(insert noun)... it could be a great time if we went. When works best for you?"

Or suggest a date and time. Some people prefer others take care of planning details.

[Gay2Bi]

Dude! I think you might have a money making product there. If you do the badge up in the Bi colors, I'll buy one!

Hmm... I'd have to do three of them - a plain one that anyone could use, a rainbow one for when going to gay/lesbian bars, and a bi flag version that shows people in the know that you're open to both men and women.

Then I guess I could branch out into T-shirts, caps, jockstraps - well, okay, anyone who goes to Jockstrap Night at their local gay bar is probably not flirting impaired... :tong:

[mikey3000]

Dude! I think you might have a money making product there. If you do the badge up in the Bi colors, I'll buy one!

Actually my wife has much better 'gaydar' than I do. We can be talking to a stranger and after we are alone she'll say. "Now that was a gay guy, did you notice how he was looking at you?" Me, I say, "No way! He's just a nice guy." But I think she is mostly right and I'm just dense.

I'm kinda thinking the Bi jewelry might be a good idea. I wear a toe ring now that my wife gave me (she thinks it's very sexy, but it only shows when I'm in sandals). Anyway, with the Bi jewelry maybe others who see it and know what it means would at least realize I am bi and be willing to flirt a bit.

Dude, that's too funny! My wife had great gaydar too and is always seeing guys that are checking me out. I never notice, but she has a great eye for that.

And I do wear a bi ring. It's very subtle, but obvious to those in the know...

http://www.nextgenerationprideshop.com/

[Alaskan Couple]

I think this is a great thread question...too bad it got sidetracked a bit..I really have no experience to share, but would like the responses to continue....I do have several gay friends that I'm into sexually, but never know how to break the ice.

Already knowing that your friends are gay means over half the battle is already won. It gets real hard when you have a friend you're interested in but aren't sure of their sexuality. Anyway, I think 'Lady_Passion' already gave you the best advice in your situation. You just have to be brave and let the object of your desire know that you too are gay/bi.


Hmm... I'd have to do three of them - a plain one that anyone could use, a rainbow one for when going to gay/lesbian bars, and a bi flag version that shows people in the know that you're open to both men and women.

Then I guess I could branch out into T-shirts, caps, jockstraps - well, okay, anyone who goes to Jockstrap Night at their local gay bar is probably not flirting impaired... :tong:

You're funny!!!


Dude, that's too funny! My wife had great gaydar too and is always seeing guys that are checking me out. I never notice, but she has a great eye for that.

And I do wear a bi ring. It's very subtle, but obvious to those in the know...

http://www.nextgenerationprideshop.com/

Thanks for the link....seems like a good way to be out but not obvious.

[void()]

That's how it is with me. I usually can't tell if someone's flirting with me unless they're in the process of trying to have sex with me, and even then I'd be thinking, "Wait - does this mean s/he likes me?" I also have the worst gaydar in the world. A guy could be dressed head to toe in rainbow flags and I'd simply be admiring his bold choices in color.

On the rare occasions I go out to clubs, I'm always tempted to wear a badge that says "Flirting Impaired: Please Make First Move." :tong:

Let me know how your badge works out. If it does any good I might make one. :) I can be pretty dense at times.

[void()]

bemyonlyone,

Come, walk and talk with me a spell. I'm usually a pretty good one to natter
the whiles away. One way to do that is drawing pictures in letters. And I'm a genuine talent in doing that.

So, as we amble on I'll tell you a story. Two little boys in rural small town US of A met in kidnergarten. They were feircely against the notion of getting along at first. One little boy was having troubles at home but otherwise was sharp as a tack.

The other little boy had it good at home. Sometimes he didn't quite catch on to how things were, but he could get through it alright. His family was of the religious variety. They were nice folks too, not your typical hypocritical Christians, true in the path of Jesus folks.

And these fellows grew up all their lives together in a real close knit community. What one didn't get into, the other did. The brighter boy dreamed of going into the military one day. He got his Arrow of Light from the boy sprouts at age 13, though it never was offically awarded, the sprouts said he needed to be at least 18. He was a true Scout, even earned that call sign from a Ranger. It was a great honor for the boy.

The other boy, he got into farming the earth, devoting himself to the ways of the Bible and good family. All the while he kept in touch with the other guy through Summer Bible school, and in regular public school. They would drift apart at times, then get back together, help raise a barn, mend fence, go bowling, skating, fishing. Everyone just figured they were two good old country boys out carrying on as they are wont to do.

And yes, they were that. But each boy on his own was far more beneath the veneer. The bright guy did go into the military a bit, and returned home. And the religious boy kept plugging away at farming, poultry work and the like. As nature has it the boys heard all sorts of talk from their peers at high school. They both endured being called queer, neither really admitted it or really denied it. Age came on them, life moved them to seek roots.

Well, the farming boy had found a woman. He didn't get away so often with the military boy for funning. Eventually the farmer married the gal. And the military guy had been working at whatever he could, talking to other folks here and about. He too had a few prospects for spending life.

So, one day they are together at the farmer's house gathering in firewood off a pickup. "You know, I'm gonna get hitched like you did," says the military guy to his friend and 'brother'. His brother was glad to hear this, and smiled, nodded joyfully.

A little while more passed and the military guy wore a puzzled look. "What's wrong," the farmer asked him.

"Well, I'm having trouble deciding on weather to marry up with a guy or gal. See? I'm like that, bisexual folks call it," the military guy said. The farmer shook his head, laughed.

"Well, you little hussy. All this damn time you've been a fairy and never told me!"

The farmer's wife started laughing, "I knew him five minutes and knew he was different, farmer. You knew him your whole life and didn't?"

"He's always been a slow to get the hints," said the military guy. "Don't worry about honey, we'll fix him later between the sheets."

And the farmer continued having a jolly old laugh all that evening and night. He made wisecracks about the military guy, even suggested having two wives. The military guy just laughed along because he knew his 'brother' didn't mean anything at all by the wise cracks. Brothers always joke about such things. It's just the nature of brothers being brothers.

The military guy slept on the couch in the living room, farmer and his wife in their bedroom with a closed door. the military did finally decide on marrying someone who loved him, his wife. Now he's got a boyfriend to complement his wife. And his wife accepts that and lets it be what it is. The military guy accepts his wife as an <sarcasm and joking> icky straight girl </sarcasm and joking>. He lets her have her own boyfriends if she wants. They both agree that one person can not 100% of the time make another fully and truly happy. And it's still okay to joke around.

Now, I'll tell you something neat here. Life doesn't always give you an instruction manual, nor clues like the <sarcasm> tag above. But you take it for what it is, nothing less or more. Live a moment only, the next you may be dead. Enjoy it for all it's worth and don't get bogged down with the petty crap. Joking and cutting up between friends does happen. I could ***never*** be friends with someone that couldn't joke with me, at me, for me, about me. Shoot, I laugh at myself a lot, too. Human beings can be really fickle creatures honey. Life is too serious not to laugh.

[Fresia]

Bump it up!

[tenni]

Dude, that's too funny! My wife had great gaydar too and is always seeing guys that are checking me out. I never notice, but she has a great eye for that.

And I do wear a bi ring. It's very subtle, but obvious to those in the know...

http://www.nextgenerationprideshop.com/

Mikey was a great poster

[Hypersexual11]

I have this friend, well old ex friend who is probably gay, at least bi or open. I tried everything short of just admitting I want him to join us for a 3way. I rarely put any hints out there about being bi but I did with him, very subtle. Everything just bounced off him. I think with some people, you just have no idea they swing that way. I am unfortunately masculine. Gay sex with a guy like me is way down the list of possibilities for most. Successful flirting has to be recognized as flirting.

[charles-smythe]

There are different levels of homophobia. And I have experienced real homophobia. I would not call someone a buttfucker, a ball-licker a fudgepacker, a carpetmuncher, or anything like that. It may seem like an innocent joke, but to me it's not. It's a slippery slope and I'd rather not go there at all. From names to outright violence, there are levels....I thought 'carpet munched' was how lesbians referred to each other?..

[pole_smoker]

I have this friend, well old ex friend who is probably gay, at least bi or open. I tried everything short of just admitting I want him to join us for a 3way. I rarely put any hints out there about being bi but I did with him, very subtle. Everything just bounced off him. I think with some people, you just have no idea they swing that way. I am unfortunately masculine. Gay sex with a guy like me is way down the list of possibilities for most. Successful flirting has to be recognized as flirting.
He probably knows exactly what you're asking for, but just isn't interested.

Not everyone that's bi or even gay wants to have sex with their friends, wants a 3 way, or wants to have sex with a couple or two people who are in a relationship.

I never really understood why people like the original poster love to play games with people, instead of just asking someone something directly?

[pole_smoker]

There are different levels of homophobia. And I have experienced real homophobia. I would not call someone a buttfucker, a ball-licker a fudgepacker, a carpetmuncher, or anything like that. It may seem like an innocent joke, but to me it's not. It's a slippery slope and I'd rather not go there at all. From names to outright violence, there are levels.
Don't take everything so seriously.

I know gay men who call themselves faggots, queers, or even faeries. I know lesbian women who call themselves dykes, butch/femme, or other terms.

According to a wise gay male friend of mine, he says that gay and bisexual men who are not out are ashamed to admit that they're butt fuckers and cocksuckers.

[Browne]

Don't take everything so seriously.
According to a wise gay male friend of mine, he says that gay and bisexual men who are not out are ashamed to admit that they're butt fuckers and cocksuckers.

When people choose to come "out", all they are really doing is giving permission for others to view them through a stereotype.

I don't want to be viewed as a stereotype, especially one that concerns whom you share your junk with, lol.

Sexually ambiguity forces people to think critically of you, which is a really good thing.


------

[tenni]

Don't take everything so seriously.

I know gay men who call themselves faggots, queers, or even faeries. I know lesbian women who call themselves dykes, butch/femme, or other terms.

According to a wise gay male friend of mine, he says that gay and bisexual men who are not out are ashamed to admit that they're butt fuckers and cocksuckers.

That is so gay...lol Your friend is gay and wise about living as gay but not bisexual at all. We are bisexual. We do not necessarily follow the gay mantra. I know pole follows it and is closer to gay monosexual.

I also do not know gay men who call themselves faggot, queer etc. That seems to be living in a gay world rather the the non gay world. Gay Ghetto thinking.

If a person wishes to disclose their sexuality they have a reason. It may be as the OP suggests they are interested in the person sexually. They may feel better about themselves. There may be other reasons. The one reason not to come out is because gay people tell you to.

Situaltions like biphobic statements by family or friend can be dealt with even without saying that you are bisexual. Explain the misconnect or bigoted statement to the person. If they continue, you have a choice to make..maybe cutting them out of your life or ? All of this can be done without labelling yourself. If you don't like labels, say so..still no need to add I'm a biguy and I don't like labels. People are not stupid..well most will realize that this offends you and change their actions/words if they want you as a friend etc.

[pole_smoker]

That is so gay...lol Your friend is gay and wise about living as gay but not bisexual at all. We are bisexual. We do not necessarily follow the gay mantra. I know pole follows it and is closer to gay monosexual.

I also do not know gay men who call themselves faggot, queer etc. That seems to be living in a gay world rather the the non gay world. Gay Ghetto thinking.

If a person wishes to disclose their sexuality they have a reason. It may be as the OP suggests they are interested in the person sexually. They may feel better about themselves. There may be other reasons. The one reason not to come out is because gay people tell you to.

Situaltions like biphobic statements by family or friend can be dealt with even without saying that you are bisexual. Explain the misconnect or bigoted statement to the person. If they continue, you have a choice to make..maybe cutting them out of your life or ? All of this can be done without labelling yourself. If you don't like labels, say so..still no need to add I'm a biguy and I don't like labels. People are not stupid..well most will realize that this offends you and change their actions/words if they want you as a friend etc.
More homophobia from the bigoted troll tenni. *yawn* what a surprise. No I'm not going to cut my friend out of my life as we've been friends for decades, and he knows my partner and I are bisexual and is fine with it, and understands bisexuality despite what you assume about gay men. :rolleyes:

Our friend does not live in a gay ghetto; but rather he refuses to stay closeted and be ashamed of his sexuality the way a lot of people here are.

[pole_smoker]

When people choose to come "out", all they are really doing is giving permission for others to view them through a stereotype.

I don't want to be viewed as a stereotype, especially one that concerns whom you share your junk with, lol.

Sexually ambiguity forces people to think critically of you, which is a really good thing.


------
Or you could just stop living in your closet of fear, and come out as bisexual or tell people, "Yes I'm bisexual." It's really not that big of a deal and most people including straight/hetero people, and gay/lesbian people do understand bisexuality even if they're not bisexual.

[Browne]

Or you could just stop living in your closet of fear, and come out as bisexual or tell people, "Yes I'm bisexual." It's really not that big of a deal and most people including straight/hetero people, and gay/lesbian people do understand bisexuality even if they're not bisexual.


Yeah, I just think it's pretty dumb the way we go about defining ourselves to each other. And I'd say sexuality penetrates deeper into our psychology than even religion itself does. So I live my life the way I want to live it by not playing into that stupid label game.

I think your post is a good example of why it's so wrong to think in stereotypical terms toward one another. One of the easiest things to do in life is to judge somebody or something from afar. Really cheap stuff...


------

[tenni]

good points Hardcell.
I do think that people judge all the time though. If we meet someone eating chocolate, we judge that they probably like chocolate. There is no condemning with that form of judgement. It is when values of how a person should live or not live their lives may be where it gets toxic.

How should we judge another person who is attempting to impose their way of life on to another? I recall others stating that some gays are condemning and yet ignore that they were also condemned and judged as wrong.

Gay ghettos do not have to be a physical space. Gay ghettos are rigid imposing on other to be like them.

I think that there are growing numbers of bisexuals like Hardcore who reject labelling. There is no shame involved with such beliefs. There is no conforming to monosexual values of right or wrong.

However the concept that bisexuals must self disclose their sexuality to others that they are not interested in having a sexual relationship with is off topic a bit. The case is how do you let a person know that you are interested in them when they are the same gender as you are.

[pole_smoker]

Yeah, I just think it's pretty dumb the way we go about defining ourselves to each other. And I'd say sexuality penetrates deeper into our psychology than even religion itself does. So I live my life the way I want to live it by not playing into that stupid label game.

I think your post is a good example of why it's so wrong to think in stereotypical terms toward one another. One of the easiest things to do in life is to judge somebody or something from afar. Really cheap stuff...


------
If you do the whole "I'm bisexual but I don't tell other people or come out as bi because I hate labels" BS, then you're biphobic.

[Browne]

...but I don't tell other people...

I tell the people that I engage in sex with that gender is subordinate to a person's character when it comes to what attracts me. That kinda has a different ring to it than simply saying I'm bisexual. And it's supposed to because that's what I want. And it makes sense to me that the topic of sex and sexual orientation should be talked about with the people you want to engage in sex with. Why do you feel I need to talk about whom I share my genitals with, with people I don't have or want sex with?



then you're biphobic.

Dude, this is my fourth post on the forum. What's with the speed profiling?


------

[tenni]

This thread is about giving hints to others about your sexuality..not calling people names and labelling them. If you do not wish to label that is ok with most people who identify as bisexual. Some poster have no idea what biphobia is. (wait for a barrage of "I know it all" to reply ;) :yikes2:



Biphobia is aversion toward bisexuality and bisexual people as a social group or as individuals. People of any sexual orientation can experience such feelings of aversion. Biphobia is a source of discrimination against bisexuals, and may be based on negative bisexual stereotypes or irrational fear.

No one who doesn't galy proclaim their bi sexuality is discriminating against other bisexuals or fear their sexuality. Most sane reasonable bisexuals have more tolerance of variation as to which bisexuals announce their sexuality out of any context and which use the practise of opposing labelling anyone including their own sexuality.

[pole_smoker]

I tell the people that I engage in sex with that gender is subordinate to a person's character when it comes to what attracts me. That kinda has a different ring to it than simply saying I'm bisexual. And it's supposed to because that's what I want. And it makes sense to me that the topic of sex and sexual orientation should be talked about with the people you want to engage in sex with. Why do you feel I need to talk about whom I share my genitals with, with people I don't have or want sex with?




Dude, this is my fourth post on the forum. What's with the speed profiling?


------
LOL HC. Let's just say I'm very good at reading people. I've been doing it for decades. ;)

Yes there is internalized biphobia if a bisexual person plays the game of doing or saying anything, including "I'm not into labels!" to not describe themselves as bisexual for fear of being out, or worry about judgement for coming out as bisexual when lots of people who are in worse situations can and do come out as being LGBT or bisexual too.

Then you have biphobic people like the troll tenni above me who don't actually understand male bisexuality, and their tiny minds can't fathom that more than a fair amount of bisexual men do partner with other bisexual men, or even gay men; but to him we're all "gay but in denial". :rolleyes:

[Browne]

LOL HC. Let's just say I'm very good at reading people. I've been doing it for decades. ;)

Yes there is internalized biphobia if a bisexual person plays the game of doing or saying anything, including "I'm not into labels!" to not describe themselves as bisexual for fear of being out, or worry about judgement for coming out as bisexual when lots of people who are in worse situations can and do come out as being LGBT or bisexual too.

Then you have biphobic people like the troll tenni above me who don't actually understand male bisexuality, and their tiny minds can't fathom that more than a fair amount of bisexual men do partner with other bisexual men, or even gay men; but to him we're all "gay but in denial". :rolleyes:

Thanks for sharing your projection of me.


------

[Melody Dean]

LOL HC. Let's just say I'm very good at reading people. I've been doing it for decades. ;)



Oh, do me! lol