whats happening..

[19bimale?]

Hi everyone, i'll start off with saying sorry in advance if there have been millions of these threads made before..i just feel that i needed to write this if not to get some answers or opinions but to just get it off my chest in a way... and i'm sorry if its a bit lengthy lol.

Well, as the name suggests i am a 19 year old male and at least 'think' that i am bisexual. however..i have only felt like this for a short period of time, up until i was roughly 16 i still thought i was completely heterosexual, and as most adolescent boys did..watched a bit of porn lol. that is where it started for me, i began only watching videos that were just 2 guys and a girl..but still heterosexual, i then became a bit more curious and watched a few bi videos of 2 guys and a girl..and didn't mind it, but eventually i have reached the point i am at now in a way, where i can basically only watch gay videos, of just men.

i have read a bit on these forums and i realise that a process like just mentioned might not be that uncommon..but it sure has been damn confusing for me.
if i see a hot (generally) older man walk by in the street it gets my heart racing and i can't keep my eyes off them(especially if there in a suit). However nowadays if a hot girl walks past i don't really feel much, i mean i still find them attractive..but it seems to just not be doing it for me anymore...

I have also explored with what was my curiosity with having sex with another man, and i enjoyed it immensely during it, but afterwards i felt...almost....dirty but i guess guilty in a way, leaving me more confused then what i was beforehand.
The thing that is confusing me i guess now, is that am i actually bisexual..or does these things sound like the makings of a homosexual male in denial...
I don't want to get myself into a relationship, or even just toying with emotions by flirting/hooking up etc. with a girl if i find that i feel nothing there and only feel something towards other men... i dont know maybe im just being stupid there lol.
anyway i'll wrap it up here, thanks to anyone that has read, all opinions and advice welcome.

Cheers

[Long Duck Dong]

there are times that its easier and feels better to start a thread so that way you have expressed yourself and do not feel like your post will be lost in a sea of spam lol

ok, it sounds to me like at this stage you are in a state of fuild sexuality, and that you may be in a swing more to gay / male attraction more than female attraction

the hard part is that as you say, you are 19, and a lot of the older farts like me, are getting close to retirement age..... well, maybe in 25 years i will be retired lol..... but for us, its easier as we have dealt with a few good years of the swing back and fro between the sexual attractions or the sexual stable stages...so we know generally what we are ( randy :tong: )

so, in saying that, being younger, you may be more sure of what you are drawing to, or not sure..... but at this stage, it appears to be a fuild sexuality stage..... and you may or may not be gay.....only time can tell....

at this stage the best advice I can give, is take it slow, learn about what attracts you, what you desire, what interests you sexually ( I mean top / bottom, oral, masturbation, types of people you are attracted to etc )....

the feeling dirty part can have a lot to do with our self image..... ie I can not be gay or interested in males, cos I wanna be with a woman or that its wrong to be with another male but damm it feels so good....
and it sounds to me to be more that way, than a outward issue such as omg my parents would shoot me for being gay etc....

its always easier for the old farts like me to sit here and make it seem easy..... its not....even us old farts have our bad bads and years with our sexuality, specially when it shifts in the middle of a 15 year marriage lol

[19bimale?]

Thanks so much for the reply and advice, I think I will have to do as you suggest and just try take it slow, hopefully things will pan out eventually I guess.
Thanks again :)

[darkeyes]

the feeling dirty part can have a lot to do with our self image..... ie I can not be gay or interested in males, cos I wanna be with a woman or that its wrong to be with another male but damm it feels so good....
and it sounds to me to be more that way, than a outward issue such as omg my parents would shoot me for being gay etc....

its always easier for the old farts like me to sit here and make it seem easy..... its not....even us old farts have our bad bads and years with our sexuality, specially when it shifts in the middle of a 15 year marriage lol

I a one of the few lucky ones hun.. inasmuch as I have never felt guilty about my sexuality ever. I knew from a very young age, before I even knew that there was a name for it that I was attracted to my own sex as well as what I call "lesser morals".. you and Duckie and all the other non godesses.. just a wee jest but my parents brought me up to be me.. not who anyone else thought I should be. Certainly not society and its prejudices. So I had a freedom which few even in the 1990s when I was a teen had.

Duckie touched on it slightly but most of the dirt you feel is to do with living in a society where being non straight remains not of what is considered normal.. there remains a residual stigma which varies from place to place and country to country and more to do with both our countries historical affinity with Christianity and the teachings of the churches as any unnatural human condition. So we were raised in societies where being gay or bisexual until not that long ago was illegal for men (not for women oddly enough at least in the UK) and something of which we should feel ashamed..

Thankfully both our countries have moved on a great deal since those dark days having same sex relationships or simply just sex is no longer a path to eternal damnation (although the churches still have a lot to say about that). It is now legal for both sexes and we can even marry one of our own gender. Yet still the residual shame is felt by so many because of our societies historical intolerance of homosexuality. That is why you feel dirty.. it is a legacy which our grandparents generation and before have given to us.. the legacy of our parents generation is that now we can live and be open to world should we choose.. our legacy to succeeding generations is to continue the progress of the last 50 years and live as we will with the partner of our choice whichever gender he or she may be..

That I have never felt ashamed of my sexuality is simply a stroke of good fortune in the parents I had, yet even I was wary of telling them of that attraction and need.. few have such good fortune.. it is up to all of us to ensure that future generations live as who they are..not as who society wishes them to be.. in peace and understanding and loving who they will.. try and not feel dirty or ashamed.. whatever and whoever you are you are.. don't let society's past intolerance ruin that for you... :)

[sdnaustin]

He nails it on the guilt/shame thing...the reason you feel that way is because you aren't comfortable with it mentally. I was the same way at your age. I was incredibly turned on by naked men, and had some sexual encounters with other guys, and everytime I felt a lot of pleasure during (straight/bi/gay, sex is just fun period) but a ton of shame after.

It wasn't until after i was married and my wife started introducing ass-play into our sex sessions that I finally, with her reassurance, accepted that my bisexuality is not wrong or shameful...she doesn't want me acting on it, so I do wish I'd have accepted it EARLIER...like your age, so i could have been honest with the women I dated...there is one old flame that is into bi men now...If only I'd have known back then.

So relax, have fun, and just be honest with yourself and others, as long as you do that, there is no reason for shame or guilt.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Honeyboy, your're at that stage in life where the hormones are doing weird things and the body is adjusting to it. Having/acting on these feelings are perfectly normal. Sure your mind is going to be filled with doubt and guilt later, but that's just the stigma of doing what is "against the norm" :rolleyes:
Dont worry about it, do what feels natural and good for you. I'm going to tell you what I told all of my kids: Go play, explore, learn, grow, but play safe At All Times. No exceptions.
Good luck to ya Darlin. :}
Cat

[mikey3000]

Dude, all I can add is feel no guilt!!! I know it's easier said than done, but there nothing wrong with your feelings. Very natural. You are so young. GIve it a little more time and everything will fall into place. Straight, gay, bi, it's all good. Just don't be so quick to put yourself in a box. Enjoy yourself now and decide later if you must.

Good luck!!

[19bimale?]

Thanks everyone for all the advice and replies..
like you all said it seems like i just need to relax a bit lol, thanks again !

[someotherguy]

If you lived in a culture that accepted bisexuality as normal, you wouldn't need a crisis of sexual orientation to figure out your attractions and impulses. You would be attracted to a man or a woman on their own merits, according to chemistry and fashion sense, and be done with it. But since you live in a culture than requires assignment of labels, you get confused about what to call yourself and even how to think of yourself.

For most people, and by most I mean more than half of them, sexual attraction is not neatly either one or the other. If you are generally attracted to one sex and sometimes to the other, you are normal according to human sexuality generally. The natural incidence of strictly straight or gay responses is equally small, with a mix of both in various proportions being the norm.

How you feel is a fact. Then there is how you feel about how you feel, which is a matter of fitting into your culture. Cultures have the unpleasant task of trying to force behaviors into unnatural limits, supposedly for some greater good all around. Keep in mind that along with any wisdom shaping cultural mandate is a whole lot of retarded superstition. To thine own self be true, as always.

What's happening is you are turned on, and trying to figure out what that means in terms of your identity and the way you fit in to society. You could just enjoy being turned on and let society worry about how to adapt to your urges. Do you want to cower in fear of public opinion, or claim your rightful role as an indomitable force of nature? If you're undecided about that, flip a coin and see how you like living by the result. You can always change your mind later.