opposites attract? how about, similars?

[sephirothtx]

I've heard the quote opposites attracts, all of my real realtionships have been overly outgoing and risky and very social, which mostly is the opposite of me (yes i can be very dirty in bed, but out of the house im the quite shy nerd in the back of the room)

can similars attract? if two people are the same, can they attract.

I've known this lady for a while now, since highschool and community college, and she's allot like me. Like me she can be a bit lazy and a slob around the house, for example both of our beds are unamed (including missing a sheet most the time) clothes are on our floors, exct. LIke me she's shy and kind of a homebody (she likes to stay around the house allot, not that San antonios a kicking place)

like me she's mostly gone out with outgoing individuals that have turned from her once they where done

so here's the question, waht's the chance itll work? Is ANYONE in here in a lasting relationship with somone that is ALLOT like you? Or is everyone in a lasting relationship with that opposite.

[DuckiesDarling]

Interesting question. I'm in a long term relationship with Long Duck Dong, in many ways we are similiar but in just as many ways we are opposite but what we are on whole is compatible. That's what makes it work.

[Vikkster230]

I've been with my husband for 14 years, married for a lil over 9. I'd say we're as close to 2 peas in a pod without being conjoined... lol We have similar interests, ideas, beliefs, and core values. Our lives ran parallel until we met. The only real thing we argue about is the sh@t his ex does. I think we could spend 24 hours a day together and get bummed that it's not enough time. It seems to work for us...We were great friends to start off with and that we not only love each other, but like each other as well. The other piece of that is to bend for each other, but not break... :bigrin:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Having similar interests would be a good thing. That way you both would be happy, and compatable.
Have fun. :}
Cat

[darkeyes]

Similars do attract, and I would argue that they have at least as much chance of making things work as opposites.. for a relationship to work we need common ground and common interest. where there is none then trying to make a relationship is a waste of time and energy.. opposites can and do have a whale of a time in bed and in the short term... this I can certainly vouch for.. but after a while confict begins and it is best to move on.

The best relationships though are those where there is some common ground and difference exists.. so as we go through life we have always something to learn from each other and turn to each for help and guidance, and where they can prevent us from making huge mistakes in our lives. Sex isnt enough.. we need more unless we are to be bored or permantly in conflict with our partner.

[innaminka]

Opposite do attract - certainly, but I believe for a lasting relationship, those opposites have to meld, have to be able to merge somewhat.

Most of the couples I know that have long, lasting relationships are more similar than they know. Sure, they need to have individual habits, but they also have a heap of common-ground interests and personality traits.

"Vive la difference" may sound good, but "toujours la meme" also has its benefits.

[Realist]

For most of my life, when in relationships, I have tried to conform to others' ideals, habits, and idiosyncrasies. I did that while hiding, or ignoring, many of my own interests. After three marriages*, I finally learned that, no matter how hard they tried, they could not understand, or accept me being bisexual. Having different social, political, and recreational interests, didn't help, either.

Even though my GF and I are of vastly different ages, we are almost mirror images of each other. The similarities are amazing in almost every aspect. We communicate well and listen, too. There are some compromises, but really, we have only a few compromises to make. Our early lives began much the same way and our sexuality grew in similar ways, as well as our other mutual interests; that also helps us cement our relationship.

It's been a long time since I've been in a relationship, with either gender, where the connection is so mutual and rewarding. I'm sure her being bisexual, also, helps on that vein, but we are alike in most things. Of course, there are interests we may not share, but there's nothing about the other that grates on our nerves. We both are free to come and go as we wish, but feel no pressure to be with others at this time. Neither of us are jealous, demanding, nor do we make unrealistic demands on each other. We do challenge, encourage, support, and compliment, each other well, though.

* I know, it seems amazingly "stoopid" for me to take this long to figure how to be happy, fulfilled, and satisfied!

[12voltman59]

It is certainly the case, with magnets, that if they are opposites they will always attract and stick to each other--with people--those who are "opposites" might initially attract and even stay together a long time--the probability of long term relationship success is greater if you have more things than not with another person.

Good luck in your relationship with your current lady friend.

[Annika L]

Can two people who are not opposites attract? Absolutely.

My partner of nearly 24 years and I see nearly completely eye to eye on nearly everything. We are both imaginative, analytical introverts with control issues LOL. Neither of us is the sort of person who "gets along with just about everybody", and yet in years and years of living together, we have never had a serious conflict with one another.

Certainly, there are differences between us, both in style and in interests. Any two people will have differences...there's no need to "make sure" there are differences. But she and I are far from opposite, in almost any regard, and yet have had a long wonderful relationship that we don't foresee ending any time soon.

The interesting questions to *me* are "Can *anybody* have a satisfying relationship with someone similar to them?" and "Can *anybody* have a satisfying relationship with an opposite?"

Personally, although I could handle more difference than I have in my current relationship, I think I'd be driven nuts if I had to live with someone who was *too* opposite from me. My sister, on the other hand, would be challenged to live with someone who was too much like her.

Bottom line: if you are attracted to a person, and want to try a relationship with them, go for it...don't hold back because they seem too like you or unlike you...no doubt there's a reason you're attracted!

[citystyleguy]

it can work in any relationship, as so long as each individually, and as a couple, understand the particulars of the respective qualities and work it out together.

for me, all my relationships have been a bit of both, very similar qualities, but then significant differences; again, it came down to how we dealt with those issues that arose from interactions arising from the collision of the similarities with the differences.

[12voltman59]

In some cases though--it sure can be the case that "opposites" can make it work----I hold out a somewhat public example of such a couple--the long term marriage--got to be nearly 20 years on now of two people who are total opposites when it comes to political philosophies--the marriage of US political strategists James Carville and Mary Matalin.

Carville helped to get Bill Clinton elected and worked in the Clinton White House-he has remained active in the Democratic Party since that time and Mary Matalin worked in the admin of Geo HW Bush.

She too has remained active in various ways for the Republican Party, having done work for the party and as campaign advisor to at least a few people seeking office under the Republican banner--the same for James doing that for Dem candidates.

Now--if those two can make a relationship work for all that time--then I guess if you really want to---pretty much anyone can make a marriage of "opposites" work out--but it is true---no matter if you and your partner are "sames" or "opposites"--it takes lots of hard work to make any relationship work out successfully.