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My wife has always known I am a freak when it comes to sex, she knows that I love our 3somes with my buddy but things take a different turn when he and I are alone. Although I love to feel his massive cock fucking my man pussy I can’t get enough of his cock fucking my throat. This past weekend we traveled up north to my cabin to do some fishing and some man time, and after our arrival we settled in for a drink and some teasing. I went down to the dock to check the boat out and wearing nothing but a pair of shorts he walked up and said are we good to go? Yep she is ready and he smiled and said so are you ready? I turned around to find him standing there with a hardon as he grabbed my head and guided my head to his cock, there’s something about a sweaty musty cock that gets me all turned on. I must admit I love sucking his dick but in the middle of nowhere we are a bit more open. Even though we are lake side with others on the lake I slipped my shorts down and was stroking my cock when he uttered the words I am going to fuck you right here! He grabbed me spit on his cock and forced it in as deep as he could go. I am not sure if anyone saw us but right there on the dock bent over the fish table he pounded me hard and spilled his heavy load deep. Finishing up he pulled out walked up to the cabin as I rested a minute and with his cum leaking from my ass walked up to find him in the shower. He called out to me saying come on in and clean up, I slipped off my shorts and walked in the shower where he was washing his cock and it was getting hard again, he smiled and said how about round 2, this time his cock slid in nice and easy and as the water flowed over us he rode me like a whore and a couple times pulled out rinsed his dick and throat fucked me until he blew another load down my throat.

All weekend end we were either fishing or fucking and I came to realize I am addicted to sex, waking up in the morning to his cock in my face wanting to slide it between my lips, let me admit that by the time we left my ass is sore and my mouth is sore. Awesome weekend. 😄

When I finally uttered the words, "I am bisexual" it was a massive weight off my shoulders but little did I realise that it was only the beginning of a long journey, a journey I now realise I was always needed to take. Most bisexual people believe that sexuality is fluid, I sure do, but ask most straight people and we'd have to be joking, right? The homosexual community may somewhat subscribe to the notion that sexuality is fluid but it doesn't stop us being berated from both sides.

My obsession with cock may have started out as a curiosity or at least that is what I told myself, but I believe it was driven fundamentally by a genetic component to my makeup. I believe I was born to like it and from the moment my hormones started to patrol my body I was destined to head down this path whilst the majority of the people I know would head down another, or so I thought.

I now define myself as a bisexual gay man but it wasn't always this way. When I first accepted I was bisexual, I started out as a Kinsey one. I rationalised this as liking men but women far more. I could live with this, even though I was clearly lying to myself. I know that now but I also knew it then too. Admitting I liked men was massive but I wasn't ready to admit just how much. I had always rationalised the Kinsey scale as follows, 1-2, heterosexual who likes the same sex, 3, equal and 4-5 homosexual who likes the opposite sex so initially I saw myself as a predominantly heterosexual man who sometimes liked men.

It wasn't long before I changed it to a two and after few months it became a three. For me, each change required an adjustment period where I was adjusting to being a little more homosexual than I had previously cared to admit. It would stay at three for a year as it meant I liked men and women equally and therefore equally homosexual and heterosexual. It wasn't long before I realised that deep down I knew Kinsey three was a copout but a change to a four meant I would no longer be sitting on the fence. I would've gone from being on one side, to the middle and finally to the other side. I would be more homosexual, I would be predominantly gay, aka, a gay man who likes women. Yes, it's still bisexual and if I was to tell anyone, I simply would say bisexual, but this was all about my internal rationalisation. I had to rationalise it so I could accept it. Some may say that's a tad messed up, but living most of my life in denial meant I had internal walls that required to be broken down before I could accept I was more homosexual.

In June 2019 I made that change. It took me 25 years to admit that my homosexual side was stronger. I did feel different. Heterosexual felt like a lie, this didn't. It felt natural. Gay porn had always been more arousing to me, it wasn't a phase nor was it just out of curiosity. It was sexual and would make me hard at just the thought. I would stay a Kinsey four for 11 months until I changed it to a five last month. With the lockdown in full swing, my homosexual side ran a little rampant, especially with masturbation month. I'm pretty sure it won't get any higher but when we come out of lockdown, there's a possibility it could return to a four. Will it ever be less than a four? Will I go back to equal or jump the fence again? I don't think so, I find men more arousing, I always have, but as sexuality is fluid you never say never.

One final note. There have been posts/polls on the forum where some have indicated as they age they feel more homosexual, myself included. Is this fluidity at play or just the truth coming to the surface over time? For me, I think it may be both.

Just a little blog looking back at my time at high school and how the "system let us down". The system referring to many systems, not any one system in particular.

I remember a quote from high school, look to your left then to your right, if neither of them are gay, that means it's you. It's supposed to be a joke and an insult all at the same time. That how growing up in NZ was for me in the 80's and 90's, where sexuality could and still is very much today, used as an insult. Faggot, homo, poofter, pillow biter, ass bandit and many others were slung like mud at anyone they took issue with, for whatever reason and unfortunately for some, it made their lives miserable. But why should it? The system said so.

During high school I didn't know any gay or bisexual males. That's not to say there weren't any, I'm sure there were quite a few, hell, I was one of them even if I wouldn't admit it back then, it's just that none that I knew took the risk to expose their sexuality. High school for many contained three types of people, those who bully, those who got bullied and those who managed for some reason to slip between the cracks. I was in the later. I did not bully nor did I get bullied. I knew many who did, and it really ruined their pubescent lives, some still feel the effects today. One of my friends was labelled as gay and he suffered years of bullying until he was old enough to leave school and head out in to the real world. He wasn't gay but it didn't stop them. We had no form of sex education, it wasn't added to the curriculum until after I left but I doubt that would've set any records straight, nor would it have given me the confidence to be who I wanted. If you were curious about the male form, you were gay, simple as that. Black and white, no shades of gray. The system has let us down.

I was curious, I had seen my peers naked in the changing rooms but I saw what they did to those they suspected and it wasn't pretty and any who defended those who were picked on were gay by association. High school was cruel and seeing the news over the past few years, doesn't seem to be much better. For me, it was safer to bury the curiosity putting it down to pubescent hormones running rampant. Things may have been very different had we had the Internet growing up as that curiosity would've been fed and nurtured by pornography but alas, it was still a couple years away. The system has let us down.

When the Internet arrived, I attempted to play it straight, masturbating to women and women only, however the curiosity and allure of the male form would soon see me masturbating to men. Those who are old enough would remember newsgroups, those who don't, think of it as a repository of messages of which some had attachments, such as music, movies and images, in particular, pornography. Downloading the first image off alt.images.sex.gay was nerve racking, but once I saw it, I was hooked. The thread [URL]https://www.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?19192-This-is-SO-hot[/URL]!! bought a lot of this back. It was the start of my love affair with gay porn, in particular, anal that has spanned decades even though I was in denial for much of those years. There was something just so intoxicating watching a cock slide inside a man's ass that I couldn't get enough of until I got caught masturbating to it. I wasn't sure whether my parents saw what I was looking at but if they had, I wished they had said so. Personally I think they did but thought if they said nothing I'd grow out of it or more than likely they simply didn't want to know whether or not they had a gay son. I bet it never occurred to them they had a bisexual one. The system had conditioned them to believe it was something to be ashamed of and that was enforced in my up bringing. I believed it was something to be ashamed of. The system let us down.

My family isn't religious but it's moral, ethics and standards are rooted in religious beliefs. Homosexual acts have been around since the dawn of time however its the church influence over rulers throughout history that saw many make this a crime. A crime that made no sense or reason. Those that were caught were punished severely for something that was innate to them. Making it illegal does not make the desire go away and re-education in many cases would not have worked either. These desires have a habit of resurfacing years later with the potential of destroying families and relationships should they ever become known. Telling me I'll go to hell for something I have little control over when I believe it's a part of my genetic make up is ironic when man is made in God's image, does that mean God could be bisexual? The system has let us down.

Whilst a lot has changed over the years, one thing really hasn't, the stigma associated to being LGBTQ. while many claim to accept the differences in sexuality, I feel in many cases that this is smoke and mirrors. The system has had centuries of conditioning man to believe it's a sin, it cannot and will not be undone in an instance. When sexuality causes conflict, ending friendships, families, relationships and opportunities should it ever become known, the system has let us down. No one should fear being true to themselves but many are, many fear how people will react and see us so to this very day, the system is still letting us down.

If history has taught us one thing, we're doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past so the system for the foreseeable future, will continue to let down those who dare to be different.

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Shit. I wish he hadn't got me thinking about any of this because now I found myself thinking about what I was thinking about during sex but noticing that sometimes, I wasn't thinking about anything... including whatever I was doing.

Crazy shit.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]He asked me the question again and this time, after having the time to review things, I was able to tell him that I was, indeed, thinking about a whole lot of stuff, some specific, some pretty random, from how he was making me feel to what I was going to do once I left him. I was thinking about how "odd" but also how familiar it was to see a guy sucking my dick, thinking about almost everything associated with men and cock sucking; I was thinking about which one of my ladies would be home by the time I got there so I could have sex with them.

I was thinking about dinner, thinking about how glad I was to have left work early so this guy and I could spend some time sucking each other off; I was thinking about the work I'd left undone and that would be waiting for me in the morning and, damn, a whole lot of other things that, prior to being asked this question, I never paid any attention to.

"Yet, with all that stuff going on in your head, don't you find it distracting?" he asked.

"Apparently not," I said. "I mean, it's not like I didn't know that I'm thinking about other things - I'm just not all that aware of exactly what I'm thinking about. Shit, I guess it's like background noise and, shit, I don't know what to say about it. How did you know I was thinking about something other than what we were doing?"

"Because I was thinking like that, too," he said. "It got my attention and I wanted to know what you were thinking about and if you were thinking about anything at all."

"Ha, I guess the automatic response is to say that you're not thinking about anything," I said. "But, yeah, your mind really doesn't shut down when you're having sex, does it? And it's obviously not just thinking about what's going on."[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]A guy was sucking my dick after I'd sucked his and emptied his balls and I'm just lying there enjoying being in the moment, sometimes watching him, sometimes just closing my eyes can focusing on the feelings when he stopped, cleared his throat, and then asked, "What are you thinking about?"

The first response was, "Nothing - is there something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong... just wondering what you're thinking about," he said as he kept stroking me for a moment before he went back to sucking me.

I didn't think I was thinking about anything but now he's got me thinking about that... and I discovered that there was a lot of shit going on in my head and some of it had nothing to do with what we were doing. Eventually, um, I stopped thinking period when the good feelings intensified and I was an eyeblink away from cumming in his mouth but later, as we sat and talked - and resting up for a second round - I was thinking about what I'd been thinking about and a bit surprised that my mind wasn't blank and/or totally and completely on being sucked.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I had other male friends in the city who liked to do it with boys... and some of them were like "girls," too. Doug was a cock sucking fool and that was pretty much all he liked to do. Aaron didn't suck dick - said it tasted too nasty for him - but I could stick it in his butt as many times as I could and he was happy and the only thing I could do him other than that was to jerk him off.

Greg was kinda like Charlie - he was a sissy and proud of it and he even had the nerve to have more girl-like features despite being a bit chubby. When I'd hang with him, he'd always remind me that he didn't care what I did to him as long as I fucked him. I could suck his dick and if I caught him at the right moment, he'd fuck me... but he'd say that he only did it because he liked me and it made him happier if I was fucking him.

Maybe it was a coincidence but, to me, it seemed like a lot of the white guys I knew were more of the girly type - they always wanted to suck my dick and always wanted my dick in their ass. I didn't know whether it was "just me" or just the way they were in this and, really, I didn't care but it would make me think a lot about it. Most of them didn't have a problem being sucked or fucking me... but they would have rather been the one doing the sucking and getting fucked and the thing that stood out to me was that they were all a lot more "open" to doing it than a lot of the guys where I lived in that when I hung out with them, the first thing they'd say was, "Let's go somewhere so you can do it to me - and I know just the place!"

I lived around some seriously horny boys in my 'hood... and the white guys I knew made my friends look like they weren't even interested in sex at all... and that is really saying something. I'd be on top of one of them (and in some way) and, collectively, they'd say that for them, this was the best part of doing it with other boys. Doing it to them was okay... but as Jeff told me one day, "I like being the girl when I'm doing it with another boy! You ready to do it to me again?"

And what he said stuck with me since it was pretty much the same thing Charlie would often say. Don't get me wrong - I liked being the girl, too... but not even close to how much the guys I mentioned like it. Sometimes, my white friends would fuck me in a hurry so they could shoot, pull out, and lie down so I could do it to them. Jeff told me one day, "I'm not gonna do it to you at all today - I only want you doing it to me!"

Well, okay... but what was going on? Things were starting to change, from boys not wanting to do it anymore to guys who didn't want to stick it in me or let me suck their dick. The fairness, such as I thought it was, was beginning to go away and a lot of the guys I hung around with would rather be the one to suck dick and be fucked.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Charlie was the one "girl" you couldn't give enough dick to and was at his happiness when he had a dick in his ass and one in his mouth at the same time. Carl, Sam, and Jackie were more... one-on-one and sometimes they'd get nervous if it looked like we were lining up to take turns with them; Charlie, by comparison, wow - he'd light up like a Christmas tree to see us standing around, our dicks nice and hard, and impatiently waiting for our turn to do it to him.

"Y'all can't do it to me enough," he said one day when it was just me and him. His family was out for the day and his parents asked my parents if I would "babysit" him even though I was only a year older. I lived on the third floor of the building and Charlie lived on the first floor so my parents had no problem with me keeping an eye on Charlie in his place (and it was a given that my parents would check on us at times) and sometimes I'd act like I didn't want to be bothered... but that was only to drive up the amount of money I was to be paid for watching Charlie.

Because I knew that the moment the coast was clear, we would be doing it... a lot. To me, that was payment enough but I'd been crazy to turn down the money, that and I felt that turning it down might draw some attention I didn't want to have.

"If I could, I'd let everyone do it to me all day, every day," he said as I slid my dick in and out of his butt. I loved doing it to him because it felt just like being in a girl and, at the time, that confused me but, later, I'd realized that Charlie got fucked and more than any of us... and he got fucked by more adults than any of us did, too, and I had suspected - but never really found out (or even asked him) that his father was fucking him as well.

Didn't matter, though. The one thing about us doing it to each other was finding out who else was doing it to us, whether it was just sucking dick or being fucked. Charlie would often tell me about the guys who were fucking him and a lot of them weren't in "our neighborhood" and, a lot of times, he said, he didn't know who they were... and he didn't care, either.

"You're my favorite, though," he said one day after sucking me until I shot. "Come on - get hard again, do it to me, and let's go see where everyone else is!"

I knew it was because he wanted more dick and I believed him when he had said that none of us could do it to him enough to make him happy.

The other three "girls?" Eh, they didn't share Charlie's enthusiasm for dick. Oh, they'd suck and swallow and liked having it stuck in them... but they weren't "fiends" about it, not really girly like Charlie was. Over time, though, Carl, Sam, and Jackie drifted away from the group but Charlie remained.[/SIZE][/FONT]