[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]As you've seen, I've had an incredible journey as a bisexual and I've learned so much about people and sex and, perhaps, a bit more than the average person. Like everyone, I've had my ups and downs with this, from guileless bliss to those shitty moments that left me feeling used and dirty, making me second- and third-guess my decision to give up my body to a guy who really didn't have my pleasure in mind. I learned to chalk it all up to lessons learned, learned to not let the setbacks steal the joy of sex I'd discovered - just one of many decisions I've had to make over the fifty-five years I've been actively bisexual. One of the biggest one was in the form of a question: Given a choice, which thing with a guy would you rather do? Please note that I didn't use the word, "prefer;" I've come to have a dislike for it since another thing that I learned was that which I might prefer doesn't always match the reality of things and you don't always get what you want and in the way you want it. So I had to think about the answer to that question, rifle through my mind and look at every experience I could remember - both good and bad - and let my instincts guide me... and I realized that if I could only do one thing with a guy, it would be to suck his dick. But why? It was the first thing I learned about sex with males. It was my "holy shit this is good" moment that landed on me the instant that man's dick slipped between my parted lips. I was seriously hooked on it, found the taste of semen and sperm to my liking and as I honed my ability I discovered how having a guy's dick in my mouth could turn the toughest guy into one who'd lose his mind as his sperm started pumping into my mouth. Being fucked was... nice. Exciting. Nasty good fun but the intimacy of it was lost on me because I didn't know it was supposed to be intimate and, well, it didn't move me like having a hard dick in my mouth did. Being fucked was just part of the deal... but being able to wrap my mouth around a guy's prick and make him cum? Beyond priceless... and even in those moments where, after the fact, I felt shitty and very unclean.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]There's just no easy way to go about this that I know of. You can either be direct and right up front or you can do what I've seen a lot of guys do (and I've even done it): Figure out a way to bring the topic up and gently poke around to find out where their head is about it, dropping hints, all of that stuff and with the certain understanding that whatever they might say about the topic in general may or may not match their really personal point of view on it; some guys are okay with dudes having sex with dudes... as long as they're not being asked to participate. Still comes down to how much you want to have sex with a friend... and what you're willing to risk toward that goal and desire. So there's nothing in this that I'd call "helpful hints" and I'll invoke yet another saying: You pays your money, you take your chances when dealing with the devil you know versus the one you don't know shit about.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]And the answer is pretty obvious: They didn't know how I'd react to a direct proposition... even if they'd known me for years. Sure, some of my friends were quite bold; they'd just start out with, "Hey, let me ask you something..." and I'd say okay, what - then I'd get blindsided big time to hear them say they've always wanted to suck my dick or hoped that I'd want to fuck them... and I'm standing (or sitting) there trying to unscramble my brain enough to respond. Or, sometimes, I'd have a friend start grilling me about my stance on guys having sex with other guys and I'm wondering - and have asked, "Where did this come from?" Sometimes, I got grilled not because they wanted to do something with me but because they had another guy they had their eye on but, yeah, more often than not, I was their target - and not because they somehow knew I was into this but because they trusted me not to spaz out on them. Yeah... some suspected it, might have even heard a rumor or two... but if nothing else, I always had to admire the courage it took for them to bring this up and without really knowing how I'd react. And, yeah, with some friends, I categorically denied it and mostly because I knew something about them that they didn't know that I knew (and it definitely wasn't something good) or, sometimes after listening to their proposition, I knew it would be a mistake to agree and get busy with him - my gut has rarely been wrong in such things. But I'd be polite when I turned them down; no point in getting all nasty and shitty with them about it. I've even told some friends to go home and really think some more about this and after they've thought about it, come on back and we'll talk about it again which also gave me time to really think about it myself.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]In my own experiences with this, I've guessed wrong about a few friends, some with no consequences, some resulting in the loss of a friend, making me think that we couldn't have been as close as stated if something like this trashed the friendship... but it is what it is and I learned to just move on. More often than not, however, I've been blindsided by friends who I was very sure weren't into this - then to find out that they were. And, sometimes, I also learned that they didn't have any interest in this... until they met me, making me wonder - and not for the first time - what it was about me that would tell someone that if, say, you wanted a guy to suck you off, I was the guy you needed to befriend and talk to.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]I still vividly remember the day when my best friend, while in the middle of an impromptu foursome, leaned over and started sucking on my dick. Granted - he was getting his dick sucked by his girlfriend and my wife so it was one of those "heat of the moment" things but, still, I was shocked because I thought I knew all there was to know about him, only to find this out even if you wanted to blame the moment. A couple of weeks later, I gave him a bro-job and not only did he not reject it, he sucked my dick like it was something we'd been doing all along. You just never know. Still, regardless to how problematic this can be, when a guy gets interested in dick, it's usually a friend they turn to first - it's better the devil you know than the one you don't. Again, some guys are of a mind to preserve their friendships - why ruin a good thing? - so a stranger is their best bet; getting rejected by a stranger, while embarrassing, is of no real consequence unless the stranger gets violent about being propositioned... which is why a lot of guys would prefer to go with someone who is really a friend and the closer, the better. A lot of guys have asked me how to ask a friend about this... and there is no sure-fire way that I know of to do this. Like I've shared, I've often sat back and laughed myself silly watching guys trying to drop hints to me about what's on their mind when, normally, they're usually pretty direct with the things they say. Then I get to laugh even more when I ask them, "Well, why didn't you just come out and say what you wanted in the first place?"[/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I figured out that if nothing else, it's a trust issue; it's normal to trust someone you know more than someone you just met five minutes ago. The problem, however, is that we all have things about us that we won't trust anyone with... and having an interest in men is one of them. It's not quite like coming out even though, when trying to determine if your friend might be interested in letting you play with his dick, you're both "coming out" and making a proposition all at once. What you find that you don't know about your friend - and no matter how long you've known them - is whether they're going to be agreeable, disagreeable... or you're about to tell them something they already knew about you but never said anything. I also learned that you can't always "believe" what a friend says. I've had many friends who'd rant and rave against guys doing guys and so much that I believed what they were saying was true... and then found out later that it was all bluster and protective covering... and sometimes they really did mean everything they said against it. It puts you in a very tough spot with a friend because you just don't know how he's gonna take what you have to say and are proposing... While a stranger, well, in a lot of situations, they're more likely to make their intentions a bit more clearer... but now you're wondering if they're safe - and in any way you care to think about that - or not. One of the lessons one learns - and one, I think, should learn - is to trust their instincts and if your gut is telling you that this good-looking stranger would be a "bad" bed partner, trust it - and just walk away. But sometimes, your gut can be wrong, too, which makes this whole situation even more difficult to navigate. More sayings: Fortune favors the bold; it's better to try and fail than to never try at all; nothing ventured, nothing gained and a whole lot more I could mention but the bottom line always comes down to this: How badly do you want that dick... and what are you willing to risk in order to get it?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]If I remember correctly, I think I read this in a book: "Sometimes it's better the devil you know than the one you don't..." and it took me a little time to figure out what this meant and once I did, it had me paying attention to the guys I was having sex with and even I noticed that more often than not, the guy I was having sex with was someone I did, in fact, know and I'd known them for years and as opposed to the random guys who'd approach me for sex and I either didn't know them or didn't know anything about them other than their name - and if I knew that much about them. Again, whether I accepted their "indecent proposal" or not isn't at issue; sometimes I did, most times I didn't. Every now and then a "stranger" would approach me and make a proposal or clumsily hint at it - and I'd find out that we actually had a friend in common and that friend recommended the "stranger" to me... which had me wondering why our common friend, who I'd had sex with, didn't get with his friend and make him happy. Which was about the time when I began to see that some guys would avoid asking their friends for some dick and felt their chances were better with someone who wasn't a friend.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]When thinking about the numbers - something I learned not to do a lot of because it makes my head hurt - I came to realize that I've gotten more dick from guys I knew than guys I didn't know before the fact. When this first came to my attention I didn't think much about it but it became clear that many of the guys who came to me looking for a first experience were more of a mind to do it with someone they knew; if not a "true" friend then an acquaintance, being in the same class in school, stuff like that. Not too long after this revelation, I began to hear about guys going to their friends, dropping hints and hoping to get some dick experience from them; some were successful while others wound up losing a friend and, sometimes, making an enemy. I also noticed that "all of a sudden," there were a lot of guys wanting to "be friends" with me and I was seeing that some of them had a plan for us to be friends so that, later, they could do their best to sneak in a discussion about guys having sex with guys... And would that be something I'd be interested in? Now, with the guys I had much in common with, I figured it would be just a matter of time before the subject came up; with those I almost immediately knew we didn't have much in common or I'd see them around here and there, never said anything to each other outside of saying hello... and now them wanting us to be buddies just made me suspicious. And it usually didn't take long to figure out why they wanted to be friends. Now it's not a matter of whether or not they'd put having sex on the table and whether I agreed to it or not; sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't, but I was still damned curious why a guy, when looking for his first dick experience, would "hit" on his friends first.[/SIZE][/FONT]
Well, over a year ago I wrote a 4 part blog on how it all began, well that is the past , I am definitely no longer at the beginning, am I at the end ? Oh hell no, if anything this roller coaster is heading to the top of the hill and preparing for the high speed thrill and the loop de loop. So, I took a few months away from all social media and spent more time learning me. Some may have noticed I deleted the more x-rated photos and placed ones that I feel have some sexy to them (as much as I can), without tapping into my inner whore, although she is fun. They just were not who I am anymore. Yeah, I know, thats like the school slut saying I am not easy now, I have virtue, yeah right ! I think many that are like me, and play two different gender roles, go through the phase of showing everything God gave them, then kind of back away from it. Sort of a attention thing, but what do I know, I am a crossdresser, not a shrink During the last couple of months, I went on 4 dates, been out in public numerous times, and even once did a stand up routine as Jazmin ( a open mic type of thing), strangely, I had guys I figured would be President of the homophobia club come up and tell me they enjoyed it and even did a few pictures with them, 2 of them even bought me a drink, said it was worth the laugh, especially the joke about dating and cars What was nice, the dates I went on, the guys were not just trying to get their cock sucked and go home, we actually went to dinner, movies, the whole thing, although it was strange to dance with someone and feel their boner on your hip, now I know how all those poor girls in high school felt. Most of them seemed to be guys that wanted to go out, and have company and a companion who understood them more than genetic women usually do, and they could be open and free about their bi-side, although one, I tried to find the words to say dude, you are gay, you are so gay you are Marvin Gay and there aint no closet high enough. Poor guy seemed like he was trying so hard to hold on to some heterosexuality, I wish him the best.I did give him the number to a friend that is good with talking to people who are coming out During this time, I learned we are no longer in 1982. Multiple times I was in stores and felt people looking and thought, oh shit, here it comes, but the guys, were all polite and respectful even using feminine pronouns, I mean almost 100% of the time. It was like the men were live and let live, and what ever is good with them, as long as it doesnt impact their lives. now the women, damn, I didint know some of them could squint that hard, some serious evil looks, outside of clubs, I only talked to one female. She had a Trump 2020 bumper sticker and yelled to me, which caught me by surprise, she wanted to know where I bought my dress. So we spent a few minutes and logged onto my amazon account from my cell phone so I could send her a snapshot of it, she even said thank you and hugged me when she left. The worst people to deal with were in the clubs, girls/guys like me, damn you wanna talk about some catty bitches, it was worse than a high school cheerleader locker room trying to one up each other. Outside of the current NFL, I had never seen so many prima donnas in one spot. But I did find a chill relaxing club that wasn't all techno music, little bit older crowd. Been there like 5 times now and usually there is only two or three like me. Now, let me tell you the benefits of wearing leather pants and a corset with 6 inch heels, your ass dont pay for drinks, its like a dream come true, if I had known this years ago, could have saved a ton of money. The negative, with only a few of us and 20 to 50 guys, you dance a lot, I mean a lot, you are wiped out at the end of the night. It's cool though, most of the guys just seemed to want to have fun and relax So, am I gonna live my life as a girl, hell no, I still like playing with boobies and kissing a women between the thighs, and maybe sometimes borrowing her pantys, with permission of course what it does mean, I am closer to coming to grips with who I am, I am much more comfortable and relaxed, and I don't worry what others think. Unless someone says my dress makes my ass look fat, then we got issues
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