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It's not... bragging or otherwise "talking shit." It's that... knowing that you're going to do the best you can and being confident that you can and will learn how to have sex with a man and whether it's your first time or the one hundredth time. You can't please everyone but if you're not confident that you're still going to try to, well, hmm.

I remember the first 9" dick I had. Homey pulled that snake out and my first thought was, "Oh, shit!" and he wasn't even hard. I wasn't sure if I could suck this guy's dick and it was an ugly feeling inside of me and it didn't help that he was waiting for me to get started. I... lacked confidence in my ability to suck dick and was intimidated by his length and girth. He asked, "Well, what are you waiting for?" and I wasn't going to tell him that I was waiting for my confidence to return but it did and... I had him hollering for his momma and Jesus to come save him.

When you don't have confidence, you don't have anything. A lot of guys say, "I wanna do this but I don't know if I can get away to do it..." and I understand that but if you're not confident that you can't find a way to do it, you aren't going to be able to do it. The same kind of guys say that it's impossible when it isn't if you have the confidence that you can "work the problem" and find a solution if, you know, it's something you really want and need to do.

You have to... believe in yourself. Have a level of confidence that says you will try your very best to do whatever it is you want to do. Don't let a lack of dick size destroy your confidence in your body's ability to get your dick hard so it can be made soft again. Not confident that you can deep throat a dick or take a big one in your ass? If you believe that you can't, then you won't be able to but confidence in yourself says, "The only way we will know that we can't do it... is to do it and doing our best to deal with it."

I was confident that I could deep throat a guy with a measured 13" dick. It was daunting as fuck and, for a long second, I wasn't sure that I could - but my confidence in myself came back and... I did it. Holy shit! High-fiving myself big time. Amazed the shit out of him because no one had ever taken all that dick down their throat before. Next was... taking all that dick in my ass and, again, my confidence wavered but returned because I was confident that I was going to do whatever I had to do to get that dick in me... and get - and deal - with all of it in me. Yeah, I knew I was going to "pay" for all of this later... but I was also confident that I would be able to deal with the aches, pains, and very sore throat I got from repeatedly deep throating him.

Building confidence, however, should never result in being cocky and I've encountered a lot of guys who were cocky and, well, let's say that they learned not to be and, yes, it was a lesson I had to learn - and learned it the hard way even though my parents had taught me to not be cocky.

You live and learn, right?

I had been invited to audition for the all-state orchestra - quite an honor. I played trumpet and I had to pick a piece that had to demonstrate my understanding of music and my "mastery" with my instrument. My band director sat with me and we picked a piece - "The Trumpet Song" and looking at the music I thought, "Oh, shit... this looks hard!" and, well, yeah, it was but he convinced me that once I got to practicing it, I would be able to nail it.

Yeah, not really. There was this one part of the piece, oh, about five or six measures worth, that I couldn't get right. I kept playing those measures over and over and fucked it up every time. I was frustrated and lacked confidence in my ability to play the piece and was thinking about not auditioning.

He... jumped in my ass. The first thing he told me was that if you don't have confidence, you don't have anything. I had to be confident that I could do this because if I wasn't, my audition would go very bad. Those words were serious words of wisdom for me; I auditioned, played the piece, and got selected.

I found that his words to me were true for... having sex with a guy and especially if it's one's first time. In the many times I've given a guy his first experience, I sometimes had to tell a guy what my band director had told me: If you don't have confidence, you don't have anything. You have to be confident about a lot of things but confident in a way that's not... fooling yourself; it's something I discovered that a lot of guys were doing and false confidence... doesn't work in this. You have to truly believe that you want to do this and that you can do this... and you are going to strive to be the best you can be at it.

And beginning with having confidence in yourself. I don't know how many times I've been negotiating with a guy for some mutual cocksucking and the other guy is going on and on about not being sure if he's really good at sucking dick or otherwise being self-depreciating. Lacking confidence in himself. Already deciding that I'm going to say that he's worse than being lousy at it. Getting all weird about not having a monster-sized dick. That he cums too fast or lacking confidence in his ability to just relax and let it happen. Sometimes not even being sure that this is what he wants to do.

It drove me "crazy." I had realized that being confident was, in fact, a lesson I'd been taught all along but sometimes something comes along that challenges your confidence and if you don't accept the challenge and do the best you can do, well, that's a problem.

As a well traveled business person I find people from all walks of life to be compelling and adventurous, I don't believe in the concept that sucking cock or getting sucked makes us gay, on the contrary. I love woman, fucking pussy is my favorite past time, but since I'm am getting older I come to realize there's a whole other group of people who need sexual pleasure. For reasons I cannot describe I have an addition to pleasing a man. Often times while traveling if one listens to others one can figure out what direction the conversation is leading. Lets take last week for an example, ii was sitting at a bar, ordered food and was content on sitting there enjoying my beer in peace with the wife nagging at me.

A sharp dressed man sat next to me and we were commenting on the coverage of sports on ESPN, fuck I hate those assholes he said, MMM me toI answered. After striking up a conversation he said he was married and loved to travel as it was his way of getting away from the wife. He openly admitted that he would rather masterbate than fuck his wife. Mmmm tough cookie I said, I too enjoy the touch of my own hand. He said when 2 men men get together does that makes them gay? Of course not, I said.

Not knowing exactly where the conversation was going he whispered I could use a buddy tonight, oh really and what would you do with a buddy. Take a long hot shower, wash each others cock and balls, suck him until he showered me in cum. Thankfully no one was close enough to hear him and all I could do was try and contain the hard-on that was going on. All I could do is say sounds exciting when do we leave? He smiled and said lets finish your drinks and go to my room. I must admit my mouth was longing for a stiff cock, when we closed the door he couldn't wait to get undressed, his fucking cock was huge. 9 inches and thick as hell, balls that were the size of apples and close shaven. We showered and it was most likely the longest shower I ever had, that guy sucked 2 loads out of me just in the shower. Of course his cock was awesome as well and he spiiilled cum in my throat.

With the drinks we had and the excitement of seeding each other I fell asleep in his room, the next morning I was awakened by a hot warm mouth chewing on my pecker. Morning sex is the best.

There's a difference between being careful and discreet... and being paranoid. When being able to go online and get some dick blew up, oh, my god... how many guys did I come across who were so paranoid about other people finding out that they were into getting some dick that they were loath to give much in the way of information that I could use to make an informed decision about them?

A lot of guys. The fakes and flakes and trolls were one thing, guys who like to play the game but didn't have it in them to... shit or get off the pot. I learned to spot these guys more often than not. The ones who drove me crazy were the ones who were so concerned about protecting their identity that I wondered why the hell they were here and trying to get the dick they wanted. In my mind, if you were hiding stuff about yourself, hmm - what else could you be hiding?

Man... all this "Secret Squirrel" stuff still makes me roll my eyes because you can't get anything without giving something. One guy wanted to meet... in another state. Said that he'd only tell me where we were meeting when I was on my way and in that general direction. Then he said that when we met, I couldn't ask him anything about him. I said, "Yeah, I'm not doing that." and he got pissed off and got to ranting and raving about how he needed to protect his identity because of his family and all that and all I said to him was that it was abjectly stupid to walk into a situation and not know anything.

I understand being discrete. Paranoia, on the other hand, ain't gonna help you. Distrusting guys out of hand isn't going to help you. When the WWW came to be, guys found that being anonymous was a great thing; you could be online with a made-up name or handle and go fishing for dick but if someone "took the bait," well, how can you expect to make the connection if you're not going to say anything that will convince the other guy that you're not some... axe murderer?

When you go online and you're unwilling to give out information for the other guy to be able to make an informed decision, oh, like, what your name is for a starter, chances are you're not going to be getting a lot of action. I mean, I wouldn't come right out and give some guy my address or anything like that but I'd tell him what my name was, and I wouldn't give him a fake name. Let's get a dialog going and work toward earning each other's trust so that we can do what we're trying to agree to do. And with the understanding that if you can't trust me with your name, well, that's not a good thing from where I'm sitting. I get going to some out of the way place to do the deed and, as an aside, I know some stuff about that and stuff that I don't think some guys think about when they're behaving like they work for the CIA and meeting for sex is like spy work.

I've met a lot of guys who'd had sex with their brother or brothers. I don't think ill of them because of it and not because I was "just as guilty" as they were but because I understand some stuff about this that others might not agree with because, yeah, it's a sin but it remains true that... brothers can decide that it wouldn't be all that bad if they were to have sex. It has always happened and right now, somewhere in the world, two brothers are finding out that having sex with each other isn't bad... even though it's bad.

If we have a brother, we are expected to love each other and, well, yeah, it doesn't always work the way we're told it's supposed to. We're supposed to be bonded to each other and I learned that having sex with my brother, despite my initial reluctance to, bonded us; I just don't think our parents thought that we'd bond in this way... but maybe they did and after getting caught having sex with him by our mother, I was sure that she knew what we'd been doing and chose that moment to make us stop... which we didn't but I learned some stuff just the same.

It's... not right but the truth is that it has never stopped anyone from doing it. It's trust; it's really the devil you most certainly know and better than anyone else you know. It's even convenient and as fucked up as that might sound. The fact that it's a very bad thing to do... um, makes it kinda thrilling but I've felt that if you're supposed to love your brother - and you learned to love each other by making love, well, hmm. I know I have a way of looking at this that some would find disturbing but it's a fact of life; not all brothers get to this point in their relationship as brothers, but the fact remains that... some do because as fucked up as it is, it... also makes a lot of sense.

We... need to talk about such things and more so when this is the reason why someone is bisexual. One has to ditch the guilt and understand that this is how life can be. And if this offends you, well, I'll apologize for that but this is a part of life that I will never coat with sugar.

We both had to get home; otherwise, I could have spent all night sucking his dick and being sucked by him. He calls me later in the evening and one of the first things he said was, "I am so glad to know someone who... knows about this and doesn't judge me for it."

"I'd be a hypocrite if I did," I said. "When my brother and I got started, I had a lot of reservation including how wrong it was but one of the things that came to mind was that he was a boy and just like the other boys I was happily having sex with and the only real difference was... he was my kid brother. I'd known that he was doing it with his cadre of friends and it took me a while to figure out why he wanted to do it with me since he could with them. I even asked him about his and all he did was shrug and said that, at the time, it was what he needed to do."

"And... I stopped letting it bother me," I continued. "We could and did fight like rabid dogs... and would turn around and have amazing sex with each other - and start fighting again. It was a stupid way for us to behave but like I said, I got it into my head that if this was the only way we could get along, it made sense for us to keep right on doing it... that and he was really good at it."

"Did the two of you actually fuck?" he asked.

"We did because it also made sense to," I said. "We... trusted each other and even when things went south between us. He would tell me that even though he'd been fucked by a lot of guys, none of them could do it and make it feel good like I could... and the funny part was that I could say the same about him. Even after we became adults, it was like a routine; if he came over to my house, it wasn't because he wanted to stop by to just say hi and how're you doing and... we'd have sex and I probably wouldn't see him again until he wanted to have sex with me. I... got used to it. When we were younger, we both agreed that doing it to each other was... easier because, if nothing else, if we couldn't find a guy to do it with, well, we had each other for that since, at first, we slept in the same bed until we got bunk beds and, later, we shared a room and, well, if nothing else, it was... convenient. But it was more than that and we both understood it."

He told me about having sex with his brother and that they, too, fucked each other but he said, "Now that I can really talk to someone about this, I... don't feel all that guilty anymore."

"I understand," I said. "It was what it was and, unless I'm wrong, you seem to be well-adjusted and it hasn't affected your relationship with your wife. There's just no sense in feeling guilty over something that you wanted to do and if your brother hasn't been feeling guilty about it..."

"Then I shouldn't either," he said, finishing my sentence. "Okay, it's getting late again so... see you at the gym?"

"Sure," I said. I hung up thinking that he was probably going to be okay about this. We would get together to have sex and I remember the first time we fucked each other and it was so good. It sucked when the company sent him to our California office but that too was what it was.

Having sex with your brother is... a sin to end all sins other than screwing your sister and knocking her up. I understood that... this is how things can happen, it's how some of us learned about sex and learned to be bisexual. I understood the guilt that could be felt but, again, feeling guilty about something that's over and done with - but didn't seem to be all that guilty when it was going down - never made sense to me. I used to tell myself that I should feel horrible about having sex with my brother but the truth was... I didn't. No more than I felt guilty having sex with my sister and the girl who taught me how to eat pussy and that, man, this ain't bad at all!

It... happens. It remains a part of life that we don't talk about and always assume that it's seriously bad. It's how some guys discover bisexuality and... it was what it was. It's only a real problem if it was a problem to begin with. But reality say that once it's done, it can never be undone so feeling guilty about it... doesn't make sense and more so if two brothers decide that, hmm, this really wouldn't be a bad thing for them to do.

I'm in the shower and "thinking ahead" to sucking Bill's dick when the door opens and... Bill slips in beside me.

"Do you mind if I join you?" he asked.

"I don't but, um, the folks operating this place might," I said.

"I just... need to touch you," he said.

Yeah, it was risky and could get us kicked out of the gym and maybe even fired but I said he could touch me but all that was going to do was make me hornier and it would be best that we go somewhere that's not here.

He ran his hands all over my body and it was all I could do not to jump his bones right there and then. After a couple of long minutes, he said, "I got a room across the street so we can go there because... I really need to suck you."

"Let's go, then," I said. I hurried through the rest of my shower, dried off and dressed and met Bill at the motel across the street. Once we got into the room and naked again he looked as if he had something to say.

"Is it weird that I was thinking that if you were my brother, I'd still want to have sex with you?" he asked.

"I don't think it's all that weird; I've had a few guys say that they wish that I'd been their brother," I said. "I'm good with you and your brother being lovers because it's like I told you: A lot of guys have their first sexual experience this way and as strange as it sounds, if there's no harm, then there's no foul, if you know what I mean. Some guys get forced into this and, as far as I'm concerned, that's where it gets to be very wrong but that's not what happened with you and your brother and... I'm tired of talking."

I pushed him onto the bed and went right down on him and... I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't imagining his brother doing this to him and thinking that I could see why his brother would like sucking his dick because, to me, it was a perfect dick to suck. It didn't take me very long to get him to cum in my mouth and I drank down every drop he had to give but once I sat up, I was wondering if he was still thinking about his guilt.

I would find out after he gave me a damned good sucking that he was thinking about it.

"You... were right about my having to ditch the guilt," he said as we lay together. "I love my brother and loved him even more because of what we were doing; I learned a lot from him about a lot of things and he had let me know that it was really okay for me to like girls but to like guys, too."

"A lot of guys come to this conclusion," I said. "It's... just sex but it can allow brothers to bond with each other, too, and, well, you know how that feels, right?

"I do and I've always felt very close to him," he said. "I... called him while I was at work and... we talked about it and I told him what you said about not feeling guilty about it and he said that not only were you right but he's never felt guilty about what we'd done."

"Your brother's a smart guy," I said - then went down on Bill again.

It was now getting kinda late and I... had two women waiting for me in our bedroom. Bill said that he'd see me at the gym and he'd let me know if he still wanted us to blow each other. I had a wild night having sex with my wife and poly wife but as they slept, I was still awake thinking about Bill and the guilt he was carrying because his first sexual experiences was with his brother.

I knew that it was... nothing new. I knew the difference between right and wrong but sometimes, you can do something "wrong" and it's the right thing to do. I could have understood Bill feeling horrible about this if his brother had forced him to have sex but, according to Bill, that's not what happened. It wasn't that I didn't understand why he felt guilty about it but if committing this sin didn't stop either of them from doing anything, I didn't see a point in carrying the guilt around well after the fact. I laid there thinking about the times when I'd think that, yeah, me and him shouldn't be doing this and we had to stop but given the nature of our rather violent relationship, shit, I would see that if this was the only way we could get along as brothers, it... worked for me and on top of the fact that he was an amazing lover and there was no denying that.

I laughed to myself thinking about brotherly love and thinking that whoever said this probably didn't think about how that could really be... or maybe they did and just didn't mention it.

I see Bill in the gym after work and he looked like he'd had a rough day. We're side by side on the rowing machines and I asked him if he was okay and he said that he was... kind of. I stopped rowing and told him to come with me; I took him to a part of the gym where we could talk without anyone overhearing us and asked him what was bothering him.

"I... want you," he said. "But having sex with my brother still makes me feel bad! I don't want you to hate me!"

"Dude, get your head out of your ass," I said. "If I thought that what you and your brother did was a problem, I would have told you that last night. You gotta understand that it doesn't make any sense for you to think that I'd hate you for what you did... and when I was doing the same damned thing!"

"You have a point," he said.

"Duh," I said. "Look, if you still want to do this, let's get it done because all this exercise has me pretty horny."