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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I wasn’t sure how he was going to respond, wasn’t sure if sucking his dick would make him feel better but it seemed to be the thing to do just the same.

I didn’t even know if he’d get hard again as I worked my mouth on him and, yes! His dick was responding and I set to work on it, getting him harder and, hopefully, get his mind off of cumming in my ass without a single stroke.

It took a while to get him to cum again but I’m nothing if not patient and as he gave up his sperm to me, he seemed... subdued. I swallowed all he had to offer and released him... and just looked at him lying there panting a little and waiting for... what? Wait - was he crying again? Aw, man... this is getting kinda crazy now.

”Fuck me,” he said, breaking my chain of thought. “Get it in me...”

I didn’t say anything - I just grabbed the nearly empty bottle of lotion and applied it to him and myself as he watched. His hole was tight and I was thinking, as he rolled over and got to his knees, that I didn’t remember him mentioning that he want3d to be fucked but, okay, he was ready, I was ready and I got into position, out my knob against his hole and pushed.

i felt his body resisting my attempt to invade him but I kept up the steady pressure, watching my cock spreading his hole open then disappearing inside of him. I took a deep breath - Jesus, he is incredibly tight - and with my dick fully inside him, I nutted and just as he’d done to me.

He flattened himself out and I moved with him, my dick still pulsing inside him and I whispered in his ear, “See? It’s okay...”

We got cleaned up and dressed so that we could hit the hotel restaurant to get something to eat... but his mood was still subdued - he seemed defeated as we talked about what happened. He seemed to be getting more okay about his role in this but I knew that once our meal was finished, we wouldn’t be spending any more time together.

He did tell me that no one had ever been in his ass before and that he understood that just busting like that wasn’t something to keep being upset about, that you didn’t have to fuck like a maniac to get your rocks off inside someone because the whole purpose was to bust that nut - period.
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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I moved to sit next to him, my “displeasure” forgotten and not paying much attention to the squishy feeling of his spunk oozing out of me and now being pressed between my cheeks in my sitting position.

He was mumbling about how sorry he was and a blind man could see how angry he was at himself for not delivering as promised and instinct made me take him into my arms - and as best I could sitting next to each other - and just hold him, whispering to him that it was okay, it happens, nothing to be mad or ashamed about.

And he cried as if his life was coming to an end and, shit, I could feel myself beginning to choke up and my own eyes starting get blurry with tears. He was calming down; he finally looked up at me, his eyes red, nose all runny as he said, “I’m so sorry but it felt too good being in you and the kiss just did me in.”

”It’s okay,” I said - and it really was okay. He didn’t exactly fuck me and he didn’t bust his nut trying to get inside me x and like a lot of guys would sometimes do. No - he was fully inside me, all hot, hard, and throbbing and the kiss that did him in so quickly, well, it just was what it was for both of us.

As I continued to hold and comfort him, I came to terms with it - he did cum inside me and that’s really what I wanted and needed him to do and, boy, did he deliver! I stood up, testing my ability to stand and his spunk was still oozing out of me and making its way down one thigh.

I made my way to the bathroom on shaky and achy legs that reminded me how much I didn’t like the missionary position; I soap up a washcloth and returned to him - he was still sitting and getting his emotions under control - and I washed his cock gently before tossing the washcloth somewhere and lowering my head to his flaccid but clean prick.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]He mounted me, positioned the head of his dick against my hole and I ears myself say, “Yes... put it all in me...”

He pushed and we both gasped as his cock stretched me open; he became one with me, the cheap lotion doing a good job of letting him fill me with his hardness and, oh, my god, he felt so good in me and as I somehow knew he would.

He settled in on me, our eyes locking together; he leaned forward and kissed me, something I wasn’t really a fan of but with him? It felt right and necessary as his tongue explored my mouth, his cock buried to the hilt inside me.

He moaned as we kissed and I added my tongue to the battle, clinging to him, trying to fuck back against him and giving him the hint that he has to fuck me, not that I wasn’t enjoying him deep within me and not moving but I needed more than that.

The kiss broke, leaving us both breathless for a moment and I blinked to focus my eyes on his face and in time to see him get a funny look on his somewhat rugged face - then felt his cock swell inside me.

”Oh, no...” he muttered as his cock exploded inside me and echoing the same thought that came to my mind, feeling the strong pulses battling against the tightness of my ass around his dick.

And I was very, very unhappy but, okay, it felt good to feel him shooting his load into me but still made me unhappy that he’d lost his load not even a minute after he buried his cock in my ass. I had promised myself years ago not to get bent out of shape if a guy lost his load “too soon” - shit happens and as much as guys wanted to last as long as humanly possible, it wasn’t always possible.

I let him go so he could withdraw and as he did so, I felt so empty and kinda cheated because while he creamed me, he didn’t fuck me as I wanted and as he had promised. He moved to sit on the side of the bed and I made to sit up, debating on Warner or not I wanted to read his the riot act or not... and decided not to because he was crying and sobbing.

Wait, what?[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=4][SIZE=3]Sucking him was delightful, his length and girth perfect for me to take him deep and hold him there, letting my tongue do some work and making him shudder and increase his attention on me, making him suck harder and faster.

I wanted to suck him dry, to taste his spunk but I’d agreed to be fucked by him so to make him spill now would deprive me of what I wanted him to do... but he had no such restrictions. It was getting hard to concentrate on sucking him because he picked up the pace and, at one point, I could have sworn that he was growling as he sucked me, bringing me closer to the edge... then shoving me over it.

So good, almost too good as my cock pumped strongly inside his mouth and making me feel so good that I wanted to jump out of my skin; I could feel his throat working as he swallowed my spunk... but as good as this felt, I wanted him inside me.

He rolled off of me; my skin tingled as the cooler air of the room washed over me and I lay there panting as he got up and went into the bathroom and returned with the bottle of lotion the hotel provided. I gasped and writhed against his lotioned finger as it probed my mass and I had to remind myself to just relax when he slipped a second finger into me.

God, I was so hot and bothered! My excitement grew as he removed his fingers, a clear sign that he was gonna roll me over, mount me, and slide his cock into me... but that’s not exactly what he did. Instead, he spread my legs high and wide, his intention to take me in the missionary position now clear... and I hated being fucked in this position - my legs and hips just never wanted to work right but I didn’t care - I wanted him in me and if this was how that was gonna happen, so be it.[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Once the door was closed and locked, we undressed and eyeballed each other and I didn’t know about his thoughts but I was excited to see that he was already hard and maybe he was thinking the same thing as his eyes were fixed on my erection.

”That’s nice,” he said, walking over to me and cupping my balls.

”Thanks,” I said as I cupped his balls, testing their warmth and heft. He wrapped an arm around me and drew me to him, his lips working against my neck and making me shiver delightfully as I released his balls so that my hands could explore his body.

We wound up falling onto the bed and I grunted as his weight pressed onto me, our cocks trapped between our bodies as he continued to lick and suck at my neck and I clung to him, panting, groaning, urging him to do more.

He worked his way down my body, sucking and lightly biting my nipples before raining kisses on my belly and getting closer to my dick. He wasn't exactly driving me crazy but I was loving what he was doing and couldn’t wait to feel his mouth on me.

He licked, kissed, and teased me, running his tongue from the base of my cock to the head several times before he groaned and swallowed me whole, burying his nose in my pubic hair and I groaned right along with him, tapping and tugging on him to turn around and give me his cock to suck. He got the hint and pivoted around, his dick oozing pre-cum as it hovered above em for a moment then found its way into my mouth.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I’d let him “seduce” me, just sat and listened to his promises that I’d not regret having sex with him and even smiled demurely as he flattered me with platitudes but, inwardly, I’m trying to to laugh because I had already decided to sleep with him a couple of minutes after he had walked over to me and said, “This thing is boring, ain’t it?”

Kinda handsome but not the kind of guy that stood out in a crowd; about my age, height, and weight but his personality led the way for him - jovial, down to earth and comfortable. As I waited for him to officially ask me to have sex with him, I,was already looking forward to being naked with him, my cock already warmly throbbing in my underwear.

I was so distracted by basking in my horniness that I hadn’t realized he’d stopped talking but I took a chance and guessed why he had and said, “Let’s go...”

And off we went. We didn’t have to go far - we were both guests at the hotel where the very boring function was being held and, to my surprise, we were both on the same floor, just mere doors away from each other. We literally flipped a coin to choose who’s room we would use and wound up in mine.[/SIZE][/FONT]

In my short experience with guy's I have only done oral. But now i want to try as a bottom and my question is can you really feel it when a guy cums?

In this final post regarding acceptance of my sexuality, I take a look at the stages I went through to get to where I am today.

[B]Stage 1: Curiosity[/B]
My curiosity about the human body started around puberty, whilst most teenage boys we're interested in only one thing, I found myself interested in two. I thought it was a phase and once my hormones settled I'd be normal. It was this curiosity that led me to watch gay porn in my early twenties, however it was enjoyment and excitement that made me continue. I guess some who are curious watch gay porn and bow out, not I, I loved it.

My fascination with my anus began as soon as I saw a man penetrate another on my computer monitor. I found it highly erotic and arousing to watch and I knew I wanted to experience both receiving and giving. This is still true today and it's why I believe I'm versatile. It would be a deal breaker to perform only one role.

My curiosity grew and I started to notice men around me. I found myself not only drawn to cock, but also the male body, in particular toned, muscular or thin. To me, the male form is just as arousing as female, more at this stage in my life, but to a young man, this curiosity lead to fear. Fear that I was gay, fear that I would be found out.

[B]Stage 2: Denial[/B]
My denial was primarily caused out of fear. I was aroused by both cock and pussy but only one of those was deemed normal for men. I didn't want anyone to know. I had friends bullied at high school for being gay even though they weren't, it messed them up.

Whilst my family are not religious I felt if I said "Mum, dad, I am bisexual, I love cock too" it would've been a huge disappointment to them and still would be today. Comments made over the years have illustrated this. I shudder to think what the response would've been had I been caught in bed naked with another male. I think my siblings would accept it as I think deep down they probably have their suspicions but the older generation will never. Not a chance.

I went through stages of "why me?", "I'm not gay", "I don't like men", "I'm 100% straight", you name it, I went through it. I thought if I could cut these desires from my life, I would end up normal and they would be gone for good.

[B]Stage 3: Suppression and Hiding[/B]
I've hidden my true sexuality from people all my life and I'm very good at doing so but the wall is weakening. I am not saying I didn't have same sex thoughts and dreams over the years, I most certainly did, I never acted on them. I suppressed these and to the world, I was straight. I got so good at it I even believed it myself. From time to time I would slip up and thus begins a sub stage.

[B]Stage 3a: Shame[/B]
This stage can be called by many names, guilt, embarrassment, self-loathing but I refer to it as shame. Even when I didn't have control over the slip up as in a same sex dream, I still felt shame but more so when I masturbated to a same sex fantasy as I thought I had control over that when in reality, I didn't. The shame came from 1) enjoying it so much and 2) for not being straight. Shame is damaging so the quicker I could get through it the better so this lead to the next sub stage.

[B]Stage 3b: Rationalisation[/B]
I used every excuse I could think of to justify my same sex desires and experiences (which were all solo). I had to rationalise my actions otherwise I couldn't move passed hating myself and I hated myself a lot. The only way I could look at myself in the mirror was to promise myself (I even said it out aloud), "No more, this is the last time!" and I would then end up back in the Suppression and Hiding stage but I made promises I could not keep and it was a matter of time before I would end up back here.

[B]Stage 4: Awakening[/B]
What was required for me to end the Suppression and Hiding, Shame and Rationalisation phases was a catalyst. My catalyst as indicated throughout this series was a strong sexual attraction to another man and though I had experienced same sex attractions in the past, they weren't to this level. I would call these bromances, nothing more. I had never felt this level of attraction to a man before but strangely enough it wasn't confusing or shocking as deep down I knew it was possible. The attraction was so strong it cracked the cycle I was in.

[B]Stage 5: Exploration[/B]
This stage was rather fun and very pleasurable. Each solo expedition to the gay side had a level of shame associated with it after it was complete but I no longer tried to rationalise it and went straight to "that's enough, you've had your fun, no more". Fortunately my brain never listens to my mouth and vice versa. The one thing that helped was discovering edging. When I edge I masturbate for hours which means I'm horny for hours. The more horny I was the more boundaries I was prepared to push. I'm not going to get into detail on what I did over these months, perhaps a story for later date if people want to hear, but these expeditions and the shear pleasure and arousal I got from them were the reason why I finally accepted who I always have been. I loved it all, I wanted more.

[B]Stage 6: Realisation[/B]
Realisation is different from acceptance and the strange thing about this stage is the position in the order changes depending on acceptance. Once I accepted I was bisexual then the realisation stage moves up the list. The one comment I've heard/read time and time again once someone accepts their sexuality is "I've always known". For me, this is true so the realisation happened second, just after curiosity but due to the third stage, denial, which is overbearing and demanding, it doesn't get recognised to much later.

Some may stop or get stuck on this stage for awhile not wanting to move on to acceptance, they realise but refuse to accept, but for me, I was quick to accept it once I made the realisation as same sex desires were not new to me. Denial had taken so much out of me over the years so I had no fight left and had to accept it, lock, cock and barrel.

[B]Stage 7: Reflection[/B]
With acceptance came reflection. Why didn't I see this earlier? There were many signs throughout my life, I should've seen it but I refused too accept what had literally been staring me in the face (especially after a session).

I decided to write a website for my eyes only, complete with pictures, about my awakening, struggles, thoughts, explorations, realisations and desires. I also asked myself many questions, which are kept up to date regarding my sexuality, body, bisexual lifestyle, masturbation, sex and fantasies. Finally, I keep a diary of my bisexual progress on the website too. This may seem a bit weird, and some may say self-indulgent, but it has been very therapeutic and I would recommend it to anyone questioning their sexuality. It eroded any doubts and confirmed I made the right decision. Once I put everything in writing and in one place, everything finally made sense. It also serves as an outlet to express my sexuality in an otherwise straight life. I doubt I will need it once I come out but until then, I'm bisexual in my own story and that's enough, for now.

[B]Stage 8: Comfort[/B]
One of my other fears is that I would feel different, inferior but that couldn't be further from the truth. My homosexual side completes me and I actually needed it to feel normal. Yin and Yang. I love being bisexual and I would go as far to say I feel special, but in a good way. When I'm out walking, I walk safe in the knowledge that I'm bisexual so there's no more eyes down. I might not be out but I'm definitely proud. Sex is not just for procreation, it's also for pleasure and if men can also provide that pleasure then I count myself lucky. It's truly the best of both worlds and with comfort comes expression.

[B]Stage 9: Expression[/B]
I'm not quite comfortable to come out or take a chance and be found out... yet, so when I signed up to this forum I did something I never could've done on Shy Bi Guys, I responded to posts. This allowed me to express my sexuality in a non-judgmental environment with fellow bisexuals who were either going through what I had or had been through it all. I grew comfortable over the first few months to the point that when I hit my two year [URL="https://www.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?18896-Two-year-bi-versary"]bi-versary[/URL] I did something I had never done before, posted a picture of my hard cock for men and women to see. This was a major step forward for me and I think I had to take it. I regretted it initially but have no regrets now and I'm glad I did it.

With regards to self expression, I still masturbate, as if that was ever under question, but now I do so without any guilt or shame and I love it. It's apparent that the guilt and shame of my homosexual side was really affecting my pleasure so now I experience masturbation as god intended it to be, if there was a god.

Finally, my new years resolution was to write about my experiences in the hopes it helps someone accept or start their bisexual journey. I wanted a way to give back to the bisexual community and I felt there was no better way than to share what I went through and say "It's OK to be BI". I don't regret for one second starting my journey, I just wished I had done it a lot sooner. It is indeed life changing, for the good, well it has been for me.

[B]Stage 10: Regret[/B]
I wished I had accepted my sexuality earlier as I suffered needlessly due to the guilt and shame over the years.

Finally, remember you don't have to tell any one nor do you have to partake. You can continue to live an outwardly straight life and bisexual on the inside. Bisexual, Gay or any of the sexualities are not wrong and they're definitely not unnatural. It's nature and nature doesn't make mistakes.

Good luck to those who are starting their journey!