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What I learned is really something I actually remembered: How good it felt to be fucked and having a nut busted in me. My body knew it... but my mind had rejected it but the feeling of it being... the same old shit was still in my mind and, going forward from my young lover, I realized that for me to enjoy anal sex and as I had been for the longest time, it had to be "the right guy."

And whatever the hell that really meant. He had to not be my idea of an asshole and I, again, I'd listen to my body and instincts because they would tell me what I needed and who I wanted it from and I'd meet such a guy and... he could get my ass and I wouldn't balk at taking his. I had to "relearn" that this was very much a part of really having sex with a guy and being all in the moment of things. I "got back" to changing my mind in the middle of giving head and like I used to and when doing that would surprise me as much as it did the other guy when I'd suddenly say, "Stick it in me and fuck me!"

Why? Because I really did enjoy being fucked and I'd forgotten that. Not every guy gets to get my ass but if my instincts tell me that he's "the right guy," if he wants it, he can get it because it's a safe bet that I really do need to be fucked because, well, I needed to and it was a part of my sexual life, well, until I was stupid enough to make a promise that I wound up not being able to keep.

And realizing that being fucked can be a very boring chore when you're just doing it... just because it's expected. I don't have to "be into a guy" but he just has to... feel right to me and I'm not sure if I can really put that into words. When I want and need to be fucked, it's just gotta be "the right guy" and that's just the way it is. And, yeah, I was tickled to learn that, like a lot of women, I wasn't just gonna give it up to any guy and just a reminder of learning so much about why women didn't like having sex with guys... because some guys are just assholes about having sex and they could care less if I'm enjoying what they're doing to me and that was the very thing that made me swear to never be fucked again.

I will say that you haven't lived until you have a guy with a measured 13" of dick burying it deep inside of you and busting a nut in you. One of the things that got me to break that stupid promise was reliving being with this guy and realizing that the moment I saw all of that dick, not only did I want to suck it but I wanted it in me even though I couldn't imagine him getting it in me. But he did and I also realized that he had fucked me seriously good with all that dick and it was amazing feeling him pumping cum into me but I also recognized the moment when it just stopped being fun: That was when he pulled out of me and I didn't feel that... glow I was used to feeling and, indeed, what I hadn't been feeling with other guys all that much.

That and he was being a big baby about me fucking him and it... disgusted me to see and hear him acting like I was murdering him getting myself in him and fucking him and just like some other guys did. The fun part was being able to fuck him and suck his dick at the same time, well, until I made him cum and he did it while I was taking a breath and... I had cum coming out of my nose! Yeah, that didn't feel good... but after he left, I wasn't feeling good about having been fucked.

And learned a damned important lesson: If it's not going to be fun, just don't do it. And to not ignore what my body is telling me.

One day and a few years late, a guy was fucking me and he had me moaning and groaning and egging him on to do it faster and all that; I loved feeling him on top of me and feeling his prick sliding in and out of me. I felt his dick swell up and, oh, yeah, he's gonna cream me! I felt the first blast of it and then my mind "kicked me in the balls" and I thought, "He's trying to get me pregnant and like I'm a girl!"

That really messed with my head. It wasn't like I didn't know that guys were fucking me and, yeah, like I was a girl but my mind had never made this particular connection until this moment and it was... disturbing because, of course, I'm not a girl and I didn't act like one and like some of my gay friends were doing. I... understood the "real meaning" of fucking and, again, it really bothered me and took me some time to work through this very disturbing thought and feeling. Logic told me that, nope, he couldn't get me pregnant - it's impossible - but what was possible was being fucked and getting a load of sperm in me... and very much like I was happily doing to girls.

It didn't stop me from wanting to be fucked but I knew "what the deal was" with a guy loading me up with cum... and I got over it because it wasn't fun being screwed and having this bugging me. After a while, though - and I'm talking a whole lot of years - being screwed was so... common that, sometimes, I didn't enjoy it. I would find myself under a guy and all that was on my mind was wishing he'd hurry up and cum and get out of me and it got to the point where and on the night that I had the biggest dick I've ever had in my mouth and ass made me realize that I wasn't enjoying being screwed as much as I had been...

And I swore off of being fucked. I would later realize that it wasn't this guy and his stupidly long dick that made me feel this way although I had "blamed him" for it for the longest time. No, it wasn't him - it was me. Whatever joy and pleasure I had had from beginning was... gone. I swore to never be fucked again and I sure as hell wasn't going to fuck a guy because I didn't want to do something to a guy that I didn't want done to me. It made a lot of guys I'd run into seriously mad... and I didn't care if they were mad or not.

What I also had to deal with was feeling that need to be fucked and that put me at odds with myself because I couldn't understand why I wanted to do something that I also knew wasn't any fun for me now. It wouldn't be until my girlfriend's son and I became lovers that I realized that I had sworn off of fucking/being fucked for a dumb reason and that what I needed to do was listen to what my body was telling me more than what my brain was telling me. I remember him fucking me in the shower and it was back to being fun for me. We stopped to dry off and get in bed and I rode him and it was so good and especially when he shot a huge load in me.

I realized that what made it fun for me was me really caring about him. Not being in love with him but, yeah, I cared enough about him that I wanted him in me. The bad part? That was the first and last time he fucked me. Damn it! What meant more to him was me fucking him and more so when we both found out that he just couldn't suck my dick even though he did try several times. He said that it was only fair for me to fuck him so I could get off and that first time I fucked him, I thought I was going to be all weird about it but I wasn't because I wanted to fuck him and being with him made me recant swearing off of anal sex. I really got to understand him better and why he wanted to be fucked and I was very impressed at how quickly he took to it and it made me feel good to be in him and he's telling me about how he dreamed of us doing this and that it was everything he had hoped it would be.

Our routine was for me to suck him off - he had a beautiful 7" dick and, man, could he bring a heavy load! I'd suck him dry, lube us up, and slide into him and it felt heavenly, but I still longed to feel him inside of me again and I couldn't talk him into fucking me again. He had said, "I know what I need from you and how you make me feel." And I had to accept that even if I didn't like it. But it made me realize something about myself, too.

Big dicks. Small ones. Fat ones and skinny ones. If they could get it in me, that just worked and some were very good at not making it hurt a whole lot going in and some, well, not so much but I figured that there was no sense in complaining about it and older guys were more... considerate than some of my peers were in that they knew not to make it hurt. I remember the first time I got an adult dick all the way in me. Yeah, it hurt like nothing I'd felt before but he had taken his time getting it all in and made sure that I was okay and gave me a chance to stop and I didn't want to.

Taking all of a friend's dick in me was easy; this was like... a test I knew I had to pass and I'm not gonna lie and say it was heavenly and all that rot because it really did feel like I had a telephone pole in my butt and it was everything I could do to relax and not think about how much it kinda/sorta hurt. When he buried his dick in me and came, oh, man - it made my friends doing that pale in comparison and the strength of his pulses was beyond anything I could have imagined. He stayed in me until he got soft and pulled out and... I felt so empty that it "hurt." I wanted him to put it back in and I didn't understand the empty feeling or why I even wanted him to put it back in given how arduous it was getting it in there in the first place.

My friends were poking fun at me later because when they saw me, I was really walking funny and I had a hard time sitting down comfortably for a few hours but I had passed the test I "knew" I had to pass. I was learning more about it having to feel good to me but to the other guy, too, and I really liked hearing a guy telling me how good and tight I felt to them and listening to them grunting when they creamed me. It felt good and bad all at the same time and while being screwed started to bother a lot of guys, I just took it in stride and just like I had to learn to not get totally pissed off when a guy creamed me before he got it all the way in or right after he got the head in.

That really pissed me off and I was understanding why girls would get mad about that. Keep in mind that at this point in my life, I didn't know that men have a prostate gland; I just knew that it felt good to have a dick in me and the guy creaming me. Yeah, some guys were using me as a cum dump but I guess I intuitively understood that what was more important was being able to get laid and feeling some pride in knowing that I could do something that a lot of guys were very scared to do.

I've been fucked so many times that I couldn't begin to put a number to it. The man who turned me on to dick not only gave me my first taste of cum, I got to feel the head of his dick pressing against my very virgin hole and it felt weird but it felt good, too; it felt even weirder when he came, too. It was warm and sticky and there was a lot of it and I didn't really know what to make of it but, again, I liked how it felt.

Once I got with the fellas to tell them what I had learned, we were all off and running with sucking on each other's dick and figuring out how to stick them in each other's butts and once we figured out how to do it and it didn't hurt so much - thank you, Vaseline! - I got into feeling a friend greasing his dick up, sliding it right on in me, and fucking me until he got tired which was great - but once we were all cumming, it felt even better.

A couple of adults managed to get the head of their dick in me and, oh, boy, it really hurt the first time and, later, I would be very thankful that they didn't try to put all of their dick in me and rip me apart. Once the pain went away, it felt good and I liked hearing them tell me how good it felt to them and they'd cum in me and, wow! It felt weird but good and I was of a mind to take advantage of any time someone wanted to fuck me and shoot their cream in me.

It was always good with my friends and once we were all shooting because they could shoot a big load in me and be ready to do it again minutes later and I loved feeling their dick pumping and pulsing in my ass and, oh, shit - just like I was doing to girls! I can't say why it took so long for me to make this connection but when I did, it kinda bothered me but since we played games where one of us would be "the mommy" so "daddy" could do it to us - and like daddies are supposed to do to mommies - that... girly feeling didn't really mess with me all that much.

I loved feeling them on top of me and screwing me and sometimes I would be so relaxed and feel so comfortable that I'd often nod off while being screwed. While some guys were really weird about us fucking, for me and the rest of the gang, it was just part of doing the nasty and nothing to complain about - unless a guy didn't want to screw because he was a chicken.

Then I learned that some guys do it way better than other guys and there were some guys who went out of their way to really make it hurt and being all rough and stuff like that and, well, I didn't like that part but when they came inside of me it felt... better? Made up for it feeling bad earlier? I would realize that some guys - mostly teenagers - were just using me and they didn't care if it felt good to me or not and that bothered me more than the way they fucked me but just like all the stuff I was learning about having sex with guys, it was just something I had to get over and not let it upset me.

I just found out what guys got to fuck me and what guys would only fuck me that one time and never again and no matter how much they begged me; they'd just have to settle for me sucking them off.

My sexual journey started in collage when I met my current wife. Being a free spirit she has always embraced sex like a person would breathe. I met her in collage and when we started dating she was so fucking honest about her love of group sex. In her own words I am addicted to sex.

She invited me to a collage orgy, she made me promise I wouldn?t get jealous so I agreed. I had already been exposed to sucking cock but what I witnessed that night was supernatural. Her tight petite body took multiple men that night, there were 3 girls to 20 men, I watched her suck and fuck so many men I was so turned on I waited my turn to dump my cum in her.

After collage we were still hot for each other, I asked her to marry me. She accepted with one request, we maintain an open marriage. I agreed and have never regretted it. To this day she and I have a boat load of couples we entertain, some of our private players are known to each other but the continuing sexual party rolls on.

Even raising our kids we maintained our sexual lifestyle, every yr for 38 yrs we have a once a year sex party that up to 8 couples engage in. Honestly I?m all in on this deal, I love the pussy and cock I get, never have to hide my sexual wants or needs. It?s all about making it known to your partner what?s expected of them.

Sometimes, it really hurt my feelings if a guy told me that I wasn't that good at it. But I would realize that I shouldn't feel hurt by what they said... because I did get to suck their dick and, yeah, sometimes, a guy would say that and say we'd never do it again... but I'd see him again and I knew he wasn't there to talk about school or the weather.

If sucking all those dicks taught me something, it was to be both patient and persistent. I could get some guys to cum in less than a minute but sometimes it took much longer than that and if I wanted them to cum in my mouth - and I very much wanted them to - that meant sticking with it and doing everything I could think of so that they would eventually cum - and even with those guys who said that they had never busted a nut by getting their dick sucked.

Well, some babe might not be able to do it - and it was more like they didn't want to get them off like that - but I could. I learned much about having sex with guys and learned even more about guys on the whole and, yep, some of it wasn't nice at all. That just meant that there were guys/men who I shouldn't have shit to do with and no matter how horny I was to suck dick.

The thing you should understand about me and this is that I figured out that there was nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing. All the stuff they talked about it being evil and dying and going to hell was just stuff they "made up" to stop men from having sex this way and to focus our lust only on women - and we know how funny they are about having sex and not without good reason - and as I'd also learned. Discovering this way to have sex seriously opened my eyes and mind to the realities of sex and how the rules don't really mean a whole lot because if two guys want to do it, they're going to do it. And I wasn't the only one who figured this out and that, if nothing else, showed me that if a guy felt guilty about it, well, it didn't make sense but I would, one day, learn something about this that really doesn't have anything to do with guilt.

I'd rather eat pussy than to suck dick and I love sucking dick. Adult Me would come to understand that I'm orally fixated and that explained why it felt so good to suck on a guy's dick or to be slurping on a girl's pussy. But it remains true that word of mouth was definitely responsible for me being able to suck as many dicks as I was able to do.

This was "the other side" of having a reputation. One side was all the homophobia that had everyone losing their minds and some guys were getting beaten up because they were faggots but my problem was that there were a lot of guys "coming after me" because they'd been told that I was really good at sucking dick and I swallowed, too. No dick was too big or too small and I'd learn that I didn't really like having my mouth fucked and I'd also learn how to suck all of a guy's dick without gagging and choking and it seemed that they liked that I could do this and that just added to the word of mouth going around about me.

Adult Me sometimes feels... embarrassed at how easy it was for a guy to get his dick into my mouth and/or ass. I lived to have sex like this and being able to still have sex with girls taught me that it doesn't get any better than this. Once the word got out that I ate pussy, I rarely had a problem getting pussy but I'd wind up sucking some guy's dick because a girl would turn him down because he didn't eat pussy and every guy who didn't, well, all the girls in the area knew who they were and that just gave me more opportunities to suck dick.

Keep in mind that a lot of this happened before I was a teenager. Getting pussy was really nice but being able to suck a guy's dick and make him shoot jizz (as we called it back then) was a serious rush for me but there came a point when there were too many guys hunting me down and I had to learn how to say no and then be able to back it up since, most of the time, they'd get really mad and wanted to fight or tried to make me do it anyway, which made me glad that I was studying both judo and karate; those assholes quickly learned that trying to punish me for turning them down or trying to force me to blow them was bad for their health.

But if you asked me nicely, sure - let's go somewhere so I can suck your dick. When I say that I lost count of the number of dicks I'd sucked somewhere around 1978, it's not a joke. I used to be able to remember every single guy I sucked off but I really did lose count because despite homophobia still causing problems for gay dudes, there were still a lot of guys who wanted to get sucked off...

And I was, apparently, the guy they had to see about that. There were so many guys who were really ashamed about it and I not only learned how to suck dicks, I learned how to make them... less ashamed about it. They'd be confused because everyone knew that only gay dudes sucked dick - but it was clear to them that I wasn't gay but I was good at sucking dick. The word of mouth was such a fast and powerful thing that sometimes I'd have guys hunting me down so I could tell them how to suck dick and/or how they could suck a guy's dick that they had their eye on - and ask him about it without getting punched in the face.

Yeah, I kinda hated telling them these things and knowing that they would rather do it with some other guy but it wasn't that big of a problem because I could still suck three to five dicks a day and every damned day if I wanted to.

I've often been asked how I managed to suck as many dicks as I did when I was young and the answer is that while my friends and I were having a field day having sex with each other, I was wondering why there were a lot of guys I knew of but didn't really associate with were coming to me and asking me to suck their dick (at the least).

I found out that some of my friends were literally telling other guys that if they wanted their dick sucked really good, they needed to find me. And... they did, too. Adult Me thinks about this time and comes to the conclusion that it was a good thing I was a cock sucking maniac back then and willing to suck anyone's dick... except guys who had all that nasty and ugly foreskin that was just too weird for me to even think about having it in my mouth so those guys got to fuck me - and provided they didn't get mad and "cuss" me out for not sucking their dick.

It got to the point where if a guy came up to me and started talking to me - and he wasn't someone I really knew about, it was a safe bet that he was going to ask me to suck his dick and, again, man, was I terribly eager to accommodate them! The other good thing was I'd blow them and swallow all their cum and they'd return the favor. Sometimes, a guy would want me to suck him off - then fuck him and, well, okay, if that's how you wanna do it.

One certain adult asked me if it was true that I was running around sucking cocks and I started to lie my ass off because there was a chance that this was a "trap" and if told him that it was true, he could beat my ass then take me home and rat me out to my parents who would turn around and beat my ass. But, if I lied, I could get my ass beaten twice for lying to an adult. Talk about being in a pickle! But I didn't lie and his reason for asking was made clear when he pulled his dick out and, shit, he didn't even have to ask me if I'd suck it because I had it in my mouth so fast that I didn't remember moving to do it.

Yeah, don't get all freaked out about it. Adult Me would figure it out that this was just the way things could be and that as long as I wasn't being forced or coerced into doing it, it was "okay." I don't have any qualms about it and I'm just telling you how it was when I was growing up.

That guy busted a huge nut in my mouth and I got all of it down; he surprised me by yanking my pants and stuff down and he started sucking me after, I dunno, being "surprised" at how big my dick was. It was so good, too, and I shot into his mouth - and that took him totally by surprise and he let me know that I wasn't supposed to be doing that at my age.

Still, once one of my friends had put the word out on me, I was sucking a lot of dicks and sometimes several times a day and to the point where my stomach would be so full of cum that I didn't feel like eating dinner but I'd eat anyway because I knew I didn't want to explain to my parents why I didn't feel like eating and, yeah, I wasn't gonna do that.