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I recently met up with a gentleman via doublelist who was looking for what I?ve been looking for for a very long time
You see I?m older; mid 60s dad bod and married. I started ?experimenting? with like-minded guys when I was in my mid 40s. I started with giving blow jobs and moved on to kissing, fondling, and other pleasurable things 2 people can do together. The one thing I?d yearned for was to have someone take me anally

I actually finally har that experience 3 times in those 20 plus years, but it was either using a condom or in 1 case, with a guy who?d had prostate surgery so he couldn?t cum.

So now, with the person from doublelist, he?s into everything that I am and also loves to bareback! We did it for the 1st time a few weeks ago after a tentative 1st meeting at a local hardware store parking lot. He drove us around and we discussed what we were looking for and we agreeded to meet later, which we did

Our first time together was nothing short of spectacular! We kissed and made out and when the time came, we got into position and he entered me from behind. He pumped in and out of me and it felt great! When he came, he laid on my back and slowly came away and laid beside me. I told him how much I enjoyed him and as we were in a somewhat 69 position, I playfully kissed and licked and fingered his softening cock

We are determined to meet again, but since we are both married, scheduling is tricky. But I can wait

Morality has it place and uses and has served us well... and not so much. It serves to suppress our natural desires to have sex by mandating how we are allowed to have sex; who we can have it with; the conditions under which sex is allowable, i.e., only in a relationship and with fornication and homosexuality being moral sins, it served to keep us being about the business of... making babies which, at the time our morality came to be, made a lot of sense given the low life expectancy of humans in the early going.

Like, I knew why I'd better not get my sister pregnant - birth defects and some that could be unimaginably horrible but the loophole I and others found was that sure - you could fuck your sister as long as you took great care not to impregnate her and the other loophole that became pretty obvious: Boys can't get each other pregnant. And understanding how our morality mindfucked us into believing that homosexual sex - and homosexuals - were the great evil because, again, two guys can have sex like it's going out of style and... no babies.

And learning this and my first thought was, "It can't be that simple... can it?" when I was studying why people hated homosexuals so much and how we can believe something that I learned wasn't the whole truth of things. The sadness I sometimes feel to know that over thousands of years, we... haven't learned a damned thing. Those "what the fuck" moments I get seeing so many people making bisexuality into something other than what it literally is; I went to the doctor yesterday and on the form I had to fill out, they... wanted to know what my pronouns were.

For someone who is an OG bisexual from way back in the day, I often can't believe the insanity that I see on almost a daily basis but, this, too, is a learning experience for me but it continues to make me yearn for the good old days when being able to have sex with a guy was... pretty damned easy and not all that complicated. Growing up and being active in a time where... there were no boundaries for those who didn't want to be all caught up in the ones that did exist and, again, served to control us. At this point, I'm not talking about the real and true abusers; I'm not talking about the guys who used force to get their male friends to have sex with them, but these things are part of the reality that makes us behave like children who are afraid of the dark and imaginary monsters under their bed... because, in truth, there's nothing... pretty about the pursuit of sex and no matter how much we try to romanticize and sugar coat it but that reality also said that not everything was abusive; not everything was forced and not everyone was a victim and incest... isn't really all that bad of a thing as long as no babies are conceived and those involved got involved because they wanted to and not because they were forced to.

These are truths that I learned in the beginning and, again, they are truths that make a lot of people want to soil themselves because they believe in some stuff that isn't the whole truth when it comes to sex and sexuality and... what it means to be human and the sadness felt knowing that we continually and consistently fail to learn from history... and I'm the guy who has the nerve to put it all out there as I experienced and learned it by interacting with so many men and women from all walks of life.

This, all by itself, taught me a lot about sex and sexuality; I learned that while parents guarded against siblings having sex with each other, they couldn't really stop it from happening and it was happening all around me and I bore witness to a lot of this behavior that very much played into discovering that having sex with boys and girls was the thing to do and was better than just relying on one or the other.

While so many of my peers were afraid to have sex, well, I wasn't one of them. Getting into the teenaged years changed a lot of things for me but there were now plenty of guys who were just now being visited by puberty and it seemed to compel them to have sex with other guys and, well, I knew so much more than they did about it and didn't have any qualms about it.

I'll say that things didn't get "iffy" and complicated until the adult years; I was still very much active as a bisexual and the events of the times pretty much made sure that I was getting plenty of dick and, sometimes, thanks to the women who were now of a mind to not give it up without putting a high price on it - but being aware that women were all for getting some pussy on the side because, well, because.

A lot of social shit played into bisexuality in the 1970s and into the 1980s and there were guys who were curious about sex with men and those guys so desperate for sex that "breaking down" and having it with a dude was the only real recourse they had other than masturbating several times a day so for me, business was still very brisk and aided by now being in an open marriage that I didn't want to be in but I was determined to make the best of and reveling in having sex with both men and women openly even in the continued angst over homosexuality.

I tend to say that it's not so much what I did growing up but what I learned from it that made the biggest difference in my bisexuality and by the time I was a legal adult, I had a very good grip and picture of sex and sexuality although being "in the middle of things" was often met with derision - yeah, that being greedy nonsense and other such falsehoods uttered by people who didn't understand sex the way I learned to understand it and then having problems with sex that I... just didn't have. Being able to introduce so many grown men to the joys of getting some dick was fun but also taught me a great deal about... men and how easily we can justify doing something that morality says we should never do. Learning their fears and learning how to get them to set those fears aside so that they could experience, see, and learn the things I learned as a child who wound up being introduced to sex in some pretty interesting and fulfilling ways.

I never claim to be an expert in male bisexuality but... I know a lot about it; I made it my mission to know about it even if only to better understand how bisexuality plays such an important role in my life as a whole while getting to learn about other men and women who were either old hands at being bisexual or were only now finding out that there is such a thing as going both ways... and it can be very damned good, too.

I maintain that 80% of what I learned about sex and sexuality was learned before I was 16 and learning in ways that I knew would and could make a lot of people... shit themselves but that's because, again, they didn't understand sex the way I was learning to understand it... and enjoying it.

My emergence as a male bisexual in the mid 1960s was done in turbulent times that I believe influenced not only my sexual behavior but the behaviors of those around me; as an adult, I would come to understand that when there are hard and very stressful times, people want to have sex and while there wasn't a lot of stress on me except having to go to school, I and my peers were... products of our environment and having sex was just a favorite pastime for us and, yeah, if you were having sex with someone you knew you had no business having sex with, well, that made it more enjoyable and just like the fear of getting caught seemed to do for me and the rest of the cadre I grew up with.

And learning a lot about having sex and that despite all the rules, every- and anyone was fair game. I'm not kidding when I say that all a guy had to do was show me his dick and... I wanted it. Badly. And knowing that they knew that I wanted it really bad. While having sex with girls was, I'll say, the ultimate pleasure, sucking a guy's dick, swallowing his cum, and being fucked by him was a very close second and even better when we'd turn it around and now I'm the one being sucked and squeezing my dick into tight assholes and fucking until that pleasantly warm and good feeling would wash over me that would make me sigh or moan, take a deep breath, and keep right on fucking whoever I was fucking.

I thought that it didn't get any better than this and... I was wrong. Puberty paid me an early visit and... true ejaculation. Holy shit! Thought I was dying that first time but the girl I creamed was over the moon because I could shoot the baby-making stuff and from there, a lot of girls wanted me to shoot it in their pussies or their asses - but not so much in their mouth but that was okay because I had a lot of male friends who were jealous that I was shooting and they weren't - but they wanted my stuff in their mouth and ass and now... it really didn't get any better than this, well, not until I grew into adulthood and playing the "adult version" of the sex game.

Anyone. Almost anywhere. Any time. I think back about the adults I had sex with and... I understand it from them being drunk to being under stresses of the day that only adults were really aware of and including relationship strife and... I sucked a lot of adult dick and they were important in opening my ass up so that I could get more than the head of a dick in me and just the sheer nastiness and wrongness of it was a thrill to end all thrills.

And just when I didn't think things could get any better, I... learned about eating pussy and my older sister was very keen to find out why a boy shouldn't put his mouth on her down there and as a result of my father telling me to never do it and to this very day, I say he was wrong about that. Now I'm having sex with my brother and my sister and, sure, we knew we shouldn't and we knew that if we were to get caught, there would be more than hell to pay and... we didn't care all that much. It was fun and convenient to have sex with each other when we were stupidly horny and... we trusted each other more than the peers we were having sex with. I had concerns about filling my sister's pussy with cum and her waving it off and saying that as long as I didn't knock her up, there wasn't a problem and then told me to get to eating and fucking her and stop playing around.

In the beginning, the rush to have sex was powerful once I learned that you can do it with both boys and girls. I'd say that the "advantage" of becoming sexually active at a young age is that you don't tend to run into the inhibitions that adults eventually develop although, yeah, always the warnings about not having sex - and me being the kid I was, wondering why I'm being told not to do something that until it was mentioned, I had no idea what sex was... but a girl showed me first. Yeah, no idea what to do and all that but she showed me and fast learner over here.

Running around and trying to convince girls to let me do it to them was more fun than frustrating because a lot of girls wanted to but, yeah, had to play games with them like "House" and having to endue tea parties and mud pies but in the end, it was worth it to be able to slide my prick into their kitty cat and hump away until we both got tired.

Then... dick and the baby-making stuff - aka, cum - and it changed everything and opened my eyes in ways that I didn't understand... but I needed to because if something bothered me back in these early days, it was feeling like I was the only one who liked having sex both ways and, as an adult, kicking myself a little because I was so focused on this feeling that I totally missed that I was having sex with boys and girls who were also going both way but, as they say, you can't see the forest for the trees or I was too far on the inside to see the obvious.

The things I did as an adult pales in comparison to the things I did before I was a teenager - and I've done a lot of shit as an adult! The newness of sucking dick and being sucked; fucking girls and turning right around to be fucked by a boy or, yeah, someone older than I was and knowing that it was wrong and I should have been running away instead of running toward it but who knew that having sex could feel so damned good and be so much fun and, um, sometimes, profitable?

The guy did ask, "Did you feel bad about it?" and that was a question I could instantly answer: "No, not really, because he was a guy just like I was and guys do have sex with each other even if they're brothers. Plus I figured that if I was going to die and go to hell for having sex with other guys, my brother was just, again, another guy."

"I didn't know how he was having sex with other guys - I just knew he was since, sometimes, he'd come home reeking of sex and complaining about the other guys couldn't suck or fuck or acted like a little bitch to take the dick in the ass - and he would always tell me that he knew that he could come home and we could do it and get it done right," I said.

"And, as far as I know, I never failed to please him and he fucked me better than a lot of other guys did and could and, yeah, we hated each other but we also trusted each other when we had sex - it was so weird but had such meaning to me if not him."

I didn't tell the guy that we'd had sex a couple of days before he was murdered because (at the time) the pain of it was still a bit too fresh for me even though he'd been dead for five years. Instead, I asked him why he cut things off with his brother if they were going well and he said that he felt too guilty and refused to continue despite his twin's pleas. I told him that if he really care for his brother like that, what's it gonna hurt to reconnect sexually?

"What no one else knows, no one else knows," I had said with a shrug. I never found out if they did reconnect like this but, eh, his loss if they didn't because if you can't make love to and with your brother, who else knows you well enough to? And, if you don't mind, it never, ever matters...

The guy and I are both spent and sated... but he's still asking me about my brother and wondering how we could still have sex with each other despite having some major hate between us and... I didn't know how to answer him or put it into words that made sense. I did tell him what my brother had told me when I asked him this very question: "When I need some dick, you're still the best at giving it to me - but I still don't like you."

And I accepted it. I had long since reasoned that if this was the only way we could get along with each other, okay - I can live with it. I told the guy that I'd never turn him down when he came to me for sex - and he said that he wished that his brother had been like that and expressed regret that their time with each other was so short.

I meet with this guy and we really hit it off and... off to a hotel room to have carnal knowledge of each other. We spent the first hour together sucking each other off and me having to keep waving off his apologies over not being that good at sucking cock which, honestly, he wasn't that good at it but he had great enthusiasm and quickly picked up on how I was sucking him.

After sucking each other off, he had asked, "Was your brother a good cocksucker?"

"Yeah, he was," I said. "After that first time, there weren't too many days when we weren't sucking on each other's dick - he really liked swallowing my cum - and fucking each other, which was easy because we shared a bed at the time; we'd later get bunk beds and that made things a little more difficult, but we managed. He could suck me really good because he was doing it a few times a day and almost every day."

He allowed that him and his brother spent more time fucking each other than sucking; just doing that to get each other hard enough to penetrate but never as a thing to do all by itself.

"I wish that I'd been your brother," he said quietly. "I could have learned so much from you..."

We fucked; he went 'hard and fast' while I went easy and slow and he asked me if this was the way I fucked my brother and I said that it was because... that's the way we always did it even if we were in a hurry so as to not get caught.

"He always told me how much he liked feeling me inside of him," I said. "He... still had an issue about my dick being longer and fatter than his even though I had tried to explain to him how that works genetically - just because our father had a big dick didn't mean that both of us would have big dicks and, well, mine was bigger than his." It was a running joke between us but, yeah, he had some penis envy going on but that never made him less eager to have sex with me or I with him.