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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I very much remember my first prostate exam. My doctor donned a glove, put that really slick lube doctors just seem to be able to get and said, "Bend over for me, yep, on your elbows." He spread my cheeks and said, "Okay, just a bit of pressure..." and, I dunno, I guess he expected some resistance because as his finger practically flew into my hole, I heard him say, "Hmm..." before he started probing around for my prostate. I didn't get hard... but in the few scant seconds it took him to find my prostate and give a poke, I'd had two orgasms that made me shiver... and as I cleaned the goop out of my hole and crack, I was a little "mortified" wondering if he had noticed my reaction.

Personally, I think he did and more so when I turned to face him, he was trying to not smile a whole lot. He had said, "You handled that better than the majority of my male patients!" and I said, "It has to be done so there's no point in being weird about it, right?" But I knew that he knew why the exam didn't bother me one bit because while he was filling out a slip for lab work, he asked me if I'd ever had anal sex before and I wasn't embarrassed to say that I had. He just nodded and filled out the slip... and I was smart enough to recognize that he'd checked the boxes for STDs and HIV.

He still checks those boxes on my lab work slips and I keep acting like I don't know anything about them which is what I love about my doctor and why he's been my doctor for as long as he has been.

But washing up and/or being in the shower? My thumb feels the best even though I do have long fingers. I was showering this morning with two fingers buried in my ass while washing my legs... and it felt so divine. I replaced my fingers with my thumb and fucked myself for a few delicious moments, feeling that tingle in my cock and balls and shivering when I had yet another orgasm. I would have jerked off with my thumb up my ass.. but the water was getting cold.

Even as I write this, my hole is tingling nicely after the good reaming out I gave it. I do it every day and sometimes two or three times a day... and because it feels so good to do it. I'm thinking about getting a prostate massager of some kind but, for now, I'm content and happy to finger fuck myself. I was lying in bed the other night and massaging my dick; nothing unusual about that since there are a lot of times I'll pop a boner and it'll wake me up enough to make getting myself off the sensible thing to do... so I can go back to sleep and it feels naughty to do it with my wife sleeping next to me. This time, I needed more than just my hand on my dick and without even thinking about it, got my thumb good and wet with saliva and easily slid it into my ass... and when I came, yeah, it was fucking incredible. Sperm is flowing like crazy and every time my dick pulsed, my asshole pulsed and clamped down on my thumb and it left me breathless and I was even surprised that my gasping didn't wake my wife up. Cleaned up the mess I'd made and went right back to sleep.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]There was the added benefit of keeping my hole "trained" and in those times when being fucked couldn't be taken care of and just doing the daily maintenance of being clean down and back there made it a no-brainer to take those opportunities to insert a finger or a thumb - and sometimes, more than one finger - in my ass and experience the delicious feelings of poking my prostate with or without jerking off. To me, it wasn't that different from when I could give myself a blow job: It was a very familiar feeling but also not that familiar since instead of someone else fingering or fucking me, I was doing it to myself. So fucking weird... but so fucking good.

I remember one day being in the shower and, as was now a big part of my shower routine, sliding my thumb in and out of my ass when my wife (at the time) slid back the shower curtain a little so she could ask me something, saw me with my thumb in my ass and, of course, asked me what I was doing and why. I was as cool as the other side of the pillow when I reminded her that the ER doctor had told me that I could do this to, one, be cleaner in there and to cut down on the possibility of those damned hemorrhoids coming back.

Then dragged her into the shower and fucked the daylights out of her; good thing all she had on was her bra and panties. Good fun.

Guys would often mention how easy it was to get in my ass and that I'd rarely complain about how much it hurt going in and I'd just tell them that I'd been fucked so many times that I didn't pay much attention to the pain of entry and, well, since I'd been fucked a lot, of course it was easy to get it in me... but I left out the part where every time I showered or washed up, I'd have a soapy finger or thumb in my ass, too. Sometimes I wouldn't fuck myself - I'd insert a finger or a thumb and just hold it there and pressed against my prostate and, man, does that ever feel good. I could feel it in my dick and balls even though I knew I wasn't one of those guys who could get hard with something in my ass - unless I grabbed my dick and stroked it.

Such a delicious feeling and even more so when, if time allowed, I could stroke my dick and wind up cumming so hard that, one day, I almost fell down because my legs refused to hold me up once I started to cum.

Shit... every guy should be doing this to themselves...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]In that moment, I knew why it felt good being fucked and the very curious person I've always been wanted to know exactly what was making me feel this way and doing stuff like making my dick ooze pre-cum like crazy - enter the prostate and finding this out was one of those, "Who knew?" things. I had wondered - and had be scared by - guys fucking me and producing similar bomb-like sensations in my body and, once time, a guy was fucking me and I just knew that I had shot my load and I could feel it under me... but the odd part was that I knew my dick wasn't hard.

Maybe I just imagined it? When he came and pulled out and I got off my belly, oh, shit - I had shot a load of cum! It was, of course, all over my abdomen and was clearly in the spot on the bed where my dick had been. What the fuck? I thought it was impossible to cum and your dick wasn't hard! Yeah... apparently not so impossible. And while I would sometimes cum like that when being fucked, it sure as hell produced some pretty intense orgasms which was another mystery to me since, supposedly, guys only had orgasms when they shot their load so this "cumming without really cumming" thing totally baffled me.

But, again, because of those damned hemorrhoids, I'd discovered that I didn't need someone to fuck or finger me to give me that intense rush of pleasure: I could do it to myself and the perfect excuse to do it was anytime time I washed my ass and whether I was showering or just being at the sink. But wait - there's more! It was obvious that I could jerk myself off while finger fucking myself and I have to admit that I felt pretty stupid to have not realized that I could have been doing this all along. When I'd be home alone, I'd get naked, sprawl out on the bed, lube up a finger - and found that my thumb worked just fine, too - slide it into myself and, well, figuring out the coordination involved took a few times to get the hang of but, yeah - who needed a dick and/or someone else for something I could do myself?

Man... I got so hooked on it that it wasn't funny. I could give myself orgasm after orgasm while stroking my dick en route to the big release. The first time I got myself off with my finger buried in my ass, it was insane! My dick was pumping like never before and my hole was clamping down on my finger and in time with my spurts of cum. And the more my finger would bump into my prostate, the more intense the feelings were. I was like a kid with a new toy but I still felt like an idiot over not figuring this out before I did - it just never occurred to me and, yeah, if I wanted to feel good with something in my ass, there were plenty of guys who didn't mind shoving their hard dicks in there.

But to do it to myself like this? Shit... I wish I had figured it out a long time ago...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]I've had dicks of all shapes and sizes in my ass and I've had my ass fingered but I didn't "discover" the self-pleasing aspects of fingering my own ass until I wound up with a hemorrhoid situation. I didn't know why my hole was hurting and itching like a fiend and actually went to the ER because I just knew something was very wrong. The doctor comes in - and it just had to be a woman - and I felt a little weird being on my knees with my ass all up in the air and she's spreading my cheeks and poking around with a gloved finger before she announced that I had a hemorrhoid thing going on and it could easily be taken care of.

She put on a new glove, squirted something on a finger and slid it in me and I could feel my dick getting hard as she moved the finger in and out of me for a moment before telling me that this was being done to cleanse the inner hemorrhoidal tissues so she could put a suppository in there. She even showed it to me and, whew, that puppy was kinda fat and had me wondering how I was gonna get that in my butt... and not even giving a single thought to the fact that I'd had dicks in there.

Silly, I know. Anyway, her instructions were to stick a suppository up there twice a day and when possible, use a mild soap on a finger to do a bit of cleaning in the area before inserting the suppository. Well, um, I found that giving myself the finger was, hmm, that felt pretty good and I was thrilled to be able to it to myself and because it felt so weirdly good, ah, sometimes it took a minute or two before inserting the suppository.

The hemorrhoids cleared up and as the doctor had guaranteed they would... but I'd found a new way to pleasure myself which is also how I found out about my own prostate. Now, the doctor had told me not to insert my finger too far in when doing the pre-cleaning part but, yeah, you gotta know that I'd eventually stick a finger in "too far" and the first time I did, I poked my prostate... and it felt like a bomb had gone off inside of me. It kinda hurt... but not really; I felt tingly all over and my vision kinda blurred for a moment and I could feel my anal muscles kinda clamping down on my finger, not a whole lot but enough that it got my attention.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]3-12-21

So it begins...

I found this website on a Reddit. I was intrigued by what I read and joined shortly after in hopes of learning more.

My life was in turmoil as I will share over the course of this blog. But reading through various posts on this site I knew I had found my [B][COLOR=#800080]"tribe!"[/COLOR][/B]

My desire for this blog is two-fold: create a journal of my unfolding and perhaps help others along the way.

Leo
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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]And then he came. Holy shit... did he cum or what? I'm doing my best to not gag and choke on all that dick down my throat and I felt him swell then heard and felt him moaning against my dick and the next thing I knew, I could feel his spunk just sliding down my throat as his dick was pumping really strongly. Since my finger was still in his ass, I could feel his hole squeezing my finger pretty hard every time his dick pumped and it even had the nerve to hurt, too!

I came - hard. So hard that it made my balls hurt and my asshole hurt even more since he still had a finger in me. I was so lost in all of the feelings that it again seemed like I blinked - and he was pulling his dick out of my mouth and had let go of mine.

"God damn, man!" he gasped. "Holy fucking shit! You're better than Tyrone said you were! You're even better than he is!"

I actually felt some pride wash over me but now I was back to being too aware of where we were and my "fear" was screaming at me to get the fuck out of this place full of dead people!

"I gotta get outta here," I said, getting to my feet and pulling my pants and underwear up.

"I'm right behind you," he said and I kinda like that we both shared that fear of cemeteries.

We got the fuck outta there in a hurry and before we split off, I told him, "Oh, when you see Ty? Tell him I'm looking for him..."

That was on Monday. I didn't run into Ty until Thursday. I knew he was avoiding me and knew why I was looking for him... and it wasn't because I wanted to suck his dick. Well, um, yeah, I did want to but that wasn't the point. I cussed him out something fierce about him telling his boys what we had done and it was all I could do not to punch his lights out. Oh, he apologized... and I wasn't hearing any of it. He offered to make it up to me... by suggesting that I could fuck him and I actually thought about taking him up on that but realized that all that would do was to have his boys running me down so we could fuck.

"You can forget us ever doing anything again," I said. "And if you tell anyone else, the next time you see me coming, you know what's gonna happen... and ya might not even see me coming." I was so pissed off at him but, at the same time, if he hadn't blabbed about what we had done, I wouldn't have had the day I had on Monday... and a day that, once I had a chance to really sit and think about it, was both the best and worse day I'd ever had.
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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Now, the other guys? I didn't know them that well... but this guy? I knew about him; we had gotten into a small fight during gym and playing basketball and while I got the better of him - thanks to my martial arts training - well, it wasn't by much. I wasn't afraid of him but I sure as fuck didn't want to get into another fight with him.

"Lemme guess - Tyrone told you, right?" I said.

"Yeah, he did," the guy said while rubbing the very obvious - and big - erection in his pants. "The other guys said you were good and you got a big dick so, let's do this so I can find out for myself."

"Where?" I asked, looking around where we were standing... and seeing that the only possible place to go was the cemetery across the street. I saw that he was looking where I was and he said, "Shit... I hate cemeteries!"

"Me, too," I said, feeling a cold shiver running through me. "But that's the only place unless you wanna wait?"

"Does this look like I wanna wait?" he asked, rubbing his cock through his pants. "Look... I don't wanna fight you; my fucking arm still hurts from what you did that day... but I wanna suck some dick and want mine sucked, so..."

Shit... I would have rather fought him or waited until later but I couldn't take my eyes off of the bulge in his pants and I didn't have to see him to know where his eyes were. Fuck! The "bad" part was I wanted very much to suck his dick and the worst part was my "fear" of cemeteries... but off we went anyway. We were on the side of the huge place that was the most secluded and in an area that was well known for kids to go and make out; once there, there was nothing else to be said.

The guy pulled his pants and underwear down and I heard myself gasp a little as his hard dick sprang free; it was long and fat and I shivered because I could feel my asshole quivering at the thought of having in it me. I was so focused on his dick that I didn't even notice he had undid my pants and yanked them down until I had almost fallen over.

"Damn, yeah, that's a nice dick!" he said as he fondled my balls; my hand automatically did the same to him and to me it was like I blinked - then we were on the ground and going at each other like our lives depended on it. He was thrusting into my mouth so hard and fast that I couldn't keep up with him and it was messing up my own thrusts into his mouth but, damn, his dick felt so good in my mouth! I could taste his pre-cum on my tongue and there was a lot of it; more sweet than salty and the size of his dick was starting to make my jaw muscles ache.

In these moments, time always seemed to slow down or just stop; I was aware of my surroundings but not really since I could still smell that "cemetery smell" over the hot and musky scent in my nose. I moaned around his dick when I felt him shoving a finger into my ass... and I didn't hesitate to do the same to him and even thought that I might get "lucky" and he'll want to fuck me... and just thinking about that big dick in my ass made me shiver in a nice way. All my finger did was make him fuck into my mouth even more until I had all of his dick down my throat...

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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I could have said no but that might have started a fight and getting suspended for fighting, well, let's just say that I didn't want to have to explain to my mother why I got suspended for fighting. I wasn't all that worried about having to fight the guy; I could take care of myself very well in that regard. The next class was gym and it was that guy's next class as well. Once the class was over and the gym teacher sent us to the showers - and the school allowed extra time for showering after gym so being late to a next class wasn't going to be an issue - the guy waited until most of the other guys had showered and left before coming over to where my locker was and sticking his rather big dick in my face.

"Come on, let's do this before we get busted!" he said, pushing his cock knob against my lips while groping me... and my dick was seriously hard. I opened my mouth and we somehow managed to wind up on the floor sucking the daylights out of each other. I came first and he was a few seconds behind me - and just in time, too, because the gym teacher was coming in to get any stragglers to hurry up and leave. By the time he got to where my locker was, the two of us were finished and getting dressed and as we left, he said that I was as good at sucking dick as Ty said I was - and then he thanked me!

My fourth period was lunch... and I didn't get to eat lunch, well, food; two more of Ty's road partners had cornered me outside of the cafeteria and made it clear that I was gonna suck both of them off or they were gonna tell everyone about Ty and me. Because we could leave the school grounds for lunch, shit, the three of us wound up in the woods across the street from the school and I found myself lying on the ground with one guy's dick in my mouth while the other guy sucked on mine. I sucked the guy off and they changed places; I felt good but a little scared as the second guy fucked my mouth and shot his load while I shot mine in the first guy's mouth.

"Damn, you are good at this!" the first guy had said as we made our way back to school. "Ty wasn't lying!"

I was at the point in my day where I no longer gave a fuck. It wasn't that I really kept being a cock sucker a secret but, again, I knew how nasty some kids got if anyone was even falsely accused of being gay... but that asshole Tyrone obviously told all of his boys about what we had done... and they wanted some, too. On the other hand, I had now sucked off three dicks and at school, too; there had to be something good about that despite the "danger" of being singled out as a faggot and drawing the ire of the real bullies. Then I "fucked up;" I was in my next class with a double load of sperm in my stomach and had said to myself, "What else can go wrong today?"

Yeah... I shouldn't have said that. I'd made it through the rest of my school day without any further confrontations and had almost put the day out of my mind when, as I was leaving the school for the long walk home, the last of Tyrone's boys caught up with me and simply said, "You know what I want, right? Yeah, I heard all about you so..."[/SIZE][/FONT]